Do the Royal Guard suck as much as people think?

[ManaMinori 4,143]

Its been a running joke that the Royal Guard are always being painted as incompetent, but is that really true? In “Testing, Testing 1,2,3” Twilight explains that the EUP Guard didn’t exist until Luna’s banishment. Afterwards, the Protective Pony Platoons were formed to help protect the princess.

 

They can do assignments like delivering messages, as seen in “The Crystal Empire”, where a guard relays the message that King Sombra has returned, to Celestia, and taking orders from Twilight, in “Twlight’s Kingdom”, when the royal sisters go missing, to go on search parties. They can guard entrances, as seen in “The Crystal Empire” and “A Bird in the Hoof”. The only area in where they fail is protecting the royals. They are there simply to make Canterlot, the nation’s capital, look well-protected, which reflects on the entire nation itself. Outside nations looking in would see the massive, threatening army of “trained” guards, and might be deterred from invading.

 

The Equestrian nation has been at peace for 1000 years, so its very likely that the guard aren’t well-trained in combat, because there has been no need to. True, they got captured by changelings, had their magic taken by Tirek, and blown back by Nightmare Moon, but when the alicorns step up and take charge to defeat bad guys, can you really blame them? Does the fault lie on the guard, though, or their superior- Celestia? Given that there are so many guards, what if Celestia doesn’t want to risk putting them in harm’s way and losing any more of the ponies who she’s supposed to be protecting? It makes sense, given just how many ponies she’s lost- AU Sombra, her sister, her mentor Starswirl, her former student, Sunset Shimmer, and most recently, Twilight when she sent her off.

 

also- does anyone think Pipsquueak want to join the royal guard to protect Luna?

[Denim&Venöm 16,537]

First off the royal guard ≠ Equestrian military. The guards are more like the secret service. They only exist to protect the princesses and other nobility. The U.S. secret service doesn't defend the borders or spearhead a counter attack. Al Qaeda, ISIS, the cartels, the North Korean Army, hell even the Wehrmacht would've kicked our secret service's ass. The are glorified private security. Not soldiers. Same goes for the royal guard. Int he comics, when Canterlot came under attack, it was civilians and the princess herself who defended the city. 

Besides, look at the scale of threats the princesses & mane 6 face.

• A coup leading princesses who can influence dreams, turn to smoke and move the moon. 
• A reality warping demigod. 
• A shape shifting emovore with a standing army (the only conventional attack the guard have faced)
• A tyrannical warlord who can cast long lasting curses over entire countries. 
• A magic draining demon
• A highly skilled mage w/ the power to remove special talent and the charisma to sway a village. 

It's like the police and military in power rangers. They can't do squat.  Best leave the true fighting to the professionals w/ magical deus ex machina artifacts and god like reserves of magic. 

Edited May 7, 2017 by Denim&Venom

[Castle Bleck 19,167]

They don't suck in Sombra's timeline (The Cutie Re-Mark).

 

Maybe they just keep having off-days in the main one?

[The Nth Doctor 652]

27 minutes ago, A.V. said:

They don't suck in Sombra's timeline (The Cutie Re-Mark).

Maybe they just keep having off-days in the main one?

They're contractually obligated to futz up their jobs whenever a main character is within twenty miles of them so that they have a chance to shine.

Otherwise the Guard would've kicked Discord's teeth in and turned Tirek into goo.

[GrimGrimoire 4,970]

8 minutes ago, The Nth Doctor said:

They're contractually obligated to futz up their jobs whenever a main character is within twenty miles of them so that they have a chance to shine.

Otherwise the Guard would've kicked Discord's teeth in and turned Tirek into goo.

I agree with the first line... but those are awful examples in the second.

Pegasi with spears and unicorns with basic magic are no match for a being who can warp reality as they know it. And the power of the 4 princesses together could only fight Tirek to a standstill... which is way beyond anything the guards could muster up. Really though in some of those situations the guards realistically should not have been necessary regardless... of course we would not have had a show otherwise.

 

As stated above... I think they are probably adept at their job to a degree, but when you are dealing with extremely powerful beings they just are not equipped to deal with it. We have not seen enough threats to Equestria that did NOT involve super powers way beyond the normal to really gauge them as a whole.

 

[Maple Bat 3,568]

I believe the guard handles a lot of different stuff off-screen but there's no way they are strong enough to take out the level of enemies that the mane 6 face

[Snow Frostflame 3,567]

The only reason guards appear like a bunch of incompetent idiots in combat is because the only time we ever really see them fight is against a super powerful force.

[Jeric 46,835]

Ever seen Star Wars?

Heck they even have a Royal Guard Captain yelling "traitor'. Royal Guard are the Stormtroopers. It's fun to consider them inept, but it reality they are likely proficient enough at their jobs to protect the kingdom if there isn't a significant threat. 

 

[Meeps 297]

I'm glad to see everyone mentioning that the guard probably isn't incompetent, just that they appear to be when dealing with the forces the mane 6 have come up against in the series. I assume they really aren't expected to be able to study up and learn high level magic; they probably just handle more basic matters, while the princesses and the mane 6 take care of the heavy duty stuff.

 I actually kind of chuckle to myself whenever Celestia gets it handed to her, because she's originally shown as some sort of mysterious, powerful alicorn who can raise and set the sun for pete's sake, and yet she can't fight off most of the foes we've seen her up against in the episodes. I get why she can't - it gives the mane 6 something to show us - but for someone who's been ruling equestria as long as she has (without much help, aside from her sister, right?) I really would love to see her take on a threat and come out winning all on her own for once.

[Stone Cold Steve Jobs 22,411]

Depends. Are they like toad guards are for princess peach? If so, yes.

[Daring_Do 552]

I rewatched the whole show not too long ago, and the Royal Guard clearly aren't painted as incompetent by the writers. In fact, some jokes rely on them being serious and competent. I figure it's just plot convenience that prevents them from beating the season-finale-Big-Bads themselves, similar to how Celestia and Luna keep failing.

[Will Guide 21,325]

25 minutes ago, Someguyinablazer said:

Depends. Are they like toad guards are for princess peach? If so, yes.

HEY! If Princess Peach didn't allow herself to be kidnapped, then there'd be no reason for Mario to go on his adventures and we wouldn't our fun video games to play, now would we? Besides, if she and Mario really hate Bowser, then they wouldn't have allowed him to go kart-racing with them! In the Mario world, the characters know their roles and why they do it! Bowser would even join with our heroes if some other villains threatens his role in some of the spin-off games. Kidnapping the Princess is HIS job!

In short, if the Royal Guards were really that competent, we wouldn't have our action scenes with our main characters and the show wouldn't be as exciting. We wouldn't want that, now would we?

Edited May 7, 2017 by WiiGuy2014

[ManaMinori 4,143]

19 hours ago, Meeps said:

I'm glad to see everyone mentioning that the guard probably isn't incompetent, just that they appear to be when dealing with the forces the mane 6 have come up against in the series. I assume they really aren't expected to be able to study up and learn high level magic; they probably just handle more basic matters, while the princesses and the mane 6 take care of the heavy duty stuff.

 I actually kind of chuckle to myself whenever Celestia gets it handed to her, because she's originally shown as some sort of mysterious, powerful alicorn who can raise and set the sun for pete's sake, and yet she can't fight off most of the foes we've seen her up against in the episodes. I get why she can't - it gives the mane 6 something to show us - but for someone who's been ruling equestria as long as she has (without much help, aside from her sister, right?) I really would love to see her take on a threat and come out winning all on her own for once.

what if its not up to even the Princesses to decide if they ca take on a baddie alone? They're figureheads, as I said in the op. They're meant to represent peaceful qualities, like love and harmony and friendship, so shows of force against villains isn't their field of expertise, and maybe its the ToH that dictates that, and nerfs them significantly when the time comes, for the power of more peaceful methods (like the EoH and the Crystal Heart) to be used?

[Number62 1,247]

19 hours ago, Daring_Do said:

I rewatched the whole show not too long ago, and the Royal Guard clearly aren't painted as incompetent by the writers. In fact, some jokes rely on them being serious and competent. I figure it's just plot convenience that prevents them from beating the season-finale-Big-Bads themselves, similar to how Celestia and Luna keep failing.

That's definitely the case for the guards and the royal sisters, but their failures against the big villains don't help their image, either. And being beaten continuously especially without any important victories only compounds the problem.

[cmarston1 5,952]

Off camera they are probably pretty competent at their jobs, however seeing how they aren't the main characters, whenever a new major villain that is a threat to Equestria, like Tirek or Chrysalis appears, they aren't allowed to save the day, and thus appear incompetent at times.

[Meeps 297]

1 hour ago, Nightmare Muffin said:

what if its not up to even the Princesses to decide if they ca take on a baddie alone? They're figureheads, as I said in the op. They're meant to represent peaceful qualities, like love and harmony and friendship, so shows of force against villains isn't their field of expertise, and maybe its the ToH that dictates that, and nerfs them significantly when the time comes, for the power of more peaceful methods (like the EoH and the Crystal Heart) to be used?

It's possible. I lean toward them being at least somewhat powerful entities on their own since they've defeated enemies in the past, like wielding the elements of harmony against Discord, or even how Celestia sealed her own sister away. I imagine that if the princesses' guards are rather basic in their abilities, and they've been ruling for a while, then the protection of their kingdom has fallen mostly to them... until the arrival of the Mane 6 on the scene. Surely the adversaries they've faced, like Sombra and Chrysalis, haven't suddenly appeared to challenge the peace only since the Mane 6 formed up, right? I can't say for certain, of course.

[YellowHornBrony 83]

No, my oc is a guard (Also works for equestrian military!)

[Goat-kun 2,500]

No weapons, no spells, no organization, no recurring characters. It doesn't matter how competent they allegedly are off-screen. They still get nothing. Good day sirs!

 

 

And remember kids: good defense makes for better villains.

[Lambdadelta 1,462]

I am totally OK with the fact the guard cant stand against powerful threats, its beyond their abilities and their mundane weapons and armors. However, i still call them suck, here is why:

+ They let 2 unicorns (Twilight and Starlight) sneak into the castle and steal Starwirld Time Travel Spell, The spell can potentially fuck up timeline and create multiple universe, and they just let it being taken away without any alarm? 

+ Mane 6 can beat the shit out of army of changeling, even Rarity prove she can fight the army of Love sucker, and what about the guards, they are CAPTURED, useless.

+ All princesses are captured without anyone notices. 

They should hire Changelings as Royal Guards, they do better job protect their Queen.

[BrawnyCharger 511]

The Royal Guards are portrayed that way because the plot requires the Mane 6 to be the heroes and to portray the villains in question as a force to reckoned with. 

Maybe there is a chance that the Royal Guard CAN be portrayed as competent if the writers give them a chance to be.

[Batbrony 15,994]

Eh, I don't think the Guard are incompetent so much as handicapped by the general plot-structure and show tropes.  The writers don't want to show massive conflicts resolved by bloody battles between standing armies, they want to show major villains, usual single individuals, taken down by magic and the power of friendship as deployed by a narrow group of heroes.  Heck, I'm still surprised by the level of violence we have gotten to see in this show, including the alternate Equestrian timeline where the princesses and Sombra were in a constant state of all-out war.

So it's not that I begrudge the DHX writers for handicapping the Royal Guard like this, I understand why it needs to be so, but it is a handicap nonetheless.  They have been far more realized in fan work, namely fanfiction, such as in fics like "The Lunar Rebellion" by Chengar Qordath.  Those are mediums in which things like military conflicts or political machinations can be more thoroughly explored and realistically depicted than in a show whose target audience still largely includes younger audiences who wouldn't want to see such things.  Me, I'm just fine with this arrangement as it is.

[ManaMinori 4,143]

in all honesty, I get they're handicapped, because plot demands it to be so, but they could have an episode where it gives a lesson about letting the properauthorities dal with an issue, rather than jumping in and handling it yourself. That could be the guards' time to shine

[Xeltor23 704]

I never took and probably won't ever these guards seriously; they're kind of incomptent, let's face it... first of all, I take what we see in the show as what would happen in the true universe, so when I see them (and Sombra's soldiers) fight like... cats, litterally, it's not because it's a kid's show, no, it's because that's what is hapening in the true MLP universe, and that's kind of... well, I'm gonna be quiet about that, even if their efficacity is debatable...

 

But another episode in which I understood that they're not a big deal is the one in which Rarity is a detective; I remember that they were distracted by a cake. A cake. That's the people who are supposed to protect the monarch; yeah, efficacity at its peak. Of course, they said their situation was "bad", but when you begin such a job, you're not supposed to be distracted by a cake.

 

And that's why I just can't take them seriously... the plot could be asking for it, but then, that universe is what we have as reference, and they're not that great in it.

Edited May 9, 2017 by Xeltor
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[GrimGrimoire 4,970]

How would things have played out if the guards had not been incompetent?

 

 

The end.

[PonyOfWar 126]

I think the guards of the crystal empire are shown as a lot more competent. I remember thinking that very thought during the episode where Spike met thorax. They took orders very well and seemed to take their job and the threat seriously, some of them may have been a bit of a jerk but all in all they seemed a much better force then those in Canterlot. 

And maybe we can chalk it up to reasons mentioned. The crystal ponies were missing for the thousand years of peace, They Likely lived in conflict long before the empire disappeared. The Crystal ponies have likely seen real battle and conflict and as such are a lot more experienced. They seem tougher and far more serious.

While no one in Equestria had seen conflict in a thousand years the regular guards probably hadn't seen action until Luna returned and thus they are just now getting use to actual battle. No amount of training is going to live up to the real thing. Especially being trained by generations of ponies who equally have no battle experience.

Edited May 9, 2017 by PonyOfWar