Just finished reading all this ^~^
honestly, i like the concept :3 the more you write, the more you improve. you have some nice ideas. i think the more you work on them and refine them, the more fleshed out they'll get. if you aren't already, i recommend reading books similar in genera to what you're working on. it'll give ideas on how to blend sentences, how to show more and tell less, and how to make the characters in your story seem relatable or like they have realistic actions or thoughts uwu
if you want, i could spend some time offering suggestions, grammar, or spelling corrections.. otherwise, you should just keep going and perfecting the story you have in mind!! a story is as much for yourself as it is for other people, so don't get too discouraged if it doesn't seem like other people are interested. being creative and building a world is a lot of fun <3