health Inferiority Complex and Self Hatred

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 41,632]

Not putting this in the life advice section because I am mostly wanting to communicate with others who suffer from the same problems.

 

Anyone that knows me probably knows I suffer form these two things, self hatred and a pretty deep inferiority complex. These two things have gotten worse throughout the years rather than subsiding and it really is a struggle. I cannot seem to go one day without feeling both of these to some extent. Simple things can trigger both, seeing things that make me feel worthless or inferior, or just losing at something can trigger it. Not much seems to help, even if friends tell me kind words that go against the paranoia.

 

So, does anyone else have these problems? Discuss, we can communicate with each other about it.

 

[zerox 1,126]

I also have an inferiorty complex but not self hatred.

[Ninjaed 526]

I used to suffer from this a lot. As well as being extremely shy as a result. Both have subsided a lot since, but I'd still rather remain silent and unnoticed. I am now more cheerful and confident, but part of this is a shell. I still find myself with few qualities and almost always questioning my worth.

 

But as I've quoted in the quote thread (so far it makes sense), "if you force yourself to smile, within a couple minutes, you feel happy". I try not to let this get to me as much and I'm helped by the fact I've always had an optimistic view on things. MLP is actually helping me turn that occasional frown upside down

 

Basically, what if others are better than me? The same applies to most. So long as I'm happy, with friends I enjoy spending time with, leading a life I like, possibly working towards making my dreams come true, isn't that more than enough? so don't waste time moping about it, waste it being stupidly happy! Yeah, I want to bring a cheerful message of hope. This world has too many frowns and not nearly enough smiles when you're walking down the street.

[Storm 199]

Self hatred... It's gotten a little better since I'm trying to be a better person. But I also hate myself for how I look... That's been getting worse...

[Appley Hooves 136]

My fight with feeling inferior's gotten worse in recent years, partly due to my vertigo and having heard snide comments from aunts, uncles and cousins that lets me know I was right in assuming they think I'm beneath them.

 

Had been trying to do better with dealing with it, but a friend of about eight years bailed last night after giving me a paragraphs-long list of everything I did wrong that upset his own life. That...has mostly just thrown me. Still in shock over it, but starting to hear that little voice that says "he's right, you've only ever caused problems for others".

 

I just keep up this mostly cheerful shell to hide it, because any time I've tried opening up about it I just get "aww you need attention", etc. Honestly prefer no attention, but not even being able to vent every now and then just makes all the pain and anger build up.

[They call me Loyalty 1,948]

If you consider yourself inferior, then so be it. Accept your inferiority, and perhaps even you end up discovering some intangible value, hidden to a perception based upon subjectivities of ego.

Unconditional. Which doesn't mean to force a smile upon your face, but to be genuine with yourself. To accept who you are. How?

Changing your perception of the world.

[Peppermint Larry 203]

I think the reason why these two things hits hard for me is because of the way my family and my ex interacted with me. I made it my mission growing up to put all the adult relatives on a pedestal. I would try to do everything they demanded of me even when they put an unrealistic amount of pressure on me. I guess I wasn't really good enough for them, though. One little mistake would send them into a passive aggressive rampage, if that makes any sense. Living with them was walking around eggshells every day. It was a time where I literally seen them as my masters.

 

 

 

I also dated a guy throughout high school that was the hugest condescending prick in the world. With literally everything, he would talk about how much better he was than everyone else (and me). But for whatever reason, I was too attached to let go- even when he was dating other girls while with me. That didn’t seem to help matters at all.

 

 

 

I eventually did break up with him (he kept dating minors), and I eventually moved away from my family. And since I've simply got rid of the things that were constantly upsetting me, I've found myself in a wayyy better mood. When I do get upset, I no longer have a reason to somehow blame myself for it. I don't have to live up to anyone's expectations but my own. 

 

Edited October 14, 2016 by Pepper Mint

[gamecubeguy214 2,512]

I hate myself, but only from when I was 10, 11, and 12. These ages had one thing in common, which was arguing at the answer no, and that is a horrible thing that I find worth hating my earlier self for, as well as having a high pitched voice that I cringe at when I look back on it, saying some really dumb things, and being very hyperactive. When I was 11, it was all of these things but less intense. When I was 12, I was a Minecraft kid. I've enjoyed Minecraft since I was 9 and I still play it, but at the age of 12, Minecraft was the thing I would do when I wake up. It was the thing I would do when I would eat my meals. It helped me when I felt down. Minecraft was all I did. Though at least at that age I had picked up PAC-MAN in Smash 4, which I enjoy looking back on. At my current age, I see myself as a decent person, but I wonder if that can change once I get older and cringe at my current age now.

[Unicorncob 5,694]

I totally get it, I vividly remember things I did from when I was, like, 7 that I still haven't gotten over after about 16 years

 

But the way I see it, it's helped me learn not to make similar mistakes, and I like to think I've become a better person because of it

 

Still, both those things still strike when I don't expect them

[Corgis 574]

I've never used terms like self hatred and inferiority complex to describe my feelings but I tend to feel like I'm bad at what I'm doing quite often.  It'e been an issue for as long as I can remember where I am almost never happy with what I do unless I actually know that I have done something good.  Even if I do well on tests I get annoyed at the small mistakes I made and find some reason to get annoyed at myself.  I don't really pay attention to compliments either as I just assume that they are just trying to make me feel better.   I am so afraid of failure as well that I don't try new things often.  

 

However, it has helped me to try harder at things I do because I think my abilities are poor to begin with so if I want to do better then I have to give it 100% in order to be up to par with others.  Right now I just think to myself that as long as I am giving it 100% I have no need to feel bad about it because I cannot do anything better then 100%.

[Steve Piranha 29,428]

I used to feel a good deal of inferiority complex and self hatred, feeling my sole presence harms others...... then I've realized I'm not the problem, it's the society I live in where people have poor cultural and moral standards. I still have some sort of inferiority complex due to feeling being the only one against that culture, but I no longer hate myself, but instead the people I have the misfortune to live with. I can't wait to move away to somewhere better and leave these "people" to self destruct 

[Justin_Case001 4,896]

I suffer from these things, too.  Severe depression, feeling worthless and inadequate, self-loathing, and a vicious cycle of feeling extreme guilt for being a burden on my parents due to the fact that I am usually miserable, which makes them miserable, which makes me feel more guilty....see how the cycle works?  This is a very simple and quick summary of a lifetime of complicated problems, of course.  I've definitely been suicidal, and I'm by no means out of those dark woods.  Not at all.  I don't have any answers, and I wish I had some good advice.  It's a lifelong battle, for sure.  Feel free to pm me, Kyoshi, if you ever want to talk privately with someone who's spent a lifetime suffering from these issues.

 

For the time being, I do have one suggestion, though.  I recommend that you check out some of the works of Sam Harris.  Yeah, I know, I know, everybody's probably going, "Oh, geeze, there he goes again with his friggin' Sam Harris!"  I do bring him up a lot on these forums, but only when I think it really matters, and only because I believe so strongly that he has some incredibly useful things to hear.  It may sound strange, because Sam isn't in the business of personal therapy, but rather, he's a neuroscientist, philosopher, and author.  But many of the things he has to say have provided me with the only relief and partial healing from my problems that I've known in many years.  I've tried a lot of actual, personal therapy, and honestly, Sam's work has helped me far more than any of that ever did.  I suggest checking out his work on free will, consciousness, and meditation..  As odd as it sounds, I think there's an incredible amount of self-acceptance, peace, and clarity to be found from understanding what Sam has to say on these subjects, if one is willing to keep an open mind and do a bit of introspection.  Like I said, it's the only thing I've found that has helped me.

 

Here, try this as a little preview.  If you find him at all intriguing, please seek more, especially his books, Free Will and Waking Up, and his Waking Up Podcast on youtube.

 

 

[Rarity Is Best Pony 634]

I can't really remember a time where I ever said that I had loved myself. You know the expression love yourself before you can love others? Well I'm pretty sure that's it's not really true seeing as how I love someone in a very romantic way and manage to do that despite a burning hatred for the failure that is me.

[Ziggy + Angel + Rain 11,302]

I'm the self-flagellating type; nobody's more critical of me than I am.  I'm still punishing myself for things that happened half a lifetime ago.

[greenflare 154]

I think of the people who are special to me, I imagine them telling me to not give up and that I'll get better.

I also try to do what they'd do if they were in my situation.

 

Meditating is very therapeutic.  It brings you a sense of peace with the world as we know it so I like to do that too.

 

Drawing things that make you happy can also help.

 

Motivational music is good.  I don't just mean something that gets you pumped, I mean a song that touches you in a special and personal way, something to remind you to continue going.

Edited October 26, 2016 by greenflare

[PonyMage 228]

Had been trying to do better with dealing with it, but a friend of about eight years bailed last night after giving me a paragraphs-long list of everything I did wrong that upset his own life. That...has mostly just thrown me. Still in shock over it, but starting to hear that little voice that says "he's right, you've only ever caused problems for others".

 

I just keep up this mostly cheerful shell to hide it, because any time I've tried opening up about it I just get "aww you need attention", etc. Honestly prefer no attention, but not even being able to vent every now and then just makes all the pain and anger build up.

Damn it I'm sorry that happened to you. Having someone you care about basically tell you that you suck as a human being is extremely painful and the best thing possible to ruin your mood. (Well, for me it happens when ANYONE tells me I suck). And I know what you mean about it throwing you offcenter. I've had it happen before and it makes me question myself all over again even when I felt confident before. It makes me doubt that I'm EVER a good person, even when I think I am being one. And that really sucks.

 

I honestly don't have much else to say on this topic. I feel happy with myself when I'm alone, but once I get out there in the thick of things, the questions start. "Am I likeable? Am I a freak? Did I overreact? Oh my Celestia, did I offend that random dude on the Internet?"

 

You see what I mean. Anxiety isn't a friendly feller. But being with people you trust helps.

 

[Lil Pip 775]

Working out builds some self-confidence, also don't compare yourself to others, because if you analyze how you compare to the whole world anyways all it does is waste time? 

And if you feel you need to do more to make up for yourself, do it for worthy causes, not people who might abuse or be toxic. Everyone is relatively the same anyways, but born into different positions in life, so not much blame can be placed on people without tracing it to an earlier cause, and theres always an earlier cause. So then I think the choice would be pessimism or optimism and frankly optimism is easier when you are healthier so do more healthy things. Also look up research on confidence, luck, etc. A positive way to cope with looking down on yourself is trying to make yourself better, which requires not quitting at something you want to do. Its better if its a good idea though of course, so you may wanna plan ahead. Also reading fiction helps people focus on moving past hurdles of life, rather than focusing or dwelling on the hurdles and builds emotional intelligence, relieves stress, etc. Well, not sure what kind of stories the study involved, maybe some could contribute to stress like horror books/fanfics. So just keep that in mind, but for instance for ptsd people reading stories on recovery from ptsd helps those who have ptsd recover faster.

 

Also learn to not let that emotion get to you, sorta like don't feed the troll, imagine metaphorical trolls instilled that into you for chuckles(or some other more ideal metaphor). Just don't feed it and it could get weaker over time, which means don't act on its consideration, imagine its an adviser and you are the king of your mind. The adviser has had a lot of say but he is sorta running the show instead of the leader, and the leader should. Don't use that fact o beat up on yourself, because its what gives the adviser more leeway. You could try firing him, and instilling different advisers every time his advice pops up to help reinforce behavior thats more becoming.

 

Some of my advice is contradictory (determinism vs altering yourself) so grains of salt yeah. I need to work out my own problems I guess, but just playing a game with evolving ai got me thinking a lil alternatively. 

Edited October 27, 2016 by Lil Pip

[Storm Striker 35]

I pretty much antagonize myself a lot, about everything. I feel very inferior when I see someone do something better than me at something. I know I shouldn't feel like that, but I can't really stop it. I have this thick shell that I place around me that doesn't open unless I'm alone. To my friends, I can be extremely confident and almost constantly happy. If I'm left alone, I dwell a lot on myself. Usually, this ends up making extremely shy to people, but sometimes ends up being self-frustration, I can't deal with new places either. Too shy talk to people at the cash register without it sounding awkward, to shy to ask for directions. 

 

It's not so bad when I'm surrounded by people I know 

[Windseeker 546]

Yep, I am notorious for feeling consciously emotional about my inadequacies. I become really jealous of other people if they have talent or skills I don't have. It lingered with me really badly for more than a few years now, and it badly inhibits my social skills and confidence. It doesn't help that some people I been friends with for years, decide to throw me under a bus because I'm such an emotional drain to them. I can't say I blame them, but it still hurts a lot nonetheless, you know?

 

Anyways, that's just a quick summary from me, my door is open to those that wish to discuss such matters with me. I never actually met anyone else with an inferiority complex before.

[Invincible 2,091]

I can get behind self-hatred. But not for the reasons some might think. My problem runs a bit deeper..

 

I am... too egotistical. I love myself too much. That's why i sometimes loath myself. If that doesn't make any sense, you have to understand, that, at least from my perspective, to truly love something, means you have to see the imperfections in the object of your love, and seek to better said object over them. I love myself enough to understand my faults, and i hate myself for submitting to them.

 

Don't get me wrong, i try to overcome them. It's a struggle without end, but small successes along the way offer a rewarding, satisfying feeling that i can't quite put into words. So i keep going :/

 

I've always struggled with temper, and pride. Those, i'd say, are my worst qualities. Only after a long meditation after a particularly bad decision i have paid for back in the day did i understand that in order to love myself, i had to start hating myself. Parts of myself, at least.