general Do you plan on getting married?

[Fluttershyfan94 5,742]

I do though I feel like it has to be the right person you know.

[BlankFlank777 199]

Absolutely not. I'd never have any reason to. Romantic relationships tend to suck for me anyway so I prefer to avoid them.

[Justin_Case001 4,876]

I'd love to, but I doubt I could ever find anyone compatible with me.

On 12/8/2016 at 11:22 AM, Member Berry said:

I seriously don't see the point. We're both Atheists so it's not like we'd be doing it for God or anything. Obviously, we could just have a non-religious wedding but I still don't see the point. I don't see why we should spend a crap load of money for a piece of paper and a party :/

Ho-ly SH*T am I jealous.  You're both so lucky to have found each other.  I'm an atheist as well, and that fact alone eliminates at least 80% of the human race as a potential mate for me.  Our kind are hard to come by.

As far as marriage goes, I have some pretty strong opinions on the subject.  As an atheist, I obviously place no spiritual importance on the "sanctity" of marriage, but nor do I place any terrestrial importance on it, either.  Marriage is simply an arbitrary tradition.  It's somebody else's made-up tradition, not mine.  It means nothing to me.  To me, it is nothing but a piece of paper--a legal convenience.  Nothing more.  It facilitates some things, such as cosigning for a loan, being covered by a spouse's health insurance, or making end-of-life decisions for your partner.  But in terms of my relationship and how my partner and I would feel, it means nothing.

But make no mistake, I place an enormous degree of importance on commitment, loyalty, and love generally.  I just don't place any importance on a document from the government, nor what a holy man or justice of the peace says.  All that matters to me is my promise to my partner, and that has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but me and her.  If I have promised myself to someone, then that's binding, and that's enough.  The ceremony changes nothing.

Moreover, something that has always ground my gears is the mindset that the relationship fundamentally changes once the "I do's" are said.  Many people seem to subscribe to the idea that prior to the ceremony, you're still single and anything goes.  Some people seem to think that this gives them a free pass to act like an ass at their bachelor party, possibly even to the extent of cheating on their fiance.  But once they say "I do", then it's the real deal, and they have to be loyal.  If you actually think that this is how a healthy relationship functions, then I submit that you have absolutely no idea what a healthy relationship is, nor are you ready to be married, nor are you prepared to have a committed partner in the first place.  If you've decided to be married, then you've already promised to be loyal to each other.  That is implicit in the decision.  The ceremony changes nothing.  But then again, I've always had some rather unconventional views about promises in general.

More broadly speaking, I have always had some rather strong views of traditions as well.  The concept of a tradition is doing something because you or others have done it before, or because that's the way it has always been done.  These are terrible reasons for doing anything.  One should always have a logical reason for doing anything.  That's not to say that your reason need be technical or grandiose.  "Because I want to" or "because it's fun" are perfectly valid reasons for doing something in certain contexts.  Do you have a tradition of baking a certain cookie at Christmas?  Do you enjoy it?  Then rock on.  But if your sole reason for doing something is simply "because that's the way we've always done it", then I submit you need to rethink why you're doing it.

Case in point, I actually know someone who always puts up Christmas lights on his house, and he dreads the task more and more each year.  He has grown to hate it, and doesn't want to do it, and yet he still forces himself to carry out this tradition year after year.  (And his family doesn't care about the lights, either)  I want to grab people like him by the head, shake them hard and scream at them.  Why put yourself through that if you don't want to?  Why do this arbitrary tradition if it brings you no joy?

I am vehemently opposed to the entire concept of "tradition".  While traditions can be perfectly benign and fun, they can also be a needless hassle and annoyance, and in the worst of cases, cultural traditions can result in the exploitation, immiseration, and suffering of many people.  We as a species would be wise to outgrow the arbitrary attachment to doing things a certain way simply because we've done it that way in the past.  Just to reiterate, keeping a personal tradition that brings you joy or has utility is fine, but holding traditions in place, particularly at the societal level, simply because it has been the order of things in the past, is a terrible idea.

Marriage is really no exception when it comes to this whole tradition thing.  It's just another arbitrary tradition that need not be followed if one doesn't wish it.  However, marriage is relatively harmless, and probably beneficial to the family unit, so I'm not advocating we abolish it or anything.  I'm simply saying that we should lose our attachment to it as a vital and necessary tradition for any couple wishing to spend their lives together.  One's personal commitment to their partner is all that matters, and marriage is just a legal convenience, so if it's not your cup of tea, then don't do it.  However, for those who delight in the idea of formal ceremony, more power to you.  It's just a personal preference.

Specifically for the OP, my advice is to do what feels right for the two of you, and tell those who keep pestering you to get married to screw off.  I myself want to find true love more than anything in the world, but I personally don't care for ceremonies nor parties, so if I do get married, it will just be a go-down-to-the-county-courthouse-and-git'er-done type of deal.

*EDIT*  Whoops... just checked; thread is quite old.  This is probably a moot point by now.

[Vefka 1,499]

Not sooner than my 30s

For me marriage means that you choose the person. When you just live together you can break up and go away anytime you want even after 4 years. But when you marry a person you show him/her that things are serious, you want to make a family and you choosed this person to spend life together (of course you can divorce but still). Plus it's almost necessary when you want a child

[AppleButt 8,675]

I’m not really planning on it.  I’ve always just kind of gone with the flow of life and never really have had plans for anything. 
 

If the flow ever decides it then I might, but the flow is also going to have to decide to push another relationship into my life, cause I’m not going to go searching for one. 

[Pastel Heart 6,466]

I'd marry if the person I liked wanted to marry me. I don't need a ring of a fancy ceremony to show I love someone but it would be nice as long as its for the right reasons and not outta obligation or anything ♡

[Tom Gallagher 33,581]

Sort of, but I don't mind if I don't.

[Early Sunsets 2,106]

I'd love to, but I don't think I ever will. Getting married involves being in a serious relationship, which requires being likeable, which is something I am not.

[JonasDarkmane 19,785]

Definitely plan on getting married

 

[Starry Moon 51]

I want to get married eventually, but it's not for everyone. But it does give you benefits by law, though. At least in the US.

[Lucky Bolt 35,061]

I don’t know anymore honestly, so I’m just not going to worry about it. If it happens, it happens. If it never happens then I’m happy with that too. 

[TotallyNotNyx 15,566]

Just now, Lucky Bolt ⚡ said:

If it happens, it happens. 

Thats what people say and then end up having like 5 marriages over their life time 

1 hour ago, Starry Moon said:

I want to get married eventually, but it's not for everyone. But it does give you benefits by law, though. At least in the US.

Ah fair. I don;t know if there are benefits in the UK 

but personally I feel marriage is over-rated. You don;t need to be married to be happy with your SO

[Lucky Bolt 35,061]

2 minutes ago, Princess of Bolts ⚡🔥⚡ said:

Thats what people say and then end up having like 5 marriages over their life time 

Well what I meant was, I’m not going to get married to someone until I know they’re meant for me, and that I’m ready for the commitment. 

[TotallyNotNyx 15,566]

Just now, Lucky Bolt ⚡ said:

Well what I meant was, I’m not going to get married to someone until I know they’re meant for me, and that I’m ready for the commitment. 

Ah fair. Makes sense. Good luck with that 

[Cyclone 1066 3,619]

8 minutes ago, Lucky Bolt ⚡ said:

I don’t know anymore honestly, so I’m just not going to worry about it. If it happens, it happens. If it never happens then I’m happy with that too. 

Maybe that was one of my plans for the week.

[Sonic Shimmer 4,131]

If I meet someone I want to marry, yes. Otherwise, I’m happy as I am.

[Stardust 641]

I dun think marriage is a good thing being restricting but whatever ppl choose. It's also costly (most people have huge weddings), has a history of oppressing women and kinda a religious thing, and well i'm not religious. 

[LegoDashie 1,806]

Nope which is the short answer but i dont mind being with someone for a long time.. 

[ExplosionMare 18,060]

I’d have to find a good boyfriend first

[Savy 5,075]

I want to find a good boyfriend/girlfriend first before I even consider marriage. 

[raykv423 1,689]

On 2020-01-30 at 9:17 PM, Miss said:

so I’m not interested in dating or marriage etc. 

Same.

Quote

I’m aromantic

But what's aromantic if I may ask? 

[CandyCorn 428]

Someday, yes. I hope to marry my boyfriend at some point in my life. He is my soulmate. We've been through so much together as it is... and it's made us stronger. He means the world to me, and I love him so much. I can't imagine my life without him. I would love for our song to be Serah's theme because the two of us are basically a real life Serah x Snow say light x snow or serah x noel and you are on my shit list. :3! So yeah. <3

14 hours ago, raykv423 said:

Same.

But what's aromantic if I may ask? 

aromantic is basically where you don't have romantic feelings for anyone. Just like how asexual means you don't have sexual attraction to anyone. :3

[raykv423 1,689]

3 minutes ago, starseed said:

aromantic is basically where you don't have romantic feelings for anyone. Just like how asexual means you don't have sexual attraction to anyone. :3

Ah I see. 

[Northern Star 1,023]

Eventually, I'd probably have to go somewhere else to find someone to marry though...

Long story short, none of my family is from the area which we live in now. The area we are in now about 99% of the population is related to each other...alot of them cousins. If it were not for the oil boom, there might have been, or well I guess still might be, some issues with the next generation, which...I'd like to have a family one day but seeing how having closely related things work with cattle(we finally cured those issues on the herd we bought)...you get the point hopefully. 

So first I have to start a custom (farm work, like harvesting) business and use that or something to get out of the area.

[Soobel 488]

Im married.
And fun fact: That happened exactly 10 years before "Perfect Pear" aired.