Judge your OC

[NekromantiaFox 270]

Welcome one and all!!!!

 

I've been writing a specifically involved (Rated R) fiction series and it seems I'm missing a specific amount of main characters. You see, I have four main character slots........and only one has been filled as of late. I'm giving you a chance to apply your OC for this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. All ponies that apply will also be judged by my friend and I so that you can know exactly what we like and dislike about your OC. Even if your just interested and crave a bit of oppinion, you'll still get a chance very few are ever offered.

 

About the writer:

 

I've been working with writing projects for many years and quite a few of my short peices have been published....though normally only in articles. I'm currently working on a novel alongside this project.

 

Conditions (what you will be judged on):

* OCs must be 100% origional

* OCs should not be mary sues

* OCs must have evolved personalities and interesting stories

* OCs should be as unique in appearance as possible

* It is prefered that OCs are not created with pony creator, but this is not a rule

* OCs must be created by the person presenting him/her (no stealing)

 

Application form:

 

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Appearance:

Refrence (image):

Personality:

Backstory:

 

Your OC will be deeply analyzed and critisized. Please do not take offence if you recieve harsh feedback on your character, it is never personal.

 

Main characters:

* Alora (myself)

*

*

*

 

And may luck grace your imagination!!!

 

For more information about lower-level featured positions, Click here: http://mlpforums.com/topic/36621-your-lucky-day-click-here/

Edited October 23, 2012 by Alora

[PonyEcho 1,610]

hmmm since no one else as decide to have there OC judged i'll step in

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/whirlwind-r1650

go nuts.

Just try to avoid hurting Whirlwinds feelings, hes a very sensitive pony

[NekromantiaFox 270]

hmmm since no one else as decide to have there OC judged i'll step in

http://mlpforums.com...whirlwind-r1650

go nuts.

Just try to avoid hurting Whirlwinds feelings, hes a very sensitive pony

 

Sure thing, I'll be sure to go easy on him. If you don't mind, I would prefer you use the form provided next time to save time, but this is perfectly allright with me considering the lack of attention to this thread XD

[Marathon 562]

id like you to take a look at my two OCs i have right now. I havent posted thier backstories yet but i will. Both are original, i have pics i drew myself and pony creator ones as well so go ahead and look. feed back is always welcomed.

[Lost Profile 644]

what the hay.... check mine out...

Name: Shade Bluewind

Age: 17

Gender: F

Appearance: gray coat, black and green mane, green eyes, thundercloud blue lightning strike cutie mark.

Refrence (image):

Personality: timid, shy, a bit anti social, not afraid to get into things, doesn't like other ponys other then friends,...

Backstory:

 

She doesn't know where she comes from, who her parents were, or what her name is. All she knows is that she was found in the sewers of manehatten as a young filly, but that still doesn't tell her much. Her coat was dark gray, and her hair was black and green, she went by the name Shade Bluewind.

She was a young filly in the thieves guild, along with other fillies and colts. The young ponys were trained to crawl into small windows and air vents to steal as much as they could without attracting attention. Shade was relatively good at this, she was never caught, and she could basically disappear into the shadows. The older thieves treated them all like family, except shade was a bit antisocial and she liked to do things her own way. As they got older, shade watched as her "brothers and sisters" got cutie marks with something to do this thievery, such as: stealth, speed, distraction, and light hooves. Shade was now 12 years old and was still a blank flank, but she was determined to get her cutie mark. Soon enough, she started getting caught and being put in jail. After some time she left the guild and adventured equestria to find out who she really is!

A year has passed and now shade is 13 years old, she was still a blank flank. She arrived at cloudsdale, she knew she would find something there. She didn't like being antisocial and wanted to make some friends, but she was too shy. She sees a yellow Pegasus who seemed shy as well. Shade popped her head out of the clouds and said "hi". The yellow Pegasus was startled to see a pony talk to her. Shade then said "um... Hi I'm.... I'm... Shade. what's yours?" The yellow Pegasus replied "oh... Hello... I'm... I'm flutershy" flutershy and shade became friends. A few days later, shade saw flutershy being picked on by some other ponys. As much as she wanted to help her out, she couldn't she didn't want to get involved. All of a sudden a blue rainbow Pegasus swoops in front of flutershy backing her up. Shade watched closely seeing as they got ready to race. Seeing this rainbow Pegasus race really got shade pumped, she sees how fast they were going, she was really liking what she was watching. Then the Sonic rainboom happened! Shade saw that rainboom and was inspired to start speed racing! She wanted to get into it right away! And that's what she did, she got on the racetrack and started going around it fast. Shade had never had a taste of speed, but she liked it! She flew up high and started diving, she was going fast, but then lost control. She was going at hi speed but had no control over it. She slammed into a thundercloud witch created a POWERFUL lightning strike... It stunned everypony that was there, nopony had seen such a powerful lightning strike. With all the attention shade was getting, she thought that maybe she was meant to create powerful lightning strikes like that all around equestria, and that's when her cutie mark appeared!

Years went by and shade was creating powerful storms around equestria! But she wasn't needed that much because she could only do powerful storms at cloudsdale around fall and winter. So shade moved to ponyville to rest and make some new friends, and that when she remembered flutershy. She hasn't seen flutershy since she had gotten her cutie mark. But shade didn't really want to think about it. She unpacks her stuff and moves into her new house in ponyville. And thus begins her new life!

 

 

may be a rip of rainbow dash... in looks... but has a kind of a different personality... so hit me

 

(my longest post EVER)

[SonOfTheNorthe 412]

Bleh. I've got an OC, but it's made with pony creator.

Also, absolutely no backstory except for "He grows beans."

But hey, at least he's not a black and red alicorn!

 

 

http://i.imgur.com/IpISP.png

 

[NekromantiaFox 270]

Well well, I'l get to all of these as soon as possible, but a deep analysis takes a little while. Won't be too long though, I assure you.

[Midnight Seeker 302]

Name: Midnight Seeker

 

Age: Early 20's

 

Gender: Male

 

Appearance: Black fur, with brown mane and tail. His unicorn horn is black but he has a pair of ram horns that are the colour of bone. He has dark blue eyes. He is often smiling and in good humour. His cutie mark is a star obscured by a cloud showing his love for hidden lore

 

Reference (image): See my Avatar

 

Personality: A bit weird by the standards of most, but well mannered and good natured. Seeker does have the habit of playing up his creepy evil pony reputation, but only as a joke. He does have a good sense of humour and loves to play host. He has a strong love of the night and often sleeps during the day (he gets really grumpy when forced to be awake in day time). He's a bit of a loner and gets really nervous when he is the focus of too much attention. He mostly keeps to himself and keeps in contact with others through letters. He adores creepy and strange things and loves learning secrets.

 

He never calls on Celestia (as in "Oh my sweet Celestia") but say things like "by the Rising Moon!" and "Oh my Darkest Mare!".

 

Back-story:

(http://mlpforums.com/topic/32943-disciples-of-nightmare-moon-my-orginal-characters/#entry769025)

 

Full story: Seeker was born in small village not to far away from Manehatten. He comes from a family of unicorns. Ever since he was a filly, he was seen as a strange one. He enjoyed reading ghost stories and old legends. He never liked singing and playing the games other young ponies liked. He grew up, liked by some, but close to no one but his grandfather.

After his grandfather died, he left Seeker a special book. Seeker read it and left home he next day.

 

Following its advice, he preformed a dark ritual to grant himself hidden knowledge. This was how he learned of the Djinn and how to deal with them. Shortly after, he was approached by Mother Eldritch and invited to join the Disciples of Nightmare Moon. He formed a close friendship with the angry Pegasus Sunset Dreamer and became very friendly with the rest of the disciples (although he hated Vortex and did his best to avoid him).

 

When Nightmare Moon changed back to Luna the order was confused and shocked. Seeker who had looked forward to the change fell into a small depression. When Celestia came to the order, she promised them that their vigil was over and that she could give them a normal life again. Most of the Disciples took her up on that offer, and only five declined. Seeker made it clear that the path he had chosen was the path that gave him happiness. Although the change would never happen, he was still happy with who he was and was still loyal to the family (the nickname the Disciples call themselves).

 

Seeker was given control of the Disciple archives, a large mansion that stands on the top of the Thunder Mountains. He does his own research and happily corresponds with the other Disciples and a few ponies with an small interest in the same matters. He misses Sunset Dreamer.

He has a pet spider called Dancer.

[Courageous Thunder Dash 7,824]

I have my OC. I spent so much time changing things about him

 

 

Name: Thunder-Dash

Age: 18

Gender: Male

Type: Alicorn

Appearance: Yellow fur, yellow and black striped mane pattern. Blue electric stripe around neck blue hooves

Personality: Despite his electric abilities, he is a humble alicorn. Known as a "closet hero", meaning he does heroic deeds, but not many ponies know him. He is very joyful and always wants to help. However, he has a problem with self-doubt and sometimes when he is reminded who he is, that self-doubt quickly turns into pride, which is why sometimes he has to learn the hard way. Nonetheless, he takes it well and does not neglect the lesson. He has a slight anger problem, where he loses control of his electric abilities, which might result in somepony being in danger. He is very brave as well and loves to laugh.

Backstory: He is actually the brother of Rainbow-Dash. He was born nameless, until the day he earned his cuite mark, when he rescued Rainbow-Dash from a terrible storm. During the rescue, he was struck by lightning. Alicorns and Pegasus usually go down when struck by lightning, but not Thunder Dash. For some reason, he was immune to the lightning strike. His cutie mark is a golden thunder cloud with branched lightning bolts. (I used a pony maker and they had a limited selection of cutie marks unfortunately).

 

That's basically it about my OC

Edited October 24, 2012 by Thunder-Dash

[Nightfall 3,950]

*Snip*

 

Conditions (what you will be judged on):

* OCs must be 100% origional

* OCs should not be mary sues

* OCs must have evolved personalities and interesting stories

* OCs should be as unique in appearance as possible

* It is prefered that OCs are not created with pony creator, but this is not a rule

* OCs must be created by the person presenting him/her (no stealing)

 

Application form:

 

Name: Nightfall

Age: 24 Years Old, Human Years

Gender: Male

Appearance: Deep Blue Alicorn, Black Mane; Exotic Wings, Normal Horn; He is tall for his age, and tends to stick out of a crowd considering his very regular injuries.

Refrence (image):

 

 

 

 

Personality: Headstrong, yet can and will give in to friend's demands if he sees that their view point is better than his. Learned, and likes certain good books, plays, songs, and movies.

Backstory: (Basing this off of an RP I'm in as Nightfall) Nightfall grew up mostly in an orphanage in Canterlot after he lost his parents when he was six. At the age of sixteen, he left the orphanage and traveled to Manehatten to become a police officer. Over the next eight years, he built himself up until he became a police captain. Then, mysteriously, there was a villian outbreak, many demons appeared (and a few are left, but most are gone), and almost all of the police force disappeared. He and the rest of the cops and some of his friends (heroes and the like, one of which is his marefriend) are tasked with defending the now mostly ruined Manehatten and restoring it. (RP: Need for Heroes. Nightfall has learned to plan ahead and help others rather than just running around, shooting guns and killing baddies. In the first "three days" in the RP, Nightfall alone was almost killed at least five times.)

 

*Snip*

Edited October 24, 2012 by Nightfall

[Silverwisp the Bard 2,353]

Here's Joan, feel free to dig in.

I also wrote a short story about how she got her post (link in my signature).

Could we get a quick rundown on what your story will be about?

[Vinyl Scratch (Filly)™ 936]

Name: Viola Soulstrings

 

Age: 21

 

Gender: Female

 

Appearance: Earth Pony. She has a curly, candy pink mane and tail, light blue fur and beautiful teal eyes.

 

 

Refrence (image):

 

 

Personality: She is fun, softly spoken, but not shy at all and she always backs her friends up in their time of need.

 

Backstory:Her parents live in Canterlot but Viola always believed that she never did fit in there, so on her first chance she got at the age of 17 she decided to move somewhere else, somewhere where she fit in well with other ponies like herself. Viola moved to Manehatten in the end where she met a lovely mare named Octavia, Octavia was classical musician she played the cello. The two mares got talking over a glass of wine and they became brief friends (Octavia was only stopping in Manehatten for a week), Octavia got Viola to fall in love with the classical arts and so she decided to take Violin lessons.

 

Suffice to say Viola mastered the Violin amazingly even surprising her tutor, on the day of her final practical exam for her tuition Viola passed with a perfect score, that is the day Viola received her Cutie mark a Quaver (Musical Note). When Viola plays her Violin ponies can not help but to stand and listen, she pours all her soul into her music and never ceases to amaze ponies when she plays.

 

NOTE: I drew the image but Jokuc vectorized it and all that technical stuff x'D

Edited October 24, 2012 by Vinyl Scratch (Filly)

[NekromantiaFox 270]

I finnally have some time to do this, so please expect your OC analysis later tonight. I'll get to it as soon as humanly possable for me.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Alora

[Devious Detonation 442]

Applying(or trying to):

 

Name: Metalic Strings

Age:24

Gender: Male

Appearance: He uses black wrist bands, a necklace with sharp teeth and a bracelet with spikes in his left hindleg.

Refrence (image):Link in my siggy.

Personality:Calm, although sometimes boring to be with.

Backstory: Well, at the age of 6, as his parents were leaving the Grand Galloping Galla, a mistirious pony appeared. He weilded a silver bladed dagger with socketed gems on it's hilt. As his parents tried to escape, he ran like a shadow towards them, stabing both of them (I think you don't need to know the rest of this scene...). Moving on, as he grew up, he discovered a scroll in which was saying what would Metalic Strings inherit from his parents. There was a cello, together with a cello bow, and a large fortune.

Since then he became very dark when anypony talks about his past or his parents...

 

Taadaa.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Devious Detonation

[Evilshy 5,090]

I suppose it won't work if an OC was made specifically for a certain RP, and their backstory is all related to the events leading up to said RP?

[Cocodrillo 1,565]

I might try... My little miss sunshine main OC is not somehow unique looking (because, well, I didn´t make her to look somehow cool), but...

All the informations needed are here.

Also, a piece of her backstory is a part of my other OC´s backstory, here.

 

There´s also another version of my little miss sunshine OC. The revolution one that lives in a post-apocalypse world.. She might fit better in your story, according to what I know about your OC.. Unfortunatelly, I haven´t make an "official" fanart of her yet, but here´s a sketch from my school notes...

[The Mane-iac 1,648]

I'll go ahead and post Puddle up here.

 

I just came up with what's there over the past hour or so, I'm sure I will tweak it as time goes on and she evolves. Just like I do with all my characters.

[Flaret 240]

Name: Flaret

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Appearance: Flaret is an average sized unicorn with a chocolate brown coat. She has a dark blue mane with beige streaks running through it. In some lights the blue can look like a dark shade of purple. Her eyes are big, blue and quite captivating. While casting spells Flaret's magic shares the same colour as her eyes.

Reference (image):

 

Personality: Flaret is a very optimistic pony, though she is often very quiet and likes to stay in the background. To say she's shy wouldn't be right as she loves talking about her hobbies and will turn into a chatterbox when somepony asks her about them. She is easily stressed, but generally gets done what she has to get done, which makes her a good student. If she doesn't like somepony she normally grows very quiet and if this somepony decides to talk down on her she'll gladly let that happen to avoid trouble. It takes a lot to get her angry, but has been known to snap multiple times when something that was dear to her was touched.

Backstory:

Flaret was born in a wealthy family located in Canterlot, but she and her parents moved to Fillydelphia at a young age because they wanted to get away from the city life. Life in Fillydelphia was not very pleasant for Flaret. In school she was bullied constantly, and although she was a good student her grades suffered. Her parents were usually too busy to pay attention to this, they didn't know she was capable of more than her class results showed. Her grandfather however was always there for her and he helped her get through this difficult period of her life. If her grandfather wasn't there she generally fled to a world of videogames and books. She could spend hours and hours in her room and on her own and never be bored. When she was a bit older and had earned her cutiemark her parents finally noticed that her years of studying on her own in her room had actually turned Flaret into quite the skilled unicorn. She was sent to Celestia's school for gifted unicorns, where she finished her school, never really choosing a specialisation. With a broad knowledge of magic, but no clue as to what she really wanted to do in her life she moved away from her parents to Ponyville, where she has lived in an appartment above an old bookstore ever since.

 

((Sorry for the messy story, I'm tired. xD ))

Edited October 26, 2012 by Flaret

[NekromantiaFox 270]

hmmm since no one else as decide to have there OC judged i'll step in

http://mlpforums.com...whirlwind-r1650

go nuts.

Just try to avoid hurting Whirlwinds feelings, hes a very sensitive pony

 

To begin, I am going to start by praising the fact that you actually DREW your OC. I find this sort of thing rarely and it's a bit sad because, if you used the pony creator, it can't truly be your origional charrie (if you understand my point). There are a few tips i am urdged to give involving your artwork, but I'm not here to apply analysis to that, now am I?

 

Your pony, sadly, seems a bit generic to me. There are very few perks about him that set him appart from other characters. For example, the colors are very simple and easily determined based on popular pegasus canon ponies. I suggest you add something to make him more unique? Anything will do really, just so long as it's something that you don't think has been used before. Also, I find your pony's backstory to be a bit....bland. It is also perticularly generic. Basically, your pony is special, something bad happens, blah blah blah... It's always the same! Although, this isn't a bad thing at all, in fact, many of my own OCs follow that simple code. The trick in particular is to make it more interesting. How many pony OCs want to be a wonderbolt? I wouldn't dare try couting because there are WAY to many. How many pony OCs become wonderbolts? There are also a TON that have followed this same trail. However, I do like you choice in injury. It gives him a disabled feel, which, surprisingly, makes the character more impressive. Sadly, this effect does off when you mention he can do acrobatic flight with both of his wings tied down. There should be at least some reality to every OC. My pony can fly without wings because she was designed to be capable of lifting herself with magic. Of course, for every benefit, there is always some sort of problem that must arise so that you do not make your character "too perfect". I understand that he can still fly well enough, and I see that you tried to even it out by saying it bugs him, but there should be more. Something eleborate perhaps? Like an unusual flight pattern that follows along these lines and makes sense. I have to admit though, your ending is amusing to me "he still cna't manage to pay his cider tab," adds a comedic trait to his character that I actually like quite a bit. As for his overall personality, frankly, I like it. The talking-to-himself trait adds a bit of an interesting tweek to your seemingly perfect (or would handi-capable make more sense? XD) pony. I'm very glad that you didn't completely design your character as a Mary Sue, because it's much more interesting this way. His clausterphobia seems like a trait that would create some very amusing storylines, aswell as his fear (hatred?) of spiders. I'm not entirely sure how you'll react to this, I'm just trying to give some basic tips and ideas to help make your character more appealing to the general public (also, good on you for not using the butterfy wings!).

 

This is one of my softer analysis because I only racked it out in a few minutes and I didn't actually have much to work on. The more there is about your OC, the more I can say about it.

[PonyEcho 1,610]

To begin, I am going to start by praising the fact that you actually DREW your OC. I find this sort of thing rarely and it's a bit sad because, if you used the pony creator, it can't truly be your origional charrie (if you understand my point). There are a few tips i am urdged to give involving your artwork, but I'm not here to apply analysis to that, now am I?

 

Your pony, sadly, seems a bit generic to me. There are very few perks about him that set him appart from other characters. For example, the colors are very simple and easily determined based on popular pegasus canon ponies. I suggest you add something to make him more unique? Anything will do really, just so long as it's something that you don't think has been used before. Also, I find your pony's backstory to be a bit....bland. It is also perticularly generic. Basically, your pony is special, something bad happens, blah blah blah... It's always the same! Although, this isn't a bad thing at all, in fact, many of my own OCs follow that simple code. The trick in particular is to make it more interesting. How many pony OCs want to be a wonderbolt? I wouldn't dare try couting because there are WAY to many. How many pony OCs become wonderbolts? There are also a TON that have followed this same trail. However, I do like you choice in injury. It gives him a disabled feel, which, surprisingly, makes the character more impressive. Sadly, this effect does off when you mention he can do acrobatic flight with both of his wings tied down. There should be at least some reality to every OC. My pony can fly without wings because she was designed to be capable of lifting herself with magic. Of course, for every benefit, there is always some sort of problem that must arise so that you do not make your character "too perfect". I understand that he can still fly well enough, and I see that you tried to even it out by saying it bugs him, but there should be more. Something eleborate perhaps? Like an unusual flight pattern that follows along these lines and makes sense. I have to admit though, your ending is amusing to me "he still cna't manage to pay his cider tab," adds a comedic trait to his character that I actually like quite a bit. As for his overall personality, frankly, I like it. The talking-to-himself trait adds a bit of an interesting tweek to your seemingly perfect (or would handi-capable make more sense? XD) pony. I'm very glad that you didn't completely design your character as a Mary Sue, because it's much more interesting this way. His clausterphobia seems like a trait that would create some very amusing storylines, aswell as his fear (hatred?) of spiders. I'm not entirely sure how you'll react to this, I'm just trying to give some basic tips and ideas to help make your character more appealing to the general public (also, good on you for not using the butterfy wings!).

 

This is one of my softer analysis because I only racked it out in a few minutes and I didn't actually have much to work on. The more there is about your OC, the more I can say about it.

 

well i kinda feel the need o defend my OC from some of the thing, especially the the " he's to generic and bland" because that was he point i'm not one of those ego maniacs that tries to his OC seem like some kind of awesome one and since EVERYONE try's to make there pony appear as some kind or radically different and some what superior character i prefer to have a character thats more of an echo so that can improve along RP's and stories and rise as a overall character while you do not, as you pointed out you're OC is a unicorn that can fly with magic, and that seems to be her main thing with make it all kinda of disrespectful to Pegasi because flying is there specialty and a unicorns handicap and the fact that 'flying spells are extremely difficult' make you OC more powerful then Twilight.

but i'm looking in my bag for f **ks to give but i don't want to use any, so thanks for the OC review.

 

actually i will use 1

"I'm just trying to give some basic tips and ideas to help make your character more appealing to the general public" <- after tearing my OC apart giving no methods for improvement. All i want to do is lift my middle finger in the air and in your direction, and question your actual motives for doing this because if this is you going soft, I'm just gonna have to pull out my D-bag stamp (which has rely been gathering dust since i used it on myself) and ask you were you would like me to put it, because all your rely doing is making yourself seem superior by making others inferior.

that kind of behavior rely tick's me off right next to when people make art request thread and that flat out say there gonna decline requests.

Edited October 27, 2012 by PonyEcho

[JeanHover 326]

Here's my OC Whirl Wake: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/whirl-wake-r1533

 

He's socially awkward and skilled with medicine.

 

You know what, just read the profile. I think he would make a nice addition. There's a lot of stuff you can do with him.

[Dimitri Hammer 3,645]

Oh well okay, I can take criticism.

 

Dimitri Hammer: http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/comrade-dimitri-hammer-r1569

 

Everything you need to know is on his page. Want to know anything else just ask me.

 

I just like to see what you think, a little depressing and melancholy at the start of his life but it's exactly like my life almost.

[Flaret 240]

To begin, I am going to start by praising the fact that you actually DREW your OC. I find this sort of thing rarely and it's a bit sad because, if you used the pony creator, it can't truly be your origional charrie (if you understand my point). There are a few tips i am urdged to give involving your artwork, but I'm not here to apply analysis to that, now am I?

 

Your pony, sadly, seems a bit generic to me. There are very few perks about him that set him appart from other characters. For example, the colors are very simple and easily determined based on popular pegasus canon ponies. I suggest you add something to make him more unique? Anything will do really, just so long as it's something that you don't think has been used before. Also, I find your pony's backstory to be a bit....bland. It is also perticularly generic. Basically, your pony is special, something bad happens, blah blah blah... It's always the same! Although, this isn't a bad thing at all, in fact, many of my own OCs follow that simple code. The trick in particular is to make it more interesting. How many pony OCs want to be a wonderbolt? I wouldn't dare try couting because there are WAY to many. How many pony OCs become wonderbolts? There are also a TON that have followed this same trail. However, I do like you choice in injury. It gives him a disabled feel, which, surprisingly, makes the character more impressive. Sadly, this effect does off when you mention he can do acrobatic flight with both of his wings tied down. There should be at least some reality to every OC. My pony can fly without wings because she was designed to be capable of lifting herself with magic. Of course, for every benefit, there is always some sort of problem that must arise so that you do not make your character "too perfect". I understand that he can still fly well enough, and I see that you tried to even it out by saying it bugs him, but there should be more. Something eleborate perhaps? Like an unusual flight pattern that follows along these lines and makes sense. I have to admit though, your ending is amusing to me "he still cna't manage to pay his cider tab," adds a comedic trait to his character that I actually like quite a bit. As for his overall personality, frankly, I like it. The talking-to-himself trait adds a bit of an interesting tweek to your seemingly perfect (or would handi-capable make more sense? XD) pony. I'm very glad that you didn't completely design your character as a Mary Sue, because it's much more interesting this way. His clausterphobia seems like a trait that would create some very amusing storylines, aswell as his fear (hatred?) of spiders. I'm not entirely sure how you'll react to this, I'm just trying to give some basic tips and ideas to help make your character more appealing to the general public (also, good on you for not using the butterfy wings!).

 

This is one of my softer analysis because I only racked it out in a few minutes and I didn't actually have much to work on. The more there is about your OC, the more I can say about it.

 

I'd say your definition of Mary Sue is a bit off, because PonyEcho's OC seems far from a mary sue to me. He's been through his fair deal of problems in life and I'd say his trapeze artist act is enough of a thing to make him stand out, in combination with the accident. Maybe he is a bit of a generic pony, but there's no problem with that. Oh my, just imagine if everypony had something that was incredibly special about them. You have to remember that not everyone can be a special snowflake and I think PonyEcho does a good job at making her character stand out in little things.

[PonyEcho 1,610]

I'd say your definition of Mary Sue is a bit off, because PonyEcho's OC seems far from a mary sue to me. He's been through his fair deal of problems in life and I'd say his trapeze artist act is enough of a thing to make him stand out, in combination with the accident. Maybe he is a bit of a generic pony, but there's no problem with that. Oh my, just imagine if everypony had something that was incredibly special about them. You have to remember that not everyone can be a special snowflake and I think PonyEcho does a good job at making her character stand out in little things.

 

O_O you think Whirlwind is generic too but I crippled him so he was no longer special and then hint that the pain he get when he is flying may be psychological then again I do kind want it that way because i can make him evolve more in RP's and he's never rely the same Pegasus for each one, and the Trapeze artist part is just kinda there... mainly because I was thinking of crossing him with Robin.

 

also i'm Male, but its an easy mistake because i'm Bi

[Flaret 240]

O_O you think Whirlwind is generic too but I crippled him so he was no longer special and then hint that the pain he get when he is flying may be psychological then again I do kind want it that way because i can make him evolve more in RP's and he's never rely the same Pegasus for each one, and the Trapeze artist part is just kinda there... mainly because I was thinking of crossing him with Robin.

 

also i'm Male, but its an easy mistake because i'm Bi

 

Sorry for the gender mistake! I get that a lot because I tend to focus on the avatar picture. xD And I don't think he's too generic, I was trying to make a point to Alora, saying that not every pony has to have something super special about them. As I said, you gave him enough traits to stand out and make a very nice and memorable character!