OC reviews from me. (CLOSED)

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Would you mind looking at Grand FInale in mi signature, and if you have time, Tarot as well?" that would be greatly appreciated!

 

OC: Grand Finale  Owner: Grand_Finale

 

Grand Finale is a great looking and well-designed OC, but I do have a few suggestions; minor ones, of course. For my first suggestion; I think the cutie mark should be raised a bit. Now, this may just be the art, but if not; I don’t think it should be that low. Cutie marks are generally centered on the haunch, and yours is a bit lower. But like I said, this may be just the art, and if that’s the case; ignore this advice.

 

My second suggestions involves the eye color. You see, Grand Finale has a very vibrant coat color, and while it’s usually okay to have a vibrant color; it’s best to limit the amount of those kinds of colors to one. That said, her eye color is a little too vibrant, and it clashes a bit with the red of her coat. I suggest toning it down a bit, but not too much; you do want to have a different color; just one that doesn’t clash

 

That’s about all I have to say regarding the design of your OC. She really is a nice looking OC, and I love her hair and how it relates to her character. Not a lot of OCs do that kind of thing, which is a real shame.

 

Now for the personality. You have a lot of potential with this character, but there isn’t a lot of focus on the unique details that make your OC special. Right now, there is unneeded details like A pony who tries to be proper, but often lets her dramatic side carry her away. At first, she can come off as shallow and snobby,but had a pure heart once you get to know her. This feels very Rarity-like, and I suggest you either condense it or try to incorporate some of the more unique traits of Grand Finale, like the ones regarding theatre or gambling. Why does she like the theatre so much? Why is she good at gambling? Think of traits that would lead to those interests or skills and try to incorporate them.

 

The backstory is a little on the generic side, but there are a few details that lead themselves to Grand Finale’s character, so I suggest focusing on those details. Some examples would be how she grew up with the local Ponyville stage. Try explaining this a bit further by adding more details, and maybe even add in an experience with it; anything to explain why she likes theatre so much.

 

Overall, this OC has a nice design, but the personality and backstory are a little on the generic side, but they do have potential.

 

Grade: B-

 

 

OC: Tarot  Owner: Grand_Finale

 

Alright, the design. Well, the mane and coat look fantastic together, but I have complaints with the headscarf, eye color, and furry fetlocks. First off, the headscarf and eye color are both use very vibrant shades of their chosen color and clash. I highly suggest toning down the shade of one of them, or both. I think that would look much better. As for the furry fetlocks, those are reserved for the stocky stallion models such as Big McIntosh, and have never been used on a mare in the show. It is for that reason that I think you should ditch the furry fetlocks for the sake of being faithful to the canon of the show.

 

As for the personality, I like what you have put in the first paragraph and think that it works well with your character’s abilities, but the trouble making friends and prefers to watch them from a distance seems to contradict what you say about her being outgoing. I would try to fix that, but other than that; this personality is fine.

 

The backstory is where this OC really shines though. This is an extremely in-depth backstory that while dark; would make for a very interesting roleplay or fanfiction, and there is plenty of material to use. However, I suggest that if you ever use this OC in a lighthearted or more canon fashion; you should tone down the tragic nature of the backstory.

Anyway, you could also use her opinions of the factions for more personality traits. You should be able to come up with traits that would explain why she feels the way she does about each faction. For example, you could use her opinion of House Stormwing to add in traits that she prefers to do things diplomatically, and that she values authority.

 

Overall, this OC has an alright design, good personality, and an awesome backstory.

 

Grade: C+

[ChikaChan 7,323]

My oc backstory is that she used to be a unicorn, when she was a filly she was found in whitetail woods by Celestia, not willing abandoning her so she took Moonlight to canterlot and adopted her as Celestia's daughter since she never had a daughter before.

Edited January 1, 2015 by Princess_Moonlight

[Mirror Silver Spoon 125]

Why is Harmonic Revelations banned from this?

 

Can you rate mine?

 

 

This is Cupcake.

[Tao 6,802]

Could you look at my oc North:

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/north-r7070

[CosmicMelody2112 209]

....................

Edited April 27, 2023 by CosmicMelody2112

[Will Guide 21,331]

 

Here's his picture; his profile's in my signiture. But here's the link for easier access: 'http://mlpforums.com...ill-guide-r5266

 

It's accurate as of January 22, 2015. I shall wait patiently for your review.

Edited January 29, 2015 by WiiGuy2014

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Why is Harmonic Revelations banned from this?

 

Can you rate mine?

 

 

This is Cupcake.

He is banned from MLP Forums, so there's not too much of a point in reviewing his OC.

[Mirror Silver Spoon 125]

He is banned from MLP Forums, so there's not too much of a point in reviewing his OC.

Oh, what did he do? Harass someone?

[PonyFan101 30]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/brimstone-r6733

 

 

Updated photo is my avatar, and i added an update in the comments

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Oh, what did he do? Harass someone?

I don't know myself, but you could try messaging one of the staff members and ask. I don't know their policy on discussing banned members, but it's worth a try if you really want to know.

[Mirror Silver Spoon 125]

I don't know myself, but you could try messaging one of the staff members and ask. I don't know their policy on discussing banned members, but it's worth a try if you really want to know.

Eh, I am not very interested. I thought you meant he was just banned from the reviews, not the site.

[Hibiscus Bloom 91]

I know there are way too many here, so just cherry-pick one or two

 

Neon Glow

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/neon-glow-r7148

http://perrikara.deviantart.com/art/Neon-Glow-Reference-Sheet-503634328

As I haven't developed his profile yet, I'd like it if you'd only review Neon Glow's appearence and not his personality/backstory if you decide to review him.

 

Hibiscus Bloom

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/hibiscus-bloom-r5491

 

Cocoa Pod

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/cocoa-pod-r6182

 

Dice Venom

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dice-venom-r6180

 

Elixir

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/elixir-r6962

Edited January 2, 2015 by Hibiscus Bloom

[Mirror Silver Spoon 125]

I know there are way too many here, so just cherry-pick one or two

 

Neon Glow

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/neon-glow-r7148

http://perrikara.deviantart.com/art/Neon-Glow-Reference-Sheet-503634328

As I haven't developed his profile yet, I'd like it if you'd only review Neon Glow's appearence and not his personality/backstory if you decide to review him.

 

Hibiscus Bloom

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/hibiscus-bloom-r5491

 

Cocoa Pod

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/cocoa-pod-r6182

 

Dice Venom

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/dice-venom-r6180

 

Elixir

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/elixir-r6962

Lovely picture picture. I like the flower in the mane a lot.

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,671]

I have 3 OCs. Out of the three of them, Erythema's the most complex. Here's a link to her character profile.

[Lektra Bolt 2,337]

I realize you're swamped (That list is huge!) but you haven't said you're temporarily closed yet, so why not gimme some constructive criticism on mine? I hope it's not a problem she doesn't have an accurate picture yet as of this writing.

 

Just @me or quote me when you've got mine. I might not check for a while. 

[Blue Moon 6,336]

I realize you're swamped (That list is huge!) but you haven't said you're temporarily closed yet, so why not gimme some constructive criticism on mine? I hope it's not a problem she doesn't have an accurate picture yet as of this writing.

 

Just @me or quote me when you've got mine. I might not check for a while. 

Closing is for the weak.

 

But yeah, that's fine. It'll probably be a while, but I'll eventually (longest wait time so far is exactly one year) get to your OC. I'll quote you when I do it.

Edited January 3, 2015 by Blue Moon

[Lektra Bolt 2,337]

Thank you very much! No hurry or anything.

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Well...here we go: 

 

 

My OC, Puzzle Piece is right here: 

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/puzzle-piece-r3213

 

 

I've been meaning to get different reviews from different people on her.

 

OC: Puzzle Piece  Owner: WheatleyCore

 

Alright, time to review goggle horse. Puzzle Piece is one of my favorite OC designs that I’ve seen on this site, but I do have one minor suggestion. But before that, I would like to point out what I do like. This OC’s color scheme is rare in that it contains a very bright color (i.e. turquoise), but it manages to balance it out with the rest of the bold color scheme to make sure it doesn’t stand out in a bad way. The turquoise and white look lovely together, and the pink earring makes for an excellent accent color. Another small thing I like is the name; it is very nice sounding and flows well together.

 

Now, for my suggestion. Personally, I think that the bright red of the puzzle piece looks a bit out of place when compared to the rest of the color scheme. Now, don’t get me wrong; I do like the cutie mark; it’s nice looking and simple, but I think it would look better if you changed it to a darker shade of red; maybe with a little bit of magenta thrown in. The color in particular that I had in mind is the darker part of the earring. To me, I think that color looks really good with the other colors. The current color acts as an accent color too, and you generally don’t want to have a lot of accent colors, especially ones different from each other.

 

But apart from that, this is a remarkably well-designed OC and a very cute goggle horse (I also really like the goggles; those were a nice touch that makes your OC much more memorable).

 

Now for the personality; I really like her personality as well. It’s not too complex, but there is just enough to make it different and interesting. I don’t see a lot of OCs interested in science or molecular sciences, but it’s a very nice field to place your OC’s talents in, so good job here. I don’t really have much else to say; everything fits well together, and I like how it fits very well (pun intended) with the cutie mark.

 

As for the backstory; it is pretty good as well, though when looked under the lenses of the show’s canon; it seems unlikely. However, locations in the show have been reduced to ruins before (e.g. Twilight’s treehouse), so it’s still possible, and acceptable in my book. I like that Puzzle Piece’s cutie mark has rippled across her personality and backstory, making for a very unified and well-designed character.

 

There is one small inconsistency present in the backstory though. You say that she returned to her town in after twenty years, yet she is only fifteen. Probably just an overlooked error (or maybe she’s a time traveler), but I still felt it was worth mentioning.

 

Overall, Puzzle Piece is a very well-designed and memorable OC that’s only flaws are very minor and are flaws that I don’t think should bring down Puzzle Piece’s grade.

 

Grade: A+

Edited January 3, 2015 by Blue Moon

[Moonlight 7,279]

OC: Puzzle Piece  Owner: WheatleyCore

 

Alright, time to review goggle horse. Puzzle Piece is one of my favorite OC designs that I’ve seen on this site, but I do have one minor suggestion. But before that, I would like to point out what I do like. This OC’s color scheme is rare in that it contains a very bright color (i.e. turquoise), but it manages to balance it out with the rest of the bold color scheme to make sure it doesn’t stand out in a bad way. The turquoise and white look lovely together, and the pink earring makes for an excellent accent color. Another small thing I like is the name; it is very nice sounding and flows well together.

 

Now, for my suggestion. Personally, I think that the bright red of the puzzle piece looks a bit out of place when compared to the rest of the color scheme. Now, don’t get me wrong; I do like the cutie mark; it’s nice looking and simple, but I think it would look better if you changed it to a darker shade of red; maybe with a little bit of magenta thrown in. The color in particular that I had in mind is the darker part of the earring. To me, I think that color looks really good with the other colors. The current color acts as an accent color too, and you generally don’t want to have a lot of accent colors, especially ones different from each other.

 

But apart from that, this is a remarkably well-designed OC and a very cute goggle horse (I also really like the goggles; those were a nice touch that makes your OC much more memorable).

 

Now for the personality; I really like her personality as well. It’s not too complex, but there is just enough to make it different and interesting. I don’t see a lot of OCs interested in science or molecular sciences, but it’s a very nice field to place your OC’s talents in, so good job here. I don’t really have much else to say; everything fits well together, and I like how it fits very well (pun intended) with the cutie mark.

 

As for the backstory; it is pretty good as well, though when looked under the lenses of the show’s canon; it seems unlikely. However, locations in the show have been reduced to ruins before (e.g. Twilight’s treehouse), so it’s still possible, and acceptable in my book. I like that Puzzle Piece’s cutie mark has rippled across her personality and backstory, making for a very unified and well-designed character.

 

There is one small inconsistency present in the backstory though. You say that she returned to her town in after twenty years, yet she is only fifteen. Probably just an overlooked error (or maybe she’s a time traveler), but I still felt it was worth mentioning.

 

Overall, Puzzle Piece is a very well-designed and memorable OC that’s only flaws are very minor and are flaws that I don’t think should bring down Puzzle Piece’s grade.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

I will probably go back and edit the cutie mark's color, It's just rare for me to draw a full body look of her so I never noticed.    

 

But I will go back and mix up the backstory a bit, thanks a lot! 

[Mirror Silver Spoon 125]

Closing is for the weak.

 

But yeah, that's fine. It'll probably be a while, but I'll eventually (longest wait time so far is exactly one year) get to your OC. I'll quote you when I do it.

Ok, that is fine, though, I will probably forget about it, and it will just come as a surprise to me when you do.

Edited January 4, 2015 by Cupcake1990

[Blue Moon 6,336]

Hi, Blue Moon. I know you did my OC review. So I renewed it and I thought you could review it. Sorry if this is too much of a burden, but here's my OC, Harmony Spark

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/harmony-spark-r3472

 

Thanks!

* worked with me to create this particular review. Thanks!

 

 

OC: Princess Harmony Spark  Owner: Harmony Spark

 

Alright, this is definitely one of the betted designed alicorns I’ve seen, but I do have a few issues with a some parts of the design. First off, the mane colors. Now, blue and turquoise are fine, but I really think that the picture that you provided uses very bright tones of the chosen colors and it’s not very easy on the eyes. Now, this may be just the art itself, but if it accurately portrays what you had in mind; I’d recommend toning down the hair a bit. But apart from the color, the mane style looks fine and goes well with the tail.

 

My next complaint with the design is the eye color. A bright yellow looks really bizarre here, and I suggest opting for a yellowish-tan-ish, or dark gold color. I personally think gold would go well with the purple and white; making for a very regal design.

 

Finally, my last suggestion is to change the cutie mark’s colors. The rainbow does not go well with the rest of the color scheme, and draws too much attention to itself without sharing some with the rest of the design. Perhaps use a dark gold or turquoise to match the highlights of the eyes or hair.

 

Now for the personality. Before I get into the important stuff, I’d like to point out that it would look much better if you wrote “speaks with a British accent” in place of what you put. British isn’t really an actual language, and the language is referred to as English. Better yet though, I don’t think you should use British as there is no Britain in Equestria; perhaps going with something like a Canterlot, Trottingham, or Manehattan accent to better serve canon.

 

Now for the actual personality. What you have right now is pretty generic, and I see these traits in a lot of OCs. However, the fear of bees is unique, so I think you could get some traits out of that. Basically, try to get some interesting and unique traits out of the bees and the backstory. Some of the best traits can be found in things like that.

 

Finally, the backstory. Overall, I’m fine with this backstory; it’s very detailed, makes sense, and is interesting. However, there are a few things I have some problems with. Personally, I find it hard to believe that Celestia would take an Earth Pony as her student just because of art. Celestia teaches magic to unicorns, and Harmony wasn’t a Unicorn, so it made no sense for Celestia to recognize Harmony for her magic and take her up as a student when she knew that Harmony would never do magic unless he happened to make her an alicorn, which doesn’t happen every day. I highly recommend doing something about this part of the backstory, as it is the main complaint I have with it.

 

Apart from that, this backstory doesn’t have a lot of flaws. The only other things I think are odd are Celestia shedding tears and being friends with the Mane 6. Celestia does not cry often (she didn’t even cry when she banished Luna to the moon), so I find it weird that she was moved to tears by a picture. However, you could make the point that Harmony’s backstory took place before Luna was banished, but if this was the case; Harmony shouldn’t have been able to befriend the Mane 6 unless she was immortal.

Speaking of  the Mane 6, I feel that the inclusion of them at the end doesn’t add anything beneficial to Harmony’s character, so I recommend leaving it out.

 

Overall, Harmony is a decent alicorn OC with a few flaws in the design, a generic but functioning personality, and a detailed backstory with one major flaw and some minor ones.

 

Grade: C+

Edited January 21, 2015 by Blue Moon

[Astral Blitzen 469]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r7750 heres my oc so far, ill try to add more images to the profile

[Tao 6,802]

I'd like a nice feed back on my own oc Smokey Gold: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/smokey-gold-r7762

[Astral Blitzen 469]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/astral-blitzen-r7750 heres my oc so far, ill try to add more images to the profile

Here are more images of her

i.imgur.com/TQsWxAM.png

http://i.imgur.com/I2gsMj0.jpg

i.imgur.com/ZytvgdZ.jpg

 

And her marefriend i.imgur.com/KoiYNqz.jpg

[Dulset Tarn 441]

Not my best OC, just tossing him in to see the response :3

 

Name: Harmony Harmony

Race: Earth pony

Talent: Music/assisting

 

Harmony Harmony is an optimistic stallion who makes a living helping others with whatever they need. He's competent at just about anything if he's helping someone else do it, from roofing to cooking to especially playing music. However, he's terrible at accomplishing things on his own. Unsurprisingly, he values cooperation over anything, and despises violence and using force. He has no problem playing second fiddle in all things, including playing the fiddle. When surprised, he says "Oh, love!"

 

He lives his life by the values of Harmony (Loyalty, Generosity, Laughter, Honesty, and Kindness) and keeps to them as much as possible. This can make him rather indecisive during stressful situations, so he does his best to think calmly whenever possible, believing that there is always a right, smart answer that is best for everypony, and that a solution at the expense of someone isn't really a solution at all. His favorite quote is "The efforts of those who work together are greater than any mere magic."

 

He has an unexplained ability (in the vein of Pinkie Sense) to hear the "vibes" of those around him, very simple musical representations of a pony's personality. Near Rainbow Dash, he might hear a quick and bombastic guitar. Near Rarity, he might hear a sophisticated violin waltz. It's not enough to make any deductions about a pony's character before meeting them, but by listening to how different vibes harmonize, Harmony can evaluate the compatibility of two or more ponies. He says that the sound of close friends in harmony is the greatest music of all.

 

Need anything else?