When is the best time to get married?

[Colon Leftbracket 971]

According to my own beliefs... never. I don't even truely believe in monogamy. I don't mind being in love with just one person, but I think love should be something that one can share. People shouldn't have to limit themselves to one lover!

I'm not talking about cheating though, that is deceptive and cruel! What I believe in is having romantic interests with friends. No need for relationship structures just pure free love!

 

Marriage is probably the key reason that these relationship structures exist! Some religious figurehead long ago probably said that it must be one man and one woman forever... no exceptions! What if I love multiple women and/or men? Why can't I love them all?

 

 

But anyway that's my view, but most of the world still believes in the old monogamy system and not my polygamy "Universal and Unlimited Love" theory so I'll share when a monogamous relationship should reach it's ceremonial climax. (Scientific Talk for Marriage)

 

I think a few things need to be checked. What is the reason for the marriage? Would I have kids with this person? Do I love this person? Would I spend my whole life with this person?

Also a few logic questions un-romanticized! Are we financially stable enough to have a wedding? Is this truly my compatible mate? Do they satisfy my emotional, sexual, financial, or any and all other needs? Am I mature enough to make such a life decision? (age is NOT equivalent to maturity!)

So yeah individual maturity is the biggest factor! Some people will be swept up in the ceremony and not enter marriage ready! It is NOT something to do just to do it, or to get it over with. It is a commitment for life! Like sawing an arm off are you ready for this change!

[L-PinkVsD-Pink327 177]

What if I love multiple women and/or men? Why can't I love them all?

 

Because then you have one lover that always feels they don't get as much love/attention as the other, which can effectively break the relationship.

[StarGazer 129]

I don't know. Marriage is something I have nightmares about. I think it will feel right in your heart, you will feel secure that someone will love you forever without any conditions, unwavering no matter what shall befall you, and when you feel the same. And I think that when you are ready to get married you will feel secure and complete about yourself on your own without your partner but your world will feel secure and complete with them. I think that marriage should be taken seriously and not like a game of house. You're pledging your whole self to someone else FOREVER no matter WHAT (unless they happen to be abusive or a murderer or the like). I think before even thinking about marriage, you will have to contemplate "Forever no Matter What". I think you should be ready to fight for the two of you, accept that it's not going to be a merry picnic all the time and that there will be bad times.

And I know I'm not ready for marriage because in my head I keep thinking, well, if it doesn't work out I can just ask for a divorce. Nope, nowhere near ready I am.

 

But when/ if you do, I think it should be in the summer or around Halloween

[Colon Leftbracket 971]

Because then you have one lover that always feels they don't get as much love/attention as the other, which can effectively break the relationship.

 

This isn't always necessarily true.

What I speak of is a belief that there is NO "relationship". If one wants love, attention, sex, or whatever then they hang out with a partner to get it. They will always have an option for these needs if everyone involved has multiple partners. Like a giant group of people who are "friends with benefits" but more about love than sex. Like a giant web of intermixed relationships really!

 

This is just my bizarre philosophy though. I was thinking on what love would be like if the basic human relationship or marriage was never made!

If I could get a bunch of like minded people who all loved each other I'd try to build a community around this philosophy to see if it is a better alternative to the romance and heartbreak of the established relationship system.

The next best thing that is already established into modern culture is the "Friend's With Benefits" option where you can meet certain needs with someone you trust without the stress of a relationship.

 

Anyway we are getting VERY off topic now hehe.

[L-PinkVsD-Pink327 177]

What I speak of is a belief that there is NO "relationship".

This is just my bizarre philosophy though. I was thinking on what love would be like if the basic human relationship or marriage was never made!

 

Anyway we are getting VERY off topic now hehe.

 

My bad, when I said relationship, I meant all the person to person connections, not the just the romantic connections, sorry about not explaining it enough, heh.

 

Agreed.

 

or around Halloween

 

First thing my mind goes to- All kinds of horror movies where a couple are celebrating something together, only to have some kind of horrific, disturbing adventure go on.

 

Your mission objective has been reached

[Lady Rarity Pony 4,892]

I'm a bit too young to have an answer for this. I would suppose it really depends on the situation you are in.

[Marshmallow 1,134]

When both people feel that they are ready and have a stable relationship and a stable job/house/etc.

 

Of course, some couples don't feel the need to get married at all to show that they love each others and that's perfectly fine too (and I personally feel the same way about marriage too) but that's a whole different topic.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

It's not about a particular age range, necessarily. If you say that people shouldn't get married until their mid-twenties, for example, then under simple conclusions that would make marriages that happen before that age stupid, and marriages that happen around or after that age smart. Not everyone is ready to marry at 27, and some are ready to marry at 21.

 

The reason for divorce, I think, is primarily because people get married for the wrong reasons. Instead of marrying out of real love for one another, perhaps one of the parties needs healing and they think that one particular person will solve their problems, or one of the parties needs to gain independence from their family, or they're trying to get over a previous lover. They use the institution of marriage to make them happy, believing that it will get rid of their personal problems, rather than finding the real solution to their life problems before tying the knot.

 

I do like to believe that most people know how to do at least some introspective thinking, and they know how to dig deep to solve their own emotional problems rather than use another means to make themselves happy. But there are still many people who rely on "things" to hide their problems, whether they realize it or not. Some of the most common and extreme "things" are alcohol and drugs. But some people are addicted to other "things," like shopping and the Internet. Others are addicted to sex and/or emotional relationships. People who simply like being in a stable relationship will feel like their life is being held together by something that couldn't have possibly been there before the relationship started. The fact of the matter is that life is unpredictable and relationships are so much more complicated than some people realize. You can't just get a spouse and call that spouse yours forever and expect him/her to do everything you want him/her to do... after all, s/he's a human being too! S/he will make mistakes and do things that will make you angry. You will fight, especially as you get to know and interact with each other more. You will get hurt. Your expectations will be broken, maybe shattered. But that's because we're human and we make mistakes. Another human being cannot fix your problems as if this other human being is a god.

 

There is hope. You can reconcile, and you can forgive. You can promise to do better, and if you are devoted to keeping that promise, you will eventually become better. It's not easy, but whoever said that the true ability to love was easy?

[Broccoli 127]

Whenever parents approve. I'd say probably mid-late twenties. Or maybe marry if you are too desperate , since it is generally more accepted to engage in a sexual relationship after you are married.

[Retro*Derpy 3,081]

My parents told me from their personal experience as well as my grandparents that even if you are in a good relationship in young years, you should wait until your late 20's early 30's as then people usually have their lives set by then.

[Shanks 10,811]

I suppose it depends alot of people answered mid twenties but there are a lot of people in that age range that aren't ready or still haven't really matured enough yet and there are some people that will never be ready at all. I am 27 and I don't believe I am ready for that yet because socially I am a huge late bloomer in part due to having Autism and in part to having to take care of my father who was a dialysis patient along with a few other factors. Because of this I have been stuck in a time warp when it comes to relationship's but I have every intention of catching up, I am not going to marry the first woman I see tomorrow but I am not going to sit and wait for it to happen either.

[~Master~ Button Mash 2,307]

Personally, I don't even know. I can only tell you it's not in the near future. I kind of think I'm leaning toward Colon Leftbracket's ideas, sometimes, given some of the...wishes of my group of IRL friends.

 

I just turned 20 and my only romantic experience is a first kiss. Never had a steady girlfriend, never obviously have had sex, etc. The years I should have been building romantic experience up to this point, I was too busy bearing the burden of Depersonalization. I only recently overcame it and I have yet to come out of my shell at all, much less even worry about the culmination of that (marriage). Why should I be concerned with the finish line when I haven't even started the race yet?

 

And there's other things that marriage kind of puts a damper on. I have yet to let out any of that youthful, rebellious energy you get to release in your teen years. I want to have my time to be wild and experiment just like everyone else, and marriage would be a damper on that. 

 

I have too much to experience before I can even begin to consider marriage.

Edited May 26, 2013 by AtomicBassCannon

[Unpredictable Ranger 696]

It all depends on personal preference once an individual has hit the legal age for marriage, really. Some would get married rightaway when they're seventeen or eighteen, while some would still feel not ready even at the age of forty-five.

[Gone Airbourne 21,969]

I believe once you know you can stably support for your family and at whatever age you are at that time is the right time. But please make sure you can support a family before making any rash decisions you may regret and cannot change once you have made them.

[Scootalove 10,684]

I think the best time to get married is when you learn to support a family and, be able to take care of yourself financially and with your education too. When you have those two things covered, then you will be able to get married to support your family.

[Batbrony 15,994]

When the time is right, I suppose.  After all, as 1 Corinthians 13:4 puts it succinctly, "Love is patient".  I don't think anypony should feel pressured to find someone by a certain age or from a certain background; you should wait until you find somepony who you truly love and who truly loves you back, and only then think about marriage.  Of course, from a practical standpoint I think it's also logical for a couple to also have a good plan for their future and be at least fairly financially stable and mentally/emotionally mature before they get married, just because too many great couples have fallen apart because they weren't financially or emotionally ready for marriage.  Marriage is one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life everypony, and don't you forget it; as such, it's certainly not something that you want to rush if you want it to last.

[MelancholicMemory 2,022]

Never.

 

Seriously, I won't knock anyone for getting married, but marriage seems like a pointless, awful institution to me. Outside of marriage, if a relationship gets bad, you can break up, no-harm no-foul. But marriage means that to break up brings on tons of legal, financial, social, and emotional problems that wouldn't be there anyway. Half of marriages end in divorce anyway.

 

Furthermore, many relationships go downhill once they're married because the spouses get a false sense of security and no longer put as much effort into the relationship. I think people can have a relationship that lasts a long time without marriage.

 

Legal marriage is a different thing. There are many legal benefits to marriage, though my personal political convictions are that the government should not limit such things like rights to hospital visits and whatnot to married couples, and the tax benefits are absurd.

[Luna's Husbando 60]

In this day and age, marriage seems like more of a risk than anything and isn't very promising. Divorce rates are though the roof and people that do stay married often end up in a dysfunctional or abusive relationship. The breadwinner in the marriage ends up losing a lot of what they worked for in divorce and men end up losing their kids and having to pay child support. Let's not forget about how you'll most likely be cheated on....

 

The answer is: never, at least not unless you're REALLY confident it'll work out. There are so many things that could go wrong with marriage that it just isn't worth it. Stay single.

Edited June 1, 2013 by Luna's Husbando

[Fluttershyfan94 5,738]

Too begin with, when you have a good financial status and when you are sure that you are ready to waste spend many years with your partner.

 

I think it's also important to be in a relationship for at least five or more years to just make sure you aren't making a big mistake.

 

I would be happy spending the rest of my life with a BMW M6 though.

 

I would like to get married one day, but I just haven't met that person so who knows what will happen.

Edited November 4, 2013 by Fluttershyfan94

[Unpredictable Ranger 696]

@, nobody gets married to plan break-ups, if you look in the East side of the world, they learned a lot in life to avoid things go sour between the couples (spouse) and there are many counselling bodies/institutions that offer assistance in maintaining marriages.

 

It is true that in non-marital relationships, you can break off anytime and not face much obligatory processes because the difference between that and marriages is that marriage means COMMITMENT. Let's say, a staff is committed to his job and works with the same company for many years, loyally. The perks for this commitment reaps good results: raised salary, getting promoted, offered more company benefits, etc.; compared to staff that jumps from one company to another company within short term of working under the same company(s) -- same goes for anything else, even relationship. Commitment and patience gives back positive outcomes in return.

 

And, sorry to say this outrightly: the government hates single people. Don't believe me? Read this: http://www.cracked.com/article_17063_5-reasons-being-single-sucks-even-more-than-you-thought.html

[Fhaolan 4,468]

Spring. That's a good time.

 

Let's see: I got married when I was 34, ten years and a few days ago. Recently got back from our anniversary cruise down to Belize, which was fun.

 

Most people shouldn't get married. For that matter most people shouldn't have children. As they never reach the level of maturity necessary to honestly care about someone else enough to make sacrifices for.

 

If you're not willing to stab a virgin in the heart for someone while chanting Ai Ai Ai!, you're not ready for marriage.

[RockinRarity 1,605]

Never.

 

Seriously, I won't knock anyone for getting married, but marriage seems like a pointless, awful institution to me. Outside of marriage, if a relationship gets bad, you can break up, no-harm no-foul. But marriage means that to break up brings on tons of legal, financial, social, and emotional problems that wouldn't be there anyway. Half of marriages end in divorce anyway.

 

Furthermore, many relationships go downhill once they're married because the spouses get a false sense of security and no longer put as much effort into the relationship. I think people can have a relationship that lasts a long time without marriage.

 

Legal marriage is a different thing. There are many legal benefits to marriage, though my personal political convictions are that the government should not limit such things like rights to hospital visits and whatnot to married couples, and the tax benefits are absurd.

Your post assumes that people generally break up after getting married. Also, you must have never met any happy married couples.

 

True that 50% of marriages end in divorce. But those are the people who keep getting married and divorced, and they skew the statistics. Also, that's 50% of marriages that stay together until death. That's actually a lot more than you think.

 

Your post doesn't make much sense to me. What's the different between a "long relationship without marriage" and a married couple? If a couple is living together, having sex, having children, and combining their incomes, what's the difference between that and having a marriage license? A break-up for a relationship that's that sealed together is really almost as bad as divorce. Sure you don't have to go through as many of the legal processes of breaking apart, but the emotional turmoil of doing that is the same.

 

But then you go on to say that legal marriage is good. Um, so you have a negative view of marriage because long non-married relationships can be just as fulfilling, but you recognize the good in being legally bound together anyways? I am confused.

 

Marriage is a commitment. It is for life. Those who don't understand that should not get married.

 

Marriage is hard. But when it comes to loving another person, raising children in a stable environment where they can grow up to be loving adults, is worth fighting for, especially in this day and age.

[MelancholicMemory 2,022]

I will spoiler my stuff to save room because I had a lot to respond to.

 

 

And, sorry to say this outrightly: the government hates single people. Don't believe me? Read this: http://www.cracked.com/article_17063_5-reasons-being-single-sucks-even-more-than-you-thought.html

Haha!   That's funny and I agree.

 

 

nobody gets married to plan break-ups

I know nobody plans it. I guess I focused on that element too much, but my whole attitude towards marriage is based more on the state of being married rather than divorce. I didn't seem to make that clear, I suppose. On a related note though, divorce is not always because it was a mistake to marry a certain person in the first place. People change in 10 or 20 years. It just happens. So separation may happen whether or not you love eachother initially. So divorce is something to consider when thinking about the practicality of marriage.

 

 

It is true that in non-marital relationships, you can break off anytime and not face much obligatory processes because the difference between that and marriages is that marriage means COMMITMENT.

I believe a committed relationship is better off without an arbitrary acknowledgement of said commitment or the limitations of marriage. I believe it reduces the overall quality of the relationship, and it is largely done because it is the social norm for couples. Like I said in my first post, marriage means people get lazy with their relationship most of the time. I encourage anyone who wants to look at a more complex criticism of marriage to look up H.L. Mencken's writings on marriage in particular.

 

 

Your post assumes that people generally break up after getting married. Also, you must have never met any happy married couples.

I do not make that assumption. Perhaps I was unclear, and, if so, I apologize for that. Also, I find it weird that I've never seen you around the forums before I also apologize if my post offended you, because I see from your signature that you plan to be married soon.

 

 

True that 50% of marriages end in divorce. But those are the people who keep getting married and divorced, and they skew the statistics. Also, that's 50% of marriages that stay together until death. That's actually a lot more than you think.

But how many of those couples who stay together until death are miserable together and would be happier apart? I would say a lot. Many many couples stay together for their children or for religious reasons or because of legal fees and complications or because they are expected to be together forever.

 

 

Your post doesn't make much sense to me. What's the different between a "long relationship without marriage" and a married couple? If a couple is living together, having sex, having children, and combining their incomes, what's the difference between that and having a marriage license? A break-up for a relationship that's that sealed together is really almost as bad as divorce. Sure you don't have to go through as many of the legal processes of breaking apart, but the emotional turmoil of doing that is the same.

I believe there would be less problems in a break-up of a couple that never was married, and I also believe un-married couples would be more happy, and they would be happier longer. This is the case from my experience.

 

 

But then you go on to say that legal marriage is good. Um, so you have a negative view of marriage because long non-married relationships can be just as fulfilling, but you recognize the good in being legally bound together anyways? I am confused.

You seem to have misunderstood me. I want to abolish the legal institution of marriage. I don't want legal marriage.

 

 

Marriage is a commitment. It is for life. Those who don't understand that should not get married.

I agree.

 

 

Most people shouldn't get married. For that matter most people shouldn't have children. As they never reach the level of maturity necessary to honestly care about someone else enough to make sacrifices for.

I concur.

 

 

 

Edited June 1, 2013 by Mellon Collie

[RockinRarity 1,605]

Just want to respond to a couple of the points you made. I mostly post in Sugarcube Corner these days, not so much in the General Discussion, not as much as I used to anyways.

 

Also, I am not offended by your initial post. There are definitely people who should not get married (I have seen enough episodes of Bridezillas to confirm this...) but IMO that doesn't make the institution itself a bad thing. I am confident enough in my decision to get married, not only because I love my fiance, but because I have seen several marriages in my lifetime work out wonderfully. I know that, when done right, a marriage and family can be the best thing in the world. I am a big believer in that, and I feel bad for those who have not experienced the joyful and rewarding aspects of marriage and family.

 

 

 

But how many of those couples who stay together until death are miserable together and would be happier apart? I would say a lot. Many many couples stay together for their children or for religious reasons or because of legal fees and complications or because they are expected to be together forever.

 

Yeah but it is unclear how many of those people are out there. There isn't a statistic in the world that could determine the frequency of this situation.

 

I have heard this point be made before. I believe that the last person who made it to me assumed that religious people, in particular, who stay together must be miserable. But I am blessed to know several happily married couples. My parents, several aunts and uncles, friends, cousins, coworkers, etc, are happily married. I do know several other people - other aunts and uncles, cousins, friends' parents, and coworkers - who are divorced. And religious or not, the people who feel like their marriages are irredeemable do get divorced. I have never met a couple who stayed together for "religious reasons." I know several divorced couples who find ways to make sure that their children are still doing all right despite the hardship. I think, too, that the people who try to stay together "for the children" but don't end up doing anything to make their relationship with each other any better, do get divorced eventually, because they can't live a lie anymore.

 

But I do know, too, that marriage gets hard, and if things go sour, they need to go out and ask for help. It is possible to ask for help, receive it, and make marriage better. I cannot name particular examples, but I have read enough books about relationships to know that it does happen.

 

 

 

I believe there would be less problems in a break-up of a couple that never was married, and I also believe un-married couples would be more happy, and they would be happier longer. This is the case from my experience.

 

 

I want to know why you believe this is the case. Because this is a pretty broad point that is not supported by any facts, or even any anecdotal evidence. And how are we supposed to know that your anecdotal evidence is consistent enough with the reality of the state of marriage?

 

It is true that perhaps there are fewer problems breaking up for a non-married couple who acted like they were married, but if that is the only reason why it would be any better, then it goes to show that it isn't marriage that's the problem - it's the fear of commitment that many people in our society have. People are afraid that it will tie them down and restrict their joy and their freedom.

 

But it is a human paradox - that those who are more committed for good reason are actually more free. I will give you an example that it more light-hearted than marriage itself. When I got engaged, one of the first things that I did was look for a wedding dress. I tried on several - and I mean several - dresses during that time. I was free to choose any dress that I wanted - although with a limited budget. Most of them were icky. Some of them were pretty good. A few were great. I ended up picking one of the great ones - the greatest, actually. It was my dress - and within my budget, too.

 

I went back to the bridal shop with my bridesmaids for them to try on bridesmaids dresses, and as I watched other brides-to-be try on dresses, I realized how relieved I was to have already chosen mine.

 

I have committed myself to a dress. I could worry all I want about, "What if there is a better dress out there for me? What if later I don't like it?" But I won't. Maybe there is a better dress out there for me. Maybe I won't like it as much on my wedding day than I did when I first tried it on. But that doesn't really matter. The dress that I am wearing on my wedding day is beautiful, it fits my body, and it fits my personality.

 

Sure, this example is not directly related to marriage, since after the wedding day I probably won't wear that dress ever again, but I will say this. I am confident that while my husband-to-be is far from perfect, he is a great fit for me. He will be a good husband and a good father. I know this because I know him as best as I can without having been married to him, and because his dad is a good father and husband, too. Is there somebody out there "better" for me? Maybe. But trying to find Mr. Perfect is an impossible task. I have a man who treats me with respect, shares several common interests with me, and shares many of the same values. But most importantly, he loves me. I know that we are capable of marriage until death do us part.

[Unpredictable Ranger 696]

@, I do not understand the first quote here, can you explain in a more proper way?

 

On a related note though, divorce is not always because it was a mistake to marry a certain person in the first place.

 

 

If marriages are not made legal in the first place, there will be many illegally-born children whose lineage are difficult to be traced, furthermore what you're asking will make human no different than other creatures (animals, demons) due to their nature of not having marriage as a necessity for reproduction.

 

EDIT: or are you hinting that we should all be reduced to lower level creatures' way of life instead of the more civilised one we have?

I want to abolish the legal institution of marriage. I don't want legal marriage.

Edited June 3, 2013 by Wonderbolt Soarin