Needing advice on my next step

[Obsidian_Winter 1,159]

Okay ponies, I need some advice from people here. I'm a Fanfic writer.....I'm also an amatuer novelette writer but I'm not really sure how well I could translate my style to MLP. I mean I deal with some really intense things sometimes and add a more adult theme, or at the very least a more 18+ theme. So, in saying that I have a request. The closest thing to MLP I ever wrote was a Unico Fanfiction. I have provided a link below to chapter one. If some of you could be so kind to indulge me, read the chapter and see my style and see how maybe it could translate to MLP. I don't want to get into a project just to get pissed when it fails. Thank ya kindly ya'll!

 

http://karei-syn.deviantart.com/#/d52bkqy

 

Obsidian

[Sky Warden 2,243]

Well, I've read it. The story is pretty interesting, got to say (I love adventure stories especially with magics). I'm a fanfic writer as well, and I'm making one right now. If you don't mind to listen advices from this total newbie writer, then here are some:

1. You don't have to use "he said" or "he asked" tag in every dialogue. Put tags just to make it clear on who is speaking.

 

2. Try to "show" the reader, don't just "tell" the reader. I quote this from Sir Anton Chekhov,

"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass".

 

3. Instead of using "he said" or "he asked", show the reader that "he asked". Readers know that '?' means that he asked something. Use some actions or expressions like "he raised an eyebrow" to make the dialogue more "lively".

 

4. Similar to the 2nd and 3rd advices, don't tell the reader that "she was angry", show the reader that "she was angry". Use description or play more expression for this. Sorry I can't give you an example, I'm a newbie and I think you know exactly what I mean. Using capitals, '!' or '...' may help.

 

5. Use active voice more than passive. It's stronger and brief. Eliminate any "was" or "had" and replace it with some active verbs. Use "had" only to make the timeline clearer.

 

6. Instead of using adverbs like "darkly" or "slowly", show the reader that it was darkly or slow. You may spend more time on thesaurus for this.

 

7. Please give more details about the setting. I honestly can't imagine how the place looks like.

 

8. Give us more details about your characters.

 

This is more personally, but I think you need to work more on the characters name, hehe.

Again, I'm a totally newbie writer. I would be glad if you listen to my advices. And enjoy writing!

Edited November 29, 2012 by Sky Warden