Is Friendship even real?

[TheMarkz0ne 962]

I know this will come off across as a melodramatic thread. But it needs to be addressed because tonight I think i have reached my breaking point on keeping ties with my middle school friends. Seems like life advice, but you all are welcome to talk about your experiences, so it's not just about me.

 

Tonight my "friend" was talking down to me. Like he has been doing for 5 years. I have been incredibly patient and supporting of these people. To make a long story short. I met them in 2006 and we became a group. Things were actually pretty cool when we were young teens. I had some strife between them. It seemed it was all about who could amass the most material goods. It is still like that with us today. There is always something to make fun of. It's not healthy making fun of, it's actually condescending and rude. They always talk about how I'm an idiot, how I cannot do anything right. It's always about my flaws and they never address what I have done good.

 

Last month, a friend called me stupid. He didn't say it with his mouth. I actually made him say it, without him talking. I dropped him off at his home. I said "Am I an idiot?" He paused for 2 seconds, that alone is a yes. He would have instantly said no, he would never have had to take a moment to think if he actually cared and knew about me.

 

He calls me an idiot in my own home. I always bought these people food, drove them without asking for gas money. I always supported them when they needed a guide to talk to. But it was never good enough. They always complain about what I worked for. They think my parents pamper me with everything.

 

So I can't continue anymore. I'm 21 and I think friendship cannot be done. It seems people just use others for temporary gain. I have done it myself. So this makes me question...Is love real? Is sacrifice real? Why do we value these merits, but never carry them out? It is really depressing.

[RainboomCrash 173]

In my experience, friendship is real. The term "friend" gets thrown around way too often and a lot of people just use other people, but I believe that I'm lucky enough to have a few people with whom I have a genuine connection (and none of us use each other). If what you describe is true, your "friends" sound like assholes, and I think you should ditch them and get some new ones.

[Arctic Night 884]

It sounds as if this is an issue specific to you and your "friends" and not necessarily applicable to "friendship" as a whole, but this is not my field so I'm not sure.

Edited May 10, 2014 by King Ghidora

[SwigglySwiggly 358]

Depends if he's insulting you or just playing around.

Me and my best mate beat eachother blue but we love eachother as bros at heart.

He's got my back and I got his. Friends can treat eachother like shit but still love eachother at heart.

 

If it the insults doesn't feel like a joke, then it probably isn't.

 

If you tell your friends that these "jokes" hurt they should understand, they they don't, then they were not friends to start off with.

[Ryzu 984]

Yes, but it's magic. One minute its there; the next its gone. Mainly because of the way some people in this world are, although not everyone is, so yes love is a real thing. Ryan Higa made a valid point in his video about if everyone treated each other like that person was about to die then life would be a much better place.

 

[TheMarkz0ne 962]

In my experience, friendship is real. The term "friend" gets thrown around way too often and a lot of people just use other people, but I believe that I'm lucky enough to have a few people with whom I have a genuine connection (and none of us use each other). If what you describe is true, your "friends" sound like assholes, and I think you should ditch them and get some new ones.

I was actually hurt tonight. Because we were talking about life and human suffering. It was related to how people do not share information and want to benefit mankind. He called me an idiot for denying "science". I always tell him " Why do you just follow orders?" I am telling him to think for himself, instead of going on wikipedia and listening to some douche with a PHD and high tax bracket. I don't care for science because it's not exciting.. It's sterile and is not helping man. He called me an idiot over the chemical properties of baking soda. I told him baking soda can be chemically altered to have negative side effects. He just "Sodium-bicarbonate cannot be altered and you're  a dumb ass bla bla bla" Friends don't do this.

Edited May 10, 2014 by TheMarkz0ne

[DATA EXPUNGED 324]

I have had the exact same problem, my colleges would constantly be reminding myself of the flaws in my design. It had angered me so much. I, much like yourself, began questioning whether or not they were "friends" or if I was just the butt of the joke for their own amusement. This is why I has come to the perfectly reasonable educated guess that I had a flawed definition of "friendship." The term friend is often thrown back and forth. True friends are few and far between. Most people will only have two or three True friends in a lifetime. It is a disheartening thought, but it is a reality that we all must face. Anyway, that is my two cents 

Edited May 10, 2014 by DATA EXPUNGED

[Saphipony 22]

Yes, friendship is real. It just takes the right person to share friendship with. If people are not considerate and just take advantage of you, then they aren't worth associating with. I think you need to cut the ties with those old "friends" you had, and find some that are worth your time. I don't have many "true" friends, but the ones I do have are the best I could ever ask for.

 

In my opinion, friendship really is magic. It sparks happiness and things that are good, much like love does.Some people just have trouble finding it.

Edited May 10, 2014 by Saphipony

[RainboomCrash 173]

I was actually hurt tonight. Because we were talking about life and human suffering. It was related to how people do not share information and want to benefit mankind. He called me an idiot for denying "science". I always tell him " Why do you just follow orders?" I am telling him to think for himself, instead of going on wikipedia and listening to some douche with a PHD and high tax bracket. I don't care for science because it's not exciting.. It's sterile and is not helping man. He called me an idiot over the chemical properties of baking soda. I told him baking soda can be chemically altered to have negative side effects. He just "Sodium-bicarbonate cannot be altered and you're  a dumb ass bla bla bla" Friends don't do this.

Well I don't know too much about science but he sounds like a bit of an asshat. I wouldn't insult my friends unless they said something REALLY stupid, and even then it would just be a joke.

[TheMarkz0ne 962]

I am coming to these conclusions

 

It's my fault and all the people I messed up with, were all my errors

I have come across bad people and it's simply horrid luck

 

 

I am leaning on option #1. Because all the people I dropped ties with, it seems I only had myself to blame. For my behavior, and the fact I'm a non conformist.

Edited May 10, 2014 by TheMarkz0ne

[Dddrgn 450]

You have to pick your friends carefully, people throw the word around too loosely. Yes, friendship exists. I have close bonds with a few people, but only a few. I'm fine with that. There are certain standards i hold my friends to. If they don't meet them, they aren't my friends.

[Carbon Maestro 1,003]

Friendships exist. However, do they last? I think when I moved away from home to go to college, I may be out of touch with my friends, but when I get home 8 months later, we're still friends.

 

There was this famous poem that I read which talked about the difference between being alone VS being lonely. Someone who's alone is in a room by himself. Someone who's lonely has no one to talk to him/her in that room. There's a very big difference.

 

Hence why friendship is real. We might be alone at certain time intervals of our lives, but very, VERY few of us are truly lonely.

 

It's a different take of those above me, but I hope you understand.

[Midnight_Magic 72]

hmmmm I am a bit on the fence about this. I really wan't to believe it does, that sometimes you meet someone that you really click with and things just come together.

 

however I have yet to find this in my life. I have had so called friends steal from me (as in break into my house while I was away and steal all my stuff) I have had them lie to me countless times, and even steal girlfriends. 

 

so I just really don't know anymore. at this point in my life I think its a beautiful thought...but nothing more 

[Zhortac 1,474]

Sometimes I wonder myself. Seems like I don't have any half the time, even my friend of over 20 years, doesn't talk much with me over his other friends. Then again, I also haven't been able to hang out with anyone in over 10 years, and people I talked to on the internet seem to have forgotten me. I understand where you're comming from, it does seem like an illusion sometimes.

[Adorkable 2,737]

Friendship is real, trust me, this fandom has showed me it's more real than anything out there.

 

Listen, I understand what you're going through, it's happened to me several times in my life. But look, just because this little incident has made you question your friendship with your friend, doesn't exactly mean you should give up on it.

 

Whether we like it or not, no friendship is perfect, they will all have their flaws, ups and downs.

 

The thing is, friendship is testing a bond between two beings. Your relationship will have it's trials that you will both have to overcome, it's a team effort, one cannot pull the other and still hope to succeed.

 

Don't give up, friend. Believe in yourself and your buddy, maybe talk it over with him telling him that it upset you, and you didn't appreciate his comment/reaction. Things will work out, don't let the beautiful flower that has become your friendship be bruised with a small incident.

 

I hope this helps you out. ^^ (\

Edited May 10, 2014 by Adorkable

[Khaoios 1,970]

Its real........yet, in my point of view, its hard to find these days b/c technology and anti-sociability.

[Guest]

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Edited November 2, 2016 by Darky

[Scootalove 10,689]

Friendship is real, you just have to pick your friends and who you hang out with wisely. Sometimes, the friends you make could be a mistake depending on the friends.

[simba86 1,541]

real friendship is really hard to find , twilight is lucky to have so many TRUE friends

[Justin_Case001 4,881]

I am coming to these conclusions

 

It's my fault and all the people I messed up with, were all my errors

I have come across bad people and it's simply horrid luck

 

 

I am leaning on option #1. Because all the people I dropped ties with, it seems I only had myself to blame. For my behavior, and the fact I'm a non conformist.

Just based on what you've said in your posts here, I would bet it's option #2.  True friendship is real, but very hard to find.  I am lucky to have a few very close friends, but we don't live in the same states anymore.  From my experience, the vast, vast majority of people in this world are not the kind of people I wish to associate with and have as friends.  Admittedly, I am very pessimistic, but I think also realistic.  I think it's incredibly difficult to find friends with whom there is no drama.  I would say the overwhelming odds are that you just haven't found the right people that you are compatible with.  It's hard, but try to keep your self esteem up and don't blame yourself.

[pony.colin 156]

Hmm,

Friendship is something that everyone will go through, because humans are naturally, sociable creatures. Humans want interaction, most of the time unless they are a sociopath or misanthrope. But you'll go through life and develop friendships because it's a natural thing for humans to interact with one and another and to not feel alone, they're curious creatures afterall and want to know more about things.

 

So friendships, genuine ones, ones that are long lasting because people are committed to keeping their friendships are ones that really require work from both parties and understanding. And I'm not saying just doing favours or such for another, it's because you care enough about the other person to consider their feelings and build up enough knowledge about them to understand them. So it's a really difficult process as well, when you get older and adulthood becomes the thing that preoccupies everyone's mind.

 

It can also be a very fickle thing to acquire as well. The temporary gain or people using you is also a situation that occurs and I often attribute that to another bad habit of humans being fearful of one and another and being taught to try and control others. Not every human is like that though, which is good.

But with genuine long lasting friendships, you'll want to keep them because, you enjoy the happiness you get out of it. The joy of actually spending time with other people.

 

The situation you speak about dropping off your friend and asking him the question, “Am I an idiot?” - how well do you know this friend? Are they someone who would lie to you to make you feel better or are they someone who give you their honest opinion? Reading your answer, it seems you were hoping for the former – the social contract – of passing compliments back to each to make each other feel better, even if it's not true/telling lies to each other. This friend who took two seconds to respond, what type of person are they? In those two seconds, is it possible that maybe they were considering your feelings and was contemplating lying? Or do you know them well enough that you know they would give you their honest opinion on a matter, even at the expense at something that might seem hurtful?

 

At that age (between 17 – 25) people are going through this strife of trying to figure themselves out in the world, this is the age bracket where your political beliefs get ingrained, your view points in life, your understanding of how the world works, preparing yourself for careers and such and so forth. So it's difficult.

 

It depends on what you want to do here on out – you could just start distancing yourself from your current friends and start looking for others. Or you could give it more thought about how upset you are currently are with your situation.

How many friends do you have? Is one of them you are more closer to than the other? Maybe start talking with that other closer friend (if you have it) about what you've said here.

 

Just my two cents.

Edited May 13, 2014 by pony.colin

[Zygen 6,066]

Friendships exist, it just may be that those particular people are not friends. 

 

Sure "Friends" is thrown around a lot, but in reality on a certain group of people will actually hold up to the true friendship thing. 

 

Its hard to find true friendship at times for sure, but its out there, and if you can find it, you have found one of the sweetest things in life. 

 

But don't worry, I ask myself a similar question very often, whether friendship is real, or if its worth it, or if love is real, or any of those things, I question it still sometimes, but It does exist. Its just a matter of finding it, which can take some work.

[Jaytheforth 10]

I know this will come off across as a melodramatic thread. But it needs to be addressed because tonight I think i have reached my breaking point on keeping ties with my middle school friends. Seems like life advice, but you all are welcome to talk about your experiences, so it's not just about me.

 

Tonight my "friend" was talking down to me. Like he has been doing for 5 years. I have been incredibly patient and supporting of these people. To make a long story short. I met them in 2006 and we became a group. Things were actually pretty cool when we were young teens. I had some strife between them. It seemed it was all about who could amass the most material goods. It is still like that with us today. There is always something to make fun of. It's not healthy making fun of, it's actually condescending and rude. They always talk about how I'm an idiot, how I cannot do anything right. It's always about my flaws and they never address what I have done good.

 

Last month, a friend called me stupid. He didn't say it with his mouth. I actually made him say it, without him talking. I dropped him off at his home. I said "Am I an idiot?" He paused for 2 seconds, that alone is a yes. He would have instantly said no, he would never have had to take a moment to think if he actually cared and knew about me.

 

He calls me an idiot in my own home. I always bought these people food, drove them without asking for gas money. I always supported them when they needed a guide to talk to. But it was never good enough. They always complain about what I worked for. They think my parents pamper me with everything.

 

So I can't continue anymore. I'm 21 and I think friendship cannot be done. It seems people just use others for temporary gain. I have done it myself. So this makes me question...Is love real? Is sacrifice real? Why do we value these merits, but never carry them out? It is really depressing.

I'm sorry they're not treating you as you deserve to be treated. Everypony deserves to be treated nicely, with friendship and kindness, and everypony deserves friends that care and love them for who they are. These people are not truly your friends, they're being mean and behaving like bad individuals. You need to break away from them; just stop communicating with them, at all. One way to get rid of bad things is to get away from them, and ignore them, so say far away from them. This is just the first step of the solution, and its a very , very important one. Just stay away, you'll feel better right away. I hope this helps, they'rs so much help that needs to be given <3

[Metemponychosis 1,259]

I think that the problem is really that people don't understand each other. And when they do, they just don't care.

 

It happened so many times to me that I began to think that I'm just broken somehow. You say something genuinely wanting to help or even share that person's pain, wanting to be there with him/her and you get misinterpreted. In the end there is a lot of bitter resentment and the "friendship" if gone because they just don't forgive. People seem to love this "righteous fury" of being wronged.

 

Then there is the people that disagree with you just because you are who you are. It's the saddest thing in the world: people that I know share the same points of view just disagree because it's "that" person saying something.

 

And to make it worse, people don't even realize that they are doing this. And I include myself.

 

I don't know if friendship is real because I never found it. It's like god, to me. A bunch of people say they found it, but it seems like they are deluding themselves from the outside.

[Ribbonfree 2,383]

Friendship is what you make of it, in my opinion. I'm (apparently) naturally very easy to get along with, so I always tend to at the very least make an acquaintance out of others, and I simply enjoy whatever I can out of their company. There are things about almost all of my close friends I find lacking, some things that I could go so far as to say hurt me. But that's my problem, not theirs. See, friendship is a two way street, and you have to hold up your half. Whatever you can give, whatever you can take, that's what defines how friendship works for you. So maybe look at yourself for a bit and figure out what you really want. I'm not trying to be cruel about this, but I'm just saying.

Edited May 14, 2014 by Lil' Strapless