When hearts grow cold. Chapter one: Shadows fall [epic] [adventure] [dark]

[Scribblegroove 565]

When shadows fall

Over the valleys
Beneath the clouds that obscure the sun
Who can recall
A dream, once it's over
And everything's been said and done

If I could hold you in my arms just one more time
If I could simply take away the distance between our minds
Forget the sadness in your eyes
The bitterness and lies
No love can hold
When hearts grow cold

History is about to come to the present… To seek retribution.

-------------------------

When hearts grow cold: Chapter one
 

 

Greetings everyone. Over the last months I’ve been in a ton of roleplays, and each of them had very interesting perks to them. I’ve hosted a few roleplays in the past, but I decided I was going to do it differently this time. I’ve taken a few aspects of every roleplay I really enjoyed and created this. Maybe you’ll recognise some things. Just know that if you think I’m stealing ideas, I’m merely trying to make this roleplay as pleasurable as possible by taking the best of all roleplays I’ve been in. I hope that makes sense

Not very long ago, a powerful artefact was stolen from the ‘Starswirl the Bearded’ section of the Canterlot library. This powerful artefact could grant power and knowledge to the wrong kind of pony. Despite the countless safety precautions taken a thief still managed to break in and steal the artefact. Not many ponies have seen the act of stealing itself, but a few clues have been left behind.

Alongside this problem rumours have spread of a notorious gang causing trouble all over Equestria, leaving trails behind in several locations. Nopony knows what they are up to yet, but they’ve been stealing and breaking into places for a while now. Some are more frightened by this group than others, claiming that they are more organised and precise than all other criminals that came before them.

Your character has been sent a letter and called upon by the princesses to search for the artefact, and perhaps retrieve some more information about who did it, and if they have anything to do with the obscure gang of thieves. You will travel alongside other ponies in the same situation as you in a party, each of you fulfilling a different role. Your first task is to come to Canterlot so you can be informed of the situation and ask any questions you may have.
 

 

I would like you to apply your character for a certain role. In the roleplay itself your character will receive a letter requesting them to join the travelling party fulfilling that specific role. It would also be nice to give the princesses a reason to choose you in your character application. Is your character the best in his trade? Perhaps he’s been loyal to the crown up until now, or has expressed his will to support the princesses before. This is not obligatory however.

The different roles are as follows:

Roles:
Guard/Soldier:

Since the party will be facing dangers on their journey, there has to be somepony that can protect them. A heavyweight of some sort that can overcome most physical problems, is proficient with some sort of weaponry and can make decisions in combat. Your character doesn’t have to be completely oriented around combat however.

Mage:

In many situations a mage is very useful. Thus it is important that there is a unicorn proficient with advanced magic present in the party. The mage shouldn’t be combat-oriented though. More so a wizard specialising in utility, research or transmutation spells. That doesn’t mean your character can’t fight, just don’t come up with a battle mage.

Scout/Rogue:

Somepony who’s either too quick to be caught, or too stealthy to be seen. Who can infiltrate and investigate when nescesary. Is it a master of disguise, a mage of illusion or just a really fast Pegasus? That’s up to you.

Detective:

This story is full of intrigue. Somepony has to be clever enough to connect the dots, to see the story behind the facts. As the scouts infiltrate and the diplomats negotiate, when the mages decipher and the soldiers interrogate, the detective sits behind it all, waiting for the moment he's struck with the solution.

Diplomat:

When it comes to negotiating, it’s important that you have a professional with you. The diplomat is a pony with a silver tongue, a witty mind and a strong will. Manipulative and cunning, a diplomat can coerce anyone to his or her purpose.

Navigator:

This party is going to travel a lot, sometimes even through uncharted area. To have a pony who knows his way around anywhere is vital if you do not want to get lost. The navigator is in charge of the parties direction, keeping them out of dangerous areas, and is most knowledgeable of the environment.

Doctor/medic:

If anypony becomes injured and impedes the parties’ pace, it is best to have a pony with a medical license at hand to fix the injury as quickly as possible. The medic might even be the most important of all, because he can get anypony back on their hooves. How he does so is up to you, but strengthening others and helping others recover is your sole purpose.

These roles are taken pretty loosely. It’s more to make sure the party has a variety of different skillsets. You don’t necessarily have to be a warrior to fulfil the soldier role, and you won’t precisely be playing a soldier at all times either. As long as your character somewhat fits the description it’ll be fine. Surprise me with something original! I like that

Application template:

  Reveal hidden contents

Name:

Role:

OC page link:

Special equipment:
 

 

Rules.

 
- No god modding, no powerplaying and no Metagaming.
If a character isn't yours. You can't control them. Simple. Taking control of another players character is strictly forbidden. There might also be things that you yourself, as an OOC person knows, that your character doesn’t know. Make sure you keep track of what and what isn’t within your characters knowledge. Also don’t entirely base your character around their powers or exceptional talent. Sure, it can be a very major factor, but it is important that they have an actual character, and are also not too powerful. There are many examples in which you can try to avoid this rule, but please use common sense and don’t do it.

- No Mary / Gary Sue behaviour.
Your character is not perfect in any way. Neither personality, nor appearance, nor talents and powers. Just keep things like that in mind.
 
-Post length.
200 character posts have their place and their uses, but they shouldn't be the norm. I don't like imposing a minimum character limit as short posts are sometimes needed, but I expect a minimum average of 400 characters and would hope that people aim for a minimum of 600 characters. Of course, when travelling, or when there aren’t a lot of things happening, you can greaten the length of your post by spending more time with inner dialogue or describing scenery. That will flesh out the environment and make it easier for others to come up with ideas to write about.

- Post Quality.
Please take your time to proofread your posts for grammar, punctuation and spacing. Don’t just make your posts fun to read, make them easy to read!

- Respect other players.
Your characters may come to hate each other: you shouldn't hate each other as players though. This is a roleplay, not a competition. It's not worth falling out over.

- Communication and activity
Please make sure to let us know if you aren’t going to be able to post for a while, and also try to post at least twice a week. It makes it a whole lot easier to keep the roleplay going. My main objective is to finish this roleplay to the end, and I will take measures to keep it alive! This will include kicking people and inviting new members into the roleplay at some point.

On the point of communication, it’s also great if you talk to each other. About things happening in the RP, but also about posting activity. Lots of roleplays I’ve been in died because everyone was waiting on each other…
 
 

Accepted characters:

Guard/Soldier:

@PonyOfWar as War

Mage:

@PathfinderCS as Stargazer

Scout/Rogue:

@Dark Horse as Nova Nightstar

Diplomat:

@Lil' Lovebug as Amber Whiskey

@SilverHeart as Mirror Image

Navigator/Detective:

@Golbez as Logic Bomb

Doctor/medic:

@EQ_Theta as Salus "Salve" Veta

 

One last thing!

I'm still working out the concept of this RP, and there might be things unclear in this OOC. I've got much more information than is actually displayed here. If you have questions, please do ask them. I can explain things that are unclear, and possibly add to the current OOC explanation so things will become clearer.

I won't bite, please ask as many questions as you want!

Edited April 28, 2017 by Scribblegroove

[Maple Bat 3,568]

I would like to join I was someone on that first post but you didnt give me a mention but that's ok I found it on the new topics.

Anyways I do have a question Do you think you could accept a role that is unlisted because I would like to be an archer with my OC.

[PonyOfWar 126]

I would like to take part! This sounds great. My OC is best suited to be a Soldier/Guard so I will try for that role.

Name: War

Role: Soldier (The OC was built for tanking/fighting) 

Character Link: 

Equipment: Double bladed magic-ish sword(?) and set of heavy armor. 

-If he is to OP or anything I don't mind to change things around for the sake of specific role plays, just let me know.

Edited April 25, 2017 by PonyOfWar

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 2:30 AM, Maple Bat said:

I would like to join I was someone on that first post but you didnt give me a mention but that's ok I found it on the new topics.

Anyways I do have a question Do you think you could accept a role that is unlisted because I would like to be an archer with my OC.

Expand  

 

  On 2017-04-25 at 2:41 AM, PonyOfWar said:

I would like to take part! This sounds great.

Expand  

To the both of you, you're welcome to join and I'm glad you're interested, but please make sure you read the entire OP and apply according to this format:

Name:

Role:

OC page link:

Special equipment:

Also maple bat, you archer idea seems fine, but try to adhere to the roles. If he's a soldier/guard, maybe he'll use a crossbow of some sort and stick close to his opponents to threaten them. If he's a rogue, maybe he'd be more of a sniper or ranger type that can sneak around to find a perfect spot.

Many 'archer' characters have many more talents besides their main craft! Try to see what kind of role you can fill.

 

If you reall insist on making a separate role, you can suggest it by writing a similar role text as the one I've created, something around two sentences describing what seperates the archer from the rogue or guard.

 

[PonyOfWar 126]

Edited my other post to match that formate just as you replied. I hope he works out.  

Edited April 25, 2017 by PonyOfWar

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 2:53 AM, PonyOfWar said:

Edited my other post to match that formate just as you replied. I hope he works out.  

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I like the idea of his personality. A knuckleheaded but respectable soldier and commander with discipline but a lack of wit, being slightly naive. Strong and talented and a true teamworker, but also one to overextend and overestimate his own strength.

I dislike most of his powers an background however. A wolverine-like labgrown experiment, a genetic superweapon... It has it's places and uses and is a very cool idea in it's own right, but not for this RP.

I'd suggest that him (and his brothers, if you wish to include them. Gives me a few hooks into his character) are soldiers who have been deployed in various dangerous places around the world. As 'war' is pretty much nonexistent within equestria, maybe he's fought liberation wars in continents abroad, or explored new lands with dangerous creaters, and led various expeditions giving him a lot of experience.

As for your gear and powers... pyromancy is a straight no. I'd also say that he simply has a swird of immensely high quality that CAN be enchanted by mages. An item that can be easily enchanted is already amazing on it's own, as it allows party mages to enhance it temporarily, and maybe one day youll find a way too make it permanently magical.

As for his armor, I'd suggest that it's heavy armor with a relatively simple enchantment. It's been made lighter, but only for the one wearing it. This allows greater flexibilty and flight, but still makes you massive for anyone trying to move you. 

Instead of a healing factor, maybe War is just used to making himself go to the brink of death. Yor surges of adrenaline allow you to go much farther and survive much longer. You still need a healer to survive in the long run, but you can keep going absurdly long within a fight. You never succumb until your wounds are truly fatal!

 

What do you think. If you have any suggestions of your own do let me know!

[silvermoon15000 337]

I like this idea, definitely one of the better ones I've seen recently, I'll my oc here and let you decide if he makes it or if certain changes need to be made.

Name: Silvermoon

Role: Scout/Rogue

OC page link: in my signature (if it doesn't work or you need the link I'll put it here)

Special Equipment: 2 short swords, and light use in summoning magic (if that is not ok I'll get rid of it)

 

And I do have one question, you mentioned a sniper, are guns allowed?

 

[PonyOfWar 126]

  On 2017-04-25 at 3:18 AM, Scribblegroove said:

I like the idea of his personality. A knuckleheaded but respectable soldier and commander with discipline but a lack of wit, being slightly naive. Strong and talented and a true teamworker, but also one to overextend and overestimate his own strength.

I dislike most of his powers an background however. A wolverine-like labgrown experiment, a genetic superweapon... It has it's places and uses and is a very cool idea in it's own right, but not for this RP.

I'd suggest that him (and his brothers, if you wish to include them. Gives me a few hooks into his character) are soldiers who have been deployed in various dangerous places around the world. As 'war' is pretty much nonexistent within equestria, maybe he's fought liberation wars in continents abroad, or explored new lands with dangerous creaters, and led various expeditions giving him a lot of experience.

As for your gear and powers... pyromancy is a straight no. I'd also say that he simply has a swird of immensely high quality that CAN be enchanted by mages. An item that can be easily enchanted is already amazing on it's own, as it allows party mages to enhance it temporarily, and maybe one day youll find a way too make it permanently magical.

As for his armor, I'd suggest that it's heavy armor with a relatively simple enchantment. It's been made lighter, but only for the one wearing it. This allows greater flexibilty and flight, but still makes you massive for anyone trying to move you. 

Instead of a healing factor, maybe War is just used to making himself go to the brink of death. Yor surges of adrenaline allow you to go much farther and survive much longer. You still need a healer to survive in the long run, but you can keep going absurdly long within a fight. You never succumb until your wounds are truly fatal!

 

What do you think. If you have any suggestions of your own do let me know!

Expand  

Glad you like his personality, I worked hard to make sure he has depth and isn't some mindless fighter. 

And about his back story, yeah I didn't get to much into it for the sake of the Fanfic but it's quite a bit different from wolverine when I get into it. Of course I like the backstory idea you have, it could substitute for his canon one. His brothers aren't really blood related in his canon either, it's just what he considers the other artificial ponies. I could just make them his special tasks unit...I think I can expand on this idea for the sake of this RP. I just need to catch myself before I make a mistake while responding.

I will type up a special profile for this to try and remind myself.

I can lose the pyro for this RP, I will just have to watch out for that and remember he doesn't have it. This is the first RP not to approve of the pyromancy, but it's all cool. It does sound like this will be more down to earth mlp RP that way and it puts my mind at ease about other characters who join. Gives the impression none will get in over powered. 

I can also get behind the sword and armor changes as well as making him super hard to kill rather then regenerative. 

EDIT: I made an updated profile for War for this RP. Please tell me what you think  sorry if it's full of typos when you read it. It's late here, I will clean it up when I get the time tomorrow and make more changes if need be.

Edited April 25, 2017 by PonyOfWar

[EQ_Theta 465]

Name: Salus "Salve" Veta

Role: Doctor/Healer

OC page link: 

Special equipment: Quarterstaff, light armor, saddle bag with some medical supplies
 

I'm still open to changing this if it looks like my character might be OP 

[Maple Bat 3,568]

Name: Maple Bat

Role: Rouge 

OC Page link:

Equipment: She has Her Night Guards Armor, A black cloak she wears to hide with in darker areas.

She also has her Bow (which I have not put in her character bio because its still kinda a W.I.P but I would like to try it here) it was given to her by luna which shoots magic arrows that judge the heart of the person hit by it and if they dont have bad or negative intentions then it doesnt hurt them. It was meant to be a weapon used against changelings but then the changelings turned good and its value diminished but she stay loyal to Princess luna and continues to use it. (I'll exclude this if it seems Overpowered like i said its more of an idea)

 

[Lil' Lovebug 1,041]

Ah darn. Looks like I got distracted too long and lost the Medic role. Whoops. Well then, same char, different role. (probably fits this one better anyways)

Name: Amber Whiskey

Role: Diplomat

OC page link: 

Special equipment: A wagon, an easily concealed dagger, and some whiskey.

 

I hope she's okay. I can try to flesh her out more if I need too. I never really used her for more then a support character.

Edited April 25, 2017 by Lil' Lovebug

[SilverHeart 741]

Hi Scribblegroove, I noticed you posted a link to an older RP. Is this an ad seeking more players to continue that RP or is this a new start of that RP? I just want to know if I need to do some reading or not to prepare for the RP should I be accepted. Let me know if you need more information than this.

Name: Mirror Image

Role: Scout

OC page link:

Special equipment: Her purple cloak and her mask, though other than being comfort items for her, I don't think there's anything really special about them. She would probably carry a dagger or a knife for self-defense/combat. Other than that, she generally travels light. She'll have her saddle bags,  which she'll carry general supplies in.

 

 

 

[Leavemealone 547]

Name: Starlight Shimmer

Role: Mage

OC page link: 

Special equipment: She has a small bag that contains all of her spellbooks as well as components and various medicines.

[Dark Horse 12,964]

This is a reboot of an older RP then? I'm kind of intrigued by the premise although the OC I'd like to bring along for such an adventure doesn't have a character page yet. I'll try and get on that and if there are still spots available by then I may apply myself.

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 3:44 AM, PonyOfWar said:

Glad you like his personality, I worked hard to make sure he has depth and isn't some mindless fighter. 

And about his back story, yeah I didn't get to much into it for the sake of the Fanfic but it's quite a bit different from wolverine when I get into it. Of course I like the backstory idea you have, it could substitute for his canon one. His brothers aren't really blood related in his canon either, it's just what he considers the other artificial ponies. I could just make them his special tasks unit...I think I can expand on this idea for the sake of this RP. I just need to catch myself before I make a mistake while responding.

I will type up a special profile for this to try and remind myself.

I can lose the pyro for this RP, I will just have to watch out for that and remember he doesn't have it. This is the first RP not to approve of the pyromancy, but it's all cool. It does sound like this will be more down to earth mlp RP that way and it puts my mind at ease about other characters who join. Gives the impression none will get in over powered. 

I can also get behind the sword and armor changes as well as making him super hard to kill rather then regenerative. 

EDIT: I made an updated profile for War for this RP. Please tell me what you think  sorry if it's full of typos when you read it. It's late here, I will clean it up when I get the time tomorrow and make more changes if need be.

Expand  

This all seems quite a bit better now! One more suggestion though, I wouldn't compare the unit his in with the CIA. It's not secretive. Many ponies in Equestria are aware that there's also a small army under employ that is sent out to deal with more dangerous things than just keeping the order, which is what the guards do. 

Finally, keep in mind that War may be a fierce warrior when it comes to actual warfare, but in the case of this RP, he's in his homeland, sometimes having to fight citizens of his own empire. If he decides to actually kill, he has to be absolutely sure that he can act as jury, judge and executioner. There is no martial law in effect, so he doesn't have any right to fight with deadly intent unless it's absolutely nescesary.

If you agree with all that, I'd be glad to have you join!

[PonyOfWar 126]

  On 2017-04-25 at 6:09 PM, Scribblegroove said:

This all seems quite a bit better now! One more suggestion though, I wouldn't compare the unit his in with the CIA. It's not secretive. Many ponies in Equestria are aware that there's also a small army under employ that is sent out to deal with more dangerous things than just keeping the order, which is what the guards do. 

Finally, keep in mind that War may be a fierce warrior when it comes to actual warfare, but in the case of this RP, he's in his homeland, sometimes having to fight citizens of his own empire. If he decides to actually kill, he has to be absolutely sure that he can act as jury, judge and executioner. There is no martial law in effect, so he doesn't have any right to fight with deadly intent unless it's absolutely nescesary.

If you agree with all that, I'd be glad to have you join!

Expand  

Yeah I can do that. And yes I had considered how he might react to fighting homeland ponies. I will be sure to implement it.

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 3:41 AM, silvermoon15000 said:

I like this idea, definitely one of the better ones I've seen recently, I'll my oc here and let you decide if he makes it or if certain changes need to be made.

Name: Silvermoon

Role: Scout/Rogue

OC page link: in my signature (if it doesn't work or you need the link I'll put it here)

Special Equipment: 2 short swords, and light use in summoning magic (if that is not ok I'll get rid of it)

 

And I do have one question, you mentioned a sniper, are guns allowed?

 

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I'm afraid the way your character is right now, he won't make the cut. I like the idea of a unicorn who'se power is greatly amplified by the night, the stars and the moon, but I specifically stated I'd rather not have combat oriented mages in this RP, and your character seems to almost exclusively be a fighter. Maybe if you have a different character to apply with, I'll have a look at it, but I don't see silvermoon working out for this RP sadly.

Hope you're not too bummed out. I just have a certain vision for this campaign we're all about to partake in, and I need to make sure everything aligns for this RP to work the way I want it to

  On 2017-04-25 at 6:23 PM, PonyOfWar said:

Yeah I can do that. And yes I had considered how he might react to fighting homeland ponies. I will be sure to implement it.

Expand  

Very well, consider War to be Accepted!

I'll add your character to the OP soon

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 4:37 AM, EQ_Theta said:

Name: Salus "Salve" Veta

Role: Doctor/Healer

OC page link: 

Special equipment: Quarterstaff, light armor, saddle bag with some medical supplies
 

I'm still open to changing this if it looks like my character might be OP 

Expand  

Hey there! Interesting character, I like his background and the concept of it all!

However, you gave litte insight of his abilities and his personality.

He's a doctor, and he clearly uses magic, but in what way? Is he a surgeon that assists himself with magic? Does he exclusively use magic to heal his patients? Does he have some kind of strange treatment that requires spells for it to work?

You also stated that he runs his mouth frequently, that he's usually friendly but becomes serious when he needs to focus. Is he intelligent, dull, naïve, witty, kind or cruel? What are his beliefs? Does he want to further medical magic and sciences? Does he believe he needs to save as many ponies as he can? Does he want to conduct his own experiments?

Tell me some more about your character. You lave so much out in the open that my imagination just keeps using this to fill up the gaps   :

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6GmV7foe18

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 5:50 AM, Lil' Lovebug said:

Ah darn. Looks like I got distracted too long and lost the Medic role. Whoops. Well then, same char, different role. (probably fits this one better anyways)

Name: Amber Whiskey

Role: Diplomat

OC page link: 

Special equipment: A wagon, an easily concealed dagger, and some whiskey.

 

I hope she's okay. I can try to flesh her out more if I need too. I never really used her for more then a support character.

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Your character is very bare, but it's a very good idea. Indeed, you should flesh it out a little more. She needs to have a talent, or perhaps a vast network, that causes the princesses to invite her. First of all, she's very charismatic, persuasive and perhaps manipulative. Those a very useful skills in their own right, but perhaps her travels during her time as a trader have allowed her to get acquainted with a vast network of interesting individuals operating all over equestria. If your party suddendly needs a pony with a certain skill, you'd probably 'know somepony who knows somepony'.

This sounds shady, but this 'network' doesn't strictly have to consist of shady figures. You just happen to know the right pony for the job! Need to get into a secure place? You know someone higher up the chain of command! Need somepony to craft you something special? You know of a artisan nearby! That sort of thing... Though maybe you do have a few shady connections in the black market. You never know when you need such a thing!

This works especially wel with a relatively innocent character like yours! I can already imagine her barging into a very shady place, and all these tough and scary guys are like "Hey! Amber Whiskey! Been' a while!"

Something around those lines maybe? Or maybe she'd be an actual diplomat of sorts? There's a lot to think about  If you come up with something else I'd be happy to hear it!

 

[Lil' Lovebug 1,041]

  On 2017-04-25 at 8:06 PM, Scribblegroove said:

Your character is very bare, but it's a very good idea. Indeed, you should flesh it out a little more. She needs to have a talent, or perhaps a vast network, that causes the princesses to invite her. First of all, she's very charismatic, persuasive and perhaps manipulative. Those a very useful skills in their own right, but perhaps her travels during her time as a trader have allowed her to get acquainted with a vast network of interesting individuals operating all over equestria. If your party suddendly needs a pony with a certain skill, you'd probably 'know somepony who knows somepony'.

This sounds shady, but this 'network' doesn't strictly have to consist of shady figures. You just happen to know the right pony for the job! Need to get into a secure place? You know someone higher up the chain of command! Need somepony to craft you something special? You know of a artisan nearby! That sort of thing... Though maybe you do have a few shady connections in the black market. You never know when you need such a thing!

This works especially wel with a relatively innocent character like yours! I can already imagine her barging into a very shady place, and all these tough and scary guys are like "Hey! Amber Whiskey! Been' a while!"

Something around those lines maybe? Or maybe she'd be an actual diplomat of sorts? There's a lot to think about  If you come up with something else I'd be happy to hear it!

 

Expand  

Ohh, never thought about that. That's a pretty good idea. Her talent is trading, but that could end up getting her contacts all over. A little trade and info network. A few people from all over who she traded with and maybe helped out over the years that just stuck with her as friends. She might trade specific clients who need rare or hard to get items that she trades with, some for favors, some for info and contacts, others just for bits. Some of it might be a bit shady or not quite legal goods.

[Scribblegroove 565]

@Lil' Lovebug

Exactly! I see you're getting it, now get on with it and write some of that down! I'm keen to read what you'll come up with!

[~Natural Beauty~ 323]

Name: Ocean Whiplash

Role: Doctor

OC page link: On My about me, under ocs it will say Ocean Whiplash

Special equipment: Her satchel that holds her medical stuff

[Scribblegroove 565]

  On 2017-04-25 at 8:45 PM, :: Mysterious Soul :: said:

Name: Ocean Whiplash

Role: Doctor

OC page link: On My about me, under ocs it will say Ocean Whiplash

Special equipment: Her satchel that holds her medical stuff

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I'm afraid your characters page doesn't give enough information for me to have any idea on what role she could fill in the RP. I don't know much about her talents, ideals, faults, goals and personality traits as of now. Maybe if you flesh out the character I could take a look at it again, but it doesn't look like this character would fit as of now.

  On 2017-04-25 at 11:42 AM, Starlight.Shimmer said:

Name: Starlight Shimmer

Role: Mage

OC page link: 

Special equipment: She has a small bag that contains all of her spellbooks as well as components and various medicines.

Expand  

Your character seems a little bit too powerful by the measures of this roleplay, and you don't really specify what kind of magic she specialises in. We can't all be like twilight, mastering all schools of magic

Try fleshing your character out a bit, and try to find a way to make her interesting without involving princesses. The chances of studying with an alicorn of any kind are rather low, especially for extended periods of time. 

  On 2017-04-25 at 4:44 AM, Maple Bat said:

Name: Maple Bat

Role: Rouge 

OC Page link:

Equipment: She has Her Night Guards Armor, A black cloak she wears to hide with in darker areas.

She also has her Bow (which I have not put in her character bio because its still kinda a W.I.P but I would like to try it here) it was given to her by luna which shoots magic arrows that judge the heart of the person hit by it and if they dont have bad or negative intentions then it doesnt hurt them. It was meant to be a weapon used against changelings but then the changelings turned good and its value diminished but she stay loyal to Princess luna and continues to use it. (I'll exclude this if it seems Overpowered like i said its more of an idea)

 

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I'm afraid you character doesn't really fit the roleplay as she is right now. Being a bat pony is fine, and the way she's acquainted with Luna seems something interesting to work with, but being the daughter of discord and fluttershy really is a bit of a no go. I'd rather not allow any character with strong ties to any of the mane 6 cast or any entities of raw cosmic power

The bow is also interesting, though I'd change it to that whenever she aim's it at a target, the longer she aims the more she can get an idea about their true intent. This causes the situation where maybe you need to shoot quickly, but you aren't sure yet wether there's really a harmful intent in play, and you need to decided if you wait to be sure, or take the risk of hurting a potential innocent.

[Lil' Lovebug 1,041]

@Scribblegroove I updated Amber's sheet, but still feel like it's missing something. Any ideas? (If you don't mind me asking you for help with my character a bit more)

Edited April 25, 2017 by Lil' Lovebug

[Maple Bat 3,568]

  On 2017-04-25 at 8:52 PM, Scribblegroove said:

I'm afraid your characters page doesn't give enough information for me to have any idea on what role she could fill in the RP. I don't know much about her talents, ideals, faults, goals and personality traits as of now. Maybe if you flesh out the character I could take a look at it again, but it doesn't look like this character would fit as of now.

Your character seems a little bit too powerful by the measures of this roleplay, and you don't really specify what kind of magic she specialises in. We can't all be like twilight, mastering all schools of magic

Try fleshing your character out a bit, and try to find a way to make her interesting without involving princesses. The chances of studying with an alicorn of any kind are rather low, especially for extended periods of time. 

I'm afraid you character doesn't really fit the roleplay as she is right now. Being a bat pony is fine, and the way she's acquainted with Luna seems something interesting to work with, but being the daughter of discord and fluttershy really is a bit of a no go. I'd rather not allow any character with strong ties to any of the mane 6 cast or any entities of raw cosmic power

The bow is also interesting, though I'd change it to that whenever she aim's it at a target, the longer she aims the more she can get an idea about their true intent. This causes the situation where maybe you need to shoot quickly, but you aren't sure yet wether there's really a harmful intent in play, and you need to decided if you wait to be sure, or take the risk of hurting a potential innocent.

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Alright. I'm fine with your decision.

I'll defiantly try to improve on her in the future. but i dont know about changing her parents though it will require some thinking.

And Thanks for your opinion on the bow thats a really good idea to help

Edited April 25, 2017 by Maple Bat