Respect - derived, earned, or both

[Jeric 46,860]

I have a few questions for the community.

I think that it is fair to assume that many of us have people we respect greatly. Some of these are involved in our personal lives -- such as parents, significant others, friends, and peers. A few of us may respect historical figures like Lincoln, and some respect celebrity of some form (actors, politicians, etc).

The concept of respect is often is often used interchangeably with admiration (which I have always taken to be a higher degree of respect), but for simplicity let's assume my definition is bunk or too granular and apply your own definition. What does it take for someone to have your respect? Do you feel that respect should be earned, or are there people you feel that respect should be derived by the nature of their role? How quickly can someone lose your respect? Feel free to offer any examples.

 

[Dreambiscuit 10,093]

I figure a person is entitled to respect until proven otherwise. There are different factors that can inspire my respect/admiration, and it usually stems from intelligence, humility, selflessness, tenacity or creativity. If they consistently inspire or impress, they earn my respect and admiration. Also, if someone displays respect for others they usually earn my respect right away. It can come from the nature of their role if they're good at what they do and inspire or promote the greater good, either by action or intention.

Someone can lose my respect if they're blatantly trying to insult, belittle or demean others to satisfy a power trip or just to be mean and rude. Those kinds of people aren't worth the air the rest of us should be breathing in their stead.    

[man dude man 555]

8 minutes ago, Dreambiscuit said:

I figure a person is entitled to respect until proven otherwise. There are different factors that can inspire my respect/admiration, and it usually stems from intelligence, humility, selflessness, tenacity or creativity. If they consistently inspire or impress, they earn my respect and admiration. Also, if someone displays respect for others they usually earn my respect right away. It can come from the nature of their role if they're good at what they do and inspire or promote the greater good, either by action or intention.

Someone can lose my respect if they're blatantly trying to insult, belittle or demean others to satisfy a power trip or just to be mean and rude. Those kinds of people aren't worth the air the rest of us should be breathing in their stead.    

Peoples character also develops as well, as well as someones intentions being misunderstood, and selectively perceived... sometimes a when and A refuses to speak to B, C as to devise the rightfully true reason as to why the letters shouldnt surpass A... people find quick roots for their blame, and ignore, what is not a circumstantial answer, but an ultimate answer.... uniting under colors is factitious, uniting under flags is factitious, this is the one reason I find faith admirable, aside from the obvious...

[Rapid Wind 47]

My concept is usually respect is earned. I don't tend to be the type to trust on first meeting and I will analyse from first glance onwards. When having little choice, but to have respect for another as when like meeting a hotel receptionist for the first time, but needing to check in and confirm the booking's in place and there's no unexpected hiccup, then I achieve that goal and move on. I'll greet and meet in a friendly manner, but that doesn't mean my respect has been gained. Some may say this is judgemental or harsh, but we all know first appearances can be deceiving from judging an usually friendly person to being unfriendly, to an usually unfriendly person to be friendly. You just don't know unless more comes out from the first encounter or you meet again.

[Invincible 2,091]

I give a fair amount of respect to other people. Think of it as the mental equivalent of a 'loan'. If they reciprocate - more power to them!

If they betray my respect for them, they'd have to pay it back with interest. 

 

You see, I can get behind about giving people a modicum of respect. I have a problem maintaining respect when an object is proven unworthy of my respects. I'll have a very hard time building up respect towards someone after i lost it. I can be trusting and respectful towards others, but i dislike being burned multiple times by the same person. Truthfully, i don't entirely believe in actions over words in most scenarios. I don't need someone to earn my respect. I'll automatically respect them if they prove they can maintain it.

[Olsen1987 133]

in my opinion, respect must be earned.
since one never knows who that stranger might be, then it makes little sense to just respect them out of thin air.
sure, i can be nice when meeting strangers, but that's not the same thing.
respect shouldn't be demanded either, mostly because people have different criterias as to what is respectable.

[Le Trotteur Sauvage 13,052]

Respect must be earned, sure parents, or as you say, historical figures, or other people that inspire us, are easily respected by a large groupe of people.
But the other people, more "commun" like friend, or random people that you know must earn your respect.
Per example, one of the first way to earn my respect, is to respect me. If you don't respect me, there is no way I'll will respect you, even if you're the president or a big celebrity.
In fact, absolutely nobody should be "naturally respected" because of their high rank, if your parents are dickhead, like, complete garbage who doesn't respect you or even maltreat you, well should you respect them just because they're your parents ?
Now imagine similar case with the other people that we respect automatically because of their rank, politics, star, adult people (when you're young), your teacher, police and everyone that have an authority on you.
Will you  respect them if they don't deserved it ? Can you ?

[I used to be a stranger 7,994]

Respect is a-priori and unconditional.

I may not like a man who beats me, but I would [want to] still respect him as a human being. Mainly out of a desire of whom I know he could be, possibly not because of who he presently is.

[Nerdy Luigi 2,065]

For me, I guess there would be like a "points" system of some undefinable sort, as in I have an amount of respect for someone based on how respectful they are towards other people, or how much they otherwise deserve it. I will not respect someone because they demand respect (in fact, if they do, it might make me have less respect for them, because they're basically disrespecting everyone else by demanding their respect the way I look at it.)

[cmarston1 5,959]

In my worldview I would have to say that I believe that respect is something that needs to be earned rather than handed out.

[SugarCoatxMarblePie 701]

People should have respect in free countries, but because of freedom of speech, which is a great thing, sometimes people use it to be disrespectful. Overall though its really a case by case basis and I respect people unless they really deserve to hear criticism, and don't tolerate criticism. Then I lose respect for them.

[nolongerabout 403]

There are people who have earned respect and those who deserve respect. Soldiers, the elderly, emergency services personnel, they deserve respect, the Queen deserves respect, and politicians along with the rest of us have to earn it.

 

It's the ones who demand respect that should be ignored. Politicians and arseholes, those ones are normally.

[Halberd 88]

My respect is given until that person proves they no longer deserve it.

It doesn't matter what the person's age is. I've known 40 year olds who threw fits and acted like children, and I've known pre-teens who express politeness and a willingness to get along with others.

Which one is more worthy of respect? The 40 year old, or the pre-teen?

[Sunwalker 981]

I had to think for a bit in order to respond to this, in order to look back and analyze what kind of people got my respect and what lost it.

I expect people to be honest and have an sense of honor. I can't stand those who lie, who pretend to be something that they aren't, or who hide who they are or what they think. I just can't stand arrogant or generally rude people, but when people are nice I expect them to be so honestly, without having the intention to manipulate.

The respect that comes from a position, in the way I see it, is from a different nature. Certain positions require a reverence by themselves, I see this as giving value and showing gratitude to what others do. But even then this isn't a excuse for someone acting as he pleases. Actually, when people have some power is when you can determine their true character. If they abuse their power, then my respect is completely gone.

In short, just have morals and be honest.

[Kor 70]

That's a tricky question as it involves differing levels of respect. I believe that all humans deserve some level of respect based on their humanity. However, certain attributes can effect the level of respect I have for an individual. Courageousness, humility, honesty, courtesy, kindness, etc. exhibited in someone can raise my level of respect for them. Likewise, arrogance, greediness, violence, etc. can lower my level of respect.

On 4/1/2017 at 6:00 PM, Jeric said:

Do you feel that respect should be earned, or are there people you feel that respect should be derived by the nature of their role?

I believe that some roles demand respect, although these roles need to be earned themselves. In a sense, you are still earning respect by earning your role.

[KatonRyu 1,033]

I believe that politeness is given, but respect needs to be earned. I see no reason to respect any person just for who they are. That said, I'm not exactly strict on the criteria that grant a person my respect. I can respect someone whose views are diametrically opposed to mine and yet have no respect whatsoever for a person who shares my own views. It all comes down to vague gut feelings which seem to be based on the manner in which any given person conducts himself and how many 'faces' that person seems to have. If someone's straightforward about something chances are I'll respect them, but it's certainly not a given. All in all, I tend to have more respect for people who intelligently deal with people who don't share their views and don't fall back on nonsense or intimidation to get their way.

In any case, it really grinds my gears when someone says, for instance, 'respect your elders'. I'll do so only if they earn it, and being around for a few decades longer than I have isn't sufficient to earn my respect. It's how they conduct themselves and how they've learned from their experiences that will lead me to respect them. If they're just old windbags (and there are a lot of those) I'm not going to respect them at all, though I will remain polite for the most part.

[碇 シンジン 27,433]

While respect can be quite loose subject. I personally respect people for their achievements to some extent, meaning that it isnt the only factor i value though it is major one especially if i dont have much information about the person in questien other than the achievement that i find impressive enough to respect them. Other things that i consider are the behaviour and mindset of the individual which can shed some more light into how i view that individual and it may affect on if i respect them or not.

I also try to find out their intentions and how they think things through which can significantly lower or raise the respect. 

[Yakamaru 3,127]

Respect is earned. Respect just handed out isn't respect.

When I encounter someone new they are in a state of "neutral", so to speak. I have no opinion of them one way or another. To earn or lose any respect one way or another depends on what they say, and more importantly, what they do. Same with family. They can just as easily lose my respect depending on what they say and/or do.

[Narcissus 355]

The people I most respect are the ones that don't parade their 'greatness' out in the open. The more personal value they keep to themselves, the more I admire them. A person's value isn't supposed to be worn as a badge or displayed like a trophy; it's just a matter of fact. If they truly are worthy of respect, they should have the humility to be content with their gifts rather than parading them to others and trying to show superiority, which would be a sign of weakness. I don't respect anyone based on their job title, seniority or social status. No one needs to show others what they're made of; it'll become apparent if there's anything worth showing. Then I'll respect them accordingly. 

[ZethaPonderer 2,199]

Reality is that you have to earn respect from people. Some people may respect you, others will never which they are entitled to.

 

There are two definitions of respect in which one of them can lead to some serious misunderstandings if we go by the dictionary from Cambridge,

 

1.  admiration for someone or something that you believe has good ideas or qualities.

2.  the polite attitude shown toward someone or something that you consider important.

 

The fact that people tend to assume respect and admire are interchangeable can lead to potential consequences from this line of thinking. And that is the concept of worship.

 

Here's the meaning of worship on the Cambridge Dictionary under admiration,

1.  to feel a lot of love and admiration for someone or something

 

So, Worship which is directly used as a means to pray to a deity in a religion is equivalent to Admiration which is equivalent to Respect. Hence, Worship = Admire = Respect. Something about it seems flawed, but I can't put my finger on it.

 

Maybe it has to do with the fact that if I respect someone or something, I worship them like deities?

 

Well then, I guess I should NEVER show my respects to anyone then, since it will inevitably seem like I'm worshiping them as gods. Nor should I let anyone respect me vice versa. Line of Logic here seems skewed.

 

So the 2nd definition of Respect makes more sense as its more grounded towards reality though limited.

 

And here's my subjective definition of Respect,

 

To me, it means showing a sense of toleration or appreciation for anything and anyone with what they stand for no matter what your stance is (for or against). Be they my best friend or my absolute worst enemy, I should show respect for both of them.

Edited March 19, 2018 by ZethaPonderer
Giving off my subjective meaning behind the term 'Respect' bolded out

[Guest]

I consider respect more of a natural effect than something I decide to be a thing. Two people with no former experience with each other or surface impressions do not meet with a mutual feeling of respect but rather cautious optimism, I like to think. I don't respect anyone until they earn it from me- that's not to say I'm not still very polite and cordial to people I meet. But respect has, like @Jeric mentioned, a often-confused definition. I can respect a person and not like them. I can admire a person and not respect them.

[Hierok 11,832]

Respect is earned, but I think it has to come from both sides. Especially the first meeting is important, since you make the first steps to a friendship, rivalry, or a neutral relationship. 

[The Recherche 29,969]

This is the way I see it: I respect everyone as a human being, but it can go beyond that. I respect people who I don't even know a as human being, but I respect my friends and family on a different level. Regardless, though, respect can very well be destroyed. I try to be as understanding as possible, but sometimes that's just not feasible, and the respect I have for them is promptly lost.

That's just how I feel about it, anyways! 

[EpicEnergy 23,224]

I think respect can both be derived and earned.