Raskolnikov

I'm a n00b here still, but I went and checked my posts in an old forum I joined when I was 12 in 2009, and god... it's disturbing, because it just documents me being a reasonably normal if very sad kid, into a MORE depressed kid because of further child abuse, then into a total fucking asshole because of bad influences in there combined with a whole bunch of misplaced rage directed at others from the abuse I endured. I ended up sounding like such a miserable, racist, edgy and violent asshole who thinks bullying and horrible offensive jokes are funny and harmless and I wish someone had set me aside and stopped me and talked to me about shitty influences and how this behaviour is wrong, it gets worse every year seeing how awful and out of line I acted out on others at the time. And you can see how events at home made me desperately try to fix things in a shitty relationship two of my friends were having over and over again and feeling overly responsible for it until one party turns on all of us and tries to blackmail us and we find out that he's been an abusive partner behind the scenes. Fun... I'm glad I changed dramatically after just a year being away from those horrible people to the point I felt alienated from them after a lot of self reflection and better influences to my psyche, though I feel sad because some of them were abused/bullied kids too who didn't know any better but never got better influences and now are still horrible people. Fun post of mine, age 13, 2009: Aged interestingly considering I DID run away from home the moment I hit legal adulthood and the cops couldn't stop me

That's an interesting takeaway from what I said because what I had in mind was them not being who I think they could be in the future rather for who they are right now, but I think it goes the other way into what you say too, about who they are not anymore. It all comes down to fear of uncertainty doesn't it?

Kinda thoughtful, I think I get so worried for people that I never think to consider appreciating the person they are now and get curious to know who they are in this point in their life. People will grow their own ways and I don't think my thoughts respect other people's integrity enough. In some ways it feels like another form of asserting covert control rather than just being there for someone as they handle stages in their life on their own terms.

I can't believe I'm saying this but speak every language, simply because I think the stronger social aspect of language learning is harder for me and being able to skip all that harder learning and just access resources, books and social spaces in every language would be fucking AMAZING. Can you imagine the amount of research you could do? How much fact checking of the news you get by getting access to resources in other countries? The amount of foreign media masterpieces (e.g. foreign lit, cinema) that would immediately become accessible to you? The help it'd be with moving to another country and adapting lingually immediately? I would use the HELL out of that skill, EVERY DAY. The irony is I prefer instruments and learning them so picking the languages helps because I have (sadly) less motivation to dedicate myself to language learning than learning an instrument, I like the process of learning an instrument even if it sucks ass sometimes getting stuck or hitting a plateau for a while :D I still want to pick up language learning again... There is simply not enough money for all the things I want to do lol :[

Shit, sorry... I didn't mean to upset you I edited the post.

Pastries and a brownie.

GET OUT OF BED SHAME BELL TOLLS FOR THEE TOO

My brain at me, 24/7, at everything I do: That is the answer

I'd be the villain who has a tragic backstory and who has some Profound Point About Society and it's super srs bsns and you just go "shit..... the bad guy has a point....." but then you remember I also kicked a puppy so now you have to put me down like a sick dog (not the puppy) because fuck you you kicked a puppy fuckkkk But then after you kill me you find out the puppy wasn't real cos I could never kick a puppy you idiot protagonists you are so busy being holier than thou that you killed an innocent villain so NOW!!! WHO'S REALLY THE EVIL ONE HERE!!!! MWAHAHAHAHA ENJOY THE "FALL FROM GRACE" ARC AFTER I INTRODUCE SELF DOUBT INTO YOUR SOUL LOSER!!!! Vid of evil me kicking a puppy (GRAPHIC) (VIOLENT) (EVIL) !!!!IMPORTANT EDIT!!!! MLP JOKE DETECTED

I'm actually glad for the more cloudy weather for once, because it's cooled the outdoors down just enough to be more bearable

Stressed and annoyed, manager tried to call me but I don't answer that shit outside of work hours. I fixed the machine and am now using it (thank god for me), done everything, got no keys on me, can you just text please? I hate phone calls. Leave me the hell alone.

Misread the room :s

I have a lot of nonfiction books but calling it "collecting" feels wrong because my purpose for getting them is for reading not collecting 💀 though having a collection is good when you quickly need to look up or reference something... Oh yeah and music digipaks/CDs lol

Ahhh old internet memes... 🥰

Nah I love it. Keeping the staff on their toes, must have said something too based somewhere

I played Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood, Oblivion and Skyrim when the latter released that year. The rest.. mmmmm!!! Who is to say....

I find the education system to be a backwards, counterintuitive nightmare that destroys passion for learning rather than cultivates it. On a personal level though I liked being at school cos it meant not being at home... So while a lot of my childhood horrors pertain school performance I actually did like physically attending after a while simply to just be somewhere else.

This choosing shit is easy, I choose myself and let them both die so I receive all the inheritances

I bottle my heart up and use the energy to power my nuclear reactor, I sure hope there are no chances of hazardous leaks or meltdowns

When it fucking ended, god what a shit year

Pissing myself rn What if it's a spammer D:

Bruh... I'm fucking speechless omfg they should let you off work early the day before this shit to at least eat and go to bed properly it's not even productive from a business POV to have your staff tired during a meeting what!!!

I think this should probably constitute as a method of torture

How do they expect any of you to conduct a productive meeting without any sleep. A FOUR HOUR MEETING. What

I'm sorry WHAT?! When Clawdeen said morning I assumed like 6-7AM?!?!?