OC reviews from me. (CLOSED)

[Toon Richard 534]

Can you review both of my OC's? I will update the backstory soon.
:]
The one i want you to review the most is Richard.
Please please please do so.

[Ampharos 1,009]

Can you review both of my OC's? I will update the backstory soon.

:]

The one i want you to review the most is Richard.

Please please please do so.

You know you already requested a review from him right? It's a page back I think. Just in case you weren't aware...

[Fender 1,283]

@@Blue Moon,

 

Sure. Just have a look at my signature. Now, I would like to state that my OC is not meant to be somepony spectacular, just a regular guy. :3

[Toon Richard 534]

@@Ampharos, 

Actually, no. I have only posted here Trice, including this post.

Thats why i rerequested this.

LOOK AT THE PAGES , DONT JUST SKIM!!

[Blue Moon 6,336]

After staring at your reviews on this thread, and admiring how...you judged these OC's, even though I know my OC is absolutly perfect in every single way possible, please tell me how awesome this OC is.

 

(Link)

 

I have slaved hours upon hours on this amazing OC. Even though my OC is the best OC EVAH, I wish that you rate my OC...but make sure to make it an A++, or else my OC will kill you. stupid critics

OC: #1 OC Ever  Owner: Shift

 

I shall begin my review with the design. Wow. Well, she is certainly colorful. However, OC's related to rainbows usually don't have the best color schemes and your's is no exception. There is simply too much going on and the colors clash very badly. For starters, the coat color. It is very bold and obtrusive, so I recommend toning the color down to a more pastel color. But the accessories really look bad on this OC and should be excluded entirely. Next, the mane. It looks really weird to have a single base mane for half the mane and rainbows for the rest. I recommend just using one or two colors for mane color schemes. For this OC, after you tone down the coat, you should just use the pink color in the mane for the whole mane color. This would probably look very nice with a lighter tone of the color for the coat. As for the wings, they should match the coat color and you should get rid of the white and rainbow parts. That should fix the clashing. Lastly, the eyes. They should be just one color, not rainbow colored. Pick a single color and use that. Aside from that actual design, the written description for the appearance is inaccurate and should match the actual design. And you really shouldn't add all those powers regarding the appearance. In this case, they make your OC into a Mary Sue.

 

Next off; the personality. There are simply too many positive traits and little flaws. The personality you give to this OC makes the world work perfectly for the OC and that is very Mary Stuish. Try to lower down all of his positive traits and add more interests. And try to use more distinct personality traits for the OC. The ones you chose are very plain and are used way too much. Using more distinct traits helps differentiate your OC from other OCs.

 

Lastly, the backstory. Please rewrite this. It makes no sense whatsoever. Why is your OC an all powerful being and there is no reasoning behind his actions or the events that happen to him. And, please don't give your OC all those powers. All those powers and abilities are the exact reasons alicorns are often disliked. If you are going to use an alicorn for the OC, try to make the OC as normal as possible and don't make them all powerful.

 

Overall, an OC that needs a new color scheme, a new personality, and a rewritten backstory. A perfect example of a Mary Sue.

 

Grade: F-

 

 

 

 

 

I can't believe I just reviewed that seriously.

Can you review both of my OC's? I will update the backstory soon.

:]

The one i want you to review the most is Richard.

Please please please do so.

I will do your review as soon as I finish the requests that were made before you.

 

@@Blue Moon,

 

Sure. Just have a look at my signature. Now, I would like to state that my OC is not meant to be somepony spectacular, just a regular guy. :3

Regular guys tend to be the best kind of OCs in my opinion.

[Fender 1,283]

@@Blue Moon, So, a review please?

 

I'll be patient. @-@ I must be patient.

 

Also, it does my heart good knowing someone appreciates the regular guys. :3

[duidamasterXD 9,626]

If you're up to it, here's a link to the one I made a little while ago. I don't have much art of him at the moment unfortunately, which is something I'm working on changing, but overall I like him a lot and I'd like to know what you think.

[Cherrypie-chan 5]

My OC? http://cherrypie-chan.deviantart.com/art/I-m-Chehwy-pih-mor-chehwy-cobbwah-374302566 Please don't be too critical for me, please. I'm really sensitive about her. She was my first one.

[Blue Moon 6,336]

@@Blue Moon, So, a review please?

 

I'll be patient. @-@ I must be patient.

 

Also, it does my heart good knowing someone appreciates the regular guys. :3

I will make sure to do your review as soon as I finish the requests before you.

 

Patience, my friend.

Look at my signature. c: Can you do mine? It'd be cool, nopony has did mine before. I hope I get a B. :3 

 

lol

OC: Cerulean Sky  Owner: Cerulean Sky

 

First off; the design. I've always loved that color scheme, so I definitely have no problems with it. It is very pretty and the colors go very well together. They don't clash, and aren't too flashy. I like how that color scheme goes with the name as well. I love the mane style as well; it is really unique and pretty. So yeah, I like this design quite a bit, and have no issues with it.

 

Her personality. Well, there technically isn't anything wrong with the personality. It has negative traits, positive ones, and interests that reflect off the cutie mark. However, this OC has a really plain personality due to the fact that the traits chosen for her are some of the most common ones in OCs I see. I recommend adding more traits that better define Cerulean Sky. Perhaps you could use some traits often found in people with creative abilities. And a little personal touch to the personality is always nice. Aside from that, you could also pick more traits that you yourself have and incorporate them into Cerulean Sky's personality (I'm assuming the already existing traits are yours as well.)

 

Lastly, her backstory. Well, it feels overly tragic to me. I'm not particularly fond of OCs being orphaned for no good reason, and there doesn't appear to be any reasoning other than the fact that she gets to live under the care of Starlight. Now, you have the right idea in showing how she earned her cutie mark, but they're better ways that this can be accomplished. You could just have her be a teacher that your OC's mom hired to teach Cerulean Sky artistic things and go from there; establishing a relationship between them. Also, I don't think you should kill both of the parents, but I guess only having the Dad die would be okay, but I would like it better if they stayed alive. Keeps her a bit more normal. But I like how she earned her cutie mark in the backstory.

 

Overall, an OC with a great design, a plain personality that could use some additions, and a backstory that could have been written better.

 

Grade: B-

[Ampharos 1,009]

So a little while ago I requested for you to review my OCs Dust and Volt. If you could just do Dust instead of both, I would prefer that. This is just because Dust's backstory is more developed than Volt's.

[Blue Moon 6,336]

So a little while ago I requested for you to review my OCs Dust and Volt. If you could just do Dust instead of both, I would prefer that. This is just because Dust's backstory is more developed than Volt's.

Sure!

 

I will make sure to just review Dust then when I get to your request. But if you ever change your mind, don't hesitate to ask for a review for Volt.

[repsol rave 2,963]

this should be interesting

can you rate my OC isaac clarke?

here are some pics:

 

and another:

 

and here you have a link to his profile: 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/isaac-clarke-r3534

 

[Harmony Spark 265]

@ Blue Moon

Hey, How's my OC review coming along? Is it ready yet? I'm not being impatient by the way. I know how busy these reviews are

[Blue Moon 6,336]

@ Blue Moon

Hey, How's my OC review coming along? Is it ready yet? I'm not being impatient by the way. I know how busy these reviews are

I'm almost to your review. Just check the order of the requests and who I did last, and you can see who is up next. Yours is coming up soon though.

[Sugar Pea 2,681]

Hey! Umm..I know you've been dealing terribly with butthurt reviews, but if you review my OC, I won't complain. I'll make the changes immediately! 
^__^ 
I made this OC a week ago, and i've been trying to get other people to make art of her to make her official. But nothing is more important than a review from somebody who knows what a decent OC is!
Okay...
Her name is Hollyhock (it's a flower hehe XD)

Talent:  Ability to bringing dead plants to life again...  but nothing big, more like flowers, or tiny trees as far as her weak magic goes. She is a filly, so that's just a spoiler of her future talent. I'm not sure if it's a likable talent or not, but that's why i'm here and that's to improve my OC. x3

 

Personality: She is really timid, but not too timid. Sounds cliche, but she is really outgoing around her friends. 

A little about her: She has a fear of the dark, like a huge fear. She has to sleep with a nightlight on at all times, or she'll freak out. It became apparent at her school as well, when one day during a storm, the schoolhouse had a power out. Hollyhock freaked and huddled under her desk with her eyes closed the whole time, so every now and then a couple boys at her school would tease her for it but not in a bad way.

 

Here's a picture of her, if you have anything you feel I should change, feel free to say so!
 

 

Edited July 9, 2013 by shotagirl9

[Blue Moon 6,336]

OK, I might as well go ahead and put my first (and so far, only) OC here in the crosshairs.  Sunyatay Sutra.  I was looking for a way to create an "invisible pink unicorn." 

OC: Sunyatay Sutra  Owner: InvisiblePinkUnicorn

 

I'll start this review off with the design. Well, an invisible OC is certainly one of the more unique OCs I've seen. However, I do have a few issues with her design. First off: the coat type. That kind of coat always looked weird to me, and I don't think it looks too good with your OC. I think just a normal coat type would look much nicer. Next up: the colors of the mane. Now, I am going to assume you picked a white color to further emphasize the "ghost-like" state of your OC, but I suggest either replacing the white with a different darker color, or just keep the whole mane the same color; preferably the pink color already present. The white clashes badly with the rest of the mane, and the coat. Also, the transparency effect you used is nice, but I have a method for doing it that I think would be much more effective. Instead of using that effect, try lowering the opacity of the whole picture in a photo editing program until you have the desired effect. This would look very nice, especially if you decide to take my advice for the color scheme.

 

I'll continue this review with the personality. I guess this personality works for a character like this, but Sunyatay is still a regular pony on the inside; so I think you should put more normal pony traits in, or at least reflect them into it a bit. Try to add some of Sunyatay's interests. However, I do like the negative traits you gave. Lack of confidence is pretty good for a trait, and it works very nicely here.

 

To top of this review, I'll be reviewing the backstory. You did a fairly good job here. It is very unique in my opinion, and I quite like it. But what I love most about this backstory is the last part. The thing about her turning visible again when she makes a pony happy and dims whenever they panic is brilliant, and really adds a whole lot to this OC.

 

Overall, an OC that could use some edits to the color scheme, a bit more additions to the personality, and a great and unique backstory.

 

Grade: C+

[Lume WMj 228]

Man! Your reviews look awesome! Could you please review my OCs as well, please?~ :3

 

Lume is my main one, and I just recently finished polishing Sophie 'of Platinum', the zombie pony. That was a crazy idea I had last night and I wanted to see if it worked. Anyway, review whichever you fancy (even though I'm more interested to know what people think of my zompony), or even both of them if you're up to it.

 

I'm completely open to critics and suggestions! Take your time, and thank you in advance!~

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Man! Your reviews look awesome! Could you please review my OCs as well, please?~ :3

 

Lume is my main one, and I just recently finished polishing Sophie 'of Platinum', the zombie pony. That was a crazy idea I had last night and I wanted to see if it worked. Anyway, review whichever you fancy (even though I'm more interested to know what people think of my zompony), or even both of them if you're up to it.

 

I'm completely open to critics and suggestions! Take your time, and thank you in advance!~

Thanks!

 

A zombie pony, you say? Hmm, sounds interesting.

 

Anyway, I'll make sure to do the reviews as soon as soon as I do the reviews before you.

[Lisa 5,552]

Hey Blue, can you review my (fairly) new OC Star Play? Here is a link to her information.

I'm very happy for critiques and suggestions, so be completely honest with her. C:

[Budding Night 1,043]

Your reviews are pretty good. Do you mind doing my OC, Evening Glory? I am quite proud of her and I tend to update her backstory and add small things to her personality regularly. She isn't completely polished up but I'm getting there, although I'd like to know what others think of her and what shes really like. She's perfect in my eyes, so I'd like to see what I'm missing, and you seem like the perfect person to do so. 

 

You can find her in my signature. Thank you and good luck with all your other reviews that are waiting for you :3

[Blue Moon 6,336]

 

 

Hey, Blue Moon! Here is my OC, Princess Harmony Star. She is the alicorn princess of the Earth, here's her personality, backstory etc.

 

Appearance

She has a light mint blue coat, royal purple with gold streaks mane in a long wavy style with curls at the ends. She has a supermodel style and has green eyes styled like Twilight's. her tail is long, wavy and curled at the end. Her cutie mark is a rainbow colored heart with green vines surrounding the heart. The rainbow heart means the many aspects of my personality and the vines mean my love for nature and my down-to- earthed ness.

 

Personality

 

She is a teenage alicorn who speaks British (like me) and is a big supporter of friendship. She is kind, caring, socially awkward, creative, shy, adventurous and is show to be wise on serious matters but playful when relaxed. She also has Asperger's syndrome. She is also determined to get what she wants, even if she hasn't worked hard for it, but she does know whether she deserves it or not. She is shy and distant at first when meeting new ponies but she eventually comes out of her shell once befriended. She is also a comic relief, making lots of jokes and pop-culture references, even when most ponies don't understand her. She's often funny when she doesn't realize and vice versa.

 

Backstory:

 

In her childhood, she lived on the outskirts of Equestria with her family. She became an alicorn due to her love and passion for nature. Her mother, Crystal Spring, is a best friend of Princess Celestia and she wanted Harmony to go to a up class school, where she surprisingly gets bullied because she never revealed her royal status and of her quirky, colorful personality, making her an outcast, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't make any friends.

 

At high school, she finally makes a friend with Ruby Rose, a unicorn who has more kindness than others. Their bond grew stronger than diamonds, but her happiness won't last long. Ruby's cousin Seabreeze arrives at school two years later and her cruel, narcissistic personality turned Ruby Rose against her since they are family. The two then became Harmony's fair weather friends, which bullied her but Harmony never stood up to them because she would lose her only friends. Eventually, Harmony gets to graduate at 15 (since she's royalty, but the students don't know this.) and before she goes, she scolds at Seabreeze and Ruby Rose to pay back for all the pain and misery they have made, causing them to leave her but this causes Harmony to lose faith in her friendship, losing her color and her powers to stabilize the land, causing it to crumble since her powers are channeled by Harmony's feelings.

 

Years later, the land begins to self-destruct and then the main 6 eventually befriend Harmony Star and make her a main character as well, making the land return to normal as well. Crystal Spring allows Harmony and her two adopted dog brothers, Pedro and Frank, to live in Ponyville with her new friends. She has been a good friend to her friends and subjects ever since.

 

Likes: creative writing, looking after animals, astronomy, drawing, painting, making friends and gaming

Dislikes: cruel ponies, stereotypes, mean-spiritedness, fair-weather friends and sometimes not getting what she wants

 

Thanks and here's some art of her

 

 

OC: Princess Harmony Star  Owner: Princess HarmonyStar

 

First off: the design. Well, I'm actually not quite sure on this one. The coat color looks very nice, and I really like the body type you chose for your OC; gives your OC a very pretty look and suits her quite well. But the mane color scheme is what is causing my dilemma. I'm not sure if I like it or don't like it. In some of the pictures you gave, such as the first one, the colors appear to clash. But in others, such as the second one, it looks very nice. So, I guess I like the color scheme that was present in the second picture you gave, and I think that you should most likely use that for the official color scheme. Though I must say this: your OC's mane reminds me of a peanut butter jelly sandwich. Take that as you like.

 

Next up: the personality. There are plenty of flaws and positive traits, but the way you write the personality gives no relation between some of the traits. Now, these are fine traits, but I have two options if you want to improve the personality. You could either put more depth and info for each of the traits, and have them relate to eachother to fit together like a puzzle. Or, you could take out some of the traits that contradict others, and focus more on the remaining trait. Same with the likes and dislikes. They seem very random right now, and you should make them appear less list-y. Though I find it kind of funny she dislikes stereotypes when she is an alicorn. Not sure if this was done on purpose, but it was very clever.

 

Lastly, the backstory. Well, I don't really like this backstory for a couple of reasons. First off; the reason she became an alicorn doesn't make sense as passion isn't the only thing that makes an alicorn ruler. Speaking of rulers, I don't really like how she is princess of the earth as it gives her way too much power that seems a bit unfair. Along with her level of power, I don't understand another thing about your OC's backstory. Why would the best friend of your OC turn against your OC just because of her cousin. You say there friendship is as strong as a diamond, but it is quickly ruined by a cousin. That doesn't seem to realistic to me. Lastly, I really don't like how your OC's emotions are connected to the land. It seems like too much power for your OC to have. I recommend giving your OC less power, and perhaps just keep her as a normal non-princess alicorn.

 

Overall, an OC with a possibly good design, a personality that could be presented better, and a over-powered position in its backstory that could use some editing.

 

Grade: C-

Your reviews are pretty good. Do you mind doing my OC, Evening Glory? I am quite proud of her and I tend to update her backstory and add small things to her personality regularly. She isn't completely polished up but I'm getting there, although I'd like to know what others think of her and what shes really like. She's perfect in my eyes, so I'd like to see what I'm missing, and you seem like the perfect person to do so. 

 

You can find her in my signature. Thank you and good luck with all your other reviews that are waiting for you :3

Thanks for the complement and wishing me good luck!

 

I'll try my best to let you know if there is anything that could be improved in your review as soon as I get to it. 

Its always nice to see what people think of your OC's. So if you want you can have a look at mine. Here is the page for Ion: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/ion-r2294

OC: Ion  Owner: Ion

 

Let's begin with the design. I love this color scheme. It isn't overly flashy, and the colors go together very well. Also, something I'd like to complement you for not going overboard with accessories. The few accessories look very nice and doesn't clutter up the rest of your OC. I really love the mane clip, and I like how it corresponds to her cutie mark. And, I must say your OC is simply adorable.

 

I'll continue with the personality next. Very good job here as well. You did use the very common trait of "shy at first, but can be outgoing" (nothing wrong with that as long as you add more), but you added more which distinguishes your OC from others. I like how you incorporated her intelligence in the story, and even added some humorous moments. You did a great job here; you have positive traits, flaws, interests, and added some little touches which all equal up to a great personality. You even added a life wish which is something I like in people's OCs, and it is really something that adds a lot more than some people think.

 

Lastly, the backstory. You did a very good job here as well. I like what you did with the whole "unicorn in pegasus body" thing, and it is pretty unique. I also like how you never went overboard with this OC, and she seems normal enough. She worked hard to accomplish what she accomplished in a realistic way. I also like how you mention her family, and the fact that none of them died is nice (nothing wrong with orphans; just that it is done a lot in situations where it is unneeded.) A great backstory that serves its purpose well.

 

Overall, an OC with a great cute design, great unique personality, and a great backstory. A great OC by all of my standards.

 

Grade: A+

[Harmony Spark 265]

thanks for the review. I'll make sure to follow your advice to improve my OC, i'll also try to change the backstory as well. Kudos to you, kudos

[--Thunder Bolt-- 534]

OC: Sunyatay Sutra  Owner: InvisiblePinkUnicorn

 

I'll start this review off with the design. Well, an invisible OC is certainly one of the more unique OCs I've seen. However, I do have a few issues with her design. First off: the coat type. That kind of coat always looked weird to me, and I don't think it looks too good with your OC. I think just a normal coat type would look much nicer. Next up: the colors of the mane. Now, I am going to assume you picked a white color to further emphasize the "ghost-like" state of your OC, but I suggest either replacing the white with a different darker color, or just keep the whole mane the same color; preferably the pink color already present. The white clashes badly with the rest of the mane, and the coat. Also, the transparency effect you used is nice, but I have a method for doing it that I think would be much more effective. Instead of using that effect, try lowering the opacity of the whole picture in a photo editing program until you have the desired effect. This would look very nice, especially if you decide to take my advice for the color scheme.

 

Thank you for your review.  When I get time, I'll tinker with some of the changes you suggest.  I did try doing the translucency thing in Photoshop.  The problem I had was that I wanted, for purposes of illustration, to have part of her fully visible to reveal her color scheme, with the rest of her fading through translucence to invisibility.  Try as I might though, I couldn't figure out how to get Photoshop to let me make her translucency/transparency increase on a gradient.  Within the limits of my skillz, it's either all or nothing, so I went with the fade-to-white as the closest thing I could get to the effect I was aiming for.  Your recommendations on color scheme sound like they might make the translucent-against-a-background effect work better though, so I guess I have some more tinkering in Sunyatay's future.  

[MWMalcolm 1]

Oc rating thread? 

Here is mine:

 

Cutiemark:

He has 3 lightblue bit signs arranged in a triangle.

It shows his knowledge and ability to handle money.

 

 

Background story:

Born in Cloudsdale without any known parents he lived as an orphan.

He had no real home, slept on random clouds and had to learn how to come along with nothing, which he managed pretty well.

He went to Cloudsdale school like most other Pegasus.

In his class he was almost the last to get a Cutiemark, handling money isn't a common Pegasus talent.

But after he became responsible for the class bank he got his Cutiemark.

Further he used his talent to raise a bank, which is currently in Canterlot known as JBB -Jenkin bits bank-.

The experience he made as a child were very helpful, he knows how to talk to ponies to get what he wants and to find the best solution for almost everypony.

 

 

Personality:

He's a very strange pony.

Unlike most others ponies he doesn't celebrate, not at all, not even his birthday.

Also he doesn't drink any alcohol neither he smokes.

Because of this it was hard for him to fit in, to be accepted.

As hard as it was as easy is it now, since he has no problems to talk to strangers and because of his kindness most ponies like him.

He's loyal and will never betray his friends or costumers, not even for every bit in Equestria.

Due bad experience with females during his youth he's not really interested in a relationship.

 

 

Age:

He's 20 to 22 years old, since he was an orphan his real age is unknown.

 

Hobbies:

He likes it to take long flights to the skies at night, to relax and calm down.

Reading is his 2nd hobby, he likes to read a book in his library on weekends.

You wouldn't believe but his favorite music his metal, it's relaxing to him.

Edited July 11, 2013 by MWMalcolm

[Senor Citizen 516]

Did I miss something, or did I just get completely bypassed? Crrect me if I'm wrong, I love being wrong. Being wrong is how you learn.