Post A Quote From Your Day, Without Any Context.

[Samurai Equine 54,551]

Please obey the serving size!

[ExplosionMare 20,723]

How do you break a nail shuffling cards?

[Tropical Melody 7,315]

Of course there's always got to be the obligatory dead woodlouse. Doesn't matter where you are or what you're clearing out, there'll be a dead woodlouse.

 

[Snoopy Fan 7,326]

No, we’re not doing that.

[Ragland Tiger 3,483]

Nice knife!  Can I play autopsy with it?

-- Wednesday Addams

Edited June 25 by Ragland Tiger

[Samurai Equine 54,551]

Wow. Guess I should have been using those Junctions.

[Ganondorf8 11,673]

I need to make sure that the area where my tooth was heals properly.

[Raskolnikov 1,471]

"Petition to rename Uranium into Iranium."

[Snoopy Fan 7,326]

What kind of pool has a diving board that high?

[Snoopy Fan 7,326]

That’s the thing about weather, sometimes it’s unpredictable.

[Iforgotmybrain 6,784]

“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity” 

Its way funnier with context:

Spoiler

“This is a once in a lifetime opportunity” - 5 year old going on a lazy river for the first time.

[Denim&Venöm 20,273]

 "that's 100 rounds of combat."

 "Oh st, nevermind." 

[DJShy 938]

It's called a manic episode, and you're getting three more seasons! :D

[Denim&Venöm 20,273]

 "I'm going to use 5th level Divine smite!"

 "Jesus fking Christ..." okay." 

[Tropical Melody 7,315]

"Edward Hitler, will you get into the lavatory with me this instant!"

 

[Snoopy Fan 7,326]

That’s the dumbest joke I’ve ever heard.

[Nitobit 2,122]

What else do clouds eat? 

[Tao 8,800]

Why did Satan fart so much?? 

[Denim&Venöm 20,273]

 "Oh thank god. One of them actually died this time." 

[Raskolnikov 1,471]

"WELL I CAN'T HELP IT IF I'M PREOCCUPIED WITH BOMBING CIVILIANS CAN I??!?!?!"

[Denim&Venöm 20,273]

 "Do that look you gave me at the taco bell last week." 

[Silly Druid 7,602]

"Yes, the difference between 29 and 27 is 28, you've heard it here first."

[Raskolnikov 1,471]

"You're telling me they're just in the garden?"

"Yeah I bet they're the terror of gardeners."

"HONEY I'M GOING OUT TO DO SOME GARDENING IF I DON'T COME BACK AVENGE MY DEATH."

[Acinonyx 1,760]

"I need to give this a doom themed name..."

"Bong. Joint."

"Get out of this room, you're disrupting my thinking."

[Samurai Equine 54,551]

My new chair came with a free Yu-Gi-Oh card!