What if your gf/bf didn't want to be intimate?

[SCS 7,537]

I would definitely not end a relationship just because my girlfriend didn't want to have sex. Sexuality can be a way of expressing love in a romantic relationship, but it's only one such way. It's certainly not more important than love itself.

 

While sex can be a natural part of a healthy relationship, I don't think a healthy relationship requires sex. There are plenty of other ways to express love and even ways to have physical intimacy that don't require sex, such as simply cuddling or sitting together.

 

The emotional connection is what matters the most to me.

[Symphony Rose 104]

I personally do not NEED a relationship to be sexual. I am not asexual, but I am more about the intimacy and closeness in a relationship that is non-sexual; the little things. I see sex as a bonus.

[Haruhi-chan 486]

I'm actually not an intimate person. I also don't think I ever will be in the future. The idea of sex literally freaks me out, and I think a lot of it is just my autism. I just can't imagine doing it or anything. It just... scares me so bad. Me and my boyfriend have never been intimate at all, and even if we wanted to be... he's christian, so I'm pretty sure he'd want to wait until after marriage.

 

I'm actually asexual too, so I just don't like sex. I also don't believe that sex is what makes up a relationship or makes it a true one. For me, just being with him is enough to make me truly happy. <3

Edited September 15, 2014 by AutisticAlice

[Powderpuff 390]

This may be a bit awkward to admit on here, but I feel it's relevant. I have absolutely zero interest in sex. Honestly, I have no interest, and wouldn't mind if I didn't do it again for the rest of my life. In the beginning, my excuse to my boyfriend was that I wanted to wait til marriage. But that was a lie, so eventually I fessed up and told him how I really felt. We're still together And we both know we will get married, will have a family and die old together. And we love each other too much that sex is really just a small, insignificant part of it.

 

But for his sake, I just suck it up (ho ho ho) and deal with it, cause I love him too much to deprive him of it, and I know how hard that would be for him. He doesn't want to force me to do anything I don't want to do, and it's hard for him knowing that I'll never enjoy it the way he wished I would, but it's not something I can really change. It's also not something I want to be a deal breaker for us, so I can bend. Being in a relationship is about giving and taking, and this is just one of the ways I can give, I suppose.

 

Plus, yeah I really, really want kids. We both really do. So, yeah haha.

 

But I am just speaking for me and my own situation...I am not saying that people should force themselves to have sex with their partners if they don't actually want to! I am just saying that I, as a someone who is not interested in sex, am making my own decision (not my partner's decision) to get over my distaste for it for the sake of my partner.

Edited September 15, 2014 by Powderpuff

[ZisGuy 21]

I'd be completely okay with that as i'm saving myself for marriage.

[Fizz. 1,078]

Honestly, this is tough for me. I'm super bipolar about anything sexual. I can really, really want it for a long time then suddenly be turned off and disgusted by just the idea of it.

 

So, I guess as long as I could cuddle and kiss my boyfriend Id really have no problem with him being adversive to sex. Cus it kinda intimidates me too.

[Starlighty 1,010]

I personally believe that you shouldn't be intimate until you are physically and emotionally ready to commit to something that can change your emoticon in a matter of minutes... BUT beside that I think that you shouldn't dump someone that not putting out JUST because they aren't ready for something that big... YOU are totally just an ass if you do.... MAKES me think that you were only after sex to begin with. I also believe that people can wait if they really wanted to do it after marriage.

[Omega Centauri 317]

If my girlfriend wants to wait until marriage before she has sex, that's fine, I respect her decision; but unless I just REALLY like her, I will not continue dating her. I take no shame in that, nor do I see why I should.

Edited September 16, 2014 by Omega Centauri

[Callisto 1,877]

As someone who wouldn't want to be sexual at all (yes, I'm a complete prude) for multipule reasons, (I'd be okay with kissing, cuddling, etc. but sex would be a big no) I would of course be cool with a partner also not wanting to be intimate. Though, from the looks of things, I'll never have a partner due to what I've already mentioned, but eh. It'll be a while before it'll even matter anyway.

Edited September 17, 2014 by Callisto

[HoopHoof 137]

Really depends.

 

I respect her decision and if I loved her enough I wouldn't care, but I guess it'll reach a point where I'll question if she actually thinks I'm attractive :/ Idk. It really depends on who the girl is and my feelings towards her. 

[The Crimson Cross 7,532]

Hm. Sounds sketchy to me.

Though that's not to say affection can't be shown in other ways. Some people have trouble with intimacy though and that I can understand, it's important to find a balance between the two people I'd say.

Though, if I loved them and well, I wouldn't know what to do. Can't say I've encountered that problem before.

[Minepro 107]

Okay, I get not wanting sex before marriage, just wanting to keep it in the pants until after a ring's on it. So I'll continue the relationship. Post marriage, however, is a bit different for me. I'd try to coax her into it, albeit subtly, through massages, kissing sensitive areas that make her squirm, maybe even a bit of wine. If she doesn't want any then, I'll wait. But to any future partners out there, I warn you, as time goes on it gets harder for me to control it.

Edited September 18, 2014 by mcminer2011

[RainbowMau 291]

That person would be like winning the lottery with me since sex is not between my relationship priorities.

[CuriousPony 157]

I'd be like, "hallelujah," because I'm asexual and I want nothing to do with intimacy, so it'd work out perfectly. X3

[Guest]

I would probably end the relationship if my partner wouldn't be intimate with me, since I think from personal experience that such a thing is important in a healthy relationship. 

 

Edited December 19, 2014 by Guest

[catnet 9,359]

I'd prefer other ways of showing affection anyway- cuddling, kissing, and so on- plus sex seems kinda intimidating to me and I'd probably be a disappointment at it   so I wouldn't mind that at all, to be honest.

[The Soldier 2,044]

Ugh.

And this is why I hate today's society.

Men cheating on their wives merely because they can't control their dick.

You sound like only men can cheat off their wives and shit.

Can ya blame the men? It one head gets turned on, the other head fucking turns off. You can't have 'em both on, cuz that oughta mess up the natural order.[/joking]

[Lucky Bolt 35,106]

Well, if they didn't want to be intimate until marriage, that's fine. I respect that and have no issue with it. 

But if they NEVER wanted to be intimate? I couldn't do that one, sorry. 

[Splashee 28,581]

LOL you have to vote on all of them!

 

If it so happens that my gf/bf wouldn't want to be intimate with me, there would be some kind of explanation to why, and I would still be allowed to be intimate with others if needed. As for me, a relationship is not all about sex. There are much much more to it.

 

In the extreme case where your partner would refuse certain aspects of a normal relationship, and not allow you to do you (what you need to be happy), then that wouldn't really be a relationship.

[Early Sunsets 2,108]

I'm probably one of the few people on Earth who wouldn't be too upset. Sure, it would be nice to be intimate, but that wouldn't be my main goal in a relationship. If I truly loved the person, I could get by. Hands are enough.

[Here No Longer 5,281]

Kind of stupid you have to vote on all of them, but alright.

 

I'd probably not be able to make it work with a guy like that. I would feel abandoned fairly early on. I'm pretty sure if you asked my boyfriend, he'd more than likely tell you that I have a very hard time keeping my hands off of him, and it's usually me who actually starts sexual encounters. It's not all about sex, no, but I certainly think there'd be a massive divide that would form without it. I mean, I would say maybe if he in that case would allow me to see other guys to sate my sexual needs, but that might just make the divide worse than it already would have been before (plus those who do pledge abstinence would never go through with something like that).

 

In other words, if you're one of the very few gay men in existence who wants an abstinent partner, consider me NOT an option. Also as @Passion points out pretty well in the post after this (This is an edit, of course), it's totally unhealthy for a relationship to force this on yourself and your partner. It actually might even cause cheating from the other party because intimacy is simply required to keep a relationship going strong. But yeah, relationships like this, not working for me.

Edited November 23, 2019 by Ayyngel Dust
Mis-placed parenthesis

[Passion 3,484]

Interesting topic to be revived from dead.

Yet with very simple answer.

End the relationship, all the way.

 

Intimacy is one of the key pillars of healthy relationship, unless both parties are truly asexual, and not just think they are. People need physical contact per default and crave it. We are social creatures. That's an easy explanation as for why I would end a relationship with no intimacy whatsoever.

 

Now, what about marriage? One of the main reasons, if not the prime reason, of why marriages fall apart is incompatibility in bed and lack of satisfaction from the deed. Getting married and then discovering your waves are not in sync when it comes to sexual matters is one of the most horrible things that can happen. Lack of satisfaction, growing frustration, disappointment, unsated desires. Simply perfect recipe for quick betrayal.

No, while admirable on paper, the vow of innocence is unhealthy to a serious long-term relationship.

[Partialgeek514 5,011]

I would never have premarital sex. Cuddling and the occasion kiss would be nice, though it's not like I have any experience with relationships as of yet. Once married, at least some sex would be important to me, especially since I intend to have children in the future. Also, I believe the sexual aspect of a marriage is one of the things that makes it truly special and unique. Any sex before marriage though I see as problematic. It makes the physical aspect of a relationship outgrow the couple's commitment, and makes marriage less meaningful. Reserving sex for marriage prevents the transmission of STDs, allows more children to grow up in a two parent household, and keeps the marriage itself stronger.

[TBD 17,262]

Then don't force on them...otherwise that would make you a rapist. 

[Dreambiscuit 10,585]

In a healthy relationship all this should come out into the open from the get-go, so any decisions can be made accordingly if there are any issues. Personally, I don’t believe in sex before marriage, but afterward I’d pretty much insist on it. It’s fine if he or I aren’t in the mood at any given moment, but to have a completely sexless marriage would not be good for me. I want children, I want to consummate a close, healthy relationship, and yeah, I like sex and wouldn’t want to live a totally celibate life.