OC reviews from me. (CLOSED)

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Descant referred me to you, thought I'd ask ya to check out my OCs Arctic Frost and his sister Crossfade to see how they are in your eyes. To me, they seem...lacking. Just a touch. I'd like some suggestions to how I can make them...better, if at all possible.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/arctic-frost-r2561

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/crossfade-r3005

 

Descant referred me to you, thought I'd ask ya to check out my OCs Arctic Frost and his sister Crossfade to see how they are in your eyes. To me, they seem...lacking. Just a touch. I'd like some suggestions to how I can make them...better, if at all possible.

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/arctic-frost-r2561

 

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/crossfade-r3005

OC: Artic Frost  Owner: Seraphim

 

Wow, what a design! The grey goes well with the lighter gray and blue mane. His hairstyle suggests a great deal on what kind of pony he is: a guitarist. The mane style is a bit reminiscent of Vinyl Scratch’s, but it’s not too big of an issue, and you shouldn’t worry about it too much. Also, I highly recommend using a different shade of white for the cutie mark. Pure white should only be used for the sclera (white part) of the eye. Just tone down the white a teeny bit, and you’ll be fine; just not too much as you probably want to keep the signature white color of a snowflake.

 

Speaking of snowflakes, I found it a bit odd that you chose his control over snow and ice over a musical cutie mark. However, you surprised with that me as you went through his backstory. It is very unique of you to show him get his cutie mark, and him being disappointed about it. It is very relatable to find yourself being good at something when you’d rather be more talented at something else. It gives Artic Frost a lot of depth, so good job with the backstory. Not only is part of his backstory very good and unique; the whole backstory is solid, and you did a great job with it. It’s also realistic (realism is something I like in OCs) that his interest in performing stayed with them despite his cutie mark being something else. My only suggestion is that you lower his guitar playing skill. Perhaps show him struggling to play guitar somewhere in the beginning of the backstory, and showing him gradually improve over the course of the backstory. Of course (heh, course), you should still give him room for improvement at the end, but make him fairly talented nonetheless. This would make the weather cutie mark make more sense as it would show him naturally good at something, while guitar playing is a talent he had to work to achieve. Plus, it would give him room for expansion around the end of the backstory.

 

Now, every good OC must have a good personality. Well, Frost’s personality isn’t bad, per se; it just needs a few additions and improvements. It’s a bit basic and unoriginal right now, as many OC’s have that trait. A world of OC’s with the same one trait would be a very boring one, so you should always add a few more unique traits that make your OC stand out from the rest. Luckily, you at least have the prankster trait, but you should still put a few more traits. But before that, I have a little suggestion for your prankster trait. It’s interesting and a bit humorous to see this trait mainly show after concerts, but I suggest adding a few examples of his pranks. This would be very entertaining, and a good way to show this part of his personality. Also, a bit off-topic, but you might want to add a little something in the backstory about how he started doing concerts. People/Ponies don’t normally perform their own concerts out of the blue.

 

Overall, this OC has great design, but could use some improvements in the backstory department. The personality is currently lacking, but it has potential.

 

Grade: C+

 

 

OC: Crossfade  Owner: Seraphim

 

Let’s get this review started, shall we? Well, we’re off to a good start with a direct family member of Artic Frost. OC’s being in a family is not required in an OC, but it is still very interesting to see, and pretty unique considering how uncommon it is. Personally, I think people should use it more; it can open up new possibilities for an OC, but oh well. I like that you used it. Anyway, let’s look at the design now.

Well, to be frank, this design isn’t that good. The pure black clashes horribly with the rest of the mane, the leg accessories look out of place, and the cutie mark is too big. On the bright side, the very light shade of gray (you’re welcome, Crossfade) coat looks very good, and the eye color is pretty while not standing out too much. Despite these positives, you still need to fix the previously mentioned things. Try picking a different color other than black that isn’t as obtrusive, and use that instead. Pure black almost never looks good in a color scheme. But, if you absolutely want to use black, just try toning the color down a bit, and see if that works.

 

As for the cutie mark and the accessories, those are pretty self-explanatory; just resize the former and remove the latter (or change the color to better match the color scheme.)

 

 

One more thing; try picking a different mane choice. Vinyl’s mane is used very often, and personally; I think nobody should ever use it. It keeps your OC from being unique. Try picking a different mane style. There are other manes that work just fine with a music related OC.

 

The backstory is fine up until the point where she meets Vinyl Scratch. I highly recommend keeping OCs away from main character from the show, or popular characters in the fandom such as Vinyl Scratch. It just tends to look better in the eyes of others when they look at your OC. However, I do like how she discovers her interest in Nightcore; it has potential. Instead of using Vinyl Scratch, try have one of her friends comment on how good she is, or better yet; make up a DJ in wherever she lives, and have her meet him/her instead, and do the same thing you with the DJ as you did with Vinyl. This should improve the backstory greatly.

 

Finally, the backstory. I like it. It’s interesting, and not overused. Actually, it’s pretty underused in the fandom. There should be more happy OCs out there… Anyway, I really like this OC’s personality. Being hyperactive is a unique trait for Crossfade to have. However, I think you should focus a bit more on it to the point of being kind of a flaw. Crossfade doesn’t really have any distinct flaws at the moment, and she should have some. Flaws help give dimension to characters.

 

Overall, this OC has a design that needs some fixes, and its backstory needs a fix to one part, but the personality is nice, and I really like all the little touches you put in the descriptions. The whole “being a very light shade of gray” thing is a nice touch, and makes sense too. Crossfade obviously knows that a pure white coat is not good, so I can understand why she wouldn’t want others to make that assumption. Anyway, I’ll give her a:

 

Grade: C-

This is my OC Littlesec, Sectus, etc. He's supposed to be a representation of myself in the pony world. I envision him in my head and slightly breaking walls due to his love of fanfiction. He has a very pessimistic attitude and often writes reviews of stories he reads.    

 

He's the same OC from my avatar!

OC: Littlesec/Sectus  Owner: Sectus

 

Well, since not much information was given on little ol’ Sectus here, I won’t really be able to go too in-depth with this review. I’ll my best though. Anyway, without further ado, here is the review for Littlesec.

 

This design is actually one of the better ones I’ve seen. You have the perfect tone for the coat color, and the mane doesn’t look that good in the Pony Creator image, but I’ve seen it in other art pieces of Sectus, and it looks much better there. The eye color looks nice as well,  and I like that there are no accessories. Overall, it’s a nice and simple looking OC that looks great. My only criticism is the pencil cutie mark. It isn’t in the art style of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and looks out of place. Try designing a vector of your own for the cutie mark, request one, or find a different picture on the internet. Other than that, I love this design.

 

As for the personality; you have a good start, but you should add a bit more. I like how he is pessimistic, but try writing down the unmentioned traits you and Sectus share. Also, what do you mean by breaking walls? Are you referring to the fourth wall, or an actual wall? And what does fanfiction have to do with either of them? Try explaining that part a bit better. You’re off to a good start, but you should add a bit more traits, and explain further on how he is pessimistic (give examples of him being pessimistic.)

 

Now for the backstory, or better put; lack of one. Well, since he is mainly a representation of you, and you don’t appear to roleplay with often; I don’t think backstory is too important to you. However, you should still add something. It doesn’t have to be complex or long; just a little something. You could even base it off yourself. Or, you could just put where he was born, and briefly write how he started writing fanfiction. Oh, and don’t forget how he got his cutie mark. Just add something for all of these, and you’ll be fine.

 

Overall, this OC has a great design, but the personality is a bit simple, and there is no backstory.

 

Grade: C+

 

This here is Spearhead. She's more of a concept character than a traditional "ponysona". I originally designed her for a fanfic I ended up scrapping, but have since adapted her to be the protagonist in another project of mine.

 

Originally, she was a hard-boiled Equestrian secret agent who is fiercely loyal to her country, and would often tread the thin line between right and wrong in her defense of the Equestrian way. In her new role, she's an agent with Nature and Science of Equestria, a very controversial government agency locked in a brutal shadow war against massive corporations and ruthless criminal empires. After something happens to change this, she is forced to question her loyalties and unravel a greater conspiracy eating at the very heart of Equestria.

 

Her cutie mark is the tip of a spear. It symbolizes her devotion and perseverance.

 

 

 

 

 

OC: Spearhead  Owner: Mandalore Dash

 

Spearhead is quite the interesting OC. She definitely sounds like something out of a fan fiction; not necessarily a bad thing, so it’s understandable that you would want to focus more on the actual events rather than her personality. However, it’s important that character have distinct personalities in any work of fiction. Personalities define characters, and they are what make one character different from another.

 

Now, you seem to be an experienced with fan fiction, so you probably did something with her personality in whatever project she is currently in. If that is the case, just try to post that information about her personality somewhere in her profile/description. If not, you’ll definitely need to create a personality for her. In the description provided, hints of being tough are present, as well as some mentioning of loyalty. You can use these as a base for Spearhead’s character. Okay, so she is hard-boiled, but loyal. How about you give some examples of her loyalty, and some of her being hard-boiled? This should give a good idea on the extent of those traits. Apart from that, you should also think of some more traits for her, and some of her interests.

 

You mention devotion, and that is linked to loyalty, so I’ll start with a loyalty related question. How far does her loyalty go? Is there anything that will keep her from being loyal to something or someone? As for her perseverance; try to give some examples in her life when she was being particularly perseverant.

 

The backstory is fine right now, and I assume it would go well with whatever project Spearhead’s for, so I can’t complain. Good job with this part. My only suggestion would be to add something for when she was born, and some of her childhood; your call.

Finally, the design. This design has so much potential, so please listen to what I have to say. For starters, I highly recommend removing the vest. Most ponies look better without clothing in my opinion, and I think she would look much better without it. Secondly, try toning down the red mane color just a teeny bit. It’s a tad bit too bright, but it’s not too bad right now. Just a little down should do the trick. Other than that, this OC’s design is great, and I really like it. It’s simple and good, and the mane style goes well with the bit of personality you do have. Great job!

 

Overall, this OC has a great design with little flaws, a start to a good personality, and a good backstory for a fan fiction.

 

Grade: C+

I would adore a review from you of my own OC Monks Hood:http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/monks-hood-r4031. I'm still having problems nailing down a personality so any help would be appreciated.

OC: Monkshood  Owner: Nomadic

 

Wow, this is actually a very well-designed OC you got there. The auburn of the mane complements the sandy color of the coat, and the coral eyes are a subtle, but nice touch. Along with the satchel, these are all great components of a great design. The auburn is the perfect shade, and the coat is not too dark, light, or vibrant. However, I do have one teeny little suggestion for you. Try making the exposed hooves a different color from the coat, or removing them completely. Right now, it looks very similar to the coat, and it blends in. And not in a good way.  Plus, if you look below, the stallions with exposed hooves in the show have a different color hoof from their coat.

  

 

Moving on; let’s talk about the personality. You’re on a roll! Not only does Monkshood have a good design; he also has a fantastic personality. I just love that first sentence of his personality: “Not a very social pony, and lacking much of the social tact of many other ponies of many other ponies, yet this is not to say he is insensitive to the feelings of others.” This gives us a good idea on how socially skilled he is. His curiosity, and speaking manner is very interesting as well, and the remark about him being dubbed as a crazy eccentric is a nice touch. Putting down what other ponies think of your pony can be an effective way of describing a portion of an OC’s personality. I also really like how you point out he is interested about other things besides what his cutie mark represents, but you still make sure it’s clear that plants are his specialty. This gives your OC some extra dimensions, but you may want to add some examples of the non-plant things he’s interested for added detail.

 

The sense of humor you use for describing his arrogance is very nice as well (and  funny), and it gets the point across well. Finally, I love that you added some reason behind why he developed some of his personality traits. Overall, this is a fantastic and unique personality.

 

It is very rare to be able to say good things about all three parts of an OC, but it looks like I will for this OC. I find it amazing that you can get through such a large span of his life in detail, while still keeping the writing focused and not ramble off about random unimportant things. Seriously, you go from childhood to leaving his home. I also like how you keep things realistic with his backstory, and while it’s sometimes okay to do this; I like how you didn’t have his parents die. Anyway, everything in this backstory works,  and there is a nice focus on plants, and how he got interested in them throughout the backstory.  You did a great job with the backstory for Monkshood.

 

Overall, this OC is almost flawless with just a few things to fix for design, and it would be a good idea to add some more detail for a certain area of the personality.

 

Grade: A-

I need reviews for Candy Spirits, Cherry Pie, and Star Snare. :3

 

You know what do to Blue, and you do it the best!

OC: Candy Spirits  Owner: Becker (Fender)

 

I’ve gotta say, Becker (Fender), you sure have a knack for OC designs. This is a fantastic example of what a good design could look like. The coat color isn’t too vibrant or dark, and the mane has a visually pleasing color, but it still stays balanced with the rest of the pony. The freckles are a nice touch as well, and add up to a very pretty mare. My one and only criticism would be the circle around the cutie mark. It looks a bit like a piece of candy, and I don’t think sweets have anything to do with your OC. I suggest just removing it, and leave the martini on its own. But other than that, this design is fantastic.

 

As for the personality ; yeesh, this pony has a lot of sides to her. Luckily, these sides go well with each other for the most part, but there are a few that are on the brink with contradicting with each other. For example, you say earlier that she isn’t going to throw herself around for “use,” but you mention at the end that she is likely to hit on any pony she finds attractive. Now, this is completely possible for a character, but it requires good explanation and wording. This is why I think you should add a bit more details for this part of her personality. It should help make sure there isn’t any confusion for anyone viewing your OC.  But other than that, I really like Candy’s personality. It has a lot of dimensions to it, which isn’t something always found in OC’s.

 

Lastly, her backstory. Here is where I start to have problems. But before I get into that, I will note what I do like about her backstory. I love how you put a reason behind why she isn’t so confident; it makes her much more believable. I also like how she got her cutie mark (you may want to put something about this in the Cutie Mark section though) and how normal her backstory is for the most part. However,  I have a problem with what happened to her parents; mostly with the mom though. I can tolerate a death of a parent (I still think the dad shouldn’t die though), but the mental asylum is a bit much. It is so out of place in her relatively normal backstory. It doesn’t even make any sense as nothing about the mom was ever mentioned in regard to her being sensitive, so her response to the death comes off as exaggerated. I think you should change this part of the backstory to something a little less drastic, or at least explain how sensitive she is (I personally think the former would work better.) But other than that, this backstory is short and sweet.

 

Overall, this OC has an almost flawless design, a great personality, and a good backstory (except for one part.)

 

Grade: B+

 

 

OC: Cherry Pie  Owner: Becker (Fender)

 

Holy cow, that is one heck of a design! The color scheme is beautiful, and it just goes so well together. I really have nothing to complain about color-wise. However, Cutie Marks tend to be your weak spot, and I have a teeny problem with her cutie mark. It looks a little too realistic, which makes it look out place. Try using an art style for in line with the show, so it doesn’t look as out of place. Also, the steam isn’t really doing anything for the design, so I suggest removing it. But other than that, this is a fantastic design.

 

Moving on to personality; I actually really like this personality. On the outside, this looks like it could just be a Pinkie Pie rip-off. But if you look a little closer, Cherry actually has a unique personality to her. I love how she looks past most problems; it’s a nice trait for a pony to have. I also love how her naiveté plays a further role in her personality, and you mention she’s never had a romantic relationship. Now, you could have just stopped there, and it would still be good, but you took a step further and even put a little comment about her not knowing her gender preference. It’s very unique, and it’s a nice touch.

 

Finally, her backstory. This backstory is nothing special, and that’s exactly why I love it. You keep it very normal and average, and actually; that kind of does make it special. Well, at least to me. I love how you can really feel her personality taking effect in her backstory, and I love how her life isn’t perfect, but not downright tragic. This backstory shows her childhood, and how she got her Cutie Mark, and that’s a good backstory in my book. However, you may want to add a little something in the Cutie Mark section about how she got it; lets those who don’t want to read the backstory gain info on her Cutie Mark quickly and easily.

 

Overall, this is an excellent OC that gets almost everything right. Just put more in the Cutie Mark section, and fix the Cutie Mark itself.

 

Grade: A-             

 

 

 

OC: Star Snare  Owner: Becker (Fender)

 

Well, this OC’s design doesn’t exactly stand out as much as your other OC’s did, but it’s still a solid design. The burgundy goes well with the blue mane, but this design isn’t without flaws. First off, those dang Cutie Marks. The drumsticks’ color doesn’t go with the rest of Star’s color scheme, so you may want to edit the color a bit; perhaps something a bit darker, or add a few more details to it that make it appear darker. Also, exposed hooves are something usually exclusive to the larger-built stallions, and Star Snare seems to be more lightweight, so if you are going for show accuracy, I recommend normal hidden hooves.

 

Now, for the personality. Gender preference seems to be a recurring theme in your theme. This isn’t a criticism; just an observation. It’s actually a nice thing to mention when making an OC, and I think more OC’s should have something about this (I may even do it for my own OC’s.) So,  I like this about your OC; it’s very unique. As for the rest; it’s good, but I would put a little more detail; perhaps an example, of what he does if someone negatively comments on his work. This would give your OC a better negative side which is definitely something he needs; it balances out the positive from the negative.

 

Finally, the backstory. You add the death of a parent again in this backstory, but I feel this one is justified. If Star’s mom never died, he would have never moved to Vanhoover where he discovered his special talent. So, this actually does something important for the backstory. However, I think eight years to heal is a bit heavy; a few months would work much better, and wouldn’t seem as exaggerated. Anyway, back to the backstory. You seem to have a knack for being able to implement your characters’ personalities into their backstories, and this backstory is no exception. You can definitely feel Star’s personality in this, and it’s very nice. I like how his gender preference plays a role in this backstory as well. Overall, this backstory works very well for the most part, and I like it.

 

In conclusion, this OC has a solid design except for a few things, and a pretty good personality and backstory.

 

Grade: B-

Edited October 28, 2013 by Blue Moon

[Hastur 505]

Please do my oc Kira, and tell me if I'm doing good for a first oc. Why is their a minimum amount of letters to write?

 

Kira:   http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/kira-r4558

[Bronyette 835]

Can you review Pixie Dust? Her information page is in my signature. I'm not completely done fleshing her out yet, but you can review what I have so far. :3

[Fender 1,283]

@@Blue Moon, 

 

Danke, Blue. As usual, you give the best OC reviews on the forums. At least in my opinion, you do.

 

Though, I would still ask that once you can get around to it....I still have a few more OC's for you. :3

[Venomshank 121]

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/electron-daydream-r4470

 

I'm not sure if there's already a picture there, if not, he is my avatar. He's based loosely off me, but with all of my personality traits cranked up to eleven. Somewhere in there I mention the Flim Flam brother's cider machine. I know it's not the right number. You don't think they only made one, do you?

[Blue Moon 6,341]

@@Blue Moon, 

 

Danke, Blue. As usual, you give the best OC reviews on the forums. At least in my opinion, you do.

 

Though, I would still ask that once you can get around to it....I still have a few more OC's for you. :3

Thanks! It really means a lot to me.

 

Which OC's do you need reviewed? Post them, and I'll add you to the OC Reviews requests list. Thanks!

[Nomadic 210]

Hello @Blue Moon.

First, sorry that I took so long to respond to your review.

Second, thank you again for taking your time, and reviewing my OC. Also, I can see where your coming from with the colouring of his hooves. Furthermore, I just having issues with adding secondary talents to him as starts to become a little bit unrealistic sounding, when I begin to tinker in that area. 

Third, I'll probably have to start tinkering around with my OC again now that I'm beginning to have down-time again.

Fourth, I really don't have anything to say here. I just wanted an excuse to type an extra line of text.

[crazitaco 596]

Oh, this sounds interesting! I just updated my OC to make her seem more like an actual character and less like a extended joke. Funny enough, she was originally intended just as a pony representation of my username. Her personality is loosely based off my own (and some traits with plenty of exaggeration, of course) Except I don't work in a taco shop and i'm not insane...

I'd like to hear what you have to say about my OC

http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/krazie-taco-r3366

Edited November 15, 2013 by crazitaco

[Scratched Disk 48]

Here you go. If you want I'll give ya two, because I've been trying to get some reviews on my ponysona version of myself with no such luck.

Here's Scratched's http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/scratched-disk-r4866

 

and here's Zephyr's http://fav.me/d5pveto

Edited November 21, 2013 by Scratched Disk

[DukeofCanterlot 158]

 

Summer Wind (Note: I am changing his cutie mark from the magic wand to a trophy (to symbolize his love of being the best)..I am getting some help on this and will change the cutie mark once it is ready.)

I might write a fanfic about this OC soon but I am going to do my best to make sure he doesn't seem like a Mary Sue, that might take some time..

 

Born and raised in Canterlot to a high-achieving and affluent pegasus family.
His father is a champion flyer who is the lead trainer of the Wonderbolts, his personality is probably a mixture of that of Rainbow Dash and Applejack, a fast, highly confident flyer but with a strong work ethic and very disciplined/tough with his kids. 
His mother is a professor at Canterlot University, who has a PhD in zoology, her personality is similar to that of Fluttershy and Twilight... interested in animals but from an academic perspective.  

Summer has two sisters [an older sister (Soar) and a younger sister (Sunny Day) who are both Wonderbolt-quality fliers]. 

 

Summer Wind, while an average flyer, is a fantastic student - particularly good with numbers. He is just as bright as Twilight Sparkle. However, his sense of morality is a little more hazy than Twilight's and he is more willing to bend the rules to get what he wants. He is a fast thinker and even though he isn't the best flyer, he has impressed his fellow pegasi nevertheless. He is good with money and is motivated by being the best, being #1 in anything he does. However, he has a good heart and wants to help his friends/family. But his biggest personality flaws are his overcompetitive nature and his arrogance - he thinks he is fundamentally better than the other ponies and has an elitist streak.. but rather than coming off as a snooty Canterlot pony, rather he comes across as a fast-talking know-it-all who might be trying too hard. Some of his best traits are his strong work ethic and goal-oriented personality, he sets a goal and works to achieve it.

 

Due to his abilities and his father, Summer Wind was able to get a job as a financial advisor to the Wonderbolts. Summer's job is to increase the net worth of the Wonderbolts. He has been doing great so far but has gotten involved with some shady ponies in the process... 

 

Summer Wind's relations to the Mane Six
First of all, my OC has met Twilight, Rainbow, and Fluttershy before.. he is meeting Pinkie, Applejack, and Rarity for the first time during his visit to Ponyville.


Twilight Sparkle: A friend of his during childhood, they grew apart though when Summer went to flight school and Twilight went to magic school. When Summer hears that Twilight is at Ponyville, he decides to visit her. He desires to rekindle their friendship, Summer kind of feels though that Twilight cut him off after she started magic school (something she didn't do deliberately but from being so engrossed in her studies). He also goes to Twilight for advice when he realizes that he is romantically interested in Pinkie Pie. Not sure if I would want to do something where Twilight gets jealous that Summer is interested in Pinkie or not.. or just make them really close friends who share a bond of "being on the same wavelength intellectually".

Rainbow Dash: One of Summer's classmates at flight school. Rainbow taught Summer how to become more assertive and helped him become a better flyer. Summer, in return, helped Rainbow with her classes (the academic stuff) at flight school. The two of them have a friendly competitive dynamic even though each of their talents are in different realms. Summer being around would also give some more insight into Rainbow Dash's experiences at flight school. 
 

Fluttershy: Summer's cousin, on his mother's side. The two didn't have much interaction as kids though since Summer's mother and Fluttershy's mother don't exactly get along. The two interacted more in flight school, even though Summer wanted to be friends with the "cool ponies", he would defend Fluttershy when the "cool ponies" bullied her. Despite being a year younger than Fluttershy, he wants to take on the "protective big brother" role with her that he could never do with his strong-willed younger sister. Summer wants his parents and Fluttershy's parents to get along.

Pinkie Pie: A pony that he is intrigued by and in whom he has a romantic interest. He loves her optimistic personality and energy. She takes a liking to him early on too since he has a fun demeanor and is quick-witted despite being somewhat selfish and arrogant. Probably due to his interest, Summer also has a tendency to overestimate Pinkie and think she isn't capable of doing anything wrong. They both also enjoy pulling pranks on the other ponies and go over-the-top.
This also reveals that he is somewhat shy when it comes to expressing his feelings.
(Not sure if I want to actually do some kind of OC/Pinkie romance yet though...but I think I can do it while keeping it PG/PG-13.)

 

Applejack and Rarity: Not 100% sure yet for either of them but I am thinking that Summer Wind would be interested in helping Apple Jack out with the farm and thinking of ways of how her farm can become more successful financially, the same goes with Rarity and her fashion business...but I really envision this role with Summer Wind and Applejack. Rarity would also likely take a strong interest in Summer's upbringing since he does come from an elite Canterlot family. 

 

Thoughts on the whole?

Edited November 17, 2013 by DukeofCanterlot

[Heatwave 177]

hmmm...curious to see what someone else thinks.

Link is in my sig.

I know he sounds like A Flutterdash, but I really modeled him completely after myself. I just happen to be a mix between RD and FS myself.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Heatwave

[Scratched Disk 48]

I've edited Zephyr to include a bit about himself if you're looking also into that. http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/zephyr-r5039 Mostly though, I'm just looking for what you think about the design side for the both of them, and which do you think is better.

[toby rogers 258]

@@Blue Moon, i was wondering if you could review my oc Sarina, she's in my about me page but http://mlpforums.com/page/roleplay-characters/_/sarina-firelight-r5330

[Charcoal Embers 169]

Could you do a review of my OC Charcoal Embers? Her link is in my signature down below.

[Blue Moon 6,341]

I would like you to review 2 of my OC's Bloodrose and Emerald. They are both in my description. I have not done this before, so I'm particularly excited. 

OC: Emerald  Owner: Emerald <3

 

Let’s get this review started, shall we? First off, let me say this; Emerald has a very nice design. It treads on the line of being too dark, but it ends up hitting the just right mark. Emerald looks absolutely gorgeous, and I adore her mane. The red and purple go wonderfully together, and she’s just a visually appealing pony. However, I do have one teeny issue. For a pony named Emerald, there is a strange lack of any green on her design, and the name ends up just not making sense (I know her cutie mark relates to gems, but it still ends up looking weird.) However, I do have a possible solution for you that you may like. In the backstory section, add a little something about her parents being colorblind and name her Emerald thinking she was green, or have them find out the color of the Emerald before she is born, similar to how you can tell the gender of a baby in real life, and name her Emerald thinking she was green, but it turns out that the color scanner thingy didn’t work or there was a mistake at the hospital where the parents accidentally got the wrong color information, and the color information they got was from another foal,  but the name ends up sticking. Or, you could just the name or color scheme to something more appropriate; your choice.

 

One more thing with the design; you may want to pick a new color for the eye color. Gray is just too plain for your OC’s color, and I think a different color would look much better.

 

Next off: the personality. This is a prime example of a very generic personality. Many OC’s have the exact same traits Emerald has, and you’ll want to add a bit more to it. Just make it a bit more unique is what I’m trying to say. For example, you could drop the cutie mark concept you have right now, and replace it with something more along the lines of nursing, and then base the rest of her personality off that. Just make sure you balance off good traits with bad ones like you do with your current traits. Also, you should give Emerald some interests as well.

 

The backstory is where I have the most problems. You make the death of her parents way too tragic. Don’t put “that tragic fire;” it just sounds overdramatized. And being picked on for being poor just makes it worse. When dealing with tragic situations such as this, less tends to be more. Use subtlety with these things. It is much more effective, and won’t sound as overdramatic. You have a good reason for the death of Emerald’s parents; it’s just not executed well. Just briefly mention the death, and move on. Don’t linger on that detail of her backstory. Instead, focus on the cutie mark. Which leads me to my next problem. You explain nothing about what her cutie mark means in the backstory, or even the cutie mark section. All we know is that she uses gems for their talents which could mean anything. If you want my advice, I suggest ditching the cutie mark idea, and going with something related to nursing. She apparently knows everything about nursing after all.

 

Overall, Emerald has a fantastic design, but an unfitting name, and the personality and backstory could use some work.

 

Grade: C-

 

 

OC: Bloodrose  Owner: Emerald <3

 

Okay, design first. Unfortunately, this design isn’t as good as Emerald’s. Luckily though, I can only find one thing wrong with it: the mane coloring. The grey coat, while a safe route to go, doesn’t really have much wrong with it, and it goes with just about anything. It’s just kind of a boring color. Though, to be fair; I guess it goes with the central theme of this OC. Anywho, the colors of the mane are much too obtrusive, and need to be toned down a bit. However, apart from that; I suggest picking a different color other than red for the mane, or remove it completely. It really isn’t doing much for this OC.

 

Also, why don’t you use the rose symbol near the name in the picture for the cutie mark instead of the one used. It looks much nicer, and fits her character a bit more.

 

I do like a few more things about the design though, besides the coat. It was a nice touch to add freckles; it’s not a very common design choice, but I think it should be used a bit more often. And while I usually don’t like clothing/accessories on ponies; I think the bow works well on her, but the color goes against the red, which is another reason why I think you should change or remove the red.

 

Next up: the personality. I actually like what you seem to aiming for in this character. It’s kind of humorous and cute to see an otherwise dark character have such a sweet personality. My only problem with it is that it is too simple, and a bit two-dimensional. You don’t go in depth with any of the current personality traits, and you don’t give any flaws or interests her. Flaws and interests shape a character just as much as any other trait. Try to add a few of those, and give them and the current traits more depth.

 

Finally, the backstory. I guess it somewhat works, but I do think it could use some explanation. Why did her parents just abandon her? Try to give some reason  and/or explanation behind it. I understand why you added it in the first place (to introduce her to potions which relates to her cutie mark), but there aren’t any motives for the parents. Fix that, and your backstory should be relatively fine. I would add a little something about her discovering ancient blood magic/potions, and put something for that. Speaking of blood magic, I don’t see why you would make her a vampony. Vamponies aren’t really something canon so far, so it seems a bit odd to me to even make her one when she has blood magic (which I assume doesn’t relate to being a vampony) already. I suggest removing that part of her character.

 

Overall, this is an okay OC that mainly suffers from a bad design and a simple backstory and personality.

 

Grade: C-

[Jack Spades 162]

Hello. I hope you don't mind, but I'd love it if you'd review my OC. I want to make sure that he's the best that I can make him. The link is in the sig.

[Colorful Respawn 399]

I guess you could do mine? Link is in my signature!

[ninjamon102938 222]

I'm interested, if you can review my OC it would be nice. He's in my signature

[IridscentNionios 1,420]

Three OCs... in the signature. Pictures in my dA. Selune Darkeye is prone to further depth and development. Stripes are to be considered un-natural.

[Rainbow Eclipse 3,927]

Could you review my quartet in the siggy? MAY THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BE WITH YOU!!!

[Blue Moon 6,341]

Apologies for the year-something-long wait, but here are some reviews. I plan on continuing the rest.

I have to say sorry to abuse of your kindness but here are those other OC's i was talking off.

 

As part of my Fic project I’m developing a set of 4 OC's  that existed some point between the banishment of Nightmare Moon and its return (close to 700 years before the time of the Elements of Harmony) there was a dark time for Equestria and the rule of Princess Celestia. The times of peace slowly come with harsh efforts, conflicts and sacrifices. The princess couldn’t accomplish this alone, to bring peace to her realm and subjects she got the aid of 4 powerful and noble ponies. They came from around the kingdom from different origins and places but together they became the Guardians of the Realm and maintain peace over the land of ponies defending it against threats from outside and inside. Each one of them was commanded to protect each area of Equestria and because of that they were called The Four Corners. 

 

(The profile pictures of this OC's were made by http://to-nio.deviantart.com/ an awesome Mexican Brony Artist pls support him)

 

Faith Bastion of The South

 

 

The strongest earth pony the realm had seen to that day, forged by battles and conflict he was a veteran witch heart never lost kindness to every creature and devotion to his goddess. He protected the south and the peaks that divided Equestria from the wastelands.

 

All about Faith Bastion life could be summarized in two words: Devotion and Strength. As far as he can recall he was given a fiscal strength far beyond a normal earth pony he was recruited for the Royal Guard as a very young foal and indoctrinated in the ways of the military. He developed such passion and devotion towards the Princess of the Sun that he knows she was the one who gave him such strength and might (even she denied it every time he asked). Bastion was the first earth pony since the sister princesses took the throne to be a personal guard to them, he became a well known hero of the battles he took from the hoofs of defeat.

 

Over all of his feats in battle and heroic figure among the ranks Faith Bastion was always known for his kind heart and compassion shared among friends and enemies alike. He always followed the teachings of Celestia and believed that all creatures on the world deserved a place to live a happy life. He always took prisoners in battle and treat them with dignity never executed a single defeated soul and stood among the most honorable ponies in the battle field. As a earth pony he enjoyed the wild life and he was responsible for growing the flower garden that separated the towers of Canterlot’s castle.

 

 

 

 

Freedom Gale of the West

 

 

 

A once rebel and wild Pegasus Freedom Gale took Equestria by assault, able to fly faster than any other and with superb weather control this mare was shocked by the might of the other corners and joined them as the most faithful partner. She protected the west and its never ending forests.

 

Freedom Gale spend his early years among the savage creatures of the forests at Equestria west coast. Living a free care living was all in the filly mind until the chaos of those dark times in the shape of a battle caused a fire that burnt her home and friends. Since then she fought against the Equestrian forces keeping them away from the fertile lands and calming for the freedom of their lurkers.

She was taken down by the other 3 corners witch considered her a formidable opponent, they showed her that it was in the realms best interest to protect the life on every being and that the fire that turn her against Celestia was not an action from the alicorn rule. Since then she was trained and raised by the Corners and the Princess of the sun until 10 years after her training began she was named the West corner last and youngest of them all.

Gale is not very kind or polite around others, she is intimidated by new ponies coming near her and can be considered rude around them. Still she will always keep under her wing those who have been “acepeted” by her heart and will take care of them with strong passion

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hoarfrost Truth of the North

 

 

Born from the line of the Crystal Emperors Hoarfrost Truth once swear revenge against Celestia for the cold blizzards that diminish his people and sight. As he tried to fulfill his oath he fall pray of Celestia’s might and her care for its people having a change of heart an becoming the Corner on the north.

 

Said to be one of the few descendants of the Chrystal Empire line of the throne Hoarfrost Truth was born among the cold tundra near the peaks at the north end of Equestria. He was blessed with magnificent magical potential however the terrible sunlight reflected by the snow burnt his sight since a foal making him developed such potential using his magic as his eyes. Trained and proved by the equestrian military and the conflicts of the dark days of the realm he climbed over the ranks of the royal guard until he gain the title of guardian of the realm from Celestia herself naming him the north corner.

 

He is a pony of few but significant words, said to always speak truth and unable to pronounce lies. As a young foal he grew alone and survived as could on one of the most terrible environments in the realm, for years he hated Celestia for not bringing her warm light to the land in the north but as he became his personal guard he realized how much the Alicorn was for him the realm and the world. Because of his lonely foalhood someponies think he has a cold attitude towards those around him but the truth is he holds them dear in his heart.

 

 

 

 

 

Princess Ancora of the East

 

 

 

Born into the royal family with the divine blood of alicorn in her veins Princess Ancora was one of the few reasons that kept Celestia smiling after the banishment of Nightmare Moon. She found in her niece a fortress of hope to escape from all the terrible events the dark times brought to her realm. In exchange Celestia was like a mother for Ancora, always a caring teacher and a faithful friend that brought to her the joy and wonders of being an alicorn.

 

From Celestia Ancora learned the responsibility that her powers brought and becoming a symbol of hope and strength among all the ponies in Equestria. After witnessing how much pain and suffering the dark times brought to her “mother’s” heart Ancora decided to oppose evil face to face. Trained for 10 years by the best warriors, magicians, and strategists of Equestria she was a force to be recon with and the first of the Four Corners to be named.

 

Her devotion to her mission is clear and for her there is few in life other than duty. Ancora left behind her years of a pampered princess to fight for the dream of her "mother". A world full of harmony love and friendship where the anypony can make their dreams come true. (Ancora its a word in Latin witch meaning could be taken as hope)

 

 

 

GROUP SHOTS!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OC: Faith Bastion  Owner: Colt

 

 Alright, design first. As usual, your OCs have some of the best designs I’ve ever seen. Devotion and strength are expressed throughout the design with the bulky and muscular frame of Faith, and his focused expression (with great use of eyebrows; I might add). His cutie mark fits well with him, and the necklace is a great accessory; not too bold, but adds its own little charm to the design.

As for the colors, the red and white are chosen expertly. Neither is too vibrant and they complement each other well, making for a very interesting look. I could easily see this design used in the show.

 

Now, for his personality. Everything here fits well for an honorable character, and I like the touch about his devotion to Princess Celestia, and how he feels she gives him strength; it’s a unique aspect of his character. My only fault with his personality is that he has no flaws, or at least; none that can be easily identified. His heroic nature fits well with him being treated like a legend (at least, that’s what I’m getting from it), but I feel you could delve into his flaws within the backstory to strengthen his character.

 

Speaking of backstory, I like this as well, but I feel one could delve a bit further into it. For example, you state that he is forged by battles and conflict, but still remains kindhearted. I think that a flashback or memory of a battle experience showcasing this and bringing more detail would be beneficial to his character.

 

But overall, Faith Bastion is a remarkably well-done character that stays focused with its theme, and has an amazing design

 

Grade: A+

 

 

OC: Freedom Gale  Owner: Colt

I adore Freedom Gale’s design; I literally cannot find anything to improve on or fix; this is one of the best designs I’ve ever seen. Though, I can say the same for a lot of your OCs; you really do have a knack for designs and color schemes. Anyway, the colors look beautiful together and everything flows nicely. The ornaments in her hair fit very nicely and bring an interesting and unique to her mane. The cutie mark is not overly complex, but is one of the more detailed cutie marks, and that is definitely not a bad thing in this case. If you want to do a complex cutie mark (e.g. Twilight Sparkle’s), this is the way to go about doing it. Fantastic job.

 

As for personality, it’s nothing too special, but it works nicely. I’ve seen a lot of personalities like this, but it’s not a bad one, so I can’t really complain. Somehow, you take this common personality, and make it feel fresh though, so nice work. I like the touch about her caring for certain ponies; that seems to be a common theme with these four OCs which unifies them nicely.

 

Finally, for backstory; I like what you put, but it’s a little lacking in detail. It is intriguing, but it leaves the viewer wanted to know more about her past and why she is the way she is. Now, depending on what you’re using this character for; that may or may not be a bad thing, but I wouldn’t mind learning more about her past. In the end though, it is an interesting backstory, so nice work here as well.

 

Overall, this OC has an amazing design, a somewhat common personality (that still works and feels fresh), and an interesting backstory that would benefit from more details.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

OC: Hoarfrost  Owner: Colt

 

Once again, the designs of your characters are outstanding, and Hoarfrost is no exception. His expressions bears the personality you described, and the colors all fit well together and remind me of snowy terrain. The cutie mark looks great as well. This is probably my favorite design out of these four characters (though they’re all great).

 

I don’t see this kind of personality a lot, and you bring an interesting trait to the table with his secret that he actually holds ponies dear to his heart, but others think he is cold; I really like that. I also really like his honesty trait, which combined with everything else makes for a very good personality. Nice work.

 

Hoarfrost also has my favorite backstory of the four. Unlike Freedom Gale, this character has an interesting backstory, but it has enough details to fill fleshed out while still being able to make the viewer desire more from this character. Seriously, fantastic work. This backstory goes extremely well with the personality.

 

Overall, this is a fantastic OC with a great design, personality, and backstory. Simply amazing in my eyes.

 

Grade: A+

 

 

OC: Princess Ancora  Owner: Colt

 

Again, amazing design. I don’t know how you’re able to create fantastic designs so consistently. The artist is definitely talented as well, and brings a lot to these art pieces. But anyway, Princess Ancora is no different when it comes to the great designs of this quartet. The red and yellow look splendid together, and I really like her cutie mark; it’s probably my favorite cutie mark out of the four.

 

Princess Ancora has a really cool personality as well. She certainly deserves the role she holds in the east. I don’t really have much to say for her personality other than I really like it. Nice work as usual.

 

Her backstory is one of the stronger ones of these four ponies; it’s probably the most fleshed out and detailed one to me, and I can’t think of any ways to improve it, so I say it’s good to go for your project.

 

Overall, this OC (along with the other three) is fantastic and a perfect example of how to go about making a good alicorn OC.

 

Grade: A+

Hey there! I would love it if you review my OC Pink Mist! I made a couple tweaks based on recommendations from other reviewers and I want to know how I did.

Link to her profile is below my sig.

 

OC: Pink Mist  Owner: Pink Mist

 

Starting with the design; I have a few suggestions I think would improve Pink Mist’s look. First off, the shade of pink used for her body is very vibrant and distracting, and clashes a bit with the mane color. I think it might look a better if it weren’t hot pink, and more of a softer pink. It can still look colorful, but I suggest toning it down a bit. That pink color also goes very strong against the yellow in her hair making for a very distracting design, so I suggest toning down that yellow as well.

 

My last suggestion has to do with the cutie mark. The white circle in the background of it isn’t adding much, and doesn’t go very well with Pink Mist’s color scheme. I think it could either do without the circle, or at least the dark outline of the circle.  A different color might work as well, but you’d have to play around with it.

 

Now for the positives: I really like the eye color; it goes nicely with everything else. The mane style also looks nice, and it isn’t one seen often, which is unfortunate, because it’s a really nice looking mane style.

 

Next, we have the personality. Nice and simple; I don’t have much to add. You have interests, positive traits, and negative traits; making for a very well-rounded character.

 

The backstory is simple as well, but nice. It goes well with the personality established earlier and makes sense. Nice job.

One suggestion I have though would be to add some kind of backstory for the cutie mark, or at least an explanation of what the cutie mark means. It’s a little hard to tell what it represents based on the information given.

 

Overall, this is a nice OC that could use some work on the design, but the personality and backstory are both nice; albeit simple, and they fit well together.

 

Grade: B-

Edited December 19, 2014 by Blue Moon

[Jonny Music 3,412]

I'm curious to see how you will grade my OC/ponysona/avatar. Yes, my OC is supposed to be a pony version of myself, but I'm still curious either way.

 

Pic of my OC (hand-drawn):

 

 

Pic of my OC (vectored):

 

 

My Profile: http://mlpforums.com/user/29975-jonny-music/

My OC detail from the Post your OC Thread: http://mlpforums.com/topic/74033-post-your-oc/?p=3471556

 

Note: His Cutie Mark is an organ pipe (from a pipe organ of course) just in case you didn't get that right away.

 

Take your time with your review of my OC. I'm not in a rush to know.

Edited February 5, 2015 by Jonny Music

[Plume 922]

Heyy! Could you please review my OC Remix Blitz? She's in my signature

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,302]

I don't have a pic yet, but MY OC is a cockatrice-turned-alicorn (alicornatrice) named Corncob.  Imagine a cockatrice.  Now imagine him with an exceptionally long horn protruding from his head.  Bam.  He inexplicably ascended to the state of alicornatrice during an especially rousing game of Checkers against his archenemy (a squirrel with a mechanical paw).  Afterwards, Corncob and said archenemy competed in an epic bout of tug o' war on the moon.  Spoiler: Corncob won.  He also took a correspondence course in telepathic communication and received above average marks.  His wife is Berry Punch; though Berry Punch has yet to learn of this.

[AmberDust 1,118]

http://mlpforums.com/page/eqw-characters/_/unapproved/amber-dust-r248

 

Hullo! I figured its about time I got a rating/critique on my OC.