Hat988

Hey, I have an idea! You should state the fundamental idea of the story in one sentence, 40 words or less. It will be really clear to others when explaining what your story is. Also, it will give you something to refer back to when you are writing - to see if you are sticking with the story you planned. Just having it as a guide to keep you on topic is worth its formation alone.

I don't know what season it started (probably after the movie) but the new Simpsons episodes have had some kind of drastic change in comedy which I just can't stand. One episode the family was just sitting in a spa the whole time. There is nothing interesting about it now.

I hope you don't mind some suggestions This is one sentence!! It is too long. See this website on how to use semi-colons ( ; ) properly: http://www.essortment.com/use-semicolon-properly-33063.html You are telling too much so I can't really get involved in the story. Also, there doesn't seem to be a story - just a regular day. This is fine if you just want to practice though. It is usually a good idea to put dialogue on separate lines.

Now that you mention it...

I'll be honest, there is a higher requirement for quality when it comes to human transported to Equestria stories. Because there are so many bad ones, you need to demonstrate right off the bat that yours is one worth reading. You need, at the very least, an excellent first chapter. I didn't get the feeling I wanted to read more. I have suggestions. The description is too vague and uninteresting. Nobody cares about Zoron because nobody has read about him yet. It would be different if this was a sequel. From this, the reader can't judge what the story will contain, especially because Zoron doesn't seem to know anything either.What you should do with a description is, firstly, not have a character name but instead describe the character. For example, a 'disenfranchised plumber' would give the reader a better idea of the story than if you just said 'Luigi'. The description doesn't have to be in the same style of the story itself. Try and narrow down your whole story in one line. It only has to be simple. 'A disenfranchised plumber has lost his memories and attempts to unravel the mystery of his life' already sounds better, even though your character probably isn't a plumber You also need a first line that indicates what the rest of the story would look like. The first sentence could give away the style of narrative voice (how you structure your sentences, maturity, whether humour is involved), character depth (example: his lack of memory) and maybe whether the reader can expect it to have horror/quirky/serious themes. All that being said, you did a good job not to overload on setting and backstory right away and start with action. I just didn't want to read more because I didn't know where the story was headed or what to expect. If you say it is slow in the beginning, fix it instead of having an extra note outside the story to tell us. I hope that helps and isn't offensive

Wow, that's great! You should do one for Granny Smith! Or Smarty Pants!

Dear fellows, you are missing the beautiful commentary of wider society and are focusing too heavily on what this art says about the individual. Judge not only by what this work contains, but also what it omits. The mane and tail are both missing; alas, there is no evidence as to if there was any hair at all. In combination with the nondescript outline of a pony, this indicates to me that the artist is trying to convey a future society of mathematical efficiency and robotocism. Indeed, this very pony may be an equidroid as there is no identifying cutie mark. The ramifications of this pony's sacrifice in the name of efficiency, and, perchance, long life, are shocking. The very technique which has created her so perfectly has sealed her mouth shut. Could this be an accurate trajectory for our civilisation? Is the presence of a single eye enough for a pony to have a soul? The mind boggles.

Posting on Fimfiction, if your story either doesn't get the featured box or isn't shown on Equestria Daily, once it is off the front page that is pretty much the end of it. At the moment, the featured box is pretty much a no-go unless you have a story with sexual innuendo in the title/description for the massive wave of views. Occasionally the programming behind the featured box changes so I would wait until then if you have a story not designed from the ground up to attract attention. When I posted my story, it got the featured box because it was the older version that judged mainly on likes and comments. I found this gave a fairer selection of stories (not just mine, but the other ones on the rotation as well). People can usually judge the better ones so if it is okay it will definitely get a good number of views and likes but I wouldn't expect more than a thousand before it drops off the front page. EqD post stories from Fimfiction too so don't feel restricted to Google Docs if you want to submit there.

If you are referring to the rules that pop up in red after you click 'submit' as a final warning, and not some other error, you are okay.The rule is one-thousand words total in the story, no matter how these words are divided in chapters. You can even have ten chapters with 100 words each or just one chapter with a thousand. These don't include author's notes (deduct them from the word count if you have any). The status of the story doesn't matter. If you want only certain people to view it, there is a field where you can put in a password so when you link your story, the person linked will put in the password and be able to view it before anyone else on the site can (providing the story is unpublished or still in moderation).

Just last week I mustered up the courage to visit her in the store she's in and ask her back to my place. She was wrapped and we sat in the car on the way back not saying a word, just content in our company. I unwrapped her when I got home, saved the receipt and installed her on the motherboard. She is running a bit hot, but that should be expected for a 580 GPU. Every night we have bonding sessions.

Seal Team VI Where do I start. The entire first half of the movie was a team of hulky guys doing push-ups on an aircraft carrier deck. Every few minutes one guy would look over the ocean and have a flashback fade on top of him at 50% opacity as he remembered his dead friend. Somehow everything looked blurry and had a mess of flashy effects to do with contrast and lighting even on the most basic scenes. In every single scene, they were teasing each other in the stereotypical macho bravado way. Great entertainment, really enrapturing. So after fast-forwarding to the 80% mark, they finally get orders for deployment. Cut to push-ups. There is a ten minute montage of trekking through an Afghani desert, running out of water, and general complaining to get to the objective. They are on the high ground and stumble on a situation where terrorists of some sort are about to shoot a random civilian truck driver. Acting like the professionals they are, they argue over the radio whether to save him or 'blow their cover'. There is a whole lot of dramatic dialogue. Truck driver gets shot, then seal team 6 shoots terrorists. They reach the objective (via a cut to the front of some big warehouse at night) and ask the leader how they should go about destroying it/saving some guy/whatever it was they had to do there. He says to just go in and shoot everyone, then he will laser designate the what's-it and exfiltrate. Here comes the big action sequence. Gunfire sound effects. The seal team run around the dark grounds firing back but there are no enemies on screen. I could actually see the orange tips on the plastic guns they were using. For some reason, there are trenches dug out so they hop in them. One guy gets shot but he lives and recovers at the end of the film. The what's-it is laser designated. Cut to low-quality recorded footage of various US jets dropping bombs for five minutes. The team escapes just in time because they leave these things to the last second. There are firecrackers going off everywhere. Push-ups. Reminiscence. American anthem during the credits.

Banned because you posted moments ago.

Poni poni poni poni fall asleep.

7/10 I haven't seen you around but that's probably because I'm new. You are a butterfly after all!

Good luck and welcome!

Yep, change the actions or have the character find out something from another source so you don't have to run the character into the same situation. Edit: With the 'suddenly' problem, I find that tends to be an issue with cause and effect. If you need something to happen but nothing in the story has indicated it should happen, 'suddenly' gets used. In your situation it would be very minor - have Pinkie Pie notice the sky looks like it's just been cleared (some indicator of RD's presence). That way it doesn't seem as surprising she would bump into RD randomly but it is still interesting because you don't yet know why she is there.

I like to read about ponies I know so that includes the mane cast but I don't mind reading about other ponies too as long as they are not absurd OCs. Humans are okay as long as, and it should go without saying, the human is not the author writing to help him imagine himself there. That usually does not make for a good story. The best example I've read of a human story is Name's Ellis.

If you are saying the same words often, I think of the thesaurus as a not-quite solution because it is only repetition in disguise. If there are two happenings in the story that can be described in similar ways (like suddenly bumping into a character), instead of writing them essentially the same but with different words, try coming in to the situation from a different angle. I can't explain it very well so just think of attacking a fortress. Don't use the same strategy twice, check the sides and look for other openings. This way you won't have to use a similar description with replaced words from the thesaurus because it will be different but achieve the same objective. Hope it's clear enough for you to get what I'm trying to say.

You guys have a really neat forum. Some of the simple features here like the notification button and being able to ignore individual signatures should be on every forum. There's more good stuff too like not segmenting the forums too much. I've seen one place add so many sub-forums that it ended up looking like there was no activity because everything was too distributed. So good job!