Post A Quote From Your Day, Without Any Context.

[epiccuttlefish 112]

“I have no idea where anything is. I have no idea what anything does. This is not merely a madhouse designed by a madman, but a madhouse designed by many madmen, each with an intense hatred for the previous madman's unique flavour of madness.”

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"Hey y'all, prepare yerself for the rubberband man"

 

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"The definition of a fool is doing something over and over, expecting something different.

"The definition is that you doing dumb sh!t over and over, over and over, again."

 

Edited January 13, 2019 by Tropical Melody

[PoisonClaw 8,164]

"Don't you put it in your mouth! Don't you put in your mouth!"

[epiccuttlefish 112]

"Her hair is made of clothes."

[Widdershins 9,959]

(All said in the following order, with complete, dead silence between each word.)

 Nut!

 Nut.

 ...Nut?

 Nut.

...

 PUPPY!

 Yay!

...

 Sssssnoot.

...

Nut.

[Odyssey 5,716]

"It only costs $32."

[Denim&Venöm 19,070]

"If you see a black plane, it's British. If you see a white plane, it's American. When you see nothing at all, it's the Luftwaffe." 

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

Five more from YKW:

(1) "... and this question popped into my head - are you, and please say yes - are you related - and even if you're not please say yes - are you related to and please say yes because I need the attention from my friends - are you related to Deff Leppard?"

(2) "You look like garbage. What happened?"

(3) "And so, as I look out at your smiling faces filled with hope, all I can think is, you are completely screwed."

(4) "Great just what I need on my conscience, another failed business."

(5) "Peter! I'm dying! I'll never see you again!" - "Bye."

 

[Lord Valtasar 12,690]

and then i died

[Denim&Venöm 19,070]

"I found a treasure map in the fking dry oven."

[Widdershins 9,959]

Oh no! My Fragile, Male Psyche! ...Good thing my Female Psyche is more than equipped to deal with this.

 ...though my Pansexual Psyche has been freaking out about this long before it even happened. I'm just a colossal Drama Queen.

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"Ah dammit!"

"What happened?"

"I dropped my phone in the toilet." > splosh < "Ooh argh it's so cold and it's under everything! Ugh I feel like I'm rooting around in a pitcher of Sangria. Ugh! Where IS it! Oh my god why haven't I found it yet? Oh no I didn't roll my sleeve up far enough! Oh! Why didn't I flush when I got in here? Argh this isn't even all mine! Oh no there's a spider crawling on my face!! Arrgh!! Why didn't I use the hand that was on the floor? Why did I use my toilet hand?

"Oh wait here it is behind the toilet..."

 

Edited January 15, 2019 by Tropical Melody

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"How can a town with so many great colleges produce nothing but dopes?"

"We don't hike. We just wear tight pants and get coffee."

 

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"Oh cr4p! About two million years ago we were making tea weren't we? Must be stewed by now"

 

[Denim&Venöm 19,070]

"The fact that she actually had a plausible reason for the muzzle makes this even better."

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"But are ya gonna Bin-go?"

 

 

[Denim&Venöm 19,070]

"Hi Rhonda, this is Clem Fandango. Can you just make a noise like someone punched you in the taint?"

[Kronos the Revenant 1,971]

(Source redacted)

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"I'd rather be home doing dramatic garage door reveals."
_____________________

"Wait a minute! You have keys in Heaven?!"

"Yeah somebody lost a laptop then everybody went nuts."

 

[Cash In 22,356]

'The world will end if we don't stop fooling around'.

Edited January 18, 2019 by Cash In

[Tropical Melody 6,273]

"Sorry I don't fancy soaking my jacket in lighter fuel then setting fire to it just to keep warm."

 

[Denim&Venöm 19,070]

"Maybe if I had studied hard I could have become the worlds most famous surgeon... Instead of the worlds most famous patient"

[epiccuttlefish 112]

"You thought it was a skin-colored bar. But in reality, it was my d**k"

[Treeglow Flicker 13,682]

"If they take too long, I'm just going to travel down to their offices and beat them with a broom. That should motivate them!"