Reecejackox

General What's your biggest insecurity?

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I would say my ears dreadful.

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I am afraid that I won't amount to anything.

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I used to have many insecurities, but I realized most of them where in my own mind. When criticizing myself for years, and then realizing most of that didn't matter to the outside world, and also realizing people have these kind of issues too, I started focusing on other things instead, like being a better person to others. It is sometimes not just about yourself.

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My feelings in general. I don’t like showing it much because I'm pretty reserved. Although, I wish it's easy for me to be more open without having to concealed it or feel insecure about it.

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Sometimes, as a result of psychological and emotional trauma, the human psyche can disconnect sensory, emotional and cognitive abilities, which can result in different states of dissociation. This can be a problem, as fear is an element of control. But someone without it, is free from these boundaries, which can make them a difficult element to society.
A person without fear does not need to relate with others for company, for example. So, the exercise of society becomes a pretence, as you see the impersonation of social behaviours to circumvent this and many other needs that stir, or are directly born from fear; like sustenance, shelter, social interaction, emotional support, need for reproduction, and any other action that results from the need for survival. In your eyes, fear does not exist anymore, it is essentially an illusion. In other words, any action taken as a direct result of it, becomes false. And so do human beings to some degree.

You begin to see others as objects you can manipulate with fear.

A psychologist once asked me a similar question about insecurities during my childhood, given my lack of response towards the educational system, despite my aptitude.To figure out what caused the dissociation from my ego. I remember watching into her eyes with a blank stare, and it was like seeing into the wall directly behind. There was no one there. I was alone. And the world outside wasn't any different. So unreal.

So, I don't concern myself with insecurities, because there is not a self to concern myself with.

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I'm super insecure about my abilities as a musician. But what no one seems to understand is that those insecurities are grounded in reality, not something that is just in my mind. No matter how hard I practice my brain hits a wall. I can't play as accurately as others. On top of that, rhythm is something that does not work with my mind. No matter how much I practice. While I do understand the rhythms, my brain just doesn't work properly. Something like putting in a grace note doesn't work. My brain can not hold it all together.

Yet I'm not completely unsalvageable. Like you give me a piece like this (example because I have played this lol), and I can play the [oboe] solo beautifully with all kinds of controlled vibrato and expression. But boy, if it had syncopation, was fast, and/or had grace notes than it wouldn't work.

It makes me sad, very sad.

Is it still insecurity if it's just straight-up acceptance of reality?

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I have Borderline Personality Disorder so that means I take things to extremes. I can get extremely jealous very easily and I have an intense fear of abandonment.

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I guess I kind of have a fear of being forgotten, overlooked or left behind which kind of eats away at me at times, though I've gotten better at not letting these feelings get to me now.

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It tends to fluctuate. But it would have to be my fear of not being able to support myself financially once I absolutely cannot lean on my folks providing for a roof over my head and such. They're not going to be around forever. And even though I had a steady job before the lockdown, I still don't feel 100% ready to care for myself for everything

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Mostly my weight since it's harder for me to find things I like wearing in my size.

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Being judged by others and having my social anxiety get to me in the worst ways possible.

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Social anxiety, being judged by others, my weight, and being forgotten. 

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Admitting that I'm actually and officially disabled.

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I find it difficult to make friends in real life (although I'm better than I used to be). Sometimes it makes me worry that I'm not as good or likeable as everyone else.

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Losing my act of being normal around my family.

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People judging me for what I like/who I am. Moreso friends and family, not random strangers.

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Man, wtf am I even suppose to day? My body because boys are always making me uncomfortable? 

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8 hours ago, SpittyPie2005️ said:

Man, wtf am I even suppose to day? My body because boys are always making me uncomfortable? 

Pretty sure that's not too uncommon for girls on your age. ;)

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Just now, China (100% NOT China) said:

Pretty sure that's not too uncommon for girls on your age. ;)

Wow no shit, except most girls like it.

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On topic: Making decisions. Trying to get the most out of it.

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I hate being called stupid. I'm afraid that I'm not as capable as other people seem to think I am. I also worry that I'm not as smart as some people think that I am.

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