Should you only be looking to date if you're ready for marriage?

[K.Rool Addict 718]

No, dating should be completely uninhibited by the looming concept of marriage. I see no problem with dating without the intent of getting married. 

Single or Married questionares are simply flawed. There should clearly be another option for those who are not single nor married/ engaged.

[SONICchaos 824]

1 hour ago, K.Rool Addict said:

No, dating should be completely uninhibited by the looming concept of marriage. I see no problem with dating without the intent of getting married. 

Single or Married questionares are simply flawed. There should clearly be another option for those who are not single nor married/ engaged.

What about one for us lonely singles?

[K.Rool Addict 718]

Just now, SONICchaos said:

What about one for us lonely singles?

Lol, "Single" doesn't discriminate between willingly or unwillingly single. It is an all encompassing term

So, all the "lonely singles" out there file under the "Single" option, of course >.>

[SONICchaos 824]

2 hours ago, K.Rool Addict said:

So, all the "lonely singles" out there file under the "Single" option, of course >.>

Then i'll just write "Date me please" in the "Do not write in this box" field

That should get their attention

 

Or does that come off as too strong?

Edited May 21, 2017 by SONICchaos

[SCS 7,445]

No one should date unless they are ready for marriage, and they are dating with the intention of finding a potential husband or wife. That is what the true purpose of dating is supposed to be: figuring out whether or not someone is your soulmate and lifelong husband or wife. If two people are not compatible in this way then they discontinue dating and either remain friends or part ways entirely. If they are compatible in this way, then they progress to marriage over time when they are ready for that stage.

Children and teenagers should not be dating, and neither should people who think it's some kind of game. Dating is not a game, it's not entertainment, and it should not be done casually. Modern and hedonistic corruption teaches people that casual dating and casual sex is okay, but this could not be further from the truth. "Casual dating" only comes in one of two forms: dating among children or teenagers in which they're too young to really understand what they're doing, and dating among teenagers or adults in which the goal is some sort of casual sexual "satisfaction." It's natural and understandable that older children and teenagers will often be interested in dating as this is a part of growing through adolescence into adulthood. However, this behavior should not be supported or encouraged. The vast majority of older children and teenagers do not have the emotional maturity or life experience needed for a healthy relationship, and in most cases attempting dating at that age will only lead to conflict and sadness. People absolutely can and do learn from such situations, but it's far better to avoid them in the first place and wait on dating until you're an adult. There are plenty of opportunities to forge lifelong, powerful friendships when you're a child or a teenager -- this is very important and valuable, and there's nothing wrong with focusing on that and waiting to worry about romance until you're older. In regard to the other form of casual dating, that which solely has sexual goals, that is very wrong. Sex outside of marriage is a sin for a reason. In countless cases, having sex for the sole purpose of "fun" and "enjoyment" leads to evil things such as abortion, or one parent abandoning the family and leaving the other to raise the child alone. It also increases the likelihood of people having children when they're not spiritually, emotionally, mentally, or financially ready for a child, which in turn increases the chances of the child having a negative childhood, whether from lack of ability and wisdom on the parents part or outright abuse from the parents. Sex is supposed to be between a married man and woman, as an expression of love. Not as a "game," or "entertainment," but as an intimate and special event that should only occur in marriage between a man and a woman who truly love each other and are in all ways ready and willing to have a child in the event that occurs. This modern, hedonistic, and inverted culture of casual dating that is perpetuated by those who seek to annihilate true values and culture only leads to worse things such as casual sex outside of marriage. This is why I do not support casual dating.

In short, dating should not be done lightly or casually. Make acquaintances, forge deep friendships, get to know people you might potentially be interested in. But don't date until you're an adult and emotionally ready for it, and absolutely don't date casually. Dating should be reserved for those who want to find their lifelong husband or wife, and should never be done for any other reason. This is not a popular opinion, and there are many reasons why that is the case today, and those who understand the gravity of this matter must remain vigilant as we observe the corrupting vector of modern civilization.

[Sugar Cube 4,843]

Yes. If you're not dating to find a lifelong mate, then why are you dating? 

[aoEAF2FBvC0MIo2Q 3,671]

 

Nah. Go ahead and be a little reckless. How else are you going to get crucial life experience? Just avoid getting too reckless that you end up doing something with irreversible consequences.

[Leavemealone 547]

20 hours ago, Liquid said:

 

Nah. Go ahead and be a little reckless. How else are you going to get crucial life experience? Just avoid getting too reckless that you end up doing something with irreversible consequences.

True, true. Just make sure that you're careful when you are "reckless". 

[SONICchaos 824]

On 5/24/2017 at 6:28 PM, Sugar Cube said:

Yes. If you're not dating to find a lifelong mate, then why are you dating? 

Socializing, leaning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories?

[SCS 7,445]

7 hours ago, SONICchaos said:

Socializing, leaning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories?

You can do all of those things without dating casually. For reasons I explained in my earlier post, dating casually is wrong and participates in a deliberate and calculated degradation of morality, spiritual and cultural values that form the framework for the true definition and purpose of marriage. Dating is not a game, and it should not be undertaken for the sole purpose of fun or entertainment. In regard to socializing, learning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories -- all of that can be done in a platonic context. So much of the skills and experience needed to ensure a healthy romantic relationship can be developed in platonic relationship, because the most deep and successful romantic relationship are ones in which the partners are not merely husband and wife, but best friends, too. There are specific aspects of romantic relationships that cannot be truly practiced in platonic ones, but the solution to this is not to date casually to develop skills in this. This is a flawed and modern mindset that lowers dating to the same level as developing skills for a job or a class in school. Learning how to overcome challenges in a romantic relationship is a journey that should only be undertaken by two people who are either in the dating phase, and therefore seriously committed to learning whether or not there is compatibility for a lifelong marriage, or in a marriage context where two people are committed to each other for life.

In short, socializing, learning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories can all be done in platonic friendships. The knowledge and growth that can only be found through a romantic relationship should only be undertaken by two people who are either seriously dedicated to figuring out if they want to marry each other, or two people who have decided to join together in eternity by marriage. There is no justification or reason for casual dating at any age.

[Will Guide 21,326]

On 5/15/2017 at 4:39 PM, Mesme Rize said:

Oh, you mean the snow white strategy? I mean, her prince already knew by day one that she was the one.

 

Love at first sight isn't impossible; it's just very rare that the person you're most visually attracted to turns out to also have the right personality and characteristics to make the relationship work. It's not something to oppose; just very rare!

Love at First Sight may have worked for SW, but more recent Disney Princesses take the time to know their love interest, like a real relationship should.

It's all subjective as they are many different people after all.

 

Edited May 26, 2017 by WiiGuy2014

[SONICchaos 824]

1 hour ago, SCS said:

In short, socializing, learning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories can all be done in platonic friendships.

Thats true...but if I had platonic friends I wouldnt find the need to date

Perhaps making friends is easy for you but not for me. With a date you know exactly the kind of relationship you're expecting to walk into as long as you're being up front and honest. Getting randos to like you and hang out with you when you platonically is alot harder. Ive actually found several times in my college years dating has lead to more friendships than friendships has lead to dating.

[Victoria Sponge 1,014]

Some people don't ever get married but do commit to serious relationships that last a long time, I don't think marriage is that important an aspect despite my wishes to get married at some point in my life.

[Eoe 10]

NO

NO

NO

NO

[Black Sabbath 2,484]

As long as all people involved are aware that it's just a casual thing, there's nothing wrong with dating even if you aren't interested in marrige or a long term relationship. 

[Halberd 88]

I always assumed that dating was about testing the waters with specific people.

If you end up truly loving someone, and they reciprocate these feelings, then the desire for (legally recognized) companionship should come naturally.

[Meeps 297]

On 5/26/2017 at 1:23 PM, SCS said:

You can do all of those things without dating casually. For reasons I explained in my earlier post, dating casually is wrong and participates in a deliberate and calculated degradation of morality, spiritual and cultural values that form the framework for the true definition and purpose of marriage. Dating is not a game, and it should not be undertaken for the sole purpose of fun or entertainment. In regard to socializing, learning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories -- all of that can be done in a platonic context. So much of the skills and experience needed to ensure a healthy romantic relationship can be developed in platonic relationship, because the most deep and successful romantic relationship are ones in which the partners are not merely husband and wife, but best friends, too. There are specific aspects of romantic relationships that cannot be truly practiced in platonic ones, but the solution to this is not to date casually to develop skills in this. This is a flawed and modern mindset that lowers dating to the same level as developing skills for a job or a class in school. Learning how to overcome challenges in a romantic relationship is a journey that should only be undertaken by two people who are either in the dating phase, and therefore seriously committed to learning whether or not there is compatibility for a lifelong marriage, or in a marriage context where two people are committed to each other for life.

In short, socializing, learning relationship skills, having fun and creating memories can all be done in platonic friendships. The knowledge and growth that can only be found through a romantic relationship should only be undertaken by two people who are either seriously dedicated to figuring out if they want to marry each other, or two people who have decided to join together in eternity by marriage. There is no justification or reason for casual dating at any age.

I don't have a problem with what you've said, but I think that this view that casual dating is wrong leaves out an entire section of the human population. There are people who cannot see themselves being with the same person for the rest of their lives, but do want dedicated partners regardless. Is this having their cake and eating it too? Maybe. These people could be said to be playing "the game," but there are undoubtedly many others that share the same wants and values as them. There are even those who enjoy casual sex; happens all the time between consenting adults.

I think the major problem with these sort of "test" relationships is when those involved aren't both in the know. There are many - many - people in this world that would use others without telling them, because they know that with the truth comes the end to having the status symbol of being in a relationship, the companionship, and the sex (if practicing it). If everyone dated with a mindset to eventually end in marriage, there would likely be a lot less game playing going on. But that sector of society that never wanted a life-long partner would still exist regardless. It just seems that some people aren't geared toward long term partnerships like marriage... and they can and do, whether willingly or accidentally, ocassionally prey upon those that are.

On 5/15/2017 at 7:27 PM, Blue Diamond said:

That cinema driven fantasy. 

I think this is one of the major issues with modern dating. Everyone expects instant, hard and fast love, with "sparks" and mind blowing acts of dedication like climbing up a ferris wheel to proclaim intent to date. When actual life doesn't amount to what they've been conditioned to expect ever since childhood, they pout and figure they must not have had "real" true love, and continue their search. There's a reason it typically isn't the first few years, but the latter years, of marriage that are said to be most difficult!

Edited June 3, 2017 by Meeps
Grammar.

[Jeric 46,836]

2 hours ago, Meeps said:

There's a reason it typically isn't the first few years, but the latter years, of marriage that are said to be most difficult!

Aye. It wasn't as challenging for me as it is for some, but later in the relationship it became less doe eyed love and something more robust and ... 'complete' is the best way I can describe it. I think one (of many) rules of long term relationships has to do with the concept of being prepared to constantly fall in love to stay in love. I know when I was a newlywed, I imagined us older and basically being the same individuals. Over the years I saw that people evolve. I changed over time and so did my wife. We luckily loved what each of us became. 

Some failed relationships and marriages are due to the fact that two people change. That may be at the heart of why it seems to get harder as time goes on. 

As far as the insane over-the-top romantic gestures, I tried a few of them early on. I did the candles outside in the shape of a heart. Spoiler alert: wind and dry conditions make this a bad idea. 

I learned that it's the small touches that are far more meaningful and endearing. It's one of my rules of life. "A single small flower can be greater than a dozen roses." 

 

On 5/26/2017 at 2:39 PM, WiiGuy2014 said:

Love at First Sight may have worked for SW, but more recent Disney Princesses take the time to know their love interest, like a real relationship should.

Heh. When I met my wife she and I became quick antagonists, socializing only because we have common friends. Even when that evolved over time to what became best friends ... I can say that I had not an inkling of romantic feelings. That came a few years later, and only after she became so frustrated with me missing every signal in college that she flat out yelled at me for being so obtuse ...

... Most confusing moment in my life. Yeah love at first sight is rare. Attraction at first sight is more common though.

 

[Meeps 297]

On 5/26/2017 at 1:39 PM, WiiGuy2014 said:

Love at First Sight may have worked for SW, but more recent Disney Princesses take the time to know their love interest, like a real relationship should.

It's hard to say what any real relationship should look like, simply because everyone is different, and have different ways of doing things.

 

20 minutes ago, Blue Diamond said:

Heh. When I met my wife she and I became quick antagonists, socializing only because we have common friends. Even when that evolved over time to what became best friends ... I can say that I had not an inkling of romantic feelings. That came a few years later, and only after she became so frustrated with me missing every signal in college that she flat out yelled at me for being so obtuse ...

... Most confusing moment in my life. Yeah love at first sight is rare. Attraction at first sight is more common though.

Haha, I'm loving your candid posts, @Blue Diamond. I also love that your wife asked you out; women are still stigmatized for "taking the lead" or even labelled as masculine for taking on the role of asking someone they fancy out, but I don't see why! I don't mean this in a negative way at all, but so much in the way of hints seems to go over a lot of guys' heads xD

Edited June 3, 2017 by Meeps
I can't grammar today :(

[Jeric 46,836]

20 minutes ago, Meeps said:

It's hard to say what any real relationship should look like, simply because everyone is different, and have different ways of doing things.

 

Haha, I'm loving your candid posts, @Blue Diamond. I also love that your wife asked you out; women are still stigmatized for "taking the lead" or even labelled as masculine for taking on the role of asking someone they fancy out, but I don't see why! I don't mean this in a negative way at all, but so much in the way of hints seems to go over a lot of guys' heads xD

She also tried to hijack my proposal since I was insanely nervous XD. 

It's funny because the nature of an end goal for dating actually came up between us before we when on an actual date. That conversation is pretty similar to what people have said in this topic. In our case, I pointed out that us dating isn't the same thing as what normally happens. We knew each other damn well at that point, so us dating would have been less about learning about each other so this would be about figuring out if there is a real future here. Her reaction was pretty typical ... wit and a little teasing edge. 

"Well don't go and rent a Tux just yet. I still haven't decided if I even like you." 

Said with a smile and a wink, but it was her way of saying she knew that. So, even though I've argued a little for casual dating ... ours started off with us knowing that we were hopefully building to something more. 

And that scared the living hell out of me at the time! I think that is why some people feel more comfortable with the concept of casual dating, at least pretending that's what it is when it really isn't. It's scary to imagine early on that there are 'stakes'.

[SONICchaos 824]

On 5/31/2017 at 11:02 AM, Battenberg said:

Some people don't ever get married but do commit to serious relationships that last a long time, I don't think marriage is that important an aspect despite my wishes to get married at some point in my life.

I've never really been interested in being "Married". Its more about the relationship than the label since its pretty much the same thing tho I know it offers more tax and spousal benefits. Still I have seen a guy make 5 separate proposals with $30,000 rings that he never got back. Still he's nothing if not persistent

Still mentally I never tell myself I want to get "Married". I tell myself I want to have a "Memorable Relationship".

Tho hopefully getting married doesnt include the requirement to have kids. Cuz I dont want kids. Shit lawfully and morally I SHOULDNT have kids.

[Wingnut 6,733]

8 hours ago, Blue Diamond said:

She also tried to hijack my proposal since I was insanely nervous XD. 

It's funny because the nature of an end goal for dating actually came up between us before we when on an actual date. That conversation is pretty similar to what people have said in this topic. In our case, I pointed out that us dating isn't the same thing as what normally happens. We knew each other damn well at that point, so us dating would have been less about learning about each other so this would be about figuring out if there is a real future here. Her reaction was pretty typical ... wit and a little teasing edge. 

"Well don't go and rent a Tux just yet. I still haven't decided if I even like you." 

Said with a smile and a wink, but it was her way of saying she knew that. So, even though I've argued a little for casual dating ... ours started off with us knowing that we were hopefully building to something more. 

And that scared the living hell out of me at the time! I think that is why some people feel more comfortable with the concept of casual dating, at least pretending that's what it is when it really isn't. It's scary to imagine early on that there are 'stakes'.

Jeric, I'm really enjoying these little stories about your relationship with your wife.  Even though she was never a forum member and is no longer with us, you continue to create a wonderful portrait of her.

My take on this topic?  I agree that marriage and a life long faithful relationship are the goal for dating.  It's a serious matter yet it still needs its lighthearted and fun moments.  My big issue is the way media and society as a whole promote dating.  You just go out, have fun, kiss, and maybe, sleep together.  Then when the infatuation wears off go your separate ways and hook up with someone else.  Uh uh, that's not how it's supposed to work. My views largely coincide with what @SCS said above. There's also a stigma put on singles who don't date. Apparently there's something wrong with you if you don't have a significant other or aren't  searching for one.  This used to take a heavy toll on me.  Ironically it was a relationship that made me realize that I had simply fallen for an indoctrination that is imposed on us from a young age.  I learned that all I need to be happy  is companionship and romance isn't the only avenue for achieving that.  If platonic friendships got half of the respect that they deserve a lot of angst and sorrow could be averted.  

[Jeric 46,836]

1 hour ago, Wingnut said:

If platonic friendships got half of the respect that they deserve a lot of angst and sorrow could be averted.  

In a topic that is full of deep discussion on the inherent nature of romantic relationships, this line stands out to me as one that may actually be the most salient. There is this prevailing view that platonic relationships are somehow lesser than romantic ones. On some surface level it makes sense, but I can tell you there are friendships I've had that have been as meaningful as my marriage. To say that someone who isn't interested in a romantic relationship or hasn't yet found a romantic partner is somehow defective is bunk. 

Oddly appropriate line of thinking in a forum designed to celebrate a cartoon about friendship. 

 

[Meeps 297]

9 hours ago, Blue Diamond said:

"Well don't go and rent a Tux just yet. I still haven't decided if I even like you." 

Haha, so witty xD Sounds like an awesome personality!

 

9 hours ago, Blue Diamond said:

I think that is why some people feel more comfortable with the concept of casual dating, at least pretending that's what it is when it really isn't. It's scary to imagine early on that there are 'stakes'.

I can wholeheartedly agree with this. I've watched many people go the route of casual dating after a devastating breakup despite them being long term minded, and it usually ends up either temporarily making them feel better (key word: temporarily), or really screwing over their new bf/gf when they decide they're done with them. So many people aren't honest from the get-go because they are evidently afraid too much honesty too soon will scare the other person off before they can "catch feelings" or whatever its called.

 

50 minutes ago, Wingnut said:

There's also a stigma put on singles who don't date. Apparently there's something wrong with you if you don't have a significant other or aren't  searching for one.

Ironic you should mention this. There is definitely a stigma against it, but it's even worse when people pretend they're cool with being single when they desperately want a relationship. Just be honest, for frick's sake.

 I hope this isn't derailing, but I recall briefly meeting up with someone under the understanding I was going to help him paint his house for money. During the course of conversation, he claimed he was fine with being single because he was very "picky" when it came to who he dated. Had his nice home, an epic car, and friends who were mostly all married. He had this whole conversation set up over how relationships and sex have nothing to do with it, platonic companionship like us just chatting before painting his house was great to have. I wholeheartedly agreed, because I definitely wasn't looking to date this individual as he was too old for me in the first place. I'd been clear about my stance as soon as it came up.

Well. We were supposed to be painting his house, but needless to say I quickly learned that I wasn't over as the painting help. I was destined for either one of two roads in his mind; either a potential lay or as a partner. All this after I'd made it crystal clear I wasn't looking for any  of that. I excused myself and left, much to his anger. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore.

I find dishonesty like that outlined above to be very annoying because it wastes both people's time on false pretenses. I get that honesty won't always get you what you want, but hot damn.