Funniest Joke You Have Heard?

[RundeWeg 0]

What is the funniest joke you have heard?

[TheAnimatorOfficial 566]

"MLP is gay". Speaks for itself.

[Teavvi 627]

When I see a lovers' names carved into a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think how surprising it is that so many people bring a knife on their date. Love. This. Joke!!!!

[Ashen Pathfinder 16,152]

@@RundeWeg

 

As this has less to do with MLP or the fandom and is more of a general topic it has been moved to General Discussion.

 

Thanks.

[Vulcan 3,254]

https://youtu.be/k2W8aGgmn1A?t=108

 

 

"Be a man! Do the right thing!"

 

Is the funniest joke I have ever heard o_o 

[CrystalRarity 119]

Why do sea gulls live by the sea?

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

.

 

Because if they lived by the bay, they'd be called BAY GULLS!

 

 

this is much funnier in verbal form, have ruined it for all of you, happy monday 

[IsraelYabuki 439]

Why did humpty dumpty have a great Fall? To make up for a crumby summer!

[Whirlwind 1,048]

If Princess Luna were a patient at a mental hospital 

what would she be called?

 

A LUNATIC 

[SquipyCheetah 449]

I have a very dark sense of humour, which makes this joke the funniest thing ever to me. 

 

What do you call a five year old with no friends?

 

A Sandy-Hook survivor.

[Hocus Pocus 636]

Oh my.... My sense of humor is.... err, a little beyond what I feel the mods would tolerate... so I'll just say "The Aristocrats" and let that speak for itself

[cmarston1 5,952]

I don't really know as I have heard a lot of really good ones.

But something that I found to be really funny would be this:

[gabbylikespie 60]

Doctor: "Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years. "
-
"But doctor, I am already 80!"
-
"You see - I told you to quit smoking."

 

HAHAHAHA! Funny right? no? okay.
 

Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine." 
 

PFFFTTTT get it?

[Vulcan 3,254]

What do you call a pastry you can make with just one finger?

 

A pinkie pie

[Custos Umbra 31]

"Doctor and his axe-wielding assistent enter patient's room.
D: Alright, time to amputate patient's left leg.
*chop*
D: I said left!
*chop*
D: I said leg!!!"

There was some much funnier joke I had... but I forgot it. Nevertheless - LAUGH, GODS DAMN IT! 

[Midnight Solace 5,129]

I don't think jokes would ever make me laugh. Not in this life.

[Venomous 18,813]

Why do seagulls live by the sea? If they lived by the bay, they'd be bagels!

[Lucky Bolt 34,915]

My sense of humor can be a bit dark...

Read this joke at your own risk. 

 

Whats the best thing about banging 28 year olds? There’s twenty of them....

Forgive me children.  I have  @Cyclone to thank for that one.

Edited April 22, 2019 by Lucky Bolt

[Treeglow Flicker 13,034]

A friend of mine applied for work at a stables.

The stable master asked him: "So what are you like with shoeing horses?"

My friend replied: "Dunno. But I once told a donkey to fuck off."

[ZiggWheelsManning 7,371]

Perhaps it was something about eggs.  

[Lawyer Slip 1,177]

A snake walks into a bar. The bartender says: "WHAT THE FU-!"

[DubWolf 16,620]

This one's a bit longer, and I say it with sincerety .

Pope is in his popemobile, going to a cathedral. The driver is getting tired. "Sir, could you take the wheel for a bit? I need to rest."

"Sure thing!"

So now the pope is driving.

He arrives at the gate and one of the church officials says to another, "sir we better not keep them waiting long".

"Why's that? Who's here?"

"Well, it's probably God, because the pope is driving!"