Are you too open-minded?

[jackleapp81 456]

Hello, my name is Aaron, and today, I'd like to bring your attention to the possibility that there is such a thing as being too open-minded. I've been poring over this for a few weeks now, but I haven't really been able to come to an adequate conclusion. 

 

I'm currently living with my father, and you should know that he is a very close-minded person. He's anti-gay, anti-brony, anti-- well, pretty much anti-anything different or unusual. He grew up with a father who was the same way. As far as his Dad was concerned, there were certain things for boys, and certain things for girls. As a boy, he was expected to like trucks, tools, and sports, while his sister was expected to like dolls, jewelry, and hair accessories. If either of them showed signs of straying from these expectations, they would get spanked or yelled at.

 

My father raised me with these expectations as well. He tried his damnedest to get me interested in trucks, airplanes, monster trucks, and the like, but to his disappointment, I was more interested in playing with my sister's dollhouses, and coming up with imaginary scenarios for the dolls to play out. He wouldn't stand for this, so he got rid of the dollhouses entirely, and he bought me one of those toy monster truck vehicles that was just big enough for a kid to drive. It was fun, I guess, but it didn't quite hold my interest for as long as he wanted it to. He would take me with him when he flew his model airplanes too. He would say things like, "This is fun, right? You like this, right?" with obvious desperation in his voice.

 

He would watch me play sometimes when I was a kid, and I could tell that he was analyzing me. He was making sure that I "grew up right" as he liked to put it. He was obsessed with the idea of a "proper" son, one who fit his image, and who would fit in with the world's definition of what a son should be like.

 

Needless to say, I didn't turn out how he wanted. Throughout my life, I liked a wide variety of strange and unorthodox things. Pokemon, TMNT, Nintendogs, The X-Files, Britney Spears, Powerpuff Girls, and last but certainly not least, My Little Pony. 

 

That last one really got his nerves in a tizzy. I started liking MLP at 17 years old, and if you know my Dad, that is a freaking sin to him. He tried the silent treatment for about 3 months to try and get me to renounce my interest in the show, but it backfired in a huge way. I came to resent him, and we ended up growing even more distant than we already were. He then resorted to shaming. He'd make comments about how his coworkers little girls adored the show, and he said that I could have little dress-up parties with them, and we would get along great. Way to go, Dad. Insulting me in order to curb my interests. 

 

I mean for f*ck's sake, MLP drove a HUGE wedge between us. For months, this shaming went on on, and we grew more and more distant as the result of it. Despite how much I claim to resent and despise my father, the truth is, I still want him to love me. Which is why I have started to consider something he said to me a few weeks ago:

 

"Aaron...don't you think that somebody could be too open-minded? Do you think that might be a possibility? What if you're TOO different? Did you ever consider that? That you like too many things, and that you're too open-minded? Think about that."

 

Now, I am going to ask the same question he asked me partially because I am insecure about my interests when they are getting in the way of my father's love, and partially because I am genuinely curious to hear your answers. Do you think that open-mindedness can extend too far? Do you think that guys liking MLP was ever "meant" to be a thing? Is there certain things that we were "supposed" to do and "supposed" to like? I dunno, I feel like I'm having a bit of an identity crisis here.

Edited October 25, 2013 by jackleapp81

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 40,401]

No, you are not being too open minded yourself. Your father just doesn't sound all that friendly. At all. Not very like able or admirable. It is HIS fault that YOUR interests are putting a wedge between you two. Just from this post, I would have many choice words for him and none of them are particularly friendly. Honestly, I am appalled by that than anything here.

 

Beyond that, I personally don't think so. Maybe if you start denying things that have obvious proof because of one potential fallacy. Then perhaps that could be that point. "There is a chair in front of you" "oh really?! Perhaps the aliens are putting hallucinations in our minds, ones of the chair variety!" That could be the breaking point. I think it is best to be very open minded rather than close minded at all, something that your father doesn't get apparently. You having a lot of varied interests is not a negative at all. It shows you are willing to give tons of things a chance.

Edited October 25, 2013 by Kyoshi

[Wandering-Flare 71]

I definitely DON'T think there's such a thing as being too open-minded, since being open-minded is just being accepting. Knowing when to draw the line at accepting things is rather obvious - if something goes against your principles, hurts you, damages people you love, or just generally offends you, then that's where to draw the line - but that's common sense, and has nothing to do with being open. 

 

I apologise for your terrible background - it must have been REALLY hard on you!

 

Is there certain things that we were "supposed" to do and "supposed" to like?

 

 

I can honestly say no. I'm a female, yet I enjoy playing all the rough sports, loved to get muddy, adored planes and cars as opposed to dollies and houses. I've never been a fan of pretty clothing, and the idea of dressing up makes me sick. I enjoy typical things that guys would also enjoy - so I can safely say that, as far as this "issue" goes, we're in the same place (but the opposite way around, haha)

 

Do you think that guys liking MLP was ever "meant" to be a thing?

 

 

I've asked myself this so many times. And then reached the point when I sat back and went: "Who actually cares? People like it, boys like it, girls like it, adults like, babies like, everybody likes it, so whatever - if they like it, and it doesn't hurt anybody else, then that's damn well fine." - perhaps that mentality wouldhelp you a little, haha. Think about the big picture; so many people are made happy by this show. Your father may not agree with you liking the show (or any male for that matter), but surely he must value your happiness. If he doesn't then it's his loss, and he must be a rather sad person himself (no offence to him or anything, eheh...)

 

So yeah - I really, strongly believe that there is no "too open-minded" - there can be too much of a good thing, too much understanding, and too much agreement, but being open-minded is what really gets you involved in things. I mean, nobody would have a selection of hobbies if people weren't open to new things; there'd only ever be one thing that people were good at - that's definitely not the way!

 

Open-mindedness is great, pal. ^^

[*Rarity 123]

There is no such thing as "too open-minded". I don't think so atleast.

People have said to me, kinda many times "Wait... You want to become a priest, you like MLP, you lift weights... it goes on and on and on... .... HOW CAN YOU LIKE ALL OF THESE THINGS!?"

Nobody knows I'm gay, so noone ever said that... My brother kinda knows half-half, but that's it. Noone really questioned it, but lots of people were a bit "dafuq". I've been more put into a certain stereotype now, by myself actually... I've stopped doing Powerlifting/lifting weights, because I just want to calm down more. So I started swimming, and I do yoga aswell. Swimming isn't very relaxing as I do it, it's more of a "feel-good-sport-amateur-level-ish" but it's WAAAY more relaxing than lifting hundreds of kilograms... Yoga is really relaxing though, I love it.

Liking too many things, might not work out in the end, but not because someone else tells you so, but because you might not like what you liked before. I mean, you may like one thing now, then you like another, but you keep the old thing, and it kinda doesn't work well together, so the old one has to get out. This kinda only applies to, things that cannot work together... I mean, you can like metal and classical, horror and love movies, and all that... But it's a bit tougher to be a relaxing, calm person, aswell as a powerlifter.

But, if doing lots of weird things work for you, I mean that DOES "not" work together, but it works for you... Then it works for you, so be happy with that. Relaxation and powerlifting didn't work for me though, but that's just me, there are a few other billion people on this globe... Heh

To be honest, I feel bad for you, since you have a father like that. Is your mother the same? 

Edited October 25, 2013 by *Rarity

[Moonlight 7,279]

First things first...

 

Tell your father to grow the fuck up and stop acting like such a stubborn child that isn't getting what he wants. Personally, your interests and yourself are not the problem at all...you like what you like. He seems to be overreacting and needs to get over this "Girls must like this and boys like this" thinking mentality. It is way better to be open minded rather than close minded, and I don't really think there is a thing like being too open-minded. 

 

 

A person's interests shouldn't be decided by gender and people who do think that are morons who are afraid of things being different than they're supposed to...like males being into MLP for an example.Your father needs to grow up and get the hell over himself. Just because some people say you're supposed to like something...doesn't mean you have to, keep that in mind. 

 

I'm a pretty open-minded person, myself. Despite being a girl, I love video games, horror movies, anime, and so on. I don't believe in gender = interests. 

Edited October 25, 2013 by Michael De Santa

[Champion RD92 8,655]

I'm a pretty damn open-minded person myself, and I think it's wayyyy better to be open-minded than to be close-minded. If more people were more open-minded, this world would be a much better place. I know that sounds cheesy, but honestly, it's pretty true. I definitely don't think you can be too open-minded, what does that even mean? Your dad needs to let you have what interests you want to have, he needs to mind his own damn business.

[Sugar Pea 2,681]

Absolutely not. Being open minded is a good thing, so there really is no such thing as being too open minded. What your father doesn't know is inequalities is what makes a person them self. It sounds like he lived his whole life pleasing others more than he has himself...living up to someone else's expectations.

You shouldn't care what your father says about your interests...he has no say in yours as much as you have no say in his. Try not to let it stress you out.  

Being different is better than being a drone.

[ASocialyAwkwardPony 299]

The only way you could be too open-minded would be if you supported murderers, pedophiles and rapists simply because "they are different". In this case, I would say your father is being a close minded selfish jerk who is trying to live his life through you because he isn't enough of a man to deal with you being different than him (hope that didn't come off as rude towards you, if so I am sorry). Be yourself and don't care about the haters, there is nothing wrong with a boy enjoying girly things or vise versa.

[Scootalove 10,684]

It's not bad to be open minded, but your dad needs to grow up because when someone has different beliefs or likes something that he doesn't like does not mean that he should judge you on your interests. Personally, I feel that there is nothing wrong with someone liking a show that is out of their boundary.

[The Elusive Cinder 1,328]

Firstly: after the title of your post I would like to post this. Please note, Tim Minchin is an insult comic and if anypony is unwilling to listen to someone make a song that will potentially insult something important to them, do not click the spoiler below:

 
Secondly: there is no such thing as a 'proper' way to grow up. Everything we deem as 'proper' now is only because of recent events: example in point, up until a couple of hundred years ago Pink was a classed as a manly color - representing blood and war for Big, manly men!, while Blue was a feminine color representing the 'virgin mother' - now look at how we see things.
 
In ancient (and not so ancient) times, men worse skirts. Not kilts, not robes, but skirts. Its 'not right' now - but what defines 'right' now? 
 
Us.
 
What is 'right' now is nothing but what the most recent past generations decided they wanted to be 'right' - just as how in the future - thanks to us, loving and tolerating, what is 'right' might just be something slightly more open and accepting than today.

[Malinter 3,064]

He sounds like an arsehole, ain't gonna lie about that.

 

"too-open minded".... that's kind of two tiers too high for him to even say that. you have to be open minded first before for you can start asking something like that.

 

He's more worried about what people think of himself, he's afraid they'll judge him because of the things you like which is why he's playing all these stupid games to make you "normal". 

 

Do not change for him. You should only change for yourself.

Edited October 25, 2013 by Malinter

[jackleapp81 456]

There is no such thing as "too open-minded". I don't think so atleast.

 

People have said to me, kinda many times "Wait... You want to become a priest, you like MLP, you lift weights... it goes on and on and on... .... HOW CAN YOU LIKE ALL OF THESE THINGS!?"

Nobody knows I'm gay, so noone ever said that... My brother kinda knows half-half, but that's it. Noone really questioned it, but lots of people were a bit "dafuq". I've been more put into a certain stereotype now, by myself actually... I've stopped doing Powerlifting/lifting weights, because I just want to calm down more. So I started swimming, and I do yoga aswell. Swimming isn't very relaxing as I do it, it's more of a "feel-good-sport-amateur-level-ish" but it's WAAAY more relaxing than lifting hundreds of kilograms... Yoga is really relaxing though, I love it.

 

Liking too many things, might not work out in the end, but not because someone else tells you so, but because you might not like what you liked before. I mean, you may like one thing now, then you like another, but you keep the old thing, and it kinda doesn't work well together, so the old one has to get out. This kinda only applies to, things that cannot work together... I mean, you can like metal and classical, horror and love movies, and all that... But it's a bit tougher to be a relaxing, calm person, aswell as a powerlifter.

 

But, if doing lots of weird things work for you, I mean that DOES "not" work together, but it works for you... Then it works for you, so be happy with that. Relaxation and powerlifting didn't work for me though, but that's just me, there are a few other billion people on this globe... Heh

 

To be honest, I feel bad for you, since you have a father like that. Is your mother the same? 

My mom is kind of the same way, although she doesn't get onto me as much about it. She made this comment the other day while I was helping her with the dishes though:

 

"You know...your Dad is right, in a way. I think it's about time this MLP phase needs to stop. It's been 3 years, and...ponies? Really?" 

 

I kind of laughed it off, but I can feel the tension in the air. I mean..fuck it, I love MLP. That's not going to change anytime soon. But geez..it's getting really, really difficult to live with the two of them. I want to move out, but I can't afford it, and I need to finish college first. Even then, I have a ton of insecurities about living on my own, or even with another friend.

 

I'm glad that you can be so flippant about liking MLP. I try to be that way, but I am around many people who discourage that kind of deviance. 

Edited October 25, 2013 by jackleapp81

[\/ 650]

It seems the common scenario has played out again. Society has tried to melt you down and pour you into a mold, and you have refused. It's impossible to be too open minded. The information in the world is endless, and any passtime could be accepted (if people would try), so you're fine. We all have our hardships, and we all go through critisism, but at the end of the day, the way you see things and who you are is all just fine. If you think it's possible to be "too open-minded", then you are doing yourself a disservice. If you show interest in something, explore it. Don't let your family discourage you.

[*Rarity 123]

My mom is kind of the same way, although she doesn't get onto me as much about it. She made this comment the other day while I was helping her with the dishes though:

 

"You know...your Dad is right, in a way. I think it's about time this MLP phase needs to stop. It's been 3 years, and...ponies? Really?" 

 

I kind of laughed it off, but I can feel the tension in the air. I mean..fuck it, I love MLP. That's not going to change anytime soon. But geez..it's getting really, really difficult to live with the two of them. I want to move out, but I can't afford it, and I need to finish college first. Even then, I have a ton of insecurities about living on my own, or even with another friend.

 

I'm glad that you can be so flippant about liking MLP. I try to be that way, but I am around many people who discourage that kind of deviance. 

Aw, crap. I really feel sorry for you. My parents/family can be troublesome too sometimes, and I too want to move out. My mother is bipolar, and she causes a lot of tension at home sometimes... But well, it's not even near what you have! They do atleast accept me as whoever I am, they don't care what I like or what my dreams are, as long as I'm happy.

 

I wish I could help you in some way... Damn it, I wish I could help everyone, I just hate not being able to help everyone!

[Malinter 3,064]

Yeah, feels alittle frustrating when you hear about folks struggling yet all you can sent them is a virtual hug. :/

 

I can still hope all folks get though the tension and get some relief from it at some point.

Edited October 25, 2013 by Malinter

[jackleapp81 456]

Aw, crap. I really feel sorry for you. My parents/family can be troublesome too sometimes, and I too want to move out. My mother is bipolar, and she causes a lot of tension at home sometimes... But well, it's not even near what you have! They do atleast accept me as whoever I am, they don't care what I like or what my dreams are, as long as I'm happy.

 

I wish I could help you in some way... Damn it, I wish I could help everyone, I just hate not being able to help everyone!

That's okay, your kind words are all I really need. I take a lot of comfort in the fact that you and a lot of other people can confirm that my Dad is being manipulative more than he is being helpful. It's just that I've been around him for so long that I start to believe in what he says. I'm glad that I posted this forum topic when I did because I have received a lot of overwhelming positive feedback in such short time.

[PoisonClaw 8,153]

No, there can't be such a thing as too open-minded. I'm sorry, but all fault here falls to your father. He's basically trying to shape you into something you're not, just to fit some kind of perceived notion of "normal". A notion that pretty much inclines that there is a strict doctrine that every human being must fall into and any deviation is seen as abnormal or wrong. 

 

I've never been one for such gender or social stereotypes, especially since none of things you described are actively hurting you in anyway. Your father is actually doing far more damage by trying to get you to act in a way he wants, not what you want. It's incredibly admirable that you still want to respect him after all he's thrown at you, but I'm sad to say that unless he can get over himself then I don't see that happening.   

Edited October 25, 2013 by PoisonClaw

[Harmonic Revelations 8,833]

I'm quite open minded myself, usually. I am very very liberal (Not in the political sense, I'm a moderate in the political sense) and am tolerant of literally everything that doesn't violate the basic rights somebody has.

 

 

But there really isn't a way to be too open minded, because humans are horrible creatures, and the farther we are from our ignorant and obsolete traditions like gender-roles, racism, and religious persecution, the better. It would be a better world if we were more accepting of other people.

 

Sadly many people hold on to old traditions. Tradition is literally the worst thing in the world. You can pin pretty much every problem we have socially on traditional and non-progressive ideas and thinking.

 

I'd say that your dad is acting less like a dad and more like somebody who just happened to be the cause of your birth. Don't let him shame you, I'd say that he is the one who is embarrassing your family, not you.

Edited October 25, 2013 by Harmonic Revelations

[JennaMarie 2]

I don't think so.

 

One of the department managers at work said I think like an artist and that I'm a dreamer, and honestly it was one of the kindest things I've ever heard. I really think being imaginative is important.

[Rough Pathway 157]

Let me tell you something. The only opinion thats right and matters is yours. As the others have said there is no such thing as being too open minded. If anything your dad is too close minded (no offense). If you like those things then great. Don't let others tell you what you should and should not like. Everybodys different and its your life so don't let others control it.

[Mr F 1,521]

No, you can't get too open minded. (maybe mindless if it is just stupid)

You should not judge people for being different, and not push things down their throats.

Well, its up for one self to decide how to be, there will always be good and bad people.

 

I am pretty open minded, I grew up with the wise words: "DON'T JUDGE ME". (I say it a lot)

Being different is better than being a clone of the next person.

[Koelath 444]

It is impossible to be too open-minded and anyone who tries to shame you into thinking otherwise is an inexcusable prick, family or otherwise.

[Shanks 10,811]

While there are cases where too much of a good thing can be a bad thing, it is a lot harder to be open minded than closed minded so I would think this would be extremely rare if at all possible and in many cases I see people who claim to be "tolerant" and "open minded" who only succumb to their own version of closed mindedness by demonizing anyone who disagrees with them as racists, sexists, homophobes ect...Simply liking things that are seen as a bit unusual is by no mean being too open minded, if everyone was the same life would be a very boring place.

[Pomfritter 165]

Maybe if you were so open minded that you would let other's ideas influence yours without much merit, then I could understand the idea that you are too open minded. Otherwise, I never think you can be too open to new ideas. New ideas allow you to grow, while not allowing those ideas impedes growth and doesn't allow yourself to truly develop.

[Fluttershyfan94 5,738]

I'm not really too open minded, actually I'm close minded to a lot of things. Yet only a few things, for most things I'm always ready to give something a chance. I'm still not the type that gives anything a chance I have my boundaries.

 

There is still nothing wrong with being too open minded, at least not in your case.

 

Luckily for me though I've never had the problem with not fitting the guy stereotype. I'm interested in trucks, cars, engines, driving and all that guy stuff. When I was growing up all I would think about were cars, I would even work on my bike pretending it was a car. I would pretend that a lot of things were cars. All I wanted to do when I was a kid was to drive, it was my life dream. I achieved that dream, all of my childhood dreams involve cars.

 

But instead I don't fit in the physical department.

Edited October 27, 2013 by Fluttershyfan94