OC reviews from me. (CLOSED)

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Did I miss something, or did I just get completely bypassed? Crrect me if I'm wrong, I love being wrong. Being wrong is how you learn.

Nope, you weren't skipped.

 

I just haven't gotten to your request yet. Since a lot of people appear to think I have skipped them, I'll add a list to the OP of reviews I have finished, and the ones I need to finish.

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Okay, I added a list of the requests to the OP. (I'll still brohoof your post for approval.) You can look there to find out if you were skipped or not, and reviews will be next.

 

If I skipped over anyone or messed up the order, just let me know and I'll fix it right away.

[Toon Richard 534]

Ohkay!
Who's next?
Soooo maaaannnnyy questionsssss!!
SQUEE!!!

Oooh! wonder if mine are good enough.
Also Blue, I cant draw worth a damn. So please dont be tooo harsh!

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Ohkay!

Who's next?

Soooo maaaannnnyy questionsssss!!

SQUEE!!!

 

Oooh! wonder if mine are good enough.

Also Blue, I cant draw worth a damn. So please dont be tooo harsh!

 

The first one that says "Not Done Yet" on the list will be the next review to be made. After it is made, it will say "Done" and I think you get the idea.

 

Also, I don't judge on the quality of the art.

[Ihei 713]

Okay, here goes. My OC's full name is Mintatheena. I might not give any important information, so note that. It's all fancy and stuff. She's in my signature.

[Fender 1,283]

@@Blue Moon, 

 

Not done yet!

 

(Also, I'm completely aware that this isn't what you meant. Just wanted to post something. x3 )

Edited July 12, 2013 by Becker (Fender)

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Heh. Why not? I feel that I need to do some cleaning on my OC's character pages anyway. Maybe this will be a good way of seeing what needs to be done. Right?

 

Encore

Cascade

Evergreen

Ragtag

OC: Encore (Descant)  Owner: Descant

 

Well, let us begin with the design. For the most part, this is a great color scheme, and I really like the mane style. The violet looks really nice with the mane color, and I adore that eye color. It is able to be pretty and pleasing to the eyes, but doesn't be obtrusive in the process. However, I have one teeny little problem with Descant that should be an easy fix. That indigo in the mane looks nice with the coat, but unfortunately clashes a bit with the red in the mane. To fix this, I recommend making the tone of the indigo just a teeny bit paler. This should solve the problem.

 

Next up: the personality. Fantastic job here. There are so many good sides to this OC that define him so well. His positives balance well with the large amount of flaws. I love how each of his positives relates to one of his flaws in a subtle and smooth manner. And the clumsiness at the end was a nice touch.

 

Lastly: the backstory. Great job here as well. The thing I like most about the backstory is how the personality reflects into it. You get to see his personality in action, and see how it works and how he interacts with the world. It really makes your OC feel believable. I also like how he changed his name to throw his family off his trail. This extreme decision really shows his feeling toward his family in a subtle manner. The thing with him discovering a secret of the princesses is very nice as well, and again; reflects his personality wonderfully. Overall, this backstory does a great job with describing your OC's backstory in great detail, and with showing his character.

 

Overall, an great OC with a fantastic backstory and personality, but just needs a teeny edit to the design.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

OC: Cascade  Owner: Descant

 

First off; the design. Well, it looks good, and I have no major problems. Orange and Blue look good together most of the time as long as you don't make either color the wrong tone, and you did that. However, the bright blue lines in the mane are a bit too bright for me , and I think they should be darkened a bit. Other than that, great job with the color scheme. I also really like how she is like a penguin, and her wings are pretty much useless in the flight department. I thought it was a unique little touch that relates very well to her talent. This doesn't really apply to the actual OC, but I also found your description for the appearance to be very well written, and I like how you chose words that relate to her talent to describe the appearance. It gives it a nice polished look.

 

Next up: the personality. You did a great job with this OC's personality as well, perhaps even better than the previous one. Like with the last one, I love how everything in your OC fits together like a puzzle, and each positive trait relates to a negative one. Overall, I really like this personality, and it has lots of different sides to it. I'm also starting to really like the swimming theme of this OC. It's so cute.

 

To top everything off, I'll do the backstory now. Well, it's simple, but in a good way. I love how her personality is present in this OC. I also really like how she discovered a use for her wings. It's kind of heartwarming, and I also like the little touch about Quackers. However, I have a question. Why did Cascade jump off the the cloud if she had a fear of heights? Doesn't really make sense to me. Other than that, very good backstory.

 

Overall, an OC with a good design that just needs a little edit, a fantastic personality, and a backstory that doesn't make sense in one part, but is good overall.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

OC: Evergreen  Owner: Descant

 

Like before, I'll start with the design. I like this design quite a lot. Unlike with the previous OCs, the colors all go together wonderfully, and it's not too flashy. Great job with the design. I really like the leaf-like mane and tail, as well as the rose behind the ear (Accessories behind the ear are actually one of my favorite kinds of accessories.) But my favorite aspect of the design would have to be the satchel. It looks very nice, and I like how it relates to her interests. I also like all the little touches you put in the description for the design. Another thing I love about the description is this part: "She really is a beautiful pony, but she has never truly realized it." (Although, you did misspell realized in the profile.) This lets the reader know something about her appearance, and one of her personality traits. This was done very nicely.

 

Onto the personality. Well, I don't have to many problems with it. You did use shyness as a trait, but it wasn't the only trait, so all is well. I like how she has a lot of hidden aspects about her, but most ponies or even she herself don't know about them. It's kind of interesting. So, good job here as well.

 

Finally, the backstory. Well, not too many problems here. I like how she was not what her parents wanted her to be, and I like how the backstory projects a lot of Evergreen's character into it. However, there is a problem in it that could make the difference between her being overpowered or not. Evergreen's magic ability regarding plants. Now, I know you said she had the normal magic outbursts that most unicorn fillies have, and that is perfectly fine. No ordinary unicorn would be able to make a flower grow that fast and well. However, you didn't clarify on how she grew her garden. With the magic outburst event paragraph appearing right before that paragraph, it makes it appear that she still has those abilities. I suggest putting more clarification on this section.

 

Overall, an OC with a great design, a very good personality, and a backstory that could be clarified a bit better.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

OC: Rag and Tag  Owner: Descant

 

 

First off: the design. Well, the designs for both of them are good, and I don't have any issues with them. However, I love the theme for these OCs. Twins are pretty cool and interesting on their own, but I love how you used the stage masks for each of them. I'll go further into the personality part later, but the look for each is cool, and I like the designs. Excellent job here.

 

Next off: the personality. Well, they have some of the more common traits that fictional twins usually have, and I guess there is nothing wrong with that. Especially when you have the other more unique traits. I love the relationship between the two twins, and how each of their traits counteract with the others. It is really unique, and I just love this personality.

 

Finally, the backstory. Well, the backstory is pretty bland, but it works I guess. It serves it purpose well, but it could use more of the OC's characters in the backstory. For OCs like this, some interesting experiences they've had might be nice to have, but it's your call. Other than that, it's a good solid backstory

 

Overall, a great OC that has a great design and a great personality, and a solid backstory.

 

Grade: A+

[Descant 1,897]

Thanks for the reviews, Moon! I'ma go through and respond one-by-one, if that's okay. It's just... I really like talking about these little guys.

 

 

 

OC: Encore (Descant)  Owner: Descant

 

Well, let us begin with the design. For the most part, this is a great color scheme, and I really like the mane style. The violet looks really nice with the mane color, and I adore that eye color. It is able to be pretty and pleasing to the eyes, but doesn't be obtrusive in the process. However, I have one teeny little problem with Descant that should be an easy fix. That indigo in the mane looks nice with the coat, but unfortunately clashes a bit with the red in the mane. To fix this, I recommend making the tone of the indigo just a teeny bit paler. This should solve the problem.

 

Next up: the personality. Fantastic job here. There are so many good sides to this OC that define him so well. His positives balance well with the large amount of flaws. I love how each of his positives relates to one of his flaws in a subtle and smooth manner. And the clumsiness at the end was a nice touch.

 

Lastly: the backstory. Great job here as well. The thing I like most about the backstory is how the personality reflects into it. You get to see his personality in action, and see how it works and how he interacts with the world. It really makes your OC feel believable. I also like how he changed his name to throw his family off his trail. This extreme decision really shows his feeling toward his family in a subtle manner. The thing with him discovering a secret of the princesses is very nice as well, and again; reflects his personality wonderfully. Overall, this backstory does a great job with describing your OC's backstory in great detail, and with showing his character.

 

Overall, an great OC with a fantastic backstory and personality, but just needs a teeny edit to the design.

 

Grade: A-

I'll admit I've forgotten what that is about the princesses. Was that from the Equestria Divided thing?

 

And I'll admit, the clumsiness came as an addition to counter his stealthiness. Some RPers would consider his abilities OP if they weren't impeded somehow, right?

 

He was originally supposed to be me. xD Could you imagine? He's evolved a bit since then.

 

And you're probably right about the indigo. It's a bit late for me to edit that shade in the picture provided, but I mean, people have mistaken that for black before too. I need to tweak it.

 

I rather pride myself in backstories.

 

OC: Cascade  Owner: Descant

 

First off; the design. Well, it looks good, and I have no major problems. Orange and Blue look good together most of the time as long as you don't make either color the wrong tone, and you did that. However, the bright blue lines in the mane are a bit too bright for me , and I think they should be darkened a bit. Other than that, great job with the color scheme. I also really like how she is like a penguin, and her wings are pretty much useless in the flight department. I thought it was a unique little touch that relates very well to her talent. This doesn't really apply to the actual OC, but I also found your description for the appearance to be very well written, and I like how you chose words that relate to her talent to describe the appearance. It gives it a nice polished look.

 

Next up: the personality. You did a great job with this OC's personality as well, perhaps even better than the previous one. Like with the last one, I love how everything in your OC fits together like a puzzle, and each positive trait relates to a negative one. Overall, I really like this personality, and it has lots of different sides to it. I'm also starting to really like the swimming theme of this OC. It's so cute.

 

To top everything off, I'll do the backstory now. Well, it's simple, but in a good way. I love how her personality is present in this OC. I also really like how she discovered a use for her wings. It's kind of heartwarming, and I also like the little touch about Quackers. However, I have a question. Why did Cascade jump off the the cloud if she had a fear of heights? Doesn't really make sense to me. Other than that, very good backstory.

 

Overall, an OC with a good design that just needs a little edit, a fantastic personality, and a backstory that doesn't make sense in one part, but is good overall.

 

Grade: A-

Honestly, that wasn't my original design for Cascade Swirl. That was my buddy Shadow Chaser's interpretation of my original design, which was a rather poor hand-drawing. I described her as a sandy gold with a blue mane streaked with cyan, which gave the impression of a cascading waterfall. 

 

The thought of her literally came to me at three in the morning, when I was like, penguins. Ponies. One of those connections the mind really makes when it's three in the morning.

 

She didn't have a fear of heights until she jumped off the cloud. Perhaps I did a poor job of explaining that... She just wanted to prove she was just like all the other pegasi children foals, that she could fly too. She would have lost her life if North Arrow (A different OC of mine) hadn't caught her, and that thought hasn't left her. She didn't exactly like falling. She's terrified that it might happen again. Thus, she dislikes heights.

 

She has Facey. https://www.facebook.com/CascadeSwirl

 

OC: Evergreen  Owner: Descant

 

Like before, I'll start with the design. I like this design quite a lot. Unlike with the previous OCs, the colors all go together wonderfully, and it's not too flashy. Great job with the design. I really like the leaf-like mane and tail, as well as the rose behind the ear (Accessories behind the ear are actually one of my favorite kinds of accessories.) But my favorite aspect of the design would have to be the satchel. It looks very nice, and I like how it relates to her interests. I also like all the little touches you put in the description for the design. Another thing I love about the description is this part: "She really is a beautiful pony, but she has never truly realized it." (Although, you did misspell realized in the profile.) This lets the reader know something about her appearance, and one of her personality traits. This was done very nicely.

 

Onto the personality. Well, I don't have to many problems with it. You did use shyness as a trait, but it wasn't the only trait, so all is well. I like how she has a lot of hidden aspects about her, but most ponies or even she herself don't know about them. It's kind of interesting. So, good job here as well.

 

Finally, the backstory. Well, not too many problems here. I like how she was not what her parents wanted her to be, and I like how the backstory projects a lot of Evergreen's character into it. However, there is a problem in it that could make the difference between her being overpowered or not. Evergreen's magic ability regarding plants. Now, I know you said she had the normal magic outbursts that most unicorn fillies have, and that is perfectly fine. No ordinary unicorn would be able to make a flower grow that fast and well. However, you didn't clarify on how she grew her garden. With the magic outburst event paragraph appearing right before that paragraph, it makes it appear that she still has those abilities. I suggest putting more clarification on this section.

 

Overall, an OC with a great design, a very good personality, and a backstory that could be clarified a bit better.

 

Grade: A-

 

When I spelled it 'Realised', I was going through a phase that I enjoyed everything British. I still do that occasionally. They don't use the letter Z much over there.

You know, I'm not entirely sure how strong Evergreen's abilities are either. She feels the plants, like they're alive and thinking and stuff. She hears them whisper. One RP, she legitimately went crazy when a forest burnt down, saying 'she could hear the forest scream'. 

 

About the flower... Twilight could make Spike grow in that burst of magic as we saw in the Cutie Mark Chronicles. Admittedly, that was an exceptionally strong burst of magic. Most of the time, she only uses her magic in moderation, to encourage the plants in her garden to grow.

I've held RPs in her garden, and I described it as being sprawling. That the plants flourish on innocence, and that thanks to all the magical influence they grew under, 'the air seems to hum with magic, and the plants seem alive'. Legitimately. Like they'll interact with you. I'm honestly not sure where to draw the line with her. There are times where she can merely prod a flower and speed it's growth, and times where she can use the stem like a lasso. 

 

Admittedly, it's a special, crystalline flower she ever uses for that.

 

I can link you to Eve's Garden Party if you want, to see how I described her garden.

 

OC: Rag and Tag  Owner: Descant

 

 

First off: the design. Well, the designs for both of them are good, and I don't have any issues with them. However, I love the theme for these OCs. Twins are pretty cool and interesting on their own, but I love how you used the stage masks for each of them. I'll go further into the personality part later, but the look for each is cool, and I like the designs. Excellent job here.

 

Next off: the personality. Well, they have some of the more common traits that fictional twins usually have, and I guess there is nothing wrong with that. Especially when you have the other more unique traits. I love the relationship between the two twins, and how each of their traits counteract with the others. It is really unique, and I just love this personality.

 

Finally, the backstory. Well, the backstory is pretty bland, but it works I guess. It serves it purpose well, but it could use more of the OC's characters in the backstory. For OCs like this, some interesting experiences they've had might be nice to have, but it's your call. Other than that, it's a good solid backstory

 

Overall, a great OC that has a great design and a great personality, and a solid backstory.

 

Grade: A+

 

I'm amazed that these two recieved the highest grade. I've long considered them the least developed of my main OCs.

 

Again, they were not my original design. I had no idea what they'd look like. But a close friend helped me, deciding that they were Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. And it fits, although I thought more of Fred and George Weasley.

 

Twins are no fun if they're cookie cutters. 

 

And I actually sorta BS'd the backstory. I want to go and tweak that anyway.

Edited July 15, 2013 by Descant

[Blue Moon 6,341]

I understand. It's always nice talking about your own OCs. I enjoy it too.

 

 

 

Honestly, that wasn't my original design for Cascade Swirl. That was my buddy Shadow Chaser's interpretation of my original design, which was a rather poor hand-drawing. I described her as a sandy gold with a blue mane streaked with cyan, which gave the impression of a cascading waterfall.    The thought of her literally came to me at three in the morning, when I was like, penguins. Ponies. One of those connections the mind really makes when it's three in the morning.   She didn't have a fear of heights until she jumped off the cloud. Perhaps I did a poor job of explaining that... She just wanted to prove she was just like all the other pegasi children foals, that she could fly too. She would have lost her life if North Arrow (A different OC of mine) hadn't caught her, and that thought hasn't left her. She didn't exactly like falling. She's terrified that it might happen again. Thus, she dislikes heights.

 

Ah, okay. I guess I can't blame the your for the design then.

 

As for the fear of heights, that makes much more sense, and I recommend implementing that into the profile. It would make more sense with that in.

 

 

 

When I spelled it 'Realised', I was going through a phase that I enjoyed everything British. I still do that occasionally. They don't use the letter Z much over there. You know, I'm not entirely sure how strong Evergreen's abilities are either. She feels the plants, like they're alive and thinking and stuff. She hears them whisper. One RP, she legitimately went crazy when a forest burnt down, saying 'she could hear the forest scream'.    About the flower... Twilight could make Spike grow in that burst of magic as we saw in the Cutie Mark Chronicles. Admittedly, that was an exceptionally strong burst of magic. Most of the time, she only uses her magic in moderation, to encourage the plants in her garden to grow. I've held RPs in her garden, and I described it as being sprawling. That the plants flourish on innocence, and that thanks to all the magical influence they grew under, 'the air seems to hum with magic, and the plants seem alive'. Legitimately. Like they'll interact with you. I'm honestly not sure where to draw the line with her. There are times where she can merely prod a flower and speed it's growth, and times where she can use the stem like a lasso.    Admittedly, it's a special, crystalline flower she ever uses for that.   I can link you to Eve's Garden Party if you want, to see how I described her garden.

 

 

Well, when you are certain on her magical ability, I recommend editing the profile to suit it better. As for the magic outburst, I agree with you there, and I just wrote that badly in the review. Entirely my fault. What I was trying to say is that makes sense as young unicorns are known to be exceptionally powerful during their outbursts. I was trying to say that as an adult, she wouldn't be able to do those powerful things she did as a filly.

 

I wouldn't mind that link.

 

 

 

I'm amazed that these two recieved the highest grade. I've long considered them the least developed of my main OCs.   Again, they were not my original design. I had no idea what they'd look like. But a close friend helped me, deciding that they were Raggedy Ann and Raggedy Andy. And it fits, although I thought more of Fred and George Weasley.   Twins are no fun if they're cookie cutters.    And I actually sorta BS'd the backstory. I want to go and tweak that anyway.

 

I really liked the theme for them, and the relationship between them. I really liked the uniqueness of them, and I admired how they were able to stay normal and good even if they were unique. That is very rare in OCs. 

[Descant 1,897]

http://mlpforums.com/topic/42914-evergreens-garden-party-rp/

 

Here's the original. You might find a map if you go to the OOC, I don't remember. I did a remake, too, so you can look for that if you like.

[Ampharos 1,009]

Okay this is my final decision I swear. Along wiht Dust, I would enjoy if you reviewed my newest OC, Blaze Finder. I've been working on his character page for a while and I think I'm somewhat happy with it. So yea I'll edit my original post as well.

[SkyeRibbonPwny 406]

OOOOOOOOooooh I'm so excited I'm next! It's not too much trouble doing two is it?? Yay this is so much fun!!! 
Iiiiiii am so haaaaaaappy my frieeeeeeends. Thaaaank you

[Blue Moon 6,341]

OOOOOOOOooooh I'm so excited I'm next! It's not too much trouble doing two is it?? Yay this is so much fun!!! 

Iiiiiii am so haaaaaaappy my frieeeeeeends. Thaaaank you

Actually, there is another user before you. Your review will be done after that review.

 

And, I just did four OCs for someone. Two is nothing, so don't worry about it.

[SkyeRibbonPwny 406]

Actually, there is another user before you. Your review will be done after that review.

 

And, I just did four OCs for someone. Two is nothing, so don't worry about it.

oh ok 0w0 well it's just one more. I'm patient. And yay! Glad im not being a bother. WOOHOO these reviews are

By the way, just to letcha know.

Edited July 16, 2013 by SkyeRibbonPwny

[~Silver Essence~ 2,625]

Well, why not, I always enjoy light or hard reviews.

 

My OC is in the link under my signature.

 

I should mention, his cutie mark has yet to be explained, it's going to be explained in the backstory, but I'm still working on it.

 

Hope my OC is cool.   

[Blue Moon 6,341]

oh ok 0w0 well it's just one more. I'm patient. And yay! Glad im not being a bother. WOOHOO these reviews are

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQ3mZy1cBOMPbdXapEIGISdKhyz6H-F5CmqTI3scdelzhWZwR0UTw

By the way, just to letcha know.

Thanks for being patient. I greatly appreciate it.

 

Glad to hear you think my reviews are absolutely fantastic. Really means alot.

 

This sounds fun and feedback is a great way to improve and find mistakes so here they are. Both of them are meant an design for an adventure FIC

 

OC's -

 

Colt Strahl |

 

 

Earth Miracle |

 

Emi Profile.png

 

Here you have access to all their artwork

 

OC: Colt the Strahl  Owner: Colt

 

First off; the design. Well, I have nothing to complain about. It looks nice, and the colors go together well. Nothing's over the top or overly flashy. The blue looks nice with the yellow, and I can't really judge anything else. However, there are a few spelling errors in the description. You misspelled "young" in the second sentence.

 

Next up; the personality. Well, before I begin, you also should use "has" instead of "have" in the first sentence. Other than that, there weren't many glaring spelling or grammar errors left. Now, to the actual personality part. Well, I like how is good side comes from his pony family, and it shows what he thinks about the pony race, but he isn't as fond of his bad side which is there due to his species. It adds a lot of dimensions to him. Good job with adding interests as well. So, good job here too.

 

Lastly; the backstory. Well, it works for an adventure type story which is what he was designed for, so good job there. However, I don't think he really needs to have magic abilities. Flying seems enough along with fire breathing. Also, magic makes it seem like he is an overpowered dragon. I didn't see any good use for him learning magic in the backstory either. It just doesn't seem necessary. 

 

Overall, an OC with a great design and personality, and a backstory that doesn't need some parts of it.

 

Grade: A-

 

 

OC: Earth Miracle  Owner: Colt

 

First off; the design. Well, I can certainly see how she has caught the eye of many ponies before. She definitely has a very eye-appealing design, and the colors look great together. So, I have no issues with the design, and I quite like it. 

 

Next up; the personality. Well, I do like the personality as she seems like an interesting character, and I really like her more negative traits. They're unique, and work with the type of character you wrote. Very nice job.

 

Finally; the backstory. Well, I have no issues with it. It does its job well for an adventure style character, and I like the relationship between her and her brother. So, good job there.

 

Overall, an OC with a fantastic design, a good personality, and a good backstory.

 

Grade: A+

 

Hell yeah, Blue! Do my SkyeRibbon

well, the link is in my signature and theres a pic of her in my avatar and here-- 

 

 

 

 

I think those are right. <3 I'm sorta excited.

 

OC: SkyeRibbon  Owner:SkyeRibbonPwny

 

Well, it is now time for the greatly anticipated review for SkyeRibbonPwny. I'll start with the design as usual. Well, there are some things I do like about this OC's design, but unfortunately; there are some things I dislike as well. I'll start with the positives. I like the basic coat color, and the purple part of the mane. They looks really nice together, and aren't overly flashy. They're actually quite dark, but in a good way. Now, for the things I don't like which luckily; there aren't a lot of them. I'll start with the one that will be easier to fix. I've never been a fan of accessories on the legs of ponies, and this is no exception. I think this OC would look much better with bare legs. Next up: the harder thing to fix. I'm not really a fan of the green in the tail. The green hair accessories look fine, but the tail shouldn't have the same color. I recommend digitally changing the green into the same color as the rest of the tail, or pick a different color.

 

Next up: the personality. It's simple, but it gets the job done. It has a lot of different dimensions that makes sense together, and you added interests. Pretty much the basics of a good OC. However, I would like to see more detail and depth with the way you tell the viewer the OC's personality. Right now, it is very basic, and looks amateur. I recommend going into more detail and depth with the positives traits, flaws, how they work together, and the interests.

 

Lastly: the backstory. I have some issues with this part. First off: her working in an costume shop. This appears to be the basis for her cutie mark, yet it barely gets any spotlight in the backstory except for that first part. I recommend putting more focus on that, as her cutie mark does have scissors which I assume signifies costume making. Next, her lack of a cutie mark as an adult. I never liked this in general due to how unlikely it is. There has yet to be a single pony in the show that is an adult without a cutie mark. I think it would better suit Skye to have her earn her cutie mark when she was a filly, and have it relate to the costume shop or costume making in some way. Another thing is her non-ability to fly. Most pegasi can fly in some way or another. Even Fluttershy can fly a bit, and Scootaloo can at least hover for a few seconds. Both are very weak flyers with little training. She should be able to fly a teeny bit, but does her best in life or death situations. That would make more sense with the love at first sight thing you have. Speaking of saving Quickjet; what does that have to do with a scissor and ribbons. You say that moment helped her cutie mark, but it makes no sense. This leads me back to my first issue. She should already have her cutie mark in my opinion. Even though it is pretty unlikely she has absolutely no friends, I guess it's pretty nice for her finally receiving attention for saving someone, and most likely gaining some friends in the process.

 

Overall, an OC that needs a few minor edits to the design, a very basic written personality, and a backstory with a lot of issues.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

OC: Quickjet  Owner: SkyeRibbonPwny

 

I'll begin with the design as usual. First major issue: the proportions are way off. His body is way too big for his head, and needs to be fixed. He seems too muscular from his personality standpoint as well. He doesn't seem too interested with working out, so a large muscular body doesn't make sense. I recommend using the body type present in your request post in this thread. It works much better. Now that we got the body type issue out of the way, let's get to the actual color scheme. I don't really like those colors too much for one reason. They are too dark, and obtrusive. I recommend using a paler tone of green for the coat. You don't need to make is almost-white pale, but just tone it down a teeny bit. The black hair might look better then, but if doesn't, tone that down a bit or make it a really dark shade of another color. The glasses and mane style look nice though.

 

Next off: the personality. This personality is similar to your other's OC's personality. They both contain all the basics for a good OC, but it lacks any effort. Like with the last one, try going more in-depth with the personality in the ways I stated before. It's a good personality, just needs a bit more to it.

 

Finally: the backstory. It's very basic, but it gets the job done. However, I think putting more detail in how he got interested in science would be beneficial. Obviously, living around a sporting goods shop wouldn't leave too many opportunities for science. And since he made a rocket, an interest in mechanics would work nicely. Other than that, it works.

 

Overall, an OC with a design that needs some edits, a good personality that could be written better, and a backstory that could benefit from going more in-depth at certain points.

 

Grade: C-

Edited July 24, 2013 by Blue Moon

[SkyeRibbonPwny 406]

*snip

Grade: C-

For the most part I completely agree, and it was a fair judgment, thank you. I do however have one thing to say about Quickjet being "Muscular." He's actually fat. Like really fat.  It just didn't work so well in the pony creator, lol. 

Also, I do need to work on the backstory ALOT. But just t let you know, Her cutie mark has nothing to do with costume making lol, it has to do with editing. and......some other stuff i have written down that has to do with Jet but, idk.

THANK YOUUUUU. Sorry they sucked so bad lol.

Edited July 17, 2013 by SkyeRibbonPwny

[Blue Moon 6,341]

For the most part I completely agree, and it was a fair judgment, thank you. I do however have one thing to say about Quickjet being "Muscular." He's actually fat. Like really fat.  It just didn't work so well in the pony creator, lol. 

Also, I do need to work on the backstory ALOT. But just t let you know, Her cutie mark has nothing to do with costume making lol, it has to do with editing. and......some other stuff i have written down that has to do with Jet but, idk.

THANK YOUUUUU. Sorry they sucked so bad lol.

Hmm, well, I think costume making what work nicely with that cutie mark, and it would be pretty unique.

 

Well, that is the most muscular fat pony I've ever seen.

 

 

Your welcome. And they didn't suck. C is far from being bad. It just means average.

[dedacct6 2,591]

@@Blue Moon

uhm, did you forget my post or what? because my OC only got brohoofed by you, did you forget to review my OC? because i really want to see her get reviewed.

[Blue Moon 6,341]

@@Blue Moon

uhm, did you forget my post or what? because my OC only got brohoofed by you, did you forget to review my OC? because i really want to see her get reviewed.

I have not forgotten your post.

 

Check the OP to see the list of reviews that need to be done. There are a couple that I need to get done before I get to yours. Hopefully you found this information useful.

You can pick either Standoff or Red Alert. They're both in my signature. Brohoof this post if it is approved.

SHALL OP DELIVAR?

OC: Standoff  Owner: baman

 

Okay, I'll start this review off with the design. I'm not too fond of this design for a few reasons. First reason: lack of contrast. His coat color is way too dark, and it makes it hard to make out the facial details. This isn't good, and I recommend toning down the coat color until it is easy to make out the details on the body. Once you do that, the hair color should look fine with the new coat color. My other complaint, or well complaints, is the inclusion of a vest and a watch. I can tolerate a vest, but I've never liked leg accessories. So, I'm not fond of the watch. However, given that you mentioned that he likes vests and watches, you probably will ignore this part. But, I think you should remove the watch. The vest can stay, I guess, as it signifies his career, and it is beneficial to the OC. The watch, on the other hand, is doing pretty much nothing, and I don't think it should be there. It also doesn't match with the color scheme of your OC.

 

Next off: the personality. Well, you have interests, postive traits, and flaws, but I have a bit of a complaint. There aren't a lot of traits in this OC. Now, you already have a good start, but it needs more. A good OC's personality should have to be explained in more than a couple of sentences. Try adding more traits, and make sure to go in-depth with them.

 

Finally: the backstory. Well, you definitely went into a lot of detail here, terminology-wise. It seems like it would work for a roleplay, but it doesn't seem likely in the actual canon MLP Universe. There haven't been any wars or guns in the canon universe, so it wouldn't really make sense. So, if it is for a roleplay, don't worry, but if it is not; you may want to edit it to something for likely for the MLP universe. Perhaps something to do with the royal guard area.

 

Overall, an OC with a design in need of contrast, a too simple personality, and a backstory good for a roleplay or fanfiction.

 

Grade: C-

Okay this is my final decision I swear. Along wiht Dust, I would enjoy if you reviewed my newest OC, Blaze Finder. I've been working on his character page for a while and I think I'm somewhat happy with it. So yea I'll edit my original post as well.

OC: Diamond Dust  Owner: Ampharos

 

Well, like always, I'll go ahead and begin with the design. I'm not very fond of some of the aspects in this design. My major issue with this OC is that black part around the mouth. It looks weird in my opinion, and I suggest excluding it from the design. It should look much better afterwards. It's usually best not to clutter up the face. Next, the color scheme. Well, I like the caramel color of the coat, but now that you fixed that; I'm not too sure black is the best color for the job. It seems too obtrusive, and I suggest making it a dark brown instead. This goes for the hooves as well. I do like how you fixed the cutie mark though. Makes much more sense now.

 

Next up: the personality. It's kind of humorous for him to have that kind of personality. Regardless, I still quite like his personality. It is really believable, and surprisingly easy to relate to. So, I don't really have much else to say here other than good job. Good job!

 

Finally: the backstory. Okay, let me say this. I love how you didn't give any unnecessary focus on the death of Chisel. You took the correct route, and kept it subtle. If you are going to do a tragic backstory, this is the way to go. Also, the part where he finds Coal is a nice touch, and heartwarming. And finally, I like how he ended up finding his talent, and it wraps up the backstory nicely.

 

Overall, an OC with a design in need of an edit to the mane, a good personality, and a great backstory.

 

Grade: B+

 

 

OC: Blaze Finder  Owner: Ampharos

 

Like always; design is first on the list. Well, I'll start with what I like. I like the main color scheme a lot, and it looks good together. It really gives a fiery theme that fits the name well. However, there are two things I don't like. I'll start with the more minor issue. I think that the neckcloth is a bit too obtrusive, and should be more pastel colored. Try to tone it down a bit (not by much; wouldn't want to lose its color.) My major issue with this design is that ear. It looks really weird, and I don't think having a birth defect will help this OC. I suggest just using a normal ear. The color scheme emphasizes fire on its own fine, and the ear is unnecessary. 

 

Next up: the personality. You seem to have a knack for making personalities easy to relate to. That is good in an OC, and fictional character in general. So, good job there. I like how you based her personality off fire. It really shows that the name wasn't something meaningless and just trying to sound cool like I see in some OCs. I like all the different sides of this character, and it all adds up to a well-rounded OC.

 

Last, but certainly not least: the backstory. I love how believable and normal this backstory is. It makes sense for him to be a bit of a pyromaniac, as he grew up in a place where he had plenty of access to fire. You never make it overly tragic, and I could see this kind of backstory in the actual show. It could benefit from a bit more life experiences, but nonetheless; it is a very good backstory.

 

Overall, an OC with a design in need of some edits, a great personality, and a good backstory.

 

Grade: B+

Edited July 17, 2013 by Blue Moon

[Ampharos 1,009]

@@Blue Moon,

 

Dust: I get entirely what you mean. To be honest I was thinking of changing his backstory to be slightly less tragic. And the cutie mark thing is also something I'll try to work on. As well as the colors. I'll get on that soon

 

Blaze: I'll try to work on the neckcloth to make it less obtrusive. The hasbro pony maker doesn't have as many color options as the General Zoi pony creator, but I used it for the mane style and accessories that look somewhat good. I'm glad you think his personality is believable as well as his back story i probably will take your advice and get rid of the deformity.

 

Thanks for the review

 

 

 

I tweaked Dust a bit, design wise and story wise. I would appreciate if you would tell me if the coat looks good, as my computer butchers colors and makes them look darker than they actually are. I'll get working on Blaze soon

Edited July 17, 2013 by Ampharos

[Blue Moon 6,341]

@@Blue Moon,

 

Dust: I get entirely what you mean. To be honest I was thinking of changing his backstory to be slightly less tragic. And the cutie mark thing is also something I'll try to work on. As well as the colors. I'll get on that soon

 

Blaze: I'll try to work on the neckcloth to make it less obtrusive. The hasbro pony maker doesn't have as many color options as the General Zoi pony creator, but I used it for the mane style and accessories that look somewhat good. I'm glad you think his personality is believable as well as his back story i probably will take your advice and get rid of the deformity.

 

Thanks for the review

 

 

 

I tweaked Dust a bit, design wise and story wise. I would appreciate if you would tell me if the coat looks good, as my computer butchers colors and makes them look darker than they actually are. I'll get working on Blaze soon

I edited the review in response to your edits, as well as changing the grade. Good luck with editing Blaze too!

[Toon Richard 534]

Augh damn. Im so scared that ya might not like them.. But i suck at backstories, and other junk, So please dont be too harsh..

Please??

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Rate the both of my oc's.

 

Shardz: Dude, Are you suuure you want to not let Fancy rate us instead??

R.E: Why not Shardz?

Shardz: Okeyy fien.

OC: Richard Eakman  Owner: Cherry Bob omb

I'll begin with the design. Well, there isn't a lot here I like in this department. I'll start with the main issue: the separate colors for the mane and tail. You should never do this with an OC's color scheme. Keep the colors for the mane and tail more or less the same. In this case, I think you replace the teal color with the purple color. The mane's color goes better with the coat color, and you should have that with the tail as well. Speaking of the coat color, I actually like this part. It, along with the mane, give the OC a "Babs Seed" type color scheme. But, I'm not done with the design part of this review. I still have a problem with the cutie mark. The cutie mark makes so sense, and it looks bad and blurry. Just pick a simple shape or symbol, and use that. However, it must relate to the OC's special purpose in life which is something your OC currently lacks. What is Richard's special something that makes him different from others?

 

Next up: the personality. Well, I'm getting that he is usually mean and annoying due with first encounters, but after a bit; he will get nicer. This is fine as long as you elaborate on it more. Right now, the basic traits you chose are hard to grasp together in one pony's personality. Try to add tinier traits that touch up or polish the personality up a bit. For example, he could have bad judgement with ponies and thinks that all ponies won't mind his usually annoying randomness. And then, you can say he gets offended due to ponies not liking what he thought was a simple joke or prank. Next up: that interest in animals. This is a good opportunity to fix the lack of a special talent for the cutie mark. Try thinking of a special something that has something to do with animals, and use that.

 

Finally, the backstory. It isn't a good backstory for a couple reasons. It doesn't give a lot of details. Instead of the mysterious feel I assume you were aiming for, it just turns out being confusing. Try giving more details of the human's life before going to Equestria, how he got to Equestria, and what happened when he went to Equestria. Besides that, I really don't like how he is a human going to Equestria. I'm guessing that you wanted him to be like you in a realistic way, but I think it would be best to just re-imagine yourself as a pony who has lived in Equestria all his life.

 

Overall, an OC that needs major edits to the design and cutie mark, a better personality, and a rewritten backstory.

 

Grade: D+

 

 

OC: Shardz  Owner: Cherry Bob omb

 

Like usual, I'll start with the design. You did better with the design on this one, but it's not without faults. I like the brown mane, but I think that the headband should be a color other than brown. The headband blends in with the current color, and doesn't look as good. As for the coat color, it's a bit too obtrusive at the moment, and needs to be toned down a bit. After that, the color scheme should be great. My next issue is the cutie mark. I have no problem with what it is, but I think you should refrain from using real life photos for a cutie mark. It looks weird, stands out badly, and the edges are blurry. Try using a cartoon medipack in the style of MLP.

 

Next up: the personality. This is a very basic personality. The "shy at first, but warms up as you get to know them" trait is a very common trait in OC's, and there is nothing wrong with it, but in order for it to work; there needs to be more traits. Since she is a nurse (which is odd as she is only 13), I recommend picking traits that would work for a medic. Perhaps "caring?" And for more flaws, you could say that she will do anything to help an injured or sick pony, and often lets this cloud her thinking. And, I think some interests for her would be nice as well other than being a nurse.

 

Lastly: the backstory. Well, there isn't a backstory at the moment. A backstory has to directly relate to the specified pony's life, and saying that the OC's parents died won't cut it. It is unnecessarily tragic, and doesn't give a good representation of Shardz's past life. Try giving more information on Shardz's life, and perhaps add how she became a nurse, and how she saved a pony's life. That would be interesting, and saying how she became a nurse at such a young age would be useful.

 

Overall, an OC that needs some edits, a more complex backstory, and a backstory.

 

Grade: D-

[FadedSkies 1,874]

Hi can you do a review on my first OC? The names Angelheart but i gave you a link to make it easier

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/angelheart-r3948