Rewriting Episodes Your Way

[Sunny Fox 5,950]

In "A Canterlot Wedding", to get past the hypnotized bridesmaids, Twilight or Cadance should have used the Want-It-Need-It on a straggly little flower, which would have just been visible right before they teleport up there. Then we could have seen it from the bridesmaids' perspective as is morphs into a lovely bouquet of flowers. It would have been a great call back and closed up a plothole that could have been avoided with a little bit of forethought.

[mars 4,862]

Mysterious Mare-Do-Well:

A mysterious hero begins saving the town and Rainbow Dash gets jealous. She corners the new hero, and pulls off her mask to reveal... TRIXIE. Then the mane six found out that Trixie was doing good to make up for her past wrongs, and she was humbled now.

 

tbh that's what I thought it'd be when I first watched it. That that was how Trixie was to be redeemed.

 

Magic Duel was way better though.

[Wind Chaser 4,768]

Somepony to Watch Over Me

 

Act I:

Open on the Crusaders doing some kind of stunt (put in what you will) that endangers them in some way. Applejack catches it, halts it, and storms home with Apple Bloom in tow. Over the rest of the week, Applejack becomes increasingly overprotective of Apple Bloom, but not to the extremely Flanderized levels as in the episode as it was. When it's time to make the pie delivery, Applejack assigns Pinkie Pie to be Apple Bloom's foalsitter before she leaves. This makes Apple Bloom more desperate to prove she's ready to be responsible enough to be left alone.

 

Act II:

Apple Bloom pulls the same stunt she did in the actual episode. Applejack goes up to Apple Bloom's bed the night before the delivery and pats "Apple Bloom" on the head, only to feel a curly mane and a horn, and question them on where Apple Bloom really is.

 

Act III:

The showdown with the Chimera, as well as the remainder of the act, remain largely unchanged, except that the Chimera doesn't talk, and Apple Bloom herself relates the friction between the goat head and the tiger head to her own troubles based on its body language. Apple Bloom is commended for her effort and surviving the encounter with the Chimera, but chided for pulling yet another dangerous stunt that could have endangered her life and is told that she still might not be ready to be left alone. Like finding a cutie mark, earning the trust of a friend or family member takes time and effort.

 

An additional side note; I find some of the episode titles to be lacking as of late. I would have changed them accordingly:

 

"Maud Pie" to "A Face of Stone"

"Testing, Testing, 123" to "Stress Test"

"Rainbow Falls" to "The Split Decision" (though I'm lacking ideas on how to rewrite any more episodes right now)

"It's About Time" to "Time Twisted"

 

Also, the two parts of "Friendship is Magic" to their alternative titles, "The Mare in the Moon" and "The Elements of Harmony" due to ambiguity with the series' title, "Owl's Well that Ends Well" to "Who's on First?" due to ambiguity with a Winnie the Pooh episode with the same name that may confuse Internet searches, and I would've spelled "Dragon Quest" as "Draggin' Quest" for the same reason (also Spike had a lot to "drag" with him when he first left, and the episode turned out to be a drag for some  ).

Edited April 23, 2014 by ~Happy Gilda (WCP)

[ghostfacekiller39 23,860]

In "The Last Round-Up," at the very end where they catch Applejack and leave Rarity and Pinkie behind, I'd change that to the following:
 

• Rarity and Pinkie still get left behind 
• Everything plays out after that
• Then, after they start back home, they realize that they forgot their friends and circle back to get them
• They find Rarity and Pinkie Pie on that little handcar, Rarity being really annoyed with Pinkie
• They all laugh about it and go home together
• Cue Journal Entry

I liked that episode, but that ending really bothered me, so I'd want to fix that

Edited April 23, 2014 by ghostfacekiller39

[Doctor XFizzle 8,669]

Suited for Success

 

After the rest of the Mane 5 come back and are like "ehhhhhh" about their dresses, Rarity goes

 

"Know what bitches? F*** y'all, these are my f****** dresses that you're going to f****** wear because y'all don't know S*** about fashion!!! BOOM!"

 

then proceeds to kick their flanks out the door.

 

The letter to Celestia is "Dear Princess Celestia, my friends don't know s*** about fashion so their opinion don't matter anyways. F*** them. F*** you too."

 

Rarity then gets banished to the moon to become High Empress of the Universe and returns in Season 3 to claim her dominion on Equestria.

[Scootadress 361]

Flight to the Finish.

 

I would definitely would rewrite the whole problem to make it smarter. Why would Diamond Tiara simply eliminate the crusaders..if its not set up to show that they have a massive chance at winning? She's smart enough to realize that. Plus, what makes their performance much better? I would show much more elimination via force (kinda like Fairy Odd parents's Miss Dimsdale competition)than Scootaloo's flight making it possible. Plus, you can create her anxiety and make the same effect if you, lets say, makes her flop on the performance...

[Wind Chaser 4,768]

cut a shadowy figure saying something ominous and making an evil smile... 

That shadowy figure should be Discord.

[Jangocoolguy 433]

Rainbow Falls--

 

Drop Rarity & AJ, give Dash reasons for not joining the Cloudsdale team that make more sense, make the Wonderbolts less douche-y, and not shove Ditzy in people's faces like it's means so much.

[Dulset Tarn 441]

How about this for Magical Mystery Cure instead?

 

After Twilight is blown to smithereens and sent to the Twilight Zone, she does not see Celestia, because that would be stupid and make no sense. She actually meets, dun dun dunnn, Starswirl the Bearded! It's stated that this was Starswirl's final incomplete spell, and that he didn't understand friendship the same way Twilight does. So what if the same thing that happened to Twilight also happened to him? He'd tried to use magic to manipulate the elements of harmony despite not being a true bearer, and for his hubris they blasted him to a timeless expanse of metaphysical emptiness. Now Twilight is doomed to the same fate, only her true understanding of friendship and bond with the elements allows them to, working together, finally escape back to Equestria.

 

Celestia reveals that she knew the truth of how Starswirl disappeared but could never write the spell herself, and trusted that Twilight would be able to help him escape his eternal prison. This would logically fit with Celestia's unexplained gathering of powerful allies like Discord earlier. Of course, Twilight wouldn't be a princess or an alicorn, but she would have another tutor and mentor to add to the series.

 

edit: Also, getting to see some strained interaction between Starswirl and the "reformed" Discord would be fantastic.

Edited February 1, 2015 by Dulset Tarn

[Pastel 7,630]

How about this for Magical Mystery Cure instead?

 

After Twilight is blown to smithereens and sent to the Twilight Zone, she does not see Celestia, because that would be stupid and make no sense. She actually meets, dun dun dunnn, Starswirl the Bearded! It's stated that this was Starswirl's final incomplete spell, and that he didn't understand friendship the same way Twilight does. So what if the same thing that happened to Twilight also happened to him? He'd tried to use magic to manipulate the elements of harmony despite not being a true bearer, and for his hubris they blasted him to a timeless expanse of metaphysical emptiness. Now Twilight is doomed to the same fate, only her true understanding of friendship and bond with the elements allows them to, working together, finally escape back to Equestria.

 

Celestia reveals that she knew the truth of how Starswirl disappeared but could never write the spell herself, and trusted that Twilight would be able to help him escape his eternal prison. This would logically fit with Celestia's unexplained gathering of powerful allies like Discord earlier. Of course, Twilight wouldn't be a princess or an alicorn, but she would have another tutor and mentor to add to the series.

 

edit: Also, getting to see some strained interaction between Starswirl and the "reformed" Discord would be fantastic.

Wow, that would be so much better than the actual Magical Mystery Cure! Edited February 1, 2015 by Blobulle

[VitalSpark 1,830]

 

 

How about this for Magical Mystery Cure instead?

 

No. I want this ↓↓↓

 

 

Sparkling alicorn is best Twilight. (A film about vampires is apparently worst Twilight, though I wouldn't know anything about that.)

[Moved to Elsewhere 11,331]

Well, in Sonic Rainboom, replace Rarity with some other villain, or make it a Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy episode, so Rarity doesn't seemed like she's made the bad guy just cause the episode says so.

 

Also, for Spike at your Service, replace Applejack with Rarity, and then Spike's clumsy behavior will be understandable. 

 

Oh, and cut the Rainbow Dash can't get cider gag from Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

[Dulset Tarn 441]

Sparkling alicorn is best Twilight. (A film about vampires is apparently worst Twilight, though I wouldn't know anything about that.)

Don' worry mang I gots a WAY better episode idea for Twilight ta become an alleycorn.

Not a princess though, obviously, because that would be real stupid.

[Arctofire 227]

Well Mr Enter mentioned in his Spike at Your Service review that it would have been much better if it was about Apple Jack, and I agree with him, so I'm going to rewrite Spike at Your Service as an Apple Jack episode rather than a Spike episode.

 

The story starts with Apple Jack hearing a noise coming from the Everfree forest, worried she quickly gallops and finds that timberwolves have cornered Spike, she throws a rock and rescues him. She scolds the young dragon for going in the Everfree alone, and he says that he was trying to find something in there for Twilight's magic. Apple Jack says that he should have gone with Twilight, he agrees and thanks Apple Jack dearly .

 

Spike goes to bed that night and realizes that if Apple Jack wasn't at the right place at the right time, he would be dead. He feels he owes her more than just thank you, he owes her his service. The next day he explains this to Twilight, and he says that in his spare time after helping her he will be helping Apple Jack. Twilight feels guilty about letting him go into the forest on his own and blesses Apple Jack, but he says that she really doesn't mind. Spike doesn't want to hear it, and he goes to find Apple Jack.

 

He helps her out on the farm, and actually does everything exceptionally well, getting all of the non apple bucking work done. Apple Jack repeatedly says that its okay though, and feels guilty that Spike feels he has to help her for the rest of his life. She tries to talk him out of it, but he keeps on doing excellent work, and Apple Jack feels she needs advice from Rarity to get him off her chest. Rarity and Rainbow say that she's lucky, but Apple Jack still feels ashamed that a little dragon feels he needs to serve her. She speaks to him again and again but to no avail, and Granny Smith says he's doing such good work that the farm could produce more as there would be more time for harvesting.

 

Spike eventually gets tired as its getting late and he's been working so hard. Twilight speaks with Apple Jack. She says that he's been doing great and the farm is producing better, but she just feels guilty and has explained to him that he doesn't have to. Twilight and Apple Jack then come up with a plan, to use Rarity to their advantage. 

Its the next day and Spike is back on the farm after finishing Twilight's chores. Rarity then comes and tells him that to truly make Apple Jack happy, he must listen to her, and that he shouldn't work himself hard to repay and act of kindness, instead just accept it and be grateful, but don't overdo it and work yourself to the bone. He eventually listens and gives Apple Jack a hug instead, and she says how grateful she was for him to be helping her out, but that he doesn't need to. She also says that the fact that he did feel gratefulness shows just how much of a great dragon he is, and how she is pleased to have saved such a loyal creature. 

[John Locke N7 52]

The only episode I can think of to rewrite is the season 4 finale.

 

Discord allies with Tirek only to betray him. Discords chaotic idea of dealing with the problem. Not really betraying the mane 6 but not letting them know what he's doing, relying on fluttershy's trust in Discord to let him get in close to Tirek without the mane 6 interfering. Not without prodding the ponies with a sense of ambiguity of course. Using the oportunity to test their friendship.

 

The conflict would be Fluttershy trying to get to mane 6 to just leave Tirek and Discord alone while they reek havok. They even have a chance to stop Discord, but are convinced to leave him alone. I'd imagine Discord even interjecting on how foolish the decision is while they're making it and even mocking them for it after. Much is lost (I guess twilights house can still explode) but Discord disables or weakens Tirek so they mane 6 can move in and stop him.

 

I guess by the end it would show that Discord is truely reformed, although if it was a more adult show I would leave it up in the air wether or not Discord is truly reformed or wether he only stopped Tirek for another more selfish or Sheogorath esc. unfathamable reason.

Edited February 2, 2015 by John Locke N7

[NavelColt 22,880]

In Flight to the Finish, Dash would have had more intimate sister moments with Scootaloo during the scene in her 'house'. In the episode, she acted no different towards Scootaloo than she did back during S1/S2, which, after being exposed to the glory that was Sleepless in Ponyville, was pure horseshit, yo. You can't follow up amazing character development between two characters like that with zero continuity.

[Dark Qiviut 22,401]

In Flight to the Finish, Dash would have had more intimate sister moments with Scootaloo during the scene in her 'house'. In the episode, she acted no different towards Scootaloo than she did back during S1/S2, which, after being exposed to the glory that was Sleepless in Ponyville, was pure horseshit, yo. You can't follow up amazing character development between two characters like that with zero continuity.

This suggestion would do nothing except degrade Flight to the Finish from being an episode as good or arguably better than Sleepless in Ponyville to an average one at least.

1. Very simply, the Cutie Mark Crusaders wouldn't have been able to even get to Rainbow Dash's house. Dash lives on a cloud, and SB and AB would need plenty of help from ponies like Twilight just to temporarily walk on it. Not to mention the fact that Dash has to lift them to her house.
2. It would send very serious implications that Scootaloo actually can fly. We spent several minutes dedicating Scootaloo's inability to fly. No matter how hard she tries, she can't lift herself off the ground for no more than a few seconds. Then you have a moment where Scoots does fly (or gets carried over)? It would make the whole angle of Scootaloo possibly being disabled incredibly pointless, thereby signaling the same message as Derpy's censorship in TLR: disabled people don't exist. It's a very offensive angle. The approach given in the canon makes much more sense.
3. Having the scene take place in Scootaloo's house makes the moment much more intimate. Scootaloo dedicated so much of life idolizing Dash and wishing to be just like her. The fact she can't fly absolutely crushes her; it makes plenty of sense for her to abandon what she loves. Dash's encouraging conversation while in front of Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle tells the audience two things:

    

   a. Scootaloo is as equally important to the team as the other two.

    

   b. It also presents a softer side from Dash very openly. Previously, Dash doesn't like to present her vulnerable or soft side because she doesn't like to see herself as weak. In season four, she opened herself up more, and the climax in Flight to the Finish is one such example. This is a situation where she opened herself up to Scootaloo, AB, and SB not as a coach, but an equal.

[Dulset Tarn 441]

@

Uh, pretty sure he meant in Scootaloo's house, not Dash's.

[Dark Qiviut 22,401]

@

Uh, pretty sure he meant in Scootaloo's house, not Dash's.

In that case, my mistake.

 

That said, the "increase of intimacy" concept would merely revive the dilemma from TLR's censorship: Dash's soft-talking to Derpy sent implications that people with disabilities need to be talked in some "special" way to communicate. In Flight to the Finish, Dash talked to Scootaloo as an equal, an angle that respects people with disabilities and respects continuity better.

Edited February 18, 2015 by Old King Q

[Buck Testa 5,505]

Mysterious Mare do well

 

Act 1: Starts just the same as it did in the canon version with Rainbow dash saving the day and basking in the glory of it afterward. Her friends similarly start the effort of showing her up in secret to knock her down a peg. The ways they do it is flashy but kind of dangerous at the same time because their goal is not really saving ponies than showing up Dash.

 

Act 2: Ponies seem to be shunning dash and she doesn't really get why, she tries to get their attention and figure out what is wrong but they are all focused on Mare do well. Fluttershy wonders if what they are doing is actually helping their friend or not. She also wonders if this was the right way of handling the situation. There is a split on whether or not to keep going.  A.j being the stubborn one wants to continue being mare do well and get Dash to be humble, and she is fustrated that her other friends are having second thoughts about going through with the ruse. Though she continues deep down it feels like a lie and makes her feel wrong and twitchy like how she gets when she fibs.

Act 3: Applejack as Mare do well ends up biting off more than she can chew and gets into a life threatening situation that puts others at risk as well. It wasn't intentional, but there are unforseen factors when attempting heroics. Rainbow dash swoops in and saves mare do well and the ponies involved. When they settle down on the ground Rainbow Dash berates the hooded figure for being exactly what the other ponies thought Dash was being, a reckless show off. She goes on to point out that if you want to play superhero you better know the risks involved and know that ponies lives are in danger.

 

"I'm not doing this for my health or my pride here, they needed me to save them, just like those ponies needed them to save you, but you were to busy goofing off and posing to get the job done. If I had done that my friend Rarity and the wonderbolts would of Died back in Cloudsdale. There is a time and a place for your ego, and its NOT while ponies lives are at risk!" 

 

This would of showed an interestingly serious side to Rainbow dash, and A.J and the others could really see the wonderbolt costume on Rainbow as she was telling off the masked mare. They would also learn to not let their first glance judgement of a situation or how a pony is acting make them act rashly and try to bring that pony down for their OWN ego's sake. They would also see that they weren't very loyal to dash, who was loyal to them even when they were trying to bring her down. It would probably been a very embarrassing letter to the princess, but one that Twilight wouldn't soon forget either. 
 

As the show stands now, it tries to make DASH the bad guy and the other 5 the right ones, which isn't the case by a long shot and why its pretty universally hated even if people don't really get why. 

Edited February 18, 2015 by Buck Testa

[NavelColt 22,880]

*A whole fuckton o' text!*

 

Unfortunately, I didn't find Flight to the Finish to even be remotely interesting, and even without my personal bias for it failing to continue the Dash/Scootaloo sister relationship I had hopes for it to when I initially heard the episode description prior to its release, it's still one of my lesser favorite episodes of S4. Afraid agreeing to disagree is all that's gonna come from my end. 

[TheDarkMare1939 11]

On 2013-10-14 at 10:23 PM, Dark Qiviut said:

Another one: The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well

1. The "Mare-Do-Well"/superhero idea would be scrapped entirely in favor of another approach. Also, expand the moral into not just being humble in what you do, but also to not let fame get into your head.
2. Scootaloo decide to take some time off Cutie Mark Crusading and create the Rainbow Dash Fanclub.
3. Scootaloo would begin throwing around mail throughout Ponyville. Dash flies on by, greeting Scootaloo and asking what's up. Scootaloo hands her the invitation and zooms away.
4. The Mane Six discuss this new club with interest. Twilight asks her what she thinks about it, and Dash is confident and happy, although she's reminded about the Young Fliers Competition. "Yeah. But not Ponyville," Dash replies. Pinkie asks her if it's fine for everyone to come, who says, "Yes."
5. They meet up at the Cutie Mark Crusaders clubhouse where Dash was greeted by a barrage of young fans. Dash is given interviews about her adventures and achievements. Spike writes the report in a detective costume. Her friends are pleased and hopeful her talents at home will finally get a little more respect.
6. Next day, Dash and friends jog around Ponyville, and Dash can't stop thinking about the fanclub and attention. They're pleased, but also advise Dash to be a little careful. Dash reassures them when hordes of adult pony reporters show up and pull her aside, and Dash says she'll catch up with Rarity later. They ask her about her acrobatic abilities, and she explains and talks about them semi-vainly. They ask to see it, and Dash shows off her wild cloud-clearing, looping, and fast flying abilities. All but a Sonic Rainboom. The citizens watch with delight, and Dash asks if that was what they were looking for. Everyone cheers wildly, and Dash is very giddy.
7. Dash takes a little break to meet with Rarity, who finished developing some kind of superhero costume, and was continuing to self-talk about her abilities and awesomeness. Rarity, however, is still busy. Dash hovers above, getting her attention, and asks if she could try it. Rarity thinks about saying no, but Dash puppy-pleads, and Rarity gives her the okay. Dash comes out with the costume, looking cool and elegant. But… "The mask is dumb and ugly!" Rarity is offended by it, but before she answers, a knock on the door, and ponies show up with cameras and the fanclub in tow. They see Dash in the costume and race to her. Dash brags about not just her abilities, but how interesting she looked in the costume. All without crediting Rarity. Fillies come over and ask Dash for her autograph, which she accepts and takes pictures with them.
8. The interviews end, and Dash puts the costume (and mask) back and flies away till she sees Scootaloo, who was looking impressed. Then she decided to ask a question: Can Dash do a Rainboom tomorrow morning at 8 AM? Dash said, "No problem!"
9. Dash flies to the Library, where Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack were there. They talked to her and scolded her for what she did in the Carousel Boutique, taking credit for the costume and bragging about her abilities. Dash questions why she shouldn't. She's proud of her talent, and she tells them they should be proud that she's finally being viewed as someone other than a lazy, hardworking pegasus who controls the weather, too. They acknowledge that and tells her she should be proud, but warn her to be careful of how she acts upon it. Dash said she's always careful, but Rarity quickly reminded her of what she said about the mask and then actions after and before. Dash reassures that she'll be fine, but nonetheless apologizes to Rarity for going off like that. But before Rarity answers, Dash interrupts and says she has to prepare the Rainboom.
10. She returns home to greet a happy Tank. She hands him some plants and fruit to chew. As she sits on her bed, her mind races. Did her actions go too far? Did she exploit her pride in such a manner that how her words and complacency with the paparazzi really did go into her head and hurt her friends? Sure, she apologized, but did she mean it? Tank consoles her with a nuzzle, and Dash gazes up at the ceiling.
11. It's near 8 AM. On the ground, the ponies wait beside a makeshift runway for Dash to fly above and land. The Mane Six are there, too, and talk about the events. They wonder what Dash was thinking. Twilight witnessed Dash prepare for the dive. Applejack and Rarity ponder about the conversation aloud to each other. Spike and Fluttershy are sure she'll be all right.
12. Dash lightly bounces off a light cloud, which floats high up in the sky. She sees the crowd below and is growing more and more giddy. She felt better after a good night's sleep, but still thinks about Rarity's conversation, although not so extensively. Deciding she is ready, she teeters at the edge and dives off the cloud, approaches the ground at high speed like a swimmer plunging off the diving board. The barrier separating sound and the Rainboom becomes visible about 30% of the way down, and she looks ahead with joy and confidence.
13. Suddenly, she glances around and sees her friends and the RD FC looking up, the club feeling excited, her friends worried. The words ring in her mind loudly. On one hand, showing the Sonic Rainboom demonstrates her abilities to everypony, and she can finally be seen as a really talented pegasus permanently. On the other hand, does she want to do it for the ponies in Ponyville, Scootaloo, and her friends…or herself? Finally, she decides, "No."
14. She slows down her descent and lands softly on the ground. Cameras and paparazzi catch up to her, but she walks by. She looks at the Mane Six and tells them that she thought about the conversation, and she regrets her actions. She not just embarrassed herself, but her friends, too. She let her newfound fame get into her head, and she wanted more of it. She felt relieved by the attention, but all that did was cause tension in her close friendship. She apologizes to Rarity again, and this time meaning it, who forgives her back.
15. Then she looks at the dejected fanclub, walks to them, and apologizes to them. She should've said no, but she did so to fuel her own ego, not for Scootaloo, and apologizes to Scootaloo for not admitting it and deceiving her.
16. The fanclub and Mane Six forgive her. For the fanclub, they not only forgive her, but are proud of her for admitting it. Scootaloo feels guilty, but Dash tells her not to. She has very good intentions and wants her to continue running the club.
17. With everyone around her, Dash requests Spike to take a letter. In it, she describes her joy for having ponies admiring her for who she is and what she can really do. While she appreciates the effort, little did she know that the newfound fame eventually got into her head. She wasn't just showing her talents. She was showing them off in a way that caused tension between her and the others. The next time she's going to show off her talents, she's going to do it with grace and humility and not at the cost of her friendship. At the same time, she also begins to understand that, when there's fame, you have to keep your ego under control and not let it change who you are nor her relationship with those she loves the most. Does this mean she should shun fame and the media for good nor should she stop feeling proud of her abilities, strengths, and achievements? No. She embraces it and is proud of what she has done, but also realizes to watch what she does and says more and how not to let the attention and accomplishments cloud her judgment and get into her head.
18. Spike sends the letter and is in the mood for a little snack. She invites the fanclub and friends to join, but asks the paparazzi for a little time alone. They oblige and let them on their merry way.

The purpose for this is as followed:

• It eliminates usage of the Idiot Ball that did nothing but push the official episode and make Rainbow Dash look worse. One of TMMDW's biggest weaknesses in objective quality is how the foreshadowing is shoved in, only to artificially prolong it. Dash may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, but she's capable of thinking and performing more than basic math. The real RD would've identified the Mysterious Mare-Do-Well as more than one character the second the Mane Six spilled those clues in front of her, as they were right there to see.
• It eliminates the double message of her friends being passive-aggressive assholes who wanted to teach her a lesson in humility, but performed it hypocritically by bragging in her face (spilling the MDW identity in front of her) and inadvertently shaming Dash. If Dash was a child, what her friends did would be borderline criminal.
• The contrived part of the episode (the dam, constant life-saving) is cut. Keep the worldbuilding in character of Ponyville.
• Dash would hear and listen to their words, which were discussed privately. If Dash was truly in character, she would think about those words and then question whether they were right or not. She has an ego and may be headstrong, but she won't inwardly shoo criticism right away. Criticism eats her because of her pride, especially if it's sharp and honest.
• Despite her ego, she would also show her loyalty. The beginning would have her conflict between her loyalty with her friends and loyalty with her ego and fame. Show her loyalty as not just a strength, but also a flaw. She keeps her inflamed ego and jerkiness, but balances with consequences of tension and realization of how poor her behavior becomes.
• It gives Dash an opportunity to prove her talent to Ponyville in a way that isn't exclusive to her helping with the weather, nor confined in smaller chunks. Dash shows off the Sonic Rainboom in Cloudesdale in a desperate attempt to rescue Rarity and the Wonderbolts, which is a completely different environment compared to those who live in Ponyville. It spreads her worth in her other home.
• An extra message/moral is given to the audience, bending, yet not breaking, the repetitive friendship report pattern up to that point. Her lesson wouldn't be just to be humble in your talents, but also learn not to let fame infiltrate and blow up your ego. In an interview another MLP Forums user gave me earlier this year, I explained how fame can be really bad for the mind if not careful.
   

  Quote

• It allows three things to continue: the Rainbow Dash Fanclub to prosper, the paparazzi to flourish, and the relationship with Scootaloo to develop. (For the latter, I would think of weaving it in some way to foreshadow it into Sleepless in Ponyville.)
  
  For the former, there'll finally be an origin to the Rainbow Dash Fanclub. IIRC, that was never explained in the official episode.
• Instead of being told and suddenly realizing she's in over her head, the realization is woven in. She'll be confronted about her ego, ponder about it, and show the character development via her own actions, thoughts, realizations, and decisions. She was told to be humble, but the episode never showed it at any point, because the script never gave her ample time to act upon it. Show, don't tell.
• The Mysterious Mare-Do-Well is confined to a cameo, and no more. It's an idea for Dash's ego to boost instead of tearing it down idiotically.
• The episode's resolved by her failing to do the Sonic Rainboom. Many of the episodes (and official movies outside FIM) tend to have an achievement/accomplishment and then wrapped up nicely. Here, unlike Sonic Rainboom, she won't do the Rainboom because she realizes the damage she caused, eating her up in the process, and realizes how bad an idea this would be. The failed assignment confronts her head on and subconsciously gives her that opportunity to either really show off or prove to her friends how loyal and trustworthy her conscience really is. You don't need to succeed an achievement to wrap up an episode well.

More would be necessary to fix the pace and fit it in the twenty-minute frame. At this point, it'll take way too long to explain it in detail. How long? Longer than Double Rainboom, roughly thirty-five minutes. Extra details are needed to be chopped off and new material must replace it so the idea can flow in a twenty-minute frame. But the concept is there, one where, personally, it would tell a much better story of Dash getting an ego, being scolded for letting fame and ego get into her head, and eventually realize the dangers of fame and reward for humility. Plus, she realizes that being proud and confident in what she does doesn't have to interfere with her true self and relationship with her friends and fans.

I know these ideas were made Awhile back, but I think this would've made a much better episode than the way The original played out.

[TheDarkMare1939 11]

On 2015-02-01 at 12:11 PM, Dulset Tarn said:

How about this for Magical Mystery Cure instead?

 

After Twilight is blown to smithereens and sent to the Twilight Zone, she does not see Celestia, because that would be stupid and make no sense. She actually meets, dun dun dunnn, Starswirl the Bearded! It's stated that this was Starswirl's final incomplete spell, and that he didn't understand friendship the same way Twilight does. So what if the same thing that happened to Twilight also happened to him? He'd tried to use magic to manipulate the elements of harmony despite not being a true bearer, and for his hubris they blasted him to a timeless expanse of metaphysical emptiness. Now Twilight is doomed to the same fate, only her true understanding of friendship and bond with the elements allows them to, working together, finally escape back to Equestria.

 

Celestia reveals that she knew the truth of how Starswirl disappeared but could never write the spell herself, and trusted that Twilight would be able to help him escape his eternal prison. This would logically fit with Celestia's unexplained gathering of powerful allies like Discord earlier. Of course, Twilight wouldn't be a princess or an alicorn, but she would have another tutor and mentor to add to the series.

 

edit: Also, getting to see some strained interaction between Starswirl and the "reformed" Discord would be fantastic.

I think that would've made the episode's ending significantly better.

Although, I think Twilight Sparkle becoming An Alicorn is important, even if other fans might not like it, so I think that should be kept in some way in my opinion.

[TheDarkMare1939 11]

On 2014-04-23 at 7:04 PM, Wind Chaser said:

Somepony to Watch Over Me

 

Act I:

Open on the Crusaders doing some kind of stunt (put in what you will) that endangers them in some way. Applejack catches it, halts it, and storms home with Apple Bloom in tow. Over the rest of the week, Applejack becomes increasingly overprotective of Apple Bloom, but not to the extremely Flanderized levels as in the episode as it was. When it's time to make the pie delivery, Applejack assigns Pinkie Pie to be Apple Bloom's foalsitter before she leaves. This makes Apple Bloom more desperate to prove she's ready to be responsible enough to be left alone.

 

Act II:

Apple Bloom pulls the same stunt she did in the actual episode. Applejack goes up to Apple Bloom's bed the night before the delivery and pats "Apple Bloom" on the head, only to feel a curly mane and a horn, and question them on where Apple Bloom really is.

 

Act III:

The showdown with the Chimera, as well as the remainder of the act, remain largely unchanged, except that the Chimera doesn't talk, and Apple Bloom herself relates the friction between the goat head and the tiger head to her own troubles based on its body language. Apple Bloom is commended for her effort and surviving the encounter with the Chimera, but chided for pulling yet another dangerous stunt that could have endangered her life and is told that she still might not be ready to be left alone. Like finding a cutie mark, earning the trust of a friend or family member takes time and effort.

 

An additional side note; I find some of the episode titles to be lacking as of late. I would have changed them accordingly:

 

"Maud Pie" to "A Face of Stone"

"Testing, Testing, 123" to "Stress Test"

"Rainbow Falls" to "The Split Decision" (though I'm lacking ideas on how to rewrite any more episodes right now)

"It's About Time" to "Time Twisted"

 

Also, the two parts of "Friendship is Magic" to their alternative titles, "The Mare in the Moon" and "The Elements of Harmony" due to ambiguity with the series' title, "Owl's Well that Ends Well" to "Who's on First?" due to ambiguity with a Winnie the Pooh episode with the same name that may confuse Internet searches, and I would've spelled "Dragon Quest" as "Draggin' Quest" for the same reason (also Spike had a lot to "drag" with him when he first left, and the episode turned out to be a drag for some  ).

Not bad. Pretty good rewrite you have here.

[Megas 27,629]

Newbie Dash: stick to the original version instead Polsky made instead 

28 Pranks Later: Make it a Discord episode instead