Terrible, Terrible Puns

[RarityForever 29]

What'd Rarity say to the Dress?

 

"OMG YES!"

 

It rhymes but whatever

 

Ghostie support meh!

 

 

Hugs?

[Admiral Regulus 2,769]

This might have been posted already, but I figure it's worth adding.

 

 

What does Moses do in the morning?

Hebrews his coffee.

 

 

Where does Moses make his coffee?

On holy grounds.

 

 

What did Jesus say when he visited Moses' bathroom?

Holy shit!

 

 

What's long, hard, brown, and sticky?

A stick.

 

 

Why do dogs have a hard life?

Because everything is ruff.

 

Edited May 7, 2014 by Regulus

[Dr. Frasier Crane 319]

"What did the beaver say to the tree?"

"It's been nice GNAWING you!"

 

 

[long gone 8,929]

[Adorkable 2,737]

[Dattebayo 2,850]

These puns are unbearable

It's almost as if you guys bearly knew comedy

 

 

BEARS

Edited May 10, 2014 by Dattebayo

[aidanbrony 12]

A drumset falls down a hill, bud-um bum tssssss...

A drumset falls down a hill, bud-um bum tssssss...

[Magical Anarchy 177]

Sherlock walks into a bar. John just laughs at him, and walks around it.

[The Crimson Cross 7,532]

I was trying to write an essay last night when my pencil broke. I looked down and realised that it was pointless.

[ErBoi 501]

I, uh, kinda binged on some puns lately.  Apologies if any of these have been posted already.

 

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

 

What does Batman get in his drinks?  

Just ice.

 

 

What rock group has 4 men who don't sing?  

Mount Rushmore.

 

 

I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang but eventually it came back to me.

 

And my personal favourite:

What do imitation and a plateau have in common?  

They're both the highest forms of flattery.

 

Edited May 19, 2014 by ErBoi

[Callisto 1,876]

What do religious people fight with?

 

Nunchucks.

[Crystalline Shine 104]

Okay, so a while ago my friend Sami broke her knuckle. And a week or so later she was going in to have a pin placed in the bone to put it back into place. So I bombarded her with knuckle surgery-related puns throughout 8th period, all to her frustration.

 

Examples:

seeya toMARROW, sami!

Gotta HAND it to me, im doing a pretty good job with these.

(And my personal favorite) Hey, you set yourself up for them, I just deliver them. Its a JOINT OPERATION!

 

 

Oh, and how about a joke I read somewhere a while ago?

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Edited May 19, 2014 by PoisonIvy

[Frith is Magick 1,471]

A while back I did a short presentation on the black market organ trade, entitled "Human Resource Management, Literally!". Naturally I decided to make the presentation humerus. Here are a couple samples(too lazy to type out the full execution, I guess you could say I cut it out):

 

The heart of the issue

Killer market

Liver die situations

Bare bones operations

Joint ventures

No skin off my nose

Scarring experience

Things can get hairy

It may be difficult to stomach

To die for

[baba_booey 4,301]

I hate Ocean puns. I don't SEA why they are so funny.

[Shenron00 366]

I'm not gonna Raichu a love song just because you asked Furret!

Well, that was rather Onix-pected!

That Ho-Ohs me money!

Kakuna Rattata, it means no worries!

[long gone 8,929]

My sister wanted to be a banker, but then she lost interest.

[SanityNotIncluded 335]

It was reining in Equestria.

Edited February 21, 2015 by SanityNotIncluded

[N.W. 3,619]

*Walks in, notices bird poop on my window*

 

Well that's shitty

[Frith is Magick 1,471]

 

 

*Walks in, notices bird poop on my window*   Well that's shitty

That joke was crappy   

 

I'd make a bread pun, but telling stale jokes goes against the grain; I want the standards to rise, and this is no time to loaf around. Hopefully inspiration begins to flour, though getting baked may help. 

[King 5,625]

This thread and everyone in it ain't very punny...

[Frith is Magick 1,471]

Someone recently asked me "why all the bad puns?", to which I responded "When I was little, there were always dictionaries lying around in the park, so I've been playing on words from an early age".

 

Did you know deer have perfect vision? Hind sight is 20/20.

 

I went out for seafood and dancing and ended up pulling a mussel, now I have to shell out cash for a chiropractor. Sure it seems fishy, but nothing happens without a porpoise. 

 

My evil plan to filter out wavelengths shorter than 600 nm succeeded, but it left me in the red.

[Katicuss 28]

I was at work yesterday and the aluminum foil attacked me and sliced open my finger.....one of my coworkers comes over...out of no where and says "Looks like you've been foiled again"....fml

[Callisto 1,876]

You could say that the tortoise won the race because his opponent was too hare-ogant.

[baba_booey 4,301]

It's those MANE line engines! They dither about on the via-ducks and they blame Sir Topham Hatt's workmen!

[Dattebayo 2,850]

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A GUMMY bear! Waka waka!

 

IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT

IS IT

Edited July 12, 2014 by Dattebayo