What is wrong with you?

[Asriel 0]

Greetings from a visitor to Equestria that isn't actually a pony. I don't identify myself as a brony or as an anti-brony to be completely honest. So, if it makes it any easier for you, think of my fictional avatar as Asriel Dreemurr from the Undertale universe (by merit of our many similarities, which I'll be getting into). By the way, I'll be using several Undertale metaphors later on, so it would help to familiarize yourself with it.

Anyway, here's what is wrong with me, and why I think it runs the risk of disproving the philosophy of Equestia's citizens. I was born with Asperger's Syndrome and Attention Defect Disorder (more commonly known as ADD). My father was physically abusive to my mother, such that she divorced him after only a year. For the first 16 years of my life (out of the 20 that I have lived), I spent time with each of my parents in a cycle of visitation. One of my earliest memories is that, when I was very young (I don't remember a specific age, just that I hadn't started school yet), I told my mom that I "didn't think there was enough time for fun". I posed that point hesitantly, and believe I was simply wondering what she had to say. Due to the many ways in which her life had turned out for the worse thus far, my mother angrily began ranting about how much worse things would get. And recently I have discovered that that moment gave me atychiphobia (the phobia of failure). While I knew what I was afraid of ever since then, it took me until now to really define it. For all that time, I was just afraid of living as a self-reliant adult. As a result, I regarded the distant future with a crushing sense of dread. Put to words, these fears manifested as the despairing phrase "What am I going to do?"

For a while, I managed to forget. I made it through the hardships imposed by visitation with my paternally inept father. I moved between seven different schools, five different homes (including both my biological parents), and one more divorce before I finally graduated with a 3.2 GPA.

But, now that I am living as a dependent adult (I haven't moved out yet), things have been going down-hill. I have made very little progress in being my own boss. After three semesters of college, I have 5 Cs and a D to my name (the rest are Bs and a few As). I have a job at Arby's that is fairly easy and lets me work consistent hours. But that's about it. I have more or less stagnated in my life as I know it.

As for why this is something wrong with me and not just "differences" and "mistakes"... well...

As a child, I took an IQ test and got a perfect score (it measured up to 150). When I was relying on my mother for everything else, I excelled in school save for a single semester when I had too high of a dosage on a prescribed anti-anxiety medication (that was my first semester as a Freshman in high school). I am by all accounts an intelligent, insightful person.

And yet, a dark side equatable to my father lurks in me: lazy, arrogant, dismissive, disagreeable, bogited... my dark side is the epitome of how the Biblical book of Proverbs describes a fool. And the more I have been forced to reconcile these two parts of myself, the more my situation has deteriorated.

My hope is dead and buried. My ambitions are on life-support. And based on my track record thus far, things are only going to get worse from here.

 

For anyone who would argue the equivalent of "you are who you choose to be"

Oh yeah? Hope doesn't grow on trees. One does not simply defy the faults in their personality through DETERMINATION or the likes thereof. Imagine if you pulled that card on somebody contemplating suicide. Or telling that to a drug addict fighting the urge of relapse. The human psyche is not a ball of clay. There are just some things we can't change. I know it's possible for me to overcome these things, but there's nothing I can really do about it that I haven't already tried. If you think somebody chooses to let these things happen to them... you'd be right. But if you said they chose it willfully, then you'd be dead wrong. People like myself often feel they've been tricked by the future they picked. That their hopes and dreams have been betrayed.

Bottom line: I can choose to be anything I want. But I've reached the point that getting there myself is a fool's errand.

 

In dispute of the "friendship is magic" approach

Bull. Freaking. Crap. Bullcrap, bull and crap. Friendship is something that can look a lot like magic when it is given to someone who doesn't have it (just like modern medicine). But I can honestly say that friendship is something that I've never been able to hold on to. With every school I've moved to, I've left behind friends. And my stunted social capacities as a result of my Asperger's have deterred me from keeping in touch (it's taken me years just to comfortably hold a phone conversation, even with my own mother). Besides, what could my friends have done about this?

Bottom line: Even if I believed that mantra was true, I've gone through enough partings and loneliness to make me actively avoid forming new friendships. Amicable conversations? Sure. Online conversations like this? Absolutely. Involved friendships? Uh... come back a few years ago and maybe I'll reconsider.

 

Overall

If I came to Equestria (as Asriel/Flowey, or somebody/something similar), I would view everything I saw with discomfort and restrained resentment. My dark side (i.e. my inner Flowey) would balk at it all, and I myself (the Asriel part of me) would remain even more withdrawn than Twilight. And if Pinky Pie tried singing her "Welcome Song" to me, oh geez... I'd probably snap and come close to letting my inner Flowey kill her (after all, Pinky has never shown she is immune to stabbing). It would take a great deal of care for me to try and branch out. Worse case scenario, I would lose it, acquire the SOULs of six ponies, and slaughter everyone. (By the way, that power would turn me into this)So, if anyone wishes to argue with me on this, go nuts. Otherwise, "Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair."

[Widdershins 9,955]

   Bwa-ha! So deliciously blunt of a question! Aah, but oh yes, to answer your question: So very, very many things! But after all, doesn't the more we suffer only serve to make us a deeper, more rich a character? Oh, but where to begin?

 

  I'm rather mad for one! No, not angry or insane. I've sort of just progressively convinced myself over the years that I am, and sort of lost contact with reality. But hey, loads of self-doubt tend to happen in depression so that's hardly news! Mine has been a family steeped in emotions, usually to an unhealthy degree. My Mother wasn't the... nicest or best example of humanity and like her, I fear I may inadvertently push people away. Through ignorance is one thing, but my fear tends to get the better of me. I've had people I played with attempt to show me how to do things, and I'm just so caught up in my worries or doubts that I kept coming up with ways to not involve myself. I've always seemed to take the route that doing nothing & just rotting in my sloth & refusual to grow is the safest path, but not the healthiest or happiest.

 

    But I do try to work on my Sloth. Not often though, it is Sloth after all!

 

 I tend to be obsessive. Like any good nerd is! I've not been one to go out often & explore, nor have I been of the expectation that what I have now is anything that would last. The realm of what isn't has been the only comfort for me often in my life. I'll tend to think of my possesions & items as my friends, even talk to them. Or even be too shy to dress in front of the button eyes of the toys I keep in my room or the face on the cover of a book I take to the bathroom. Let me put it this way...

   Were it somehow possible for me to punch a hole in realities, to get my videogame Waifu or unleash a tide of dragonkind or a chance at any of the things in my mind that I cherish so much, but doing so was destabilizing reality enough to end all the worlds, or even the fabric of reality... You'd have to kill me.

  Given a chance between the unpredictable results my emotions have given me in the real world & wish-fulfillment of a world I've only ever suspected would greet me more warmly... well... I'd go down like some Indiana Jones villian who'd rather die screaming & dissolving from magic rather then give up the golden idol.

     ...I don't value my own life. Everything else in life, I value greatly! Everyone else's lives, how much in this world there is yet to be seen, sure! But I'm rather deadset in believing my own life is worthless.

 

 

    ...But dwelling on this like I tend to will only serve to make me more depressed. Heh, better I stop then!

[Glacies Frost 428]

I have ulcerative colitis, I have somewhat low self esteem due to certain issues, I constantly talk to myself (out loud most of the time), I eat like a garbage disposal, I sometimes feel like the only sane person in a planetary equivalent of Arkham Asylum (usually at those rare points where nothing in my life makes any sense), and I absolutely loathe onions... and mustard... and ranch dressing.

[Nerdy Luigi 2,064]

Here's a good list of flaws I can think of:

 

* Presumptive symptoms of Asperger's. (Can't say I 100% have it).

* I'm fairly lazy. I don't do much these days other than watch Youtube videos, play LoL, or play TF2.

* I can get fairly severe mood changes sometimes.

* I'm impatient in general.

* I can sometimes be quick to anger.

* I'm almost always at least somewhat anxious about something.

* I'm somewhat pessimistic.

 

 

Now here's some things wrong with my body:

 

* Occasional back pains.

* Some sinus issues.

* Occassional indigestion.

* I'm in the wrong body.

[Handsome Changeling 1,851]

What is wrong with me?! I am offended sir! Very very offended! xP
Well besides ADHD nothing really >,>

[The_Gobo 36,257]

Let's just say I don't have 'issues'

... I have a subscription.

lol

[Victoria Sponge 1,014]

I am severely anti-social which really gets in my way, I don't have any real talents and I'm lazy to the point my grades are affected. This topic's kinda depressing... 

[Raven Drakeaurd 292]

Depression, Social anxiety, In a dangerous situation, I would be quick to jump in and get shot. That is all I can think of as of right now.

[Techno Universal 2,575]

Nothing much except for the fact of milled autism that glitches out my speech when I'm talking slightly.

[The_Gobo 36,257]

I am severely anti-social which really gets in my way, I don't have any real talents and I'm lazy to the point my grades are affected. This topic's kinda depressing... 

Depressing topic, perhaps, but consider, would it have made any sense to ask what was 'right' with people?

 

[Victoria Sponge 1,014]

Depressing topic, perhaps, but consider, would it have made any sense to ask what was 'right' with people?

 

I would have been a nicer topic if so.

[BlueStreak98 828]

I have high anxiety, mild ADHD and depression, and I'm a chronic procrastinator.

[The_Gobo 36,257]

I have high anxiety, mild ADHD and depression, and I'm a chronic procrastinator.

Look on the bright side, at least you don't have paranoia and schizophrenia to that.

Just remember my personal motto, or one of them at least,

'It could be worse, it could be on fire!"

 

[BlueStreak98 828]

Look on the bright side, at least you don't have paranoia and schizophrenia to that.

Just remember my personal motto, or one of them at least,

'It could be worse, it could be on fire!"

 

 

"Could be worse. Could be raining!"

[The_Gobo 36,257]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AFf0ysgNiM

 

"Could be worse. Could be raining!"

Seriously though, be more optimistic, that's part of the point of the show isn't it?

[BlueStreak98 828]

Seriously though, be more optimistic, that's part of the point of the show isn't it?

Hey, it asked what was wrong with me, not how I deal with it! 

Edited January 2, 2017 by BlueStreak98

[The_Gobo 36,257]

Hey, it asked what was wrong with me, not how I deal with it! 

Fair point, fair point.

lol

[Kings&Hooves14 616]

Physical/Psychological Issues:

 

1. type 1 diabetes

2. fibromyalgia 

3. severe fatigue 

4. migraines

5. certain unpleasant digestive issues that I shall not elaborate on

6. OCD

7. depression 

8. chronic anxiety 

9. autism (I don't consider autism to be something that is wrong with me, but it does present certain challenges) 

 

Personality flaws...a bunch. :-P

[Aurora Wolf 2,354]

Nothing at the moment besides the fact that i suck so much at Zelda.

[Props Valroa 26,101]

1. I hate school

2. I am a lazy coward

3. I hate sports

4. Depression

5. I can be a rude **** at times

6. I am obsessed with Starlight and Trixie 

7. I find myself reading the strangest fimfics

[Guest]

I'm really prone to fainting or at least feeling super lightheaded. There's nothing serious behind that though, just that many kinds of things cause that effect on me, such as some things in biology (especially veins). I remember that just today I got the familiar dizzy feeling by looking at my own veins through my skin.

[Corgis 574]

I've got a non-verbal learning disability so my spelling is absolutely awful (thank goodness their is spellcheck on this forum) and I have to read over things multiple times to understand them.  I also have Anxiety but it is not as bad as it used to be.  I am also kind of weak and can be clumsy.  I was last at almost everything in Gym class and have walked into walls quite a few times.  I have a lot of issues making conversation sometimes and I am really bad at making friends.

[Steve Piranha 28,877]

My greatest problems are psychological problemes developed by living a whole life in a slum, not let me grow as a person, and being forced to repress my emotions..... not fun

[Widdershins 9,955]

I fear.

Though some fear I suppose is a good thing.

Just... keep thinking there's something better I ought be doing, no matter what it is that I'm doing now. Fear that whatever I'm doing its not the most appropriate way to do it. Suppose it was a mistake to come here to practice socialization & assume it'd replace it. Even on here I get the feeling that when I try to be open & playful that it comes across as something perverted or weird.

I have so many thoughts & doubts that I don't think I ever fully rest. Even going to sleep feels like I'm just giving up & being even more useless.

I talked my sister into paying for an MRI test to see if there was some sort of over-reactive part of my brain or hormones or something and they came back with nothing.

I don't calm down well. I just...don't... shut down. Heaven knows I break, I've had my freeze-ups and black-outs. I just...

I wish I had some clarity.

 

   Fhoo...I've stayed up again so late I hit the "grumpy" stage. ....Poopy...

 /pout

 

                                                                                        ...Guzma.

[Guest]

I have been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Bipolar 2. Have suffered from many anxiety in the past. Over the past year being on medication has helped tremendously.

 

Things about myself I dislike - I can be very negative and antisocial at times. I can be very selfish with my time and come around on my terms (which has ruined many friendships). I have a tendency of ghosting and not telling anyone. Depression is something I struggle with off and on. I have a hard time letting go of memories and people I was once great friends with... my memories tend to haunt me sometimes.

 

There are many times I have told myself to accept being a loner and come to terms with that.