Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

[Castle Bleck 19,333]

(Judge) Discord: "Order in the court!"

Edited August 31, 2016 by A.V.

[BlinkZ 1,151]

Twilight 'Hey where Starlight?" *Parry the platpus theme here*

[Holy Sword Excalibur 87]

Twilight 'Hey where Starlight?" *Parry the platpus theme here*

That's actually a good question. Probably out stealing cutie marks.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Dr.Egoshire

[Singe 2,111]

Rarity: Spike I need you to dig out the gems from Opal's sand box.

 

Sunset Shimmer: Now clop! I mean clap! Clap with your hands!

 

Pinkie Pie: So Cranky....how many party poppers did Matilda pop on your special night?

Edited August 31, 2016 by Singe

[IsraelYabuki 441]

Spike: Twilight this isn't working out. See ya

[Miles 2,512]

Applejack: "Sorry, I don't drink."

 

~ Miles

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

Twilight: I really need to get this OCD checked out

 

Rainbow: sucks (instead of stinks)

 

Pinkie Pie: and I thought G3 had no plot

 

Rarity: I should have known jewel-encrusted toilet seats were a bad idea

 

Applejack: we need more robots

 

Fluttershy: I'm gonna force angel to make sweet, sweet love to this tomato, while I record it

[Singe 2,111]

Discord: Come on, these aren't the characters you're suppose to play. Spike is a roided up dragon suffering from the side effect of a small tail and Big Mac is suppose to be the Caitlyn Jenner Princess Alicorn.

Discord: I would take us to one of those naughty clubs but the ponies outside give it away for free.

Discord: Considering this show's rating, my expectations for guys night is very low.

Spike: We play evil aligned characters in the game. I'm an evil wizard that mind control a Princess Alicorn to be my wife and Big Mac over here...slaughters.
Big Mac: *Hoof slams table.* I make orphans for breakfast!

Edited September 3, 2016 by Singe

[Truffles 2,033]

Big Mac: *Hoof slams table.* I make orphans for breakfast!

OK... Picturing Big Mac saying that is pretty hilarious, actually! XD

[Singe 2,111]

Discord: The princess alicorn is in the next room. Who ever rescues her first will be her groom.

Spike: I'm sure we can work out a reasonable...

Big Mac: *Hoof slams table.* I'll take his head!

Discord: Ooooooo, I'm so giddy.

Spike: What?!

Discord: *Rolls dice.* 20. Spike is now headless and out of the game. You can now save the princess Big Mac.

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

Discord: The princess alicorn is in the next room. Who ever rescues her first will be her groom.

Spike: I'm sure we can work out a reasonable...

Big Mac: *Hoof slams table.* I'll take his head!

Discord: Ooooooo, I'm so giddy.

Spike: What?!

Discord: *Rolls dice.* 20. Spike is now headless and out of the game. You can now save the princess Big Mac.

 

Sheesh, Big mac has no chill

 

In regards to the episode from today

 

Applejack: How was your new Buckball trainer?

 

Pinkie Pie: *whimpering* Rule number one about Popo's training: don't talk about Popo's training!

[Brony Mata 134]

Button Mash: Random Crtiz are fair and balanced

[heavens-champion 1,905]

Discord: I prefer order. It's a lot... cleaner.

[Sarge Sixteenbit 287]

Discord: I prefer order. It's a lot... cleaner.

 

well, technically, if he inverted colors for the sake of sarcasm again...

 

Pinkie: Did you say something, Twilight? I was thinking about what other third-party franchises we should have as background characters.

[Singe 2,111]

Fluttershy: Well, I'm opposite Fluttershy. I'm tired of being nice and timid. Now, go make me a sandwich!

Discord: Well someone still has future character development episodes.

 

Discord: *Rolls 20.* And you successfully burn down the entire village.

Big Mac: *Hoof slams table.* I make homeless for lunch!

 

Applejack: Crack that whip. Give the past a slip. Step on a crack. Break your granny's back. Whip it good.

 

Fluttershy: You touch me. I punch you.

 

Discord: Doesn't Big Mac have a house call to make with some single pony?

Big Mac: *Embarrassed and sweats.* Uh......nope.

 

Discord: I play an evil archer that put an entire kingdom in turmoil by taking out the last royal lineage.

Rainbow Dash: I'm an evil assassin rouge that is seeking revenge against the one who stole my target.

Pinkie Pie: I'm an evil jester that tortures others for my own amusement. Also I'm Big Mac's lover.

Big Mac: *Hoof slams table.* I'm gonna wreck it!

Pinkie Pie: Yes, dear. We'll have our fun and wreck that orphanage later.

 

Cherry Jubliee: Howdy boys, welcome to Cherri Hothel. What will be your pleasure today?

Spike: Pass.

Pinkie Pie: Pass.

Rainbow Dash: Pass.

Big Mac:.......

Discord: Come on, I spent all night coming up with this.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I have a copy of the popular fan-fiction I heard so much about that even the author hates it.

Rainbow Dash: Well, read a bit of it.

Twilight Sparkle: Daring-Do is trapped on a sinking ship when tentacles spring up  *GASP*

Rainbow Dash: Why did you stop?

Twilight Sparkle: Let's just read from another part. Daring Do in the room with Don Torlito begins to *GASP*

Rainbow Dash: Twilight.

Twilight Sparkle: Sorry. Daring Do shackled in chains. No. Daring Do bound to a table. No. Daring Do opens her mouth. No. Daring Do in the bath. No. Rainbow Dash and Daring Do.

Rainbow Dash: Read that.

Twilight Sparkle: No.

Rainbow Dash: Just let me see. *Reads and GASP*

Twilight Sparkle: Spike. I don't know what's worse: the fact that you lied to me or you somehow killed off half Ponyville's population.

 

DJ Pon-3: Oy, who said you could play this crap on my speakers.

 

Applejack: I'm telling you, Equestrian Kingdom is asking for trouble forcing this integration of ponies with non-ponies.

 

*Meanwhile in Equestria Girls world.*

Spike: So what do you think of the idea of a guys night, Big Mac?

Big Mac: Git out of here! *Chases Spike away making him cry.* If I catch you digging around in our yard again, it'll be your last!

 

Applejack: Spike no matter what you do, all dragons are destined on a one way trip to hell.

Edited September 4, 2016 by Singe

[Brony Number 42 10,069]

Twilight: The movie was better than the book.

[cmarston1 5,959]

Rarity: Oh dear something unbelievably dreadful has happened.

Twilight: What is it this time?

Rarity: It appears that Pinkie Pie has been possessed by some sort of demon and is currently wrecking havoc all over Ponyville.  She also mentioned something about assaulting virgins and bathing in their blood.

Rainbow Dash: Why are worrying about this?  I am pretty sure that you of all ponies should be safe.

Rarity: :-o

Edited September 5, 2016 by cmarston1

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: Dear, Princess Celestia. Today I found out it's okay to be intolerant. Friends have to accept who you truly are or they're just hypocrites who are no true friends. It's okay to not give into the peer pressures of political correctness and not having to force yourself to lie about your true beliefs. Still you are responsible to maintain a level of control and have dignity to not look like public enemy number one. Everyone is intolerant in their own way, including Twilight who is intolerant of individuality and free will.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned there are actual limits to friendship and I keep relearning the same lessons over and over and over and over and over. You get the point. I'm pursuing a new path coming up with other ideas to push pass the limits of friendship but my friends have gotten very uncomfortable and embarrassed by my advances. I will not give up. There has to be one pony willing to go all the way for the sake of friendship.

 

Rainbow Dash: Dear Princess Celestia. Can you please do something about Twilight? She has been riding my *** all year ever since she came to Ponyville. Twilight won't let me do anything I want and always guilt trips me into doing what she wants while claiming it's best for the whole group. She is such a slave driver, I do not buy the idea that Spike is not a slave.

Edited September 6, 2016 by Singe

[cmarston1 5,959]

Mr Cake: I'm Gonna Jump!

Mrs. Cake: Don't do it! You have so much to live for.

Pinkie Pie: Yeah! Think of the poor octuplets.

Mr Cake: WHAT!

Mrs Cake: Did I forget to mention that I'm pregnant again? Oh dear.

Mr Cake: OH HAY NO! I am definitely not going through with that, especially seeing how I don't even know if they are mine or not.

                (Jumps)

Edited September 6, 2016 by cmarston1

[Crusaders Forever 88]

Rarity: I'm closing all Boutiques and quitting the fashion business.

[OmegaBeamOfficial 622]

Applejack: Dear, Princess Celestia. Today I found out it's okay to be intolerant. Friends have to accept who you truly are or they're just hypocrites who are no true friends. It's okay to not give into the peer pressures of political correctness and not having to force yourself to lie about your true beliefs. Still you are responsible to maintain a level of control and have dignity to not look like public enemy number one. Everyone is intolerant in their own way, including Twilight who is intolerant of individuality and free will.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned there are actual limits to friendship and I keep relearning the same lessons over and over and over and over and over. You get the point. I'm pursuing a new path coming up with other ideas to push pass the limits of friendship but my friends have gotten very uncomfortable and embarrassed by my advances. I will not give up. There has to be one pony willing to go all the way for the sake of friendship.

 

Rainbow Dash: Dear Princess Celestia. Can you please do something about Twilight? She has been riding my *** all year ever since she came to Ponyville. Twilight won't let me do anything I want and always guilt trips me into doing what she wants while claiming it's best for the whole group. She is such a slave driver, I do not buy the idea that Spike is not a slave.

To be honest I can see the first two lines being said... Not sure about the third one.

[Singe 2,111]

Sunset Shimmer: Truth or Dare?

Rarity: Dare.

Sunset Shimmer: Go take a selfie in front of the bathroom mirror while...

Rarity: Oh, I get your game. You want me to take one of those expose your-selfie. I'll do it in my undergarments nothing more. *Leaves.*

Applejack: Were you really going to ask her to do that?

Sunset Shimmer: I was going to make her take one without makeup on.

 

Luna: So have you thought about your career choice?

Fluttershy: Oh yes, I'm going to join PETA and fight for animal rights through violent means.

 

Rainbow Dash: Hey Fluttershy, what happen to all your animal pals?
Fluttershy: Oh, I've been so addicted to this Pokemon GO that all my pets left me.

Edited September 8, 2016 by Singe

[BlinkZ 1,151]

Applejack: I love doing jumping jacks..
Rainbow: screw the wonderbolts (I wish!)
PInkie pie: meh muffins are kind of more filling
Fluttershy: it's open season! *holds up shotgun* "bunny season*

[Singe 2,111]

Applejack: Did you see the way Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie played?

Rainbow Dash: Oh yeah, they're going to impress their special some ponies.

Applejack: I was talking about them playing the game.

Rainbow Dash: Are you sure? Seems you're trying to hook up Braeburn.

Applejack: Rainbow Dash, get your head out of bed.

Rainbow Dash: Jokes on you, my head was on Spitfire's desk.

 

Braeburn: *Throws hat on the ground.* For the love of gravy and biscuits, Applejack knows I have a thing for tails and she went ahead to get a Pegasus that keeps distracting me with that tail.

 

Braeburn: New plan, you cover yourself in baked goods to distract the pink one and you dress as a cute animal to distract the yellow one.

 

Snails: Um, I'm going to have to quit. You four always talking about your impressive feats with balls has made me lose to much blood through my nose.

 

Rainbow Dash: How about a nickname Snails? Mr. Bucket.

Snails: Neat. I just thought of a catchy song. "Mr. Bucket my.....uh pops out of my mouth."

Applejack: What do you mean all future concerts are canceled?

Manager: I heard what you did to Countess Coloratura from her former manager.

Applejack: All I did was bring out her true self.

Manager: You brainwashed her. The big wigs in the music industry didn't like what happen. So they are pulling out of Ponyville and cutting all future concerts.

Applejack: Fine, we'll get something else to come here.

Manager: You would be better off with local talent. The other entertainment industries caught wind of Countess Coloratura and they're also cutting future appearances in Ponyville.

Applejack: That's okay, we can travel.....

Manager: About that, you've also been banned.

Twilight Sparkle: A lawyer has just filed a class action lawsuit against us.

Applejack: Who ordered it?

Twilight Sparkle: Lightning Dust.

Rainbow Dash: Why?

Fluttershy: Rainbow Dashed her dreams.

Pinkie Pie: Ha. Good one.

Rarity: Well, I for one am not ready to pay out.

Rainbow Dash: Just give me five minutes with her.

Applejack: Are you planning to threaten her with assault?

Rainbow Dash: No.

Twilight Sparkle: The law forbids us to from communicating without the presence of a lawyer. However that won't change anything, as this is a class action lawsuit which allows others to join in.

Applejack: Well I count on Flim Flam being in on it.

Rarity: Hold on, can't Princess Celestia do something about it?

Twilight Sparkle: The courts are independent of the Princess authority, Even my position doesn't give me special status in the courts.

 

Lawyer Badger: Spitfire, we have evidence to show that you solely punished Lightning Dust because you were only saving your own flank. Twilight Sparkle was there. May I remind you, that you are under an oath of truth.

Spitfire: *Sigh.* It's true.

Crowd: *Gasp.*

Spitfire: Princess Celestia's student Twilight Sparkle was there. If Twilight Sparkle informed Princess Celestia of the incident, she would have saw me as incompetent and removed me from my position. So in order to sweep this under the rug, I elevated Rainbow Dash and gave her a pass on her part in the incident.

Pinkie Pie: That's not how you cut cake. Here let me show how to cut a cake like I do with ponies.

 

Applejack: Oh right, I'm the one that tooted!

 

Rarity: I just want to let you all know ahead of time that I will nor hesitate to sacrifice you all for eternal youth.

 

Fluttershy: I'm going to punch anyone I see wearing a fur coat.

Rarity: Eeep.

 

Fluttershy: Behind my house over that hill is my pet cemetery. Don't bury anything there unless you want it to come back to life.

 

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash, you need to stop with the energy drinks. You're addicted.

Rainbow Dash: NEVER!

Edited September 14, 2016 by Singe

[bluseymoe 258]

Pretty much any character on the show: "Right after I stick this red hot poker in my eye I'm gonna go chop my own legs off and rub salt in the wounds!"

 

That was easy. I garuntee you that's a line you'll never hear out of any characters mouth. Actually I don't think anyone who has ever lived in the history of the world has ever said that sentence right there. Well, maybe GG Allin, but literally no one else.