How are you going to explain "The Birds and the Bees" to your future children?

[Aaramus 449]

 

 

At an appropriate age: "Go ask your mother."

 

Possibly the best suggestion, I think I may have to use that in the future (way into the future!).

I think I would wait until they learn if from their school and then go over it when them afterwards, making sure they understand the dangers and the complications of it. 

[SwigglySwiggly 358]

Ahhhh.... I remember when my parents gave me the talk, I rang up kids helpline that day.

Jokes aside, I'll be straight forward with my kid and I'll have a laptop ready just in case they're curious.

I'll also make up some bull stories and facts to scare them from doing it and such and such.

[Moonlight 7,288]

Fun fact: I learned about the birds and the bees from South Park...that was an interesting experience.

 

But, anyway, I plan on NEVER having kids...but if I did, I would be straightforward with them. Just going to get straight to the point and try not to jump around the issue. 

 

It will be awkward as hell, but oh well, it has to be done.

[Foreigner And Lover 207]

I would sing it in a song!

Not really. The conversation with them would probably devolve into a bunch of dirty jokes after five minutes. As long as the kid knows how to make babies then my job is done.

Edited September 5, 2013 by Foreigner And Lover

[Princess Lona 382]

I'll just answer their questions honestly because I will respect my children and I would never lie to them or deny them an answer I could provide. If they ask how babies are made I'll explain cellular biology, meiosis and mitosis, and probably a little bit about the menstrual cycle and pregnancy. If they further enquire as to how the sperm and egg cells come together, I'll tell them about heterosexual sex. I won't tell them that you have to be in love to have sex, I won't tell them that they're not allowed to have sex, and I won't act like it's a big deal. If they are curious and ask more questions I'll tell them everything they want to know. I'll explain boners and clits and arousal and all kinds of sexuality if they ask about it.

 

People act like sex is this big secret and we try to protect young kids from it, but answers like "you'll find out when you're older" only promote the bad attitudes that people have about sex. I want my kids to know the truth. I'm not worried that if I tell them when they're very young that they might go off having sex at age ten or something, because I know that if I'm always honest with them they will feel comfortable talking to me about anything and will probably trust me and talk to me about it first when they do start thinking about having sex.

 

But of course, this is all a moot point as I'm never having kids.

[Guest]

First off I'd start telling them everything they need to know at about age 8. I'd talk about homosexuality, marriage, pornography, all that stuff, so that he's ready as a teenager. It wouldn't make me uncomfortable, nor would it be difficult for me to talk about, besides I know I can't rely on the school to teach them this stuff, they don't tell you nearly enough.

[Frith is Magick 1,471]

 

 

"Birds flying free and the bees and their honey..."   Someone (cough cough) had to have known when they were writing it, lol.

I think it was an intentional dirty joke meant to be over the heads of the target audience.

 

I would rather explain the birds and the bees to my children before they learn from questionable sources (other kids at school, as one example). I would explain it pretty directly, but I probably wouldn't get too scientific and technical (depends on how old they are and how much sense it would make to them).  I certainly wouldn't want to lie to my child (lie to a child, and they will lie to you), but at the same time I would take their maturity level at the time into account. I also wouldn't go on about morality (I'm not christian, so I don't hold those views), but I would explain things like STDs and unplanned pregnancy. My over all goal would be to explain the facts straight up, both good and bad. Children are too sheltered and coddled these days.

 

I still have a few years to start thinking about parenting, which means I still have time to think about the exact wording. I know some of the people on this forum have kids, so hearing more from the parents out there would be more useful than speculation.

[Zygen 6,066]

I'm going to gather my children in a room and pull out my old dusty acoustic guitar. I'll dim the lights and sit awkwardly on a stool, tuning the guitar as necessary. Then I'll break out in song.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaaVbWD3USI

After this song if i was a child i'd still be confused ;p.

 

 

I see myself having this conversation with my child: 

 

 

Except i'm not Bill Cosby. xD

But this is a very awkward thing to talk about with a little kid.

Hahaha, i found this more entertaining i think that i should ;p. 

 

I think talking to a kid whos young this would be awkward, which is why i think it should be explained when they're a bit older, still awkward, but idk. Maybe slightly easier.

 

Just to add stuff i don't plan on lieing to my kids once i tell them the story, i may just water it down a little so they aren't confused depending on age.

 

Not sure how effective Sex ed is seeing as I was homeschooled and never had it, but it could possibly work. 

I think it was an intentional dirty joke meant to be over the heads of the target audience.

 

I would rather explain the birds and the bees to my children before they learn from questionable sources (other kids at school, as one example). I would explain it pretty directly, but I probably wouldn't get too scientific and technical (depends on how old they are and how much sense it would make to them).  I certainly wouldn't want to lie to my child (lie to a child, and they will lie to you), but at the same time I would take their maturity level at the time into account. I also wouldn't go on about morality (I'm not christian, so I don't hold those views), but I would explain things like STDs and unplanned pregnancy. My over all goal would be to explain the facts straight up, both good and bad. Children are too sheltered and coddled these days.

 

I still have a few years to start thinking about parenting, which means I still have time to think about the exact wording. I know some of the people on this forum have kids, so hearing more from the parents out there would be more useful than speculation.

I didn't know anyone on the forums had kids, but i agree it'd be nice to hear from some of them.

[SoundRaptured 139]

Well I've learned what not to do from bad example. I'll certainly not do what my parents did:

so what I won't do is just never tell my kid anything and leave him to be horribly socially awkward until he eventually finds out on the internet.

How I will though is still a matter of debate. 

[Lost 1,410]

When a mummy and a daddy love eachother very much, they deposit money into PayPal and order a baby from EBay.

 

I honestly have noises what I'll tell my kids, probably the whole wait till you're older thing.

[King 5,625]

Easy...I'll tell them outright what happens...people make too big a deal out of this sorta thing. Im just going to tell my kids straight what happens. All animals do it, and its a part of nature, its not Taboo because we all have sex...well..most of us... and all of us are a product of sex...unless your parents went through one of those other procedures and such and your a test tube baby (Im not discriminating on you guys.. I actually think thats cool xD )

[Guest]

Pretty damn easy. I would just show them HowtoBasics video on that subject.

Nvm. I dont think i would have to explain it to them. My parenty never had to explain it to me.

Edited September 16, 2013 by Guest

[Passion 3,484]

"Honey!? I believe our son/daugther wants to ask you something!"

 

But in all honest, I cannot recall myself ever inquiring or being talked to about this. It's just... a knowledge that comes by itself. You find it out one day via some means and then you do nothing about it.

 

I'd probably use the oldest male method of dealing with such things: Half-truths. I'd maim until they'd confront me about my stories. Then they'd have learned the truth for the sole reason of proving me wrong, what would be a win-win scenario for me

[Tan 91]

as others have said i would tell them straight up, my parents told me the no BS version and i will continue the tradition. I don't know how i am going to avoid the subject until they are the appropriate age though.

[Venomshank 121]

I would say:

 

"Hey son, you know those transformer toys that I have you play with to exercise your brain?"

 

"Indeed, father"

 

"Well, you know how some of the transformation sequences involve pegs and holes?"

 

"Father, to what idealism are you reffering?"

[Tenshinohana 264]

Hmm, I don't think I'll ever tell it in awkward detail, since the flowers and bees -lecture is told in school pretty well here in Finland...

Maybe the only talk I'll have is, that when he/she is in the age of 15-16, I will ask if he/she has a condom with him/her.

Depending on the personality, OFC. 

[Gone for good 1,593]

You know, my parents actually never explained this to me lol. I learned about such things when I was five or six at a friends house while we were derping around on the internet (we searched pussy on google as in, you know, pussy cat and yeah). That same day we also discovered furries, hentai, pedophilia, rule34, and god knows what else!

 

Should I let my future son or daughter find out this way? Why the hell not.

[Tenshinohana 264]

You know, my parents actually never explained this to me lol. I learned about such things when I was five or six at a friends house while we were derping around on the internet (we searched pussy on google as in, you know, pussy cat and yeah). That same day we also discovered furries, hentai, pedophilia, rule34, and god knows what else!

 

Should I let my future son or daughter find out this way? Why the hell not.

This is actually quite the same thing for me... Except I was a liiiittle bit older when I was derping around the internet. That's part of why I won't want to hold them an awkward talk...

 

Since my parents never did, either. And I turned out OK...

 

.... well, kinda okay?

[Cwanky 17,602]

Well this is assuming I have kids, since I really don't plan to get married or have a spouse, at least not in the foreseeable future. Still if a nephew or younger relative of mine or even a student came and asked me eagerly and politely enough, I would tell them that its the simple matter of when 2 mature adults care for one another and want to raise a family they take their emotional and spiritual relationship they already share and experience a private type physical relationship.

 

If they want to know what a physical relationship entails, I'll just tell them to go search up 2 bears humping each other on Youtube. Its not that bad, you don't need to verify parental guidance or age like with porn or rated R material and it gets the point across. Sorry if that's blunt but I think its a good illustration.

[Rockymoo 2,137]

In this day and age, there's literally nothing you can do that doesn't involve locking your kid in a closet their whole life that will prevent them from learning about it on their own.

But I'll be damned if I raise mine in a trashy community where kids are actually doing it. No no no no. Out of the question.

 

Also, once they find about it, I might as well throw a few facts their way just for some brain food.

Your childhood is about to be ruined:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RC6iBa3ySbE

[Darkshift 85]

 

(I don't know if this topic can be considered NSFW but I understand if it is)

 

So, our parents did it to us, but how will you do it to your children?later."

Wait a minute your parents actually gave you the talk.I thought we all just found out through the Internet.That must've been so awkward for you mate.

[Cwanky 17,602]

Wait a minute your parents actually gave you the talk.I thought we all just found out through the Internet.That must've been so awkward for you mate.

Still can't be quite as awkward as explaining to your child that they were born as a test tube baby, artificial insemination, surrogacy or an adoption.

 

It can be pretty awkward to tell a child that they were the byproduct of a petri dish experiment, but that probably doesn't beat the heartbeat of telling your kid that their deadbeat or helpless parents had to give them up for adoption and chances are they'll never see them let alone know who they are during their adult lives.

[Rockymoo 2,137]

Still can't be quite as awkward as explaining to your child that they were born as a test tube baby, artificial insemination, surrogacy or an adoption.

 

It can be pretty awkward to tell a child that they were the byproduct of a petri dish experiment, but that probably doesn't beat the heartbeat of telling your kid that their deadbeat or helpless parents had to give them up for adoption and chances are they'll never see them let alone know who they are during their adult lives.

Actually, I took it just fine. My parents told me as soon as I was old enough to comprehend what the term "adoption" meant, and I've lived with it ever since.

To be honest? I've never cared about what my birthparents have been doing since then. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. As long as I have parents that are still together and love me, I'm fine with it.

Plus my birthdad died, like, 3 or 4 years ago, so if I were never adopted I would live with having my parent die before I even graduated high school.

 

tl;dr: I'm lucky.

[YALL ARE FUCKING GAY 505]

i found out when i was about ten mucking around on the internet and the boom IT appeared 

 

i never got the talk but we did learn what we needed to know at school 

 

 

i probably wouldn't sit the down and have the chat with them they can learn on their own like i did 

 

but if they ask i'd tell them to ask their mother 

[Lucky Bolt 35,085]

That is certainly a good question...I'll just tell them the absolute truth and all, leave out anything TOO explicit while maybe even providing a little backstory on how they themselves came to be if they'd like to know. 

Now, to make things a bit less awkward, if I had a son then I'm making his father tell him.  If I have a daughter, then I'll do it. Parenting is teamwork, after all. 

Edited April 4, 2019 by Lucky Bolt