How are you going to explain "The Birds and the Bees" to your future children?

[Cyclone 1066 3,619]

1 hour ago, Lucky Bolt said:

That is certainly a good question...I'll just tell them the absolute truth and all, leave out anything TOO explicit while maybe even providing a little backstory on how they themselves came to be if they'd like to know. 

Now, to make things a bit less awkward, if I had a son then I'm making his father tell him.  If I have a daughter, then I'll do it. Parenting is teamwork, after all. 

An episode of King of the Hill comes to mind....

"It's called the double standard Bobby. We worked hard to get it, don't mess it up."

[TBD 17,256]

Well kids, what "the birds" mean is when someone is being a dick, you give them the bird.  As for the bees, they're close to being extinct so they have to be put in a bee sanctuary to make more bees.

 

Okay in seriousness, my parent never tell me anything and my mom would shield me away from that kind of thing the best she could. I learned about it through my biology class, because science (in my opinion) is a best way to learn about it and be mature about it. So that's exactly how I'm going explain it, through science. (plus lessons of what to do and what not to do though religion.) 

[Here No Longer 5,276]

First off, I'm not and don't intend ever to be in a relationship with the opposite sex. It is also obviously impossible for two males to conceive.

Second off, adoption is something I'm still up in the air about. I'll be willing if he wants, but at the same time kids can be a pain to deal with and I wouldn't make the best parent to a child. 

In other words, even if I did have kids I likely wouldn't have to explain it to them because I wouldn't be their biological parent. Though they'd have to deal with having "two daddies" and that in and of itself is a seperate issue. Though I could just be mommy. That could work...

Edited April 4, 2019 by Dusky, the Boy Queen

[RDDash 19,195]

Do people this days even need a talk? I mean I'll do it if they ask but the chances are they already in the know anyway.

[Meson Bolt 2,648]

Um, well my parents never explained that to me, I had to figure that out by myself.

I actually found out by reading an encyclopedia on human anatomy, and studying the different organ systems individually. When I got to the reproductive system... I mean, it was just as boring as learning about the central nervous system or the circulatory system or what not, so...

Yeah, if you want to explain that to your kids, do it in the most dull and scientific way possible. xD

[Treeglow Flicker 13,785]

I never received any special talk about it. It's one of those bits of knowledge that pretty much just appeared without any great feeling of realisation.

Likely I'll be going the adoption route unless I can somehow grow or build a darling child of my own. And if I do somehow grow or build a child, that will require a completely different explanation on where they came from. I suppose I could just settle for a Chia Pet...

But in the standard sense of how babies are made... I suppose I could just tell my darling child that:

"When a mommy or daddy want a child, they find a human, hug its face and after a short span of time, a beautiful baby boy or girl bursts from their chest!"

After that, my darling child should just give me a weird look and go back to trying to microwave their He-man action figures in the kitchen.

Seriously though. It would depend on my child's perspective of things. The best explanation could lie with how they've come to know the world. Knowing my luck, I would probably have to resort to a crude demonstration using stuffed toys.

[Dreambiscuit 10,033]

Kids don't really seem to need 'the talk' these days. Everything is so saturated in that stuff it's hard to avoid knowing everything. As it is, it's pretty instinctual anyway. Animals in the wild don't have to sit their offspring down one day and spell it all out for them, so people should be no different. It's really more important to teach responsibility than the obvious mechanics of it anyway. My parents never had to tell me, and I think that's largely the same with most people. 

[Arc Flash 7,884]

I’ll do the same when I got the “talk” sooo many years ago..but sadly the internet is there, and I’m sure they will find out way before.

[Odyssey 5,717]

>your future children

You mean my 10 cats and dogs? How did you know that is what I always wanted out from life? 

Alright, I jest. Still don't want kids though, so I get off scot free with explaining stuff to others. 

[Twiggy 2,966]

I have a daughter, so I’m gonna go ahead and leave that one to mom. If that excuse doesn’t fly, I’ll just do what my parents did for me. Let the school teach her and if she has any questions feel free to ask. 

Spoiler

The internet answered all my questions when I was a lad. 

 

[Lighting Dust 22]

I haven’t put much thought in to it..but I’ll cross that bridge when it comes.^^

[Camyza 13]

I don't want kids.  I prefer to take care of cats and other animals and give them homes. 

[Mellow Mane 5,931]

If I ever get children and they ask me about the 'birds and the bees', I'd simply explain them how all of it works. There's no point in lying about such a normal thing.

[Splashee 28,566]

Yay, a topic I haven't touched yet! How about that.

 

So, my future children will be at least 6-13 years old before I tell them. Then, I'll tell them how things are done.

I don't plan in having any children

[ExplosionMare 18,081]

Just like how my biology teacher said it, in a very silly voice:

”When two people love each other in a very special way 💕”

I wouldn’t  wanna make things awkward for my future kids but also I wouldn’t wanna make them wait until health class like me.

[Splashee 28,566]

28 minutes ago, ExplosionMare said:

also I wouldn’t wanna make them wait until health class like me.

 

In my school, the teacher showed us a VHS tape, and we were scarred for life! It was a French cartoon showing us how it is done!

Now, thankfully I knew beforehand how it would end! 

[ExplosionMare 18,081]

14 hours ago, Splashee® said:

 

In my school, the teacher showed us a VHS tape, and we were scarred for life! It was a French cartoon showing us how it is done!

Now, thankfully I knew beforehand how it would end! 

Oh no that’s terrible! Surprised that kind of thing wasn’t considered illegal, either.

[Vefka 1,499]

I don't think I would need to 🤔

Health classes don't exist here (I think it's even prohibited to talk about it with kids), and yet come on try to find a single elementary schooler who doesn't know about it

 

[Splashee 28,566]

8 hours ago, ExplosionMare said:

Oh no that’s terrible! Surprised that kind of thing wasn’t considered illegal, either.

The sexual education tape was very enlightening, as it showed how to get pregnant, but also, how not to...  very graphical, very realistic for a cartoon