Finding Love vs Letting Love Find Us?

[Longhaul 10,029]

I've tried both and, to be honest, neither method has worked out that well for me.  I've pretty much given up on it, it's way too late for me now.

[Sparklefan1234 187,672]

Friendship is a type of love and I've found a lot of it on MLP Forums!  (I did that thing again where I liked posts so I need to make a contribution.) 

[Clawdeen 26,061]

On 2025-07-18 at 8:48 AM, ExplosionMare said:

I never sought love myself, it always came to me (well, more like "love" because it was usually all a ruse in the end). I still won't go out seeking for love because that's not in my personality.

I honestly just want it to stay away from me so I can focus on my friends and family instead. I am happy with those relationships and I am content with not having a husband, kids, etc.. I have thought it over and I feel like the romantic life never truly appealed to me the way it does to most people. I think all along, I just wanted to feel cared for by somebody outside of my biological family but I have found that now outside of having a partner. Entertaining the idea of a romantic relationship was fun while it lasted but that part of my life is over now. I don't care what anyone else says or thinks because at this point, if I dated anyone, it would be to appease other people and not for me, which would just ruin the relationship anyways.

TLDR; "Love" has found me in the past and I don't really need it to find me again, since I'm not looking for it myself in the first place.

From one woman to another I highly recommend putting not interested in relationships in the biggest size and boldest letters possible on every online profile you have then.

Not saying it will work because *Men* will sometimes ignore and pursue regardless but.

[ExplosionMare 28,069]

18 hours ago, Clawdeen said:

From one woman to another I highly recommend putting not interested in relationships in the biggest size and boldest letters possible on every online profile you have then.

Not saying it will work because *Men* will sometimes ignore and pursue regardless but.

Makes me wish there was a "Not Interested" status instead of having to put "Single"!  Single seems to imply to people that "I'll find the right man someday!" 

[Avery 1,666]

I would rather have love come to me. I don’t go searching for something invisible while missing out the other things that are important to me.

[Street Light 885]

both :3 neither :3 idk. if it happens, it happens, but there has to be a degree of presence for it, and you can't just let everything just happen, sometimes u gotta like, go searching or w/e ^~^

[Treeglow Flicker 14,582]

I find that it kinda just sneaks up on you. Then what you do with it is kinda up to you. 

[DubWolf 20,503]

Lol, back when that thread existed.

Indeed, it wouldn't "just happen". You have to make an effort. Though I guess what really varies is the degree of "openness" about being interested with one another. Some make it as obvious as going on an app to meet people, where it's transparent that you're making an effort in hopes something materializes, and you both clearly have some interested to begin with, versus just meeting and chatting with someone, maybe becoming friends, but there's not necessarily clarity if they'd ever consider dating you (and might be taken themselves, you just don't know it), or if they even like you and just pretending to tolerate you.

Personally I've been very bad with the former. I'm not the most physically attractive person, so between getting to know a 5 versus an 8, it's kinda obvious who's getting hits and who isn't, be it in real life or an app. And yeah admittedly, I was never the best socially either. Just reflecting, it's a miracle I ever dated anybody lol (personally I only consider 2 of my relationships to have been true relationships, as the first felt weird in hindsight).

Directly answering the question, I prefer to "let it find me", as dating someone to "get to know them better" just feels like an interview where you feel things have to go perfect, versus more casually learning about one another and it feels more natural and safe, and then some can decide by whatever means if something more should happen.

But, it's been finding and seeking other people instead, so... kinda wish it'd be now or never, as I prefer acceptance than mystery .

[Clawdeen 26,061]

Imma take off my jester hat and be real for a minute.

The only thing I’ve been seeming to find is disrespect and I’m tired of it. I’m not just something that exists to be hit on and also treated like garbage. I am a living being who matters and I’m tired of life throwing these people my way that want to treat me like I don’t. I know a lot of people in some unhappy marriages and I will stay alone before I let that become me. I am looking for a genuine connection with someone who’s gonna respect me. Yeah I can put myself back out there like I’m being told. I can hop on a dating app again, match with somebody to get ghosted or have gross overly sexual comments made to me within the first two messages. Ofc we can’t forget the people who see my job title and think that means I have a lot of money. Just lookin to hopefully use me for money. Nobody wanting to bother to get to know me. At this point I know I’m ending up alone. The universe just does not wanna stop the clownery. Something is getting its enjoyment out of the clown like behavior being consistently sent my way. Really my time is being spent working on myself, my job, making friends and buying things that make me happy. 

My answer to this question is that it’s luck based. You can find it either way depending on if you’re lucky. 

[ExplosionMare 28,069]

3 hours ago, Clawdeen said:

My answer to this question is that it’s luck based. You can find it either way depending on if you’re lucky. 

I have to think luck is a factor at least to some degree. Cause if you find someone that is a really good match, you do feel lucky! If you have a bad string of people or no people at all, it feels like the universe is against you. That, and it really does seem like some people find people a lot easier than others. I wonder what their secret is 

[Clawdeen 26,061]

3 minutes ago, ExplosionMare said:

I have to think luck is a factor at least to some degree. Cause if you find someone that is a really good match, you do feel lucky! If you have a bad string of people or no people at all, it feels like the universe is against you. That, and it really does seem like some people find people a lot easier than others. I wonder what their secret is 

Yeah that’s why my guess is luck. My gut instinct was to say looks but I’ve seen videos of people who are way more attractive than me who are also struggling to meet people. I don’t even know anymore lol 

[Fluttershutter 3,517]

Still waiting for my soulmate to knock on my door. She's late. 

[Magic Note 2,792]

I'd rather find love than have it find me. It went horribly the last time when it tried finding me.

[Samurai Equine 58,041]

There is no magic recipe to finding love that was meant to be. It really is catching lightning in a bottle.

For some, it can come even when they aren't trying. Others put in real effort and manage to find success. Some people try either method, and find failure in any avenue. But if you really want to have a romantic relationship with someone in the future, then it's worth it to keep trying.

But in any scenario, you actually have to put yourself out there and be active. Love won't find you if you're hiding yourself away from the world. Even if you don't try too hard to be in a relationship, you still need to increase your visibility to make it happen.

I think one of the main reasons why people think it's better to let love find you is because there is something poetic about it. It's great to find someone you just vibe with. Many people who "try" to find a romantic relationship end up trying too hard. They end up putting on some kind of act about who they are and what the relationship should be. It's so much better when someone loves you for all facets of yourself; from your absolute best to your absolute worst. And yet in saying it, I've all ready shared the best thing to do. Just be true to yourself; every aspect of yourself. If someone cannot love you at your worst, they don't deserve you at your best.

There are other aspects, of course. There needs to be a sense of mutual chemistry, at least. A sense of dedication. Etc.
Still, nothing is absolutely certain. Just like how you could grow up with a childhood sweetheart, not even that has a guarantee of turning into something romantic nor something that will last. If there was a science to this, anyone could find their perfect match without having to worry about it.  But just because nothing is guaranteed doesn't mean it's not worth trying. Love is hard. Love is a challenge. You'll learn more about yourself, experience things you never thought you would, break hearts, get your heart broken, have tons of fun, put it lots of hard work, etc. There will be highs, lows, and plenty of unpredictability; but that's what makes it worth it. That's what makes it wonderful. That's how it's suppose to be. Just don't lose yourself and keep going forward. Don't be jealous that others managed to find love so easily. Life is not a race. Everyone moves at their own pace, no winners or losers. Better to go on that journey your own way and live life to the fullest, than to try and do it some other way and end up living a life only half fulfilled.