Ask a Royal Guard

[TheLionPaladin 164]

What is the best perk of being a royal guard? DO you get free drinks? Tickets to shows? Admiration from the mares...?

[Guest]

In your entire career as a Royal Guard, have you ever made any notable mistakes? And, like TheLionPaladin asked, what is the best perk of being a Royal Guard? 

Edited December 22, 2012 by Guest

[Jadefire 2,797]

 

So, I hear word from Princess Celestia in her Q & A that all the statues in Canterlot are Weeping Angels... Is this true?

 

What? No! Of course not. Did our princess really say such a thing? What a silly notion.

 

 

No. None of the statues in Canterlot are animate and/or attack anypony.

 

 

What is the best perk of being a royal guard? DO you get free drinks? Tickets to shows? Admiration from the mares...?

 

Heh. To be honest, I'mma gonna go with 'all of the above'. As much as my wife hates the last one.

 

But, yeah. We get a lot of respect in Canterlot, and we get a lot of benefits as part of the job. Great retirement, health plan, and so on. And you'd be surprised how many mares, and the occassional stallion, love a man in armor.

 

 

In your entire career as a Royal Guard, have you ever made any notable mistakes?

 

...nothing I really like to talk about. There was a break-in in the palace a few years ago. I was working the night shift, and...*sigh* Let's just say it got really confusing on who was breaking in and who wasn't.

Edited December 31, 2012 by Jadefire

[DJShy 873]

What are your opinions on the elements of harmony? The ponies, I mean.

 

Also, what is your opinions on Discord?

Edited December 24, 2012 by DJ-Shy3

[Theawesomechief 44]

What if I pickpocketed you just like the whiterun guards back in Skyrim?

Edited December 31, 2012 by Theawesomechief

[Jadefire 2,797]

What are your opinions on the elements of harmony? The ponies, I mean.

 

Also, what is your opinions on Discord?

 

Can't say I've ever met the lot of them myself. From what I heard, they're good ponies, but they're definately a bit ...crazy.

 

Th-that's just what hearsay says, n-not me, so there's no need to go spreading it around...

 

Anyway, as for Discord...That spirit's a danger to all of ponykind and could sit frozen in his statue for all that I care.

 

What if I pickpocketed you just like the whiterun guards back in Skyrim?

 

Edited December 31, 2012 by Jadefire

[DJShy 873]

 

Can't say I've ever met the lot of them myself. From what I heard, they're good ponies, but they're definately a bit ...crazy.

 

Th-that's just what hearsay says, n-not me, so there's no need to go spreading it around...

 

Anyway, as for Discord...That spirit's a danger to all of ponykind and could sit frozen in his statue for all that I care.

 

 

The way I see it, Discord isn't evil, just misguided. He is just a creature looking for fun, even I'd that fun comes from other's suffering. That is not evil, that is just being a bully.

 

Plus,

 

 

 

You can tell Celestia that I said "Why did you break Discord's heart?" And be sure to show her the video.

 

And if the video speaks the truth, then tell her I said, 'You are responsible for Discord's actions. It is all. Your. Falt.'

Edited December 31, 2012 by DJ-Shy3

[Blinding Light 81]

How old are the Royal Guards and what are your views on Captain. Shining Armor?

[AnonyPoni 564]

Does Equestria have any Colonies?

[Jadefire 2,797]

DJ-Shy3, on 31 Dec 2012 - 00:10, said:

The way I see it, Discord isn't evil, just misguided. He is just a creature looking for fun, even I'd that fun comes from other's suffering. That is not evil, that is just being a bully.

 

Plus,

 

 

 

You can tell Celestia that I said "Why did you break Discord's heart?" And be sure to show her the video.

 

And if the video speaks the truth, then tell her I said, 'You are responsible for Discord's actions. It is all. Your. Falt.'

"Ah, you saw that pro-Draconequui propaganda film, did ya? Well, let me put it like this. I don't know what happened fifteen hundred years ago, but getting one's heart broken is not an excuse for turning the moon into cheese and gravity into gravy and making the ponies eat the flesh of tomato-"

 

*door latch opens* "'lo? Anypony in here?"

 

"Dark? I though you were AWOL."

 

"Yeah, well, my leave request might've gotten lost in the mail or something."

 

"..."

 

"And you brought Aevum here. Might I ask why you brought Aevum here?"

 

"I was released from the hospital this morning. I was going to go home until Dark showed up and drug me here."

 

"And why didn't you let him go home, Dark? He's covered in bandages, he's clearly not fit for duty."

 

"And do what? Drown his sorrows in a carton of ice cream because he think's he's useless as a Royal Guard now thanks to a little head injury?"

 

"I got my head impaled on a-"

 

"Little head injury, yes. That's never stopped anypony in my family line before, and I'm not going to let you let it stop you from being a Guard."

 

"There you go about your family again. Do you ever think abou-"

 

"Ok, I get it. So Aevum, are you staying here?"

 

"..."

 

"Just humor me, dude. You can still answer some questions here. It'll be easy enough for you until you get your strength back."

 

"...fine. Let's get this over with. Silver, what was the current question?"

 

"...uh, I forgot. Something about gravy."

 

"Let's move on to the next one, then."

Blinding Light, on 31 Dec 2012 - 03:22, said:

How old are the Royal Guards and what are your views on Captain. Shining Armor?

"I'm 28 and Dark is 27."

 

"I'm 29, by the way. Nice little pattern here."

 

"We're a little bit young for the average. Most Royal Guards here typically run between 26 to 40 years old."

 

"Which is funny. Shining Armor himself is like, what? 24?"

 

"I'm...not really sure, actually. I thought he was older."

 

"Can't be much older than I am, though. His sister's like 18."

 

"He had a birthday recently. I think he's 25."

 

"I'll go with that."

 

"Anyway," *back to Blinding Light* "Shining Armor was a great captain. However old he is, he earned our loyalty, and we were proud to serve under him."

 

"Good boy. You got your line memorized well."

 

"Oh shut up."

AnonyPoni, on 31 Dec 2012 - 19:57, said:

Does Equestria have any Colonies?

"Yes and no. We do have settlements in unsettled areas outside of Equestria proper."

 

"Like Appleloosa and Dodge, for example."

 

"Yes. But I wouldn't exactly call them colonies."

 

"There's that one town in the Griffon kingdoms."

 

"Oh yeah, but I think that was a deal worked out with the king who owned that land."

 

"So that wouldn't technically make it a colony, I don't think."

 

*shrugs*

 

"So, yeah. Yes and no. We did have colonies a long time ago, but not so much these days."

[Doctor Shuu 797]

Why is there a wanted poster with my face on it in the town square?

Edited April 2, 2013 by Muffin Thief

[Jadefire 2,797]

Muffin Thief, on 01 Apr 2013 - 22:51, said:

Why is there a wanted poster with my face on it in the town square?

P-prince Blueblood, sir! I haven't the faintest idea who could've done such a thing! *looks at Dark*

 

Don't look at me! I didn't do it! I'm not that crazy!

 

*poker face*

 

"We-we'll send a pony right out and get that taken care of!"

Edited April 2, 2013 by Jadefire

[Electrobolt 2,069]

So, how is it like being a Royal Guard and all? Are there certain qualifications to become one? And do you ever have days off from your guard duties?

[Prince Midnight 817]

why did you fail to protect candence from me?

Edited April 2, 2013 by Midnight_Moon

[Ganaram Inukshuk 3,682]

Highways in Equestria. What do?

 

 - Ganaram Inukshuk

[Jadefire 2,797]

So, how is it like being a Royal Guard and all? Are there certain qualifications to become one? And do you ever have days off from your guard duties?

 

"I think we were already asked these questions before."

 

"Well, we're contractually obligated to answer any question we're asked, so..."

 

"It's alright, I guess. It was better up until I got my head impaled on a-"

 

"It's f*yay*ing awesome! ...what? You know it is!"

 

"Indeed. It's a lot of hard work and danger, but in the end it's worth it. There's a saying somewhere that goes something like "the greatest joy is the joy of duty.", and I think I agree with it. I'm a soldier through and through, and I simply enjoy doing what I do."

 

"You're starting to sound like Aevum here."

 

"Bite me."

 

"Later. It's not all fun and games, though. Training's a bitch, long hours, random drills, have to be in the peak of physical fitness at all hours. Paragon of virtue and all that."

 

"I agree. But if we weren't, than what's the point of the Royal Guard, anyway?"

 

"Heh, I'm not saying I hate my job. I'm just whining."

 

"Anyway," *to Electrobolt* "As for qualifications, yes. You have to be able to pass several years of basic training first just to become a new recruit, and promotions are merit based. So yeah, think army, but a wee bit harder. Also, officially, we accept any ponies from any background as long as they're able to pass the physical and intellectual standards."

 

"Thank the Gods for that..."

 

"Pardon?"

 

"Uh, nothing. What's the next question?"

 

"Days off?"

 

"Oh, yeah. We get days off, usually once or twice a week plus vacation. We'd go insane otherwise, you know?"

 

"We work long hours, and often six days a week. So some of us often just bunk in the barracks anyway."

 

"We do have lives, though. Well, most of us. Anyway, if we're out on an assignment, we can work 7 days a week. So every so often we get leave, for when we want to go home to our families or whatever nonsense."

 

 

why did you fail to protect candence from me?

 

"Oh, gods"

 

"Uhh..."

 

"Well, there's not a whole lot we can do when you can perfectly impersonate any pony you meet and our command is too idiotic to notice that a member of the Royal Family has been replaced with an imposter, thinks a terrorist attack can't include creatures that can fly or use magic, or even THE GIANT PRISON COMPLEX RIGHT UNDERNEATH OUR OWN FREAKING CAPITAL CITY! So frankly, I'm not too surprised that you were able to pull off what you did, Little Miss More-Of-A-Badass-Than-Our-Own-Monarch."

 

"Woah."

 

"Well said."

 

"Don't look at me like that. I'm technically on leave, so I'm not obligated to properly represent our organization at this particular moment."

 

"Uh...right."

 

"Can we move on?"

 

"There's a giant bug-lady standing right here. We're not going to address that?"

 

 

Highways in Equestria. What do?

 

 - Ganaram Inukshuk

 

"Well, we're not humans, so we don't have cars. So we'll hire a government department to find some way to raise money to keep it maintained while our Princesses figures out what else we can use them for."

 

"And by "we", we mean, "make the Army do it.""

 

"Besides, we have a train system that fulfills Equestria's needs for the moment."

[Prince Midnight 817]

"I think we were already asked these questions before."

 

"Well, we're contractually obligated to answer any question we're asked, so..."

 

"It's alright, I guess. It was better up until I got my head impaled on a-"

 

"It's f*yay*ing awesome! ...what? You know it is!"

 

"Indeed. It's a lot of hard work and danger, but in the end it's worth it. There's a saying somewhere that goes something like "the greatest joy is the joy of duty.", and I think I agree with it. I'm a soldier through and through, and I simply enjoy doing what I do."

 

"You're starting to sound like Aevum here."

 

"Bite me."

 

"Later. It's not all fun and games, though. Training's a bitch, long hours, random drills, have to be in the peak of physical fitness at all hours. Paragon of virtue and all that."

 

"I agree. But if we weren't, than what's the point of the Royal Guard, anyway?"

 

"Heh, I'm not saying I hate my job. I'm just whining."

 

"Anyway," *to Electrobolt* "As for qualifications, yes. You have to be able to pass several years of basic training first just to become a new recruit, and promotions are merit based. So yeah, think army, but a wee bit harder. Also, officially, we accept any ponies from any background as long as they're able to pass the physical and intellectual standards."

 

"Thank the Gods for that..."

 

"Pardon?"

 

"Uh, nothing. What's the next question?"

 

"Days off?"

 

"Oh, yeah. We get days off, usually once or twice a week plus vacation. We'd go insane otherwise, you know?"

 

"We work long hours, and often six days a week. So some of us often just bunk in the barracks anyway."

 

"We do have lives, though. Well, most of us. Anyway, if we're out on an assignment, we can work 7 days a week. So every so often we get leave, for when we want to go home to our families or whatever nonsense."

 

 

 

"Oh, gods"

 

"Uhh..."

 

"Well, there's not a whole lot we can do when you can perfectly impersonate any pony you meet and our command is too idiotic to notice that a member of the Royal Family has been replaced with an imposter, thinks a terrorist attack can't include creatures that can fly or use magic, or even THE GIANT PRISON COMPLEX RIGHT UNDERNEATH OUR OWN FREAKING CAPITAL CITY! So frankly, I'm not too surprised that you were able to pull off what you did, Little Miss More-Of-A-Badass-Than-Our-Own-Monarch."

 

"Woah."

 

"Well said."

 

"Don't look at me like that. I'm technically on leave, so I'm not obligated to properly represent our organization at this particular moment."

 

"Uh...right."

 

"Can we move on?"

 

"There's a giant bug-lady standing right here. We're not going to address that?"

 

 

 

"Well, we're not humans, so we don't have cars. So we'll hire a government department to find some way to raise money to keep it maintained while our Princesses figures out what else we can use them for."

 

"And by "we", we mean, "make the Army do it.""

 

"Besides, we have a train system that fulfills Equestria's needs for the moment."

hey, im not a bug for your information, neither am i cheese or anything else, i was born like this, but....i do appreciate the praise *smirks* youd make a fine changeling.

[Prince Midnight 817]

*shoves chrysalis out of the way* soooooooooooooo, you boys been busy lately?

[Jadefire 2,797]

*shoves chrysalis out of the way* soooooooooooooo, you boys been busy lately?

 

Who keeps letting these supervillians in he-

 

Yeah, things have been a little crazy lately, what between Aevum's injury and all.

 

And between Dark dragging me places against my will. I'm going home. *sound of a door closing*

 

What? Aevum! Hey, wait! *sound of a door closing

 

...

 

...and they're gone. Oi... *back to you* Anyway, Aevum and Dark have had a stressful week. As for the guard itself, apart from a stampede we had in the city just a li'l while ago, things have been fairly peaceful here in the capitol. Some of the other guards are itching for something to happen, but I'm just just enjoying the calm here.

[Prince Midnight 817]

Hmm.....*smirks* well i may need to liven things up 

[Jadefire 2,797]

Hmm.....*smirks* well i may need to liven things up 

 

Hmm, nah. Things are lively enough. Besides, ma'am, I think "liven"ing things up might put you under scrutiny, and I don't think that's something you particularly want right now, miss "Rarity".

[Prince Midnight 817]

Please, call me Nightmare. *smiles innocently*

[100 beasts kaidou 321]

Prince Blueblood: I am going to need your help on something, But you must swear you won't tell anypony, not even my aunt, its a matter of life and death for millions of ponies.

[AnonyPoni 564]

So what kind of benefits do you guys get? Health Care? Education? Does the Equestrian Government offer a sort of "GI BIll?"

 

And is the Royal Guard a separate branch of your Military or more like a corps in something else?

[Jadefire 2,797]

Please, call me Nightmare. *smiles innocently*

 

Right, Mrs. Nightmare.

 

Prince Blueblood: I am going to need your help on something, But you must swear you won't tell anypony, not even my aunt, its a matter of life and death for millions of ponies.

 

Does it have to do with that Ponyville thing again? Your aunts were pretty clear on how the guard needs to stand on that matter.

 

So what kind of benefits do you guys get? Health Care? Education? Does the Equestrian Government offer a sort of "GI BIll?"

 

And is the Royal Guard a separate branch of your Military or more like a corps in something else?

 

(Disclaimer: I have no idea how real life military works)

 

We get similar benefits to the regular military, which I 'ear is similar to how Human military benefits work. We get a pretty decent scholarship for our services, for one. Then there's nice retirement benefits, as well as decent quality health and life insurance, and the government covers all health expenses for injuries we sustain in the line of duty. Some of these benifits expand to immediate family, too; for example I think Dark's li'l brother got some welfare support a year or two back for something or another, riding on Dark's benefits somehow.

 

There are, though, lobbying groups who are pushing for better rehabilitation services for us. But since we haven't really been at war in a couple centuries, there hasn't been a helluva lot a progress.

 

As for if we're a corps or a branch, it's, uh ...kinda hard to explain. The Guard has been in place since the founding of Equestria, as we evolved out of a fusion of the Unicornian Crown's bodyguards and the Pegasai's praetorian knights. We were later put under military jurisdiction after the military was established. So to answer your question: we're kinda a bit of both. We operate like a branch; we're our own independent group with our own chain of command; though we're much smaller and much more specialized than the other branches, more akin to a corps.