The Corrupted Wish Game

[Trot Shuffle 3,595]

On 2024-02-03 at 9:28 AM, Nightfall Gloam said:

I wish there was a portal to Equestria

Granted, here's your porthole to Equestria!

I wish my roomba would stop steering randomly and hitting walls everywhere

[Samurai Equine 45,917]

Granted. Your roomba will never hit the walls, but it will constantly run into your feet. 

I wish the forum would stop going down. 

[Mirage 24,142]

Granted, but all the moderators are banned.

I wish for a new heart. 

[Concerned Bystander 2,901]

Granted, you have a brand-new shiny heart. Unfortunately the installation instructions are in some form of Elvish that you can't read.

I wish it wasn't raining.

[Mirage 24,142]

Granted, but now it's snowing!

I wish for a perfect day.

[Samurai Equine 45,917]

Granted. But now no one else gets a perfect day.

I wish I could magically duplicate food.

[Concerned Bystander 2,901]

Granted, you can now make an exact duplicate of any form of food. However, the original food is destroyed in the process.

I wish I had more storage space in this room,

Edited March 26 by Concerned Bystander

[Mirage 24,142]

Granted, however, several spacial anomalies network your room to the backrooms.

I wish the weather would get better!

[Samurai Equine 45,917]

Granted! The weather is still same, but now the sky glows in patches of neon colors. ...What? "Better" is subjective, and I like this better. 

I wish we could all watch a fun movie together.

[Totally Nyx 35,503]

Granted, but because you didn't specify whose interpretation of fun, the movie is Surf Ninjas.

I wish to cook the perfect egg.

[Mirage 24,142]

You make the perfect egg, but I ate it. 

I wish I could understand.

[Samurai Equine 45,917]

Wish granted. You understand everything, but you can no longer speak or communicate with anyone in any way.

I wish I hadn't spilled that glue... 

[Yakamaru 3,075]

Granted, but you ended up spilling the beans instead. I mean, come on. We were supposed to have those beans for breakfast. 

I wish for an apartment.

[Totally Nyx 35,503]

Granted. You have a very nice apartment, but it costs your entire paycheck in rent, leaving no room for other bills and necessities.

I wish for a pet velociraptor that obeys my every command.

[Yakamaru 3,075]

Granted. But the poor thing is hungry all day, and have now started chewing on your sofa. Tasty tasty stuffings.

I wish for a carnivorous giant eggplant.

[Samurai Equine 45,917]

Granted. But it only eats rare, exotic, and super expensive animals. Hope you've got the money for it.

I wish the fish could talk to us. 

[Castle Bleck 19,167]

Granted, but they all sound like Jar Jar Binks.

I wish to become an isekai protagonist.