Do you care what others think of you?

[Gone Airbourne 21,977]

Simply put do you believe it is easier for some to not care about what others think about them and harder for some? If you have an easy time not caring about what others think about you what kinds of tips could you tells others in becoming more like this? I know everyone in this world is different and somethings are easier for some where it could be hard for another. 

 

I have been slowly been getting better about not caring about others think of me yet still I'm not exactly at a point where I'd like to be. Sometimes I do tend to get paranoid about what others think but not as much as when I was younger.

[Kafooku 156]

In my opinion, I feel like it's harder for some to not care about what others' think. It's some of our human nature, we want to be accepted by society. And for some, it's easier because I think they feel comfortable with being who they actually are and having stable friends and possibly family?
 

Correct me if I'm wrong.

[Vemillia Nightshade 2,247]

Truthfully, it in essence typically very hard for most to cope and deal with the thoughts of others. Those who have learned to easily ignore the thoughts of others are strong willed but in turn hold some dark secrets themselves. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to ignore some of what is said to you, but it take practice and can stir up a lot of emotions that'll be hard to contain. This is why I use music, drawing, or meditation as mediums to resist what I could end up doing to others.

I'd recommend that. Use a skill of yours you have, to outlet your inner aggressions. If you like drawing, you could draw out what your thinking. If you like writing, you can write out all the negative things you wish you could do. If you like gaming, you can use it as an outlet to get rid of heavy frustrations. If music calms you, you can either listen to it, or make your own music to express your feelings. There are many methods, and each is to the specifications to what people can do. Do what your best at to move on form what was said about you. It'll be hard but it gets easier the more you do it.

[Overlord0909 479]

It's not a bad thing to care what others think of you, it just may be tough to handle some stress that comes with that fact. I personally don't care what everyone thinks of me, because I like myself, and my friends who know me well like me (I think... ), and my family likes me too, so who cares? But still, wanting social acceptence is fine and actually quite normal. The way to deal with it is, to just love yourself, and show everyone the same respect, and hopefully they will treat you the same regards back.

 

I think I said that clear enough... XD

[MountainDrew 1,877]

I'm extremely paranoid that I'll end up upsetting my friends, so I try to be as nice as possible but sometimes I let my negativity get the best of me.

 

I care a little less about what my family thinks of me, because they're family and we should all love each other no matter what.  If they don't love me for who I am then they can leave me alone, because I don't want to hear anything that they have to say.  My stepdad gets a blank stare whenever he talks to me now because he is a horrible person that doesn't deserve my respect.

 

Everyone else can say whatever they want to me and about me.  I'm like a brick wall when it comes to insults from people that I couldn't care less about or have no meaningful relation to.

 

My advice, be nice to your friends and family, and ignore all the ignorant/hateful opinions you come across.  Or just laugh at all the insults you receive that aren't constructive criticism.  That works too 

 

I also play video games to get rid of my pent-up anger caused by things that drive me up the wall.

[Pinkamena-Pills 6,839]

I think it doesn't take much to tell im not interested in other's peoples negative thoughts on me in general. I do, however, appreciate the positive, even from those i do not know. 

 

I simply see no point in caring about what random person #56642 thinks about me, especially if i have no respect for them. They are just another single grain of sand on a beach.

In layman's terms: Fuck them.

 

Personally, i believe caring too much for what others think is a bad thing, i cannot imagine how it could be healthy for ones mind to literally care for everything anyone thinks about them, i could only imagine the turmoil that would cause, and those who usually do care too much, are usually the kind of person that want's everyone under the sun to think something positive about them, and that's just not realistic in this world. This isn't ponyville. 

 

I do, however, think it's good to care about those who you value and respect think of you, they are not random person #7709222, they are *insert w/e person you truly value*, they care about you, as you do them, they wish to better you(atleast i hope so), so if they have a opinion about you that they truly feel that if you took into consideration that it would better you, than i think that's worth caring about. Also, probably good to atleast care abit about what your employer/employees ect. think about you.

Tho do not loose who you truly are, those who you value you may not agree with what negative things they think of you, and while it may hurt abit, don't let it destroy the real you. 

 

 

tldr; don't care about randoms, care about those you actually give a damn about, don't loose yourself in the process. 

Edited June 25, 2015 by Pinkamena-Pills

[Aura Nightlight 24]

Hmm, that can be difficult to explain. I myself am a people pleaser, but I don't do it be choice. I try very hard not to think of what that other someone thinks about me. But I can't help but wonder. I would say it's harder to easier to know you care, rather than trying desperately hard to convince yourself that you don't. It's all just a matter of what you want your life to be influenced by.

[SparklingSquirrels 21,295]

Yeah I think it's easier for some people. Still, I think it's important to care about what others think of you, since if you don't, then you'll have no friends.

[DND 2,355]

I think It's a little too common for people to get overlly concerned of themselves instead of looking at a bigger picture that includes the point of view of others around them, and valuing them to the extent of true mutual understanding. That being said, this is just asking for the majority of people being too concerned about their facade to others in seek of personal ease. I think it is quite common for people to miss social cues because of this form of stress. Social anxiety makes one less than inspired to jump into communcative situations.

Edited June 24, 2015 by IncognitoKiwoy

[Smarts 1,622]

Heh, I don't care what others think of me.

[Steel Accord 6,660]

Personally, I think it's a voluntary thing. I myself am very much an open brony, damn the opinions of others.

 

In contrast, both of my brothers clearly hinge parts of themselves on the impressions they give their friends. Not even strangers, their friends, the people who shouldn't care and should in fact accept you!

 

I never understood it. I'm not immune to embarrassment, but that usually hinges on how I perform at a task, not what I like.

 

So I guess I would say . . . choose not to care. It can't be that difficult can it? Or if you must care, at least prioritize what actually matters, such as your honor or character, not your popularity.

[Banul 3,831]

I wish I was the kind of person who could shrug off what other people say about them. In reality, I have a lot of social related anxiety that causes me to, when bad things are said about me, dwell on it for a long time and be very sensitive to embarrassment. 

[Fender 1,283]

I'll never perfect it, but I'd argue that I've gotten quite good at not giving a shit what people think about me.

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 41,195]

I am a mixed bag on this question. I certainly don't care about what others think of my interests if they think negatively on it. If I did I would always be in a bad mood because of anti-Bronies. I simply embrace what I enjoy. That is what we all should do I think. However, when I am out and about and there are other people around, I am constantly paranoid about what other people might be thinking of me. That is part of my social anxiety I think and that is probably what fuels it. So I am 50/50 on it. 

[Guest]

Yeah I think it's easier for some people. Still, I think it's important to care about what others think of you, since if you don't, then you'll have no friends.

Hmm...

 

Seems as the days pass me by the more this statement is seemingly coming to pass for me but yet again. This thing about getting older the less things take me for surprise and coming to terms with how things are. Well somethings you just have to accept and go on about your life. But certainly as I've gotten older and the more experiences you go through will make it easier not to care about others opinions even if you jeopardize some frienships.

[SparklingSquirrels 21,295]

Hmm...

Seems as the days pass me by the more this statement is seemingly coming to pass for me but yet again. This thing about getting older the less things take me for surprise and coming to terms with how things are. Well somethings you just have to accept and go on about your life. But certainly as I've gotten older and the more experiences you go through will make it easier not to care about others opinions even if you jeopardize some frienships.

You don't seem that old to me; I don't think 21 is very old

[Guest]

It's all well and good to not "care" what other people may think of you, but in the long run - you still have to get your game face on and leave a good first impression, especially in terms of jobs and new friendships.

[Miles 2,512]

Truthfully, it in essence typically very hard for most to cope and deal with the thoughts of others. Those who have learned to easily ignore the thoughts of others are strong willed but in turn hold some dark secrets themselves. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to ignore some of what is said to you, but it take practice and can stir up a lot of emotions that'll be hard to contain. This is why I use music, drawing, or meditation as mediums to resist what I could end up doing to others.

 

Yeah... 

 

Yet, at the same time, the opposite can be true.  Keeping secrets because you do care about what others would think.

 

---

 

It's complicated for me.

 

And explaining the complication of it sort of serves as an example of what I said above. 

 

You see, I am a strong willed person, but still care about what [most] others think of me.  But there's more to it than that.  And I kind of feel bad for what I'm about to say.  I mean, I truly strive to be a nice person, and usually I am because I'm a very caring, loving person at the core.  But one of my secrets I'm ashamed of is that I can be judgmental of people.  And probably not in the way that might first come to your mind.  I don't mean I judge others about themselves and what they do or like, etc.  But, what I mean is that once someone crosses me (and it would take something significantly bad for me to say someone has done so), I tend to not just stop caring about what they think of me, but, also I stop caring about what I think of them.  

 

But I promise that there aren't many people I feel that way about.  

 

Some general examples of things others have done that have turned me away from them (of which all are separate instances) are:

 

Bullying me.

Accusing me of things I never did, and never believing I was telling the truth when I said I didn't, even though I was telling the truth.

Breaking a friendship with me, out of nowhere, for no good reason, and ignoring me when I tried to fix it.

 

And one other thing,

 

Certain family members disrespecting me and my parents, and saying the way my parents raised me and the values my parents taught me are wrong, despite the fact that my parents are older and wiser than those certain family members.

 

-_- 

 

*Sigh,* I wish that wasn't so.  And it's bad because my parents didn't take as much offense to that as I did; and they didn't turn away from those certain family members like I did.  It's bad because I am in the wrong to feel the way I do about them.  It's not like me to be like that.  But the circumstances of the situation caused me to be so badly irked that I still haven't been able to shake it off.  So, anymore I just don't give a damn about what those certain family members think, do, or say, at all.  

 

---

 

Well, shucks,  I didn't think this would turn into a vent like it did.  Sorry.    

 

---

 

So, back to how I feel about what others think of me.

 

In general, besides the few and far in between that I consider to have crossed me, I do typically care a lot about what others think of me.  It might not always seem that way because I don't typically wear my heart on my sleeve IRL.  But at the end of the day, being strong willed allows me to keep being myself.  God knows, I'm not one to be easily changed.  Though, I'll be more apt to change when someone is showing genuine care and concern towards me rather than casual/impersonal distaste towards me.  

 

I think I'm a pretty easy going guy, and that it's easy to get along with me in real life.  I respect everyone who respects me.

 

~ Miles

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,301]

I don't, in general, allow what others think of me to decide how I behave or who I am.  How well I listen to the message is largely dependent on the messenger.  There are a handful of people whose opinions actually matter to me (and to whose counsel I would listen), but the people who really care about me won't try and force me to change.  They know me well enough to guide me rather than to push me.

 

But if some faceless, tactless, instantly forgettable asshat has an issue with me, it's more their problem than it will ever be mine.  If something about me makes some more or less complete stranger angry or frustrated, their anger and frustration belong to them.  I'm at the point in my life where I'm simply unwilling to stow myself - or my "eccentricities" - away in a closet.

[An Unknown Pony. 370]

Well,I Don't give two shits about others thinking of me,but then sometimes i do,it depends on what their opinion is and who the other person is.

[Guest]

I really don't give a shit what other people think of me, I am who i am and if you don't like it I don't care.

[Lisa 5,553]

I'm extremely paranoid about what others think of me. Ever since I started high school.

 

At the end of every conversation, I think of these questions in my head:

- Did I come off as demanding/authoritive?

- Did I come off as a pushover/gullible?

- Did I make the right gestures?

- Is my physical appearance okay?  

    - Is my hair messy?

    - Is my hair oily? 

    - Do I have any disgusting pimples on my face?

    - Is my makeup messy?

    - Do I have any sort of marks on my face?

- Did I speak too softly?
- Did I speak too loudly?

- Did I come off as weird? 

- Did I come off as a person who has no idea what they're talking about?

- Did I seem awkward?

Edited June 25, 2015 by Monique

[Guest]

I'm extremely paranoid about what others think of me. Ever since I started high school.

 

At the end of every conversation, I think of these questions in my head:

- Did I come off as demanding/authoritive?

- Did I come off as a pushover/gullible?

- Did I make the right gestures?

- Is my physical appearance okay?

- Is my hair messy?

- Is my hair oily?

- Do I have any disgusting pimples on my face?

- Is my makeup messy?

- Do I have any sort of marks on my face?

- Did I speak too softly?

- Did I speak too loudly?

- Did I come off as weird?

- Did I come off as a person who has no idea what they're talking about?

- Did I seem awkward?

When I started high school I was a lot like this. For me I'd always end up being so worried about trying to "connect/fit in" with others. Or try changing who I was to try and be accepted. Although throughout high school I was much more paranoid of what others thought of me, on my senior year my mindset began to change and well my senior year was my favorite year of high school.

 

Over the years since then I've changed completely as a person but if one thing I've found true the older you'll tend to get the less you will care what others think. At least for me this has been true.

 

But it's true through what someone else may find easy to deal with could be a completely different story for someone else since we're all different and handle things differently which is completely alright. Someone a few years ago whenever I was at work told me that and he said to not to worry but that actually helped me a lot by hearing that.

[Pastel 7,629]

I've never cared about what the others think of me. I think it only depends on the person, for some it's easy, for others it's much harder...

 

I'm extremely paranoid about what others think of me. Ever since I started high school.

 

At the end of every conversation, I think of these questions in my head:

- Did I come off as demanding/authoritive?

- Did I come off as a pushover/gullible?

- Did I make the right gestures?

- Is my physical appearance okay?

- Is my hair messy?

- Is my hair oily?

- Do I have any disgusting pimples on my face?

- Is my makeup messy?

- Do I have any sort of marks on my face?

- Did I speak too softly?

- Did I speak too loudly?

- Did I come off as weird?

- Did I come off as a person who has no idea what they're talking about?

- Did I seem awkward?

Woah I think you care a bit too much about that. If there was something really wrong, they'd have said it (if they're honest).

I don't think people care that much about the others, they generally care about themselves first. Just like you do, others care about how they are and how they look like, and they will tend to forget if their friends did or said something wrong...

 

(just my opinion, I might be wrong )

Edited June 25, 2015 by Blobulle

[Starlight Sky 374]

There are several things that influence our predilections, down to the genetic level, but anyone can improve their abilities.

 

A useful point of departure is what we build our self-image around and what makes us feel insecure. Understanding the standards/culture/values we've adopted allows us to start guiding our growth.

 

Anxiety's accompanied me for several reasons, and when it comes to worrying what others think, these are what helped me:

 

1) I'm privileged enough to focus solely on personal worries. Finances are stable, environments safe, etc. Compounded stressors reduce only feed off each other. When I finally switched majors, to something I actually cared about, a good chunk of my anxieties settled.

 

2) I'm determined to always be myself; I love me 

 

When I first watched MLP, I wondered what people were thinking of my pony desktop; but I never changed it because of that. As time went by without any altercations, and my love for the show grew, I became far less likely to worry about it - and if I happen to get self-conscious, it's not nearly as long. It's become normalized.

 

This could be it's own point, but I'll just say that the expectations you hold for yourself and others is an important one. As you navigate all the social boundaries people throw around, you learn to see them with holding yourself to them. And when you expect better of people, and embrace yourself, there's less hesitation.

 

3) I have a great support system. My roommates/best friends never treated me differently after learning I'm transgender. And having them with me when I first wore a skirt in public definitely made it easier. I could focus on them over others.

 

My parents haven't been as embracing, but they're coming around. I became pretty distant from them after how they were "handling it", but started talking openly with them again. During that time though, I felt more aggressive than usual, and had a sharper tongue to cut down my fears; but that's not what I wanted. It brought a sense of control, but at the cost of my own happiness.

 

I want to be free. Genuinely free from anxiety and unafraid to be me. We live in this world with others, and are bound to buck heads, but that doesn't mean we should sacrifice our civility. We deserve better than that.

 

 

Final words: Life doesn't always pan out cleanly, so you gotta grow as you go. And growth isn't usually linear, so don't worry about making mistakes. Just find what's important to you, and treasure it. If your foundation's strong, and you find good friends, then the rest should fall into place.

 

 

Hope it helps a bit, and always here if you want to talk more.

 

All the best

Edited June 25, 2015 by Starlight Sky