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Lines you'll never catch FIM characters saying.

Singe

By Singe, User

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Singe

Singe 2,109

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Starlight Glimmer: Twilight wants me to make some friends. I can do that. Let's see, I could make some friends out of inanimate objects like toys. Talking toys, that's a silly concept. Maybe I could bring some fictional characters to life. That would be easy but they would be so one dimensional and easy to read. I guess that means I'll have to talk to actual ponies which might need some kind of mind control. Screw it, I'll raise the dead. 

 

Twilight Sparkle: So let me get this straight Applejack. You saw Starlight Glimmer having a conversation with your parents. That's amazing.

Applejack: I'm not happy about that as you are.

Twilight Sparkle: Oh, right.

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Pineapple Bloom
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Vinyl Scratch: *insert any line in existence here*

Castle Bleck
Castle Bleck

King Sombra: "Actually, I've always had a rather-extensive vocabulary -- not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar, and a superlative command of syntax... I simply chose not to employ them."

Singe
Singe

Tirek: I eat magic and fart wishes. Twilight Sparkle: Could you read this for me? Discord: I'm making a logical decision. Applejack: I hate apples. Rarity: I am the goddess of gaudy.  

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RDDash

RDDash 18,866

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie I can't believe you waisted all of our money on sweets, now what we are supposed to do to help out Griffinstone? How are we supposed to go back? 

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Singe

Singe 2,109

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Rarity: I think it's time for me to get to work on those fancy pants. Now drop them.

 

Applejack: That's it, Granny! You're going to the old folks home!

Granny Smith: No please, not that. They'll eat me alive over there!

 

Queen Chrysalis: What can a pathetic joke of princess like you do beside raising the sun?

Celestia: This old horse still knows a few tricks. Solar Flare! *Blinds everyone else in the room.* Oops, I'm still working on that.

 

Luna: What sort of contest is this?

Pinkie Pie: This is a contest about the best pony that can shake their moon. 

Luna: I see. Then I will shake my moon. *Shakes the moon in the sky rapidly.* Did I win? I better since many have died at sea just now.

 

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Luigi

Luigi 7,868

Shining Armor: HEY!!! PINK TOP!!!!

Fluttershy: SIR!

Shining Armor: What do they call you, maggot?

Fluttershy: I'm........ Fluttershy.

Shining Armor: CADET FLUTTERSHY!!!! WHY IS A RUNT LIKE YOU HERE!!!!!!!

Fluttershy: To help Equestria overcome King Sombra!

Shining Armor: THAT IS DELIGHTFUL TO HEAR!!!! YOU'D BE A GOOD LIGHT SNACK FOR HIM!!!!!! ROW THREE!!!!!!! Now, WHAT DO WE HAVE OVER HERE?

Rainbow Dash: I'm Rainbow Dash from Cloudsdale, sir!

Shining Armor: And why are you here, cadet?

Rainbow: To join the Royal Guard sir. The best of the best!

S.A.: That's nice! You wanna live in the Canterlot Royal Palace, do ya?

Rainbow: Yes.

(S.A. bonks Rainbow in the head with his newspaper)

S.A.: Well I got some news for you, Recruit. IF YOU CAN'T HANDLE THIS, RAINBOW DASH, THEN FORGET ABOUT JOINING THE ROYAL GUARD! (Moves to the next pony) WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE, YOU SMILING IDIOT?!

Pinkie Pie: Pinkie Pie at your service from the Rock Farm. I aim to join the Royal Guard and give live and limb in service to her majesty!

S.A.: Well then, that makes you an idealistic fool, and a rube. You want the truth? The only use the Princess has for your life and limbs are for scrubbing TOILET SEATS. HEY YOU!!! You're up next!

Starlight Glimmer: Oh, me? (Gives her salute with the wron hoof) SIR!!! STARLIGHT GLIMMER FROM SIRE'S HOLLOW SIR!!!

(S.A. grabs Starlight by the head and raises her up a bit)

S.A.: You have it backwards, Starlight Glimmer! That was the first thing you were taught! The salute represents the will in your heart to fight for the safety of our kingdom. IS YOUR HEART ON YOUR RIGHT SIDE?

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Singe

Singe 2,109

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(edited)

Starlight Glimmer: To be honest, you really haven't been good at protecting Equestria.

Celestia: Oh, I'm sorry I don't have an all powerful magical crystal to help me. I just have to make do with only my magic.

 

Luna: I will be at my vacation palace on the Moon. It's called the Silver Millennium.

 

Rarity: You know what they say. The more successful clothes is less material and more skin.

 

Sunset Shimmer: Wow, Rarity. How could you afford to take us to this fancy place?

Rarity: Oh I just sold Flash, Twilight's measurements.

Twilight Sparkle: You did what?!

 

Rarity: Now that I've finished measuring each of you. I now know I wasted my time since we all have the exact same measurements.

 

Twilight Sparkle: I had a bad dream where all my friends were only pretending to be friends with each other for my sake and in realty hated each other. Weird isn't it?

Pinkie Pie: *Whisper to Rainbow Dash.* Psst. She's on to us.

 

 

Edited by Singe
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CypherHoof

CypherHoof 26,479

52 minutes ago, Will Guide said:

Teremar: I hate my parents for divorcing and forcing me to choose between being a Hippogriff on land and a seapony under the sea!

Parents: We're not divorced; you are just an angsty teen and we are trying to spend less time with you...

but at least we haven't sent you off to a fake "friendship school" in a foreign country like we did your sister...

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RDDash

RDDash 18,866

(edited)

Twilight Sparkle: Enough is enough, I've had it with mother effin Storm King airships invading this mother effin capital city. raises a hoof. Load the 13 pounder! We are about to blow up the effin airship

 

Edited by R.D.Dash
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CypherHoof

CypherHoof 26,479

11 minutes ago, R.D.Dash said:

Twilight Sparkle: Enough is enough, I've had it with mother effin Storm King airships invading this mother effin capital city. raises a hoof. Load the 13 pounder! We are about to blow up the effin airship

 

Pinkie: hold on Twi, I will have to unload the cake first....

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Flutterstep

Flutterstep 46,288

Fluttershy: Which do you think will lead us home? Writing about this war or fighting it? No one will ever read this! :angry:

If you lack the stomach to kill for your country... at least show me that you are willing to die for it. pKJ4Bl6.png

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RDDash

RDDash 18,866

Sunset Shimmer: Do you know what the greatest lie in Equestria Starlight, friendship

Starlight Glimmer: Oh yeah totally, I am just pretending so I could get those wings.

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CypherHoof

CypherHoof 26,479

24 minutes ago, HereComesTom said:

Celestia:  Hey, new guy!  Your orientation meeting today is about...that kind of orientation, which must now be surgically removed:  I only staff my palace with geldings!  BRING OUT THE LOPPING SHEARS, FELLAS!!!

Pretty sure half the fandom would support that if it is the Waifu Thief :)

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