OC reviews from me. (CLOSED)

[Hopeful Daydreams 28]

Okay so this is my OC, currently unnamed (creative ideas would be fabulous)

She is a unicorn whose talent is more or less seduction. Every part of her being exudes a quality of sultriness and flirtatiousness, especially her singing voice (hence the music note in her cutie mark).

In personality, she is a social butterfly, and thrives on attention, but is always facing internal conflict concerning her promiscuity. She yearns to lead a more wholesome life, but always seems to fail in her attempts. She also wishes to make a career of her singing, but hasn't the faintest clue of where to start, as she lives in a tiny rural town that she can't figure out how to get out of.

I plan to use her in a fan fiction and therefore can't give much backstory or else it would spoil parts of the story itself.

Edited June 17, 2013 by ShadesofStarlight

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Okay so this is my OC, currently unnamed (creative ideas would be fabulous) in t

She is a unicorn whose talent is more or less seduction. Every part of her being exudes a quality of sultriness and flirtatiousness, especially her singing voice (hence the music note in her cutie mark).

In personality, she is a social butterfly, and thrives on attention, but is always facing internal conflict concerning her promiscuity. She yearns to lead a more wholesome life, but always seems to fail in her attempts. She also wishes to make a career of her singing, but hasn't the faintest clue of where to start, as she lives in a tiny rural town that she can't figure out how to get out of.

I plan to use her in a fan fiction and therefore can't give much backstory or else it would spoil parts of the story itself.

When I get to the review for her, I'll try to help and give some names you may want to use. But I'll have to warn you; I'm not the best in the world at names.

[WarpShot 10]

Heh, I've ever been reviewed before so why not?

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/warpshot-r3644

He's adventurous and a little bit innocent but is brave when he has to be.

Edited June 18, 2013 by WarpShot

[Blue Moon 6,336]

I'd like to have my OC reviewed. Here is a link to his page. Not the most info on him, but I guess there's more about him to be found out.

OC: Sky Chaser  Owner: Sky Chaser

 

Ok, his design. I like it; it's not overly colorful, flashy, or over the top. It's nice and simple which usually tends to be best with choosing a design for an OC. He kind of reminds of toothpaste, but I have no idea why. The eyes are very pretty too, but they are a bit bright.

 

His personality. It works and it kind of reminds me of a combination of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie's personality. While it is good; it is rather simple and could use a bit more traits to better define his personality. He does seem a bit simple at the moment, but you did add positive and negative traits, so good job there.

 

His backstory works, but I have a question. How old was Sky Chaser when his parents got divorced? If they got divorced at an early age, Sky Chaser would probably have gotten over it by now. Most people with divorced parents eventually get over it and don't carry the pain with them until they are 20. But if it happened recently, I guess I can understand. But  Sky Chaser appears to be a very light-hearted pony and I don't think someone like him would get upset over it. But then again, if he enjoys making others smile, I guess he would get upset over his parents separating which most likely didn't have much smiling in it.

 

Overall, a very nice OC that could benefit from a more defined personality and a better explained backstory.

 

Grade: A-

I haven't gotten my OC rated by someone before... Whatever I might as well get mine rated... Link to OC is in my signature.

OC: Shade Bluewind  Owner: villain97

 

Ok, first off; her design. I'm not particularly fond of her color scheme; espescially with the mane. The pure black doesn't look good on it's own and should be a more pastel color, and the green is too green as well and should be toned down a bit. Besides that, the mane colors clash which does not look good. 

 

Her personality. I guess it works, but it could really be more defined. All it shows is that she is shy and friendly which is very plain and doesn't give a distinct personality. Also, why is she trying to hide her changeling side? That leads me to my next issue.

 

The backstory. Why would she be trying to hide her changeling side if she lived in the hive? If anything, she should be trying to show  it as much as possible and try to hide her pony side. But then again, why does she have to try to hide it? Doesn't she have the power over whatever form she uses? If you are going to say she is hiding her changeling side, you will have to give a valid reason why she is having trouble doing it. Otherwise, it makes no sense on why she was banished. As for her banishment, I recommend you explain why she was banished and what happened to her afterwards. It isn't really that detailed and it just leaves the viewer confused.

 

Overall, an OC that could use a better color scheme, more distinct personality, and a backstory that makes sense.

 

Grade: D-

[GaleFenrir 281]

Well, I am currently in the process of defining and fleshing out my 3rd OC, Scarlet(link in sig), so I suppose some feedback for her would be nice.

 

Also, as a note, I updated Curious's design, made the scarf a deeper blue, so I guess you could perhaps do an update on his grade?

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Well, I am currently in the process of defining and fleshing out my 3rd OC, Scarlet(link in sig), so I suppose some feedback for her would be nice.

 

Also, as a note, I updated Curious's design, made the scarf a deeper blue, so I guess you could perhaps do an update on his grade?

Is Scarlet ready for reviewing now or do you still need time?

 

As for Curious, just edited the original review's final grade and reasoning.

[GaleFenrir 281]

Is Scarlet ready for reviewing now or do you still need time?

 

As for Curious, just edited the original review's final grade and reasoning.

Yay, an A+! Achievement get.

 

As for Scarlet, she is a WIP but you may review whenever, I can always edit her in response to your critique.

[Lost Profile 644]

OC: Shade Bluewind Owner: villain97

 

Ok, first off; her design. I'm not particularly fond of her color scheme; espescially with the mane. The pure black doesn't look good on it's own and should be a more pastel color, and the green is too green as well and should be toned down a bit. Besides that, the mane colors clash which does not look good.

 

Her personality. I guess it works, but it could really be more defined. All it shows is that she is shy and friendly which is very plain and doesn't give a distinct personality. Also, why is she trying to hide her changeling side? That leads me to my next issue.

 

The backstory. Why would she be trying to hide her changeling side if she lived in the hive? If anything, she should be trying to show it as much as possible and try to hide her pony side. But then again, why does she have to try to hide it? Doesn't she have the power over whatever form she uses? If you are going to say she is hiding her changeling side, you will have to give a valid reason why she is having trouble doing it. Otherwise, it makes no sense on why she was banished. As for her banishment, I recommend you explain why she was banished and what happened to her afterwards. It isn't really that detailed and it just leaves the viewer confused.

 

Overall, an OC that could use a better color scheme, more distinct personality, and a backstory that makes sense.

 

Grade: D-

First... COLORS ARE NOT A PROBLEM WITH OCs...

 

second: READ THE DAMN BACKSTORY... She dosnt live in the hive, she was kicked out because she was only part changeling and not full changeling...

 

Furthermore: your review is week and plane... It seems to only focus on some and not all parts of the OC...

 

grade: F

 

Also... It's not like I made my OC page to be reviewed... I don't update it constantly, mainly because I'm lazy to keep it updated...

Edited June 19, 2013 by villan97

[Blue Moon 6,336]

First... COLORS ARE NOT A PROBLEM WITH OCs...

 

second: READ THE DAMN BACKSTORY... She dosnt live in the hive, she was kicked out because she was only part changeling and not full changeling...

 

Furthermore: your review is week and plane... It seems to only focus on some and not all parts of the OC...

 

grade: F

 

Also... It's not like I made my OC page to be reviewed... I don't update it constantly, mainly because I'm lazy to keep it updated...

Excuse me, but I do remember saying to please not get angry with me if I say something you don't agree with as it is your OC, not mine and this is all my opinion.

Yay, an A+! Achievement get.

 

As for Scarlet, she is a WIP but you may review whenever, I can always edit her in response to your critique.

Yay!

 

I'll make sure to get a review for her as soon as I get to this post. Still need to get the rest of the requests done too. So, it may be a bit before I get to her, but I may get them done quicker.

[Princess Periwinkle 3,774]

OC: Sky Chaser  Owner: Sky Chaser

 

Ok, his design. I like it; it's not overly colorful, flashy, or over the top. It's nice and simple which usually tends to be best with choosing a design for an OC. He kind of reminds of toothpaste, but I have no idea why. The eyes are very pretty too, but they are a bit bright.

 

His personality. It works and it kind of reminds me of a combination of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie's personality. While it is good; it is rather simple and could use a bit more traits to better define his personality. He does seem a bit simple at the moment, but you did add positive and negative traits, so good job there.

 

His backstory works, but I have a question. How old was Sky Chaser when his parents got divorced? If they got divorced at an early age, Sky Chaser would probably have gotten over it by now. Most people with divorced parents eventually get over it and don't carry the pain with them until they are 20. But if it happened recently, I guess I can understand. But  Sky Chaser appears to be a very light-hearted pony and I don't think someone like him would get upset over it. But then again, if he enjoys making others smile, I guess he would get upset over his parents separating which most likely didn't have much smiling in it.

 

Overall, a very nice OC that could benefit from a more defined personality and a better explained backstory.

 

Grade: A-

 

Yeah about his personality, I haven't figured it all out yet. I guess I don't "know" him well enough yet so to speak.

 

His parents separated when he was about 10, came back together later into a strained relationship, and divorced when around 17.

 

Thanks for the review.

 

First... COLORS ARE NOT A PROBLEM WITH OCs...

 

second: READ THE DAMN BACKSTORY... She dosnt live in the hive, she was kicked out because she was only part changeling and not full changeling...

 

Furthermore: your review is week and plane... It seems to only focus on some and not all parts of the OC...

 

grade: F

 

Also... It's not like I made my OC page to be reviewed... I don't update it constantly, mainly because I'm lazy to keep it updated...

 

Wow... butthurt much?

 

Colors are a big problem with OCs, especially when they're blindingly vibrant.

 

Second: Read the review. It's pretty obvious that he knows your OC was kicked out of the hive, seeing as how he mentioned it and all...

 

If you're going to get your OC reviewed, you need to learn to take criticism. Blue Moon did a perfectly fair job with the review.

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Yeah about his personality, I haven't figured it all out yet. I guess I don't "know" him well enough yet so to speak.

 

His parents separated when he was about 10, came back together later into a strained relationship, and divorced when around 17.

 

Thanks for the review.

 

 

Wow... butthurt much?

 

Colors are a big problem with OCs, especially when they're blindingly vibrant.

 

Second: Read the review. It's pretty obvious that he knows your OC was kicked out of the hive, seeing as how he mentioned it and all...

 

If you're going to get your OC reviewed, you need to learn to take criticism. Blue Moon did a perfectly fair job with the review.

Oh, ok. I guess that would make sense. It would be pretty traumatic to have your parents separate at a young age, come together again, and then separate once more. Would be pretty harsh.

 

Your welcome. Hope I provided useful information.

[Princess Periwinkle 3,774]

Oh, ok. I guess that would make sense. It would be pretty traumatic to have your parents separate at a young age, come together again, and then separate once more. Would be pretty harsh.

 

Your welcome. Hope I provided useful information.

 

I guess I should add that to his page. I haven't updated it in a while. I also need to add a bit more about his relationship status, I've thought of a few things.

 

Tootle-loo~

[Lost Profile 644]

Colors are not a problem with OCs... Especially when there dark colors...

 

I do agree that I need to update my OC profile...

 

But seriously... Isn't it obvious why she would be hiding her changeling side...

[Super Derpy 535]

Hmm sounds interesting. I'll put in my OC Thunder Roller. The link is my signature.

Here is a drawing of her (derp accidentally put him first time ) that I did so you can have more than one picture to look at. (Sorry that its sideways)

Edited June 20, 2013 by Super Derpy

[WarpShot 10]

First... COLORS ARE NOT A PROBLEM WITH OCs...

 

second: READ THE DAMN BACKSTORY... She dosnt live in the hive, she was kicked out because she was only part changeling and not full changeling...

 

Furthermore: your review is week and plane... It seems to only focus on some and not all parts of the OC...

 

grade: F

 

Also... It's not like I made my OC page to be reviewed... I don't update it constantly, mainly because I'm lazy to keep it updated...

if you don't want to hear negative feedback dont ask for reviews. Also color scheme is a very important factor, if everyone was rainbow shit, jet black, or just shitty colors in general, they would all be mary sues. 

Maybe you should see everypony else's reviews and see that the OC pages are reviewed for EVERYONE. You gotta learn to accept negative feedback when you post, this is the internet.

 

Edit: Also might I add, you mean to say WEAK and PLAIN not week and plane.

Edited June 20, 2013 by WarpShot

[Blue Moon 6,336]

I don't have a profile page for him just yet, but this is my OC Spudz

 

 

 

 

He's a potato farming/cooking pony from Whinnypeg C: He has a very simple backstory... was born and raised on the farm, grew up with a passion for potatoes, and got his cutie mark early on when he was helping his father dig up the harvest. His favourite part of farming is the digging

OC: Spuds  Owner: Sky Song

 

I like his design; it is very nice and represents his character so well. Getting down in the dirt and doing some potato farming. My only (very, very minor) criticism is his mane length. Its length doesn't really look practical for potato farming. Other than that, very nice.

 

His personality. Well, his personality is kind of absent from this. So, I can't review it. Make sure to give him good traits that are both positive and negative.

 

His backstory. It's nice and simple and fits his life pretty well. Like Applejack's, it doesn't really need much, but a little interesting event in his life would be nice for his backstory. Try coming up with something for that.

 

Overall, a nice and simple OC that needs a personality and could use a bit more distinct backstory.

 

Grade: C-

[Arcus (Silver Lining) Wind 982]

Eh, sure why not. I suck at coming up with back stories for characters so you'll just have to rate him on his looks. This is my OC. I can't decide whether to name him Arcus or Silver Linings. Maybe you can help me out with that to.

 

 

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Eh, sure why not. I suck at coming up with back stories for characters so you'll just have to rate him on his looks. This is my OC. I can't decide whether to name him Arcus or Silver Linings. Maybe you can help me out with that to.

 

OCarcus.png

 

arcusfly.png

Ok, I'll do the review as soon as I get to you, but I can help you out with the names now. I like Arcus a bit more than Silver Linings. Has a better ring to it.

[Zygen 6,065]

Omg I've been meaning to get to finding this, so yeah xD.

 

I figure you may as well rate my OC. I don't particularly have alot to rate so Idk if you can get an accurate rate or any maybe for that matter, but yeah. I've yet to really write much of a backstory yet, (I actually planned at one time of writing a whole fanfic of his life type of thing, but idk if I'll get around to that honestly and I am not the best writer ever.) so really there isn't a whole lot on his charactor page, but yeah.

 

Heres his picture also. 

Oh and his charactor page http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/zygen-r2969

Edited June 20, 2013 by Zygen

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Okey Dokey! I'm just going to put the links to all of my OC's so here they are!

 

Lightning Dancer: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lightning-dancer-r3516

 

Scarlet Sparkler: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/scarlet-sparkler-r3551

 

 

Lilac Wings: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/lilac-wings-r3560

OC: Lightning Dancer  Owner: Lightning Dancer

 

First off, the design. While she is a teeny bit bright, it looks nice and I have no major problems. But perhaps toning down the color of the coat might make it look a bit nicer. But other than that, very nice design that has what I like most in OC designs: simplicity.

 

Now for the personality. Now, there aren't exactly a lot of traits for this OC's personality. I think that you should add more traits that aren't positive. It will help give her a more three-dimensional personality. I can't think of any negative traits that you could use, but I'm sure that you could figure something out.

 

Lastly, the backstory. There's nothing really wrong with the backstory. It works, but it could benefit from more details and explanations. For example, you could explain how she ended up in charge of making lightning bolts. And you could probably add a few more details of her past life in Cloudsdale. 

 

Overall, an OC that could benefit from a not as bold design, but nice design nonetheless, a more three-dimensional personality, and a more detailed backstory.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

OC: Scarlet Sparkler  Owner: Lightning Dancer

 

Ok, first off, the design. I like the color scheme for the mane and it looks really nice. I love those colors together and the mane looks nice with them. But I think you should pick a different color for the coat. White looks out of place on this OC and is really obtrusive. I recommend using a very light shade of red or scarlet, or use a pale shade of red or scarlet that looks almost like white. But I think the former would work the best for this OC, but it's your call.

 

Next up, the personality. The personality is very bland and doesn't give a good explanation for Scarlet's personality. All we know is that she is kind and loves doing styling other's manes and tails (I, however, do have to give you kudos for including her interests in the profile; it's a very important part in the personality of an OC.) Being kind is too simple and could mean anything. Try giving her more traits that better define her character and don't forget the flaws.

 

I like her backstory. While it's a bit simple and non-detailed, it gives a good explanation for her backstory that sticks to the point. The backstory of the OC itself. I recommend adding a bit more details and it will be near-perfect.

 

Overall, an OC with very nice hair, but could use a better color for the coat. Also, the OC is in need of a defined personality, and a nice and on-topic backstory that could benefit from more details.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

OC: Lilac Wings  Owner: Lightning Dancer

 

Ok, as always, design comes first. I have no problem with the coat color of Lilac Wings; it's very pretty and a nice color, but I think you should edit the colors for the mane a bit more. These two colors clash very badly and don't look good together. I recommend either picking different colors, or picking darker tones for the two colors until you get something that looks nicer.

 

Next up, the personality. The personality has everything a personality needs: positive traits, flaws, and interests, but I think you should add a bit more traits. Right now, she has a personality almost very similar to Fluttershy's; the only difference is that Lilac has an interest in plant life rather than animal life, and that Fluttershy has more traits other than kind and shy. I think you should add a bit more to her besides just those two and you'll be all set.

 

The backstory is nice, and has a good number of details (some more would be nice, but it's okay.) I like how you gave a reason for her "shyness", but I think you should pick a different term than shy. She appears to only be socially awkward, not shy. But if you were aiming for shyness, I recommend editing the backstory a bit to better express it. Also, I think you should elaborate more on how her cutie mark. You wouldn't get a cutie mark from merely reading a book. Did she get a feeling of excitement reading the book? Did she use the book to find the plants and get excited doing that? These are good things to think about when you decide how her cutie mark appeared.

 

Overall, an OC that could use a better mane color scheme, a more distinct personality, and a backstory that needs a few things explained better.

 

Grade: C+

[Starshine 16,330]

So... I get tiny weeny curious about your reviews here, and I'm also still thinking on how I can improve my OCs. It would be very appreciated if you can tell me what's lacking in these ponies :­)

 

Autumn Glow - Changeling, drone

Starshine - Unicorn, colt

Springsteps - Unicorn, filly

 

I apologize in advance if their backstories can be rather unwieldy. I got this silly habit to expand on weird things.

 

Thanks b4

 

E: Somehow I mistyped Springsteps as Weyland. Derp x_x

Edited June 26, 2013 by Starshine

[Minath Khalsi 195]

Hello!

 

I was wondering of you could review my ponysona Minath. Her OC page is in my signature.

 

Please and thank you in advance!

[Tropical Jubilee 5]

My curiosity is piqued, so I'll try! This is my OC, Tropical Jubilee. He's usually cheerful and loves nothing more than a good time. TJ is also very laid back and never seems to be bothered by the trouble in the world. His cutie mark is two crossed palm trees for his naturally nonchalant demeanor and his love for his jungle home. He speaks with a Latino accent and often mixes English and Spanish. Even though he's a friendly enough guy, Tropical Jubilee can't take anything seriously and thinks life is all carnivals and naps.

 

I would like brutal honesty.

Edited June 23, 2013 by Tropical Jubilee

[Shift 4,271]

After staring at your reviews on this thread, and admiring how...you judged these OC's, even though I know my OC is absolutly perfect in every single way possible, please tell me how awesome this OC is.
 
(Link)

 

I have slaved hours upon hours on this amazing OC. Even though my OC is the best OC EVAH, I wish that you rate my OC...but make sure to make it an A++, or else my OC will kill you. stupid critics

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Ah what the heck.

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/light-diamond-r1472

 

I know her special talent isn't much of a talent...but I couldn't come up with anything so...I just kinda put that in.

OC: Light Diamond  Owner: ~Fire Sky~

 

First off, her design. I love Diamond's design and her smoking is a nice touch. She really gives of an aura of properness which I assume you were aiming for. And the colors are very pretty and go nicely together. And I love her hat. So overall, very nicely designed OC that has doesn't go over the top with anything. 

 

Next off; her personality. The personality is basically flawless. She has plenty of traits, interests (I love how you made tea an interest and it is something that a lot of people forget when they design a proper character; I have a lot of favorite fictional characters that enjoy tea), and flaws. What I like about the flaws is that they are very subtle, but very effective. It's not often I see characters like this.

 

For her backstory, again, I saw almost no problems. I really like her backstory and it was legitimately sad (meaning I actually enjoyed reading the backstory.) It gave a good history of Diamond with lots of details. I really liked the relationship between her nanny, her parents, and especially Daylily. I only found a few minor errors. When you wrote about Daylily stealing, you misspelled stealing. Also, you failed to mention that Daylily was an orphan and it kind of feels weird when you write that Diamond visited Daylily at her orphanage.

 

Overall, a basically flawless OC with a few minor errors that is a very memorable OC.

 

Grade: A+

Okay so this is my OC, currently unnamed (creative ideas would be fabulous)

She is a unicorn whose talent is more or less seduction. Every part of her being exudes a quality of sultriness and flirtatiousness, especially her singing voice (hence the music note in her cutie mark).

In personality, she is a social butterfly, and thrives on attention, but is always facing internal conflict concerning her promiscuity. She yearns to lead a more wholesome life, but always seems to fail in her attempts. She also wishes to make a career of her singing, but hasn't the faintest clue of where to start, as she lives in a tiny rural town that she can't figure out how to get out of.

I plan to use her in a fan fiction and therefore can't give much backstory or else it would spoil parts of the story itself.

OC: Luster Song (I believe you picked out a name for her already, but if Luster Song is incorrect, let me know.)  Owner: Hopeful Daydreams

 

Ok, her design. I like it. It has nice colors that go nicely together and the collar works with her flirty character. And the extra furryness is kinda cute. My only complaint is for the cutie mark. It has two many things going on it and is too complex for a cutie mark. Instead of three objects, just pick one object that best represents her special talent.

 

Next off, her personality. I don't have any problems with her personality. It has nice traits (don't see a lot of seductive or flirty OCs around) and it's unique that you related her positive traits to the negative ones. Makes her seem more realistic. And I'm glad you gave her an interest in singing as interests are very important.

 

Lastly, her backstory. It's very realistic showing how she doesn't know where to start her singing career which is something I greatly respect. Since that's basically the only thing for the backstory, I can't say much else. I know you want to do a fanfic, but I think you should come up with backstory that doesn't give away any spoilers for the fanfic, but still gives the viewer an look into her backstory.

Overall, a very nice OC that's only major issue is a lack of a backstory and a overly complex cutie mark.

 

Grade: B+