How are you going to explain "The Birds and the Bees" to your future children?

[Iudicium86 24]

I wouldn't want my kids to be lacking knowledge or worse, having the wrong impression about human sexuality as they grow and explore. So at a decent age to be determined as it comes, I'll explain to him starting with biological evolution and how our species, like most mammals and any creature for that matter, exist as the two genders and what got split (chromosomes) and is then combined between male and female at intercourse to produce a new living being for the continuity of the species.

 

Kinda flat explained like that in a few sentences, but I'd include some humor and be sure to give them the right impressions about not being ashamed of sexuality and it being natural and most important, can COME TO ME WITH QUESTIONS! lol. An no, I wouldn't be doing any 'save it for someone special' talks or unrealistic expectations. While I would explain how babies are made, I'd also be sure to explain the dire seriousness of that, and horrid diseases hiding in our blood and fluids, and how to go about having his 'fun' in both safe and baby-free manners. Then buy him a box of prophylactics

 

Though if I have a daughter, then I'm investing in an adamantium chastity belt!

j/k.j/k lol

[Thorns 55]

Here's how I will tell my future beautiful and hopefully not morbidly obese children:

"My dear child, do not believe it when your kindergarten teacher tells you were brought in by some mystical stork. Nay, good child, for based on your generous size, you were more than likely brought in by a crane. Kidding. Your mom and I were trying to eat a safe lunch, only our cyclindrical condiment dispenser was defective and a little squirted where it wasn't supposed to go. It was a great hamburger though."

[Guest]

Just tell them as serious as possible. I'm not gonna lie. I asked when I was 7 or 8 and I found out the truth. It didn't bother me any. Just do it as appropriately as possible.

[Shanks 10,816]

How I would explain it exactly to them would have a lot to do with age, maturity and how curious they are. I would tell them the truth but wouldn't be any more explicit than I had to be.

[ChoroChii 284]

Well, I don't plan on having kids but I wouldn't want to tell them any lies and I'd like to teach them as soon as possible, so they're not learning it all at once while their hormones are running wild. 

[Fhaolan 4,484]

I live on a livestock farm, of mixed animals with different breeding seasons.

 

It's kinda pointless to use euphemisms or the like. I'll be explaining breeding of animals right from the get-go, because *that's what we do here*.

[Thorns 55]

I'm going to gather my children in a room and pull out my old dusty acoustic guitar. I'll dim the lights and sit awkwardly on a stool, tuning the guitar as necessary. Then I'll break out in song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RaaVbWD3USI

[Akemi Homura 7,680]

Eh... raise them with discipline, first of all. Children need to be taught respect and manners at a young age. If you patronize them and treat them exclusively as small kids, then that's what they will be known as. Teach them how to be level-headed, as one person on the previous page said, and tell them straight up on what's it about. Otherwise they'll just be confused afterwards.

 

However, I doubt they'll run into too much sexual-related conversations when they're around eight or something, so you won't really have to worry about it until then. If one day they come home and ask you what it's about, that's when it's fully appropriate to discuss it.

 

We're all human beings here, not stupid.

[Arretez 225]

I'm going to explain it with this video:

It's a rather catchy song, so hopefully my other children will hear their older siblings singing this, and all will be well in the world. Right?

[SomariFeyWright 776]

Well, considering I'd already be a crappy parent, I don't think I'd tell them a thing on the matter. It's a topic I (unfortunately) had to learn, and I learned it from school, which is how I hope my child(ren) will learn it. It's probably a topic I'd skip around, and I don't think I'd answer it if they asked me.

 

... Plus, I have literally never heard the actual birds and the bees speech. And for the better, methinks.

[Bonko 73]

I would explain it by using "puzzles".

I'll say that the birds and the bees are like puzzles, since some puzzles won't fit unless it's has the right "connection" with each other.

You should really think about it instead of rushing to put the pieces together. 

[FoxyCryptid 4,330]

I don't think anyone ever had "the talk." in my family, it was something we just learned about over time(of course, we had sex ed in elementary school to a extent around here,  they separated the boys and girls and showed us each a different video about puberty), from there we just learned things over time as the questions came up.

[Mars Caramel 319]

I don't want kids, but of course, I'll answer this anyway.

 

I would probably leave it to their school to explain that stuff, because they could possibly be better at it than me. But if I had to, I would try to explain it in reverse; starting from how the fetus is formed, and working down to the sexual part. After I do that, I would quickly go back up repeating everything, then explain birth.

Edited September 4, 2013 by Mars Brownie

[Iudicium86 24]

I am slightly curious how many people might handle talking about these matter to their children, but then he/she asks if a man and another man can do any of these 'special hugs' or other euphemism. Or woman+woman for that matter too.

[Fluttershyfan94 5,742]

When I was young I just knew how it was.. Just something called common sense, I just knew it for some reason.

 

The way I would do it is like this: Kids, you know these noises you hear in the middle of the night?

No? Well, that's nothing but I want to tell you how babies are made, it's very simple. Take this hot dog for example, you see the hot dog.. Mkay, then you see this doughnut right here.. Alright, when the two come together magic happens.. You have a hot dog combined with a doughnut, what is created in the process is a baby. You understand.. Mkay.

 

Now run along kids.. Mkay..

 

This is how I would deal with it, I'm a genius.

[Kitty Cat Moonshire 629]

Well, my parents never explained it to me. I just found porn when I was 12 xD 

Yay for the internet.

 

Plus, I don't want kids so, problem solved.

[Sugar Pea 2,682]

 
I see myself having this conversation with my child: 

 

Except i'm not Bill Cosby. xD
But this is a very awkward thing to talk about with a little kid.

[Codelyy 1,286]

My Parents never told be about the birds and the bees i just found out about it myself

 

But i would just tell my kids what it is normaly because they would need to know it

[Dusknight Haze 161]

Somewhat off topic but whenever I look at the title of this thread I always think Fluttershy's "So Many Wonders" song and the line "Birds flying free and the bees and their honey..."

 

Someone (cough cough) had to have known when they were writing it, lol.

 

But back to the topic, I had this terribly ineffective sex ed class in grade school. I don't recommend leaving your kids to it if you have any. All we did was laugh at how silly it was and how awkward the teacher was about it. I eventually just learned everything on my own.

[Thuja 3,659]

My mum never told me, she was always too busy with going to med school.  I was always reading her textbooks she left behind so, I sorta found out myself.  

[DarligPegasi 315]

I totally forgot how my parents told me, but I'd say something like this.

 

"When two people love each other or are just attracted to each other, they have sex." Then I'd go on to explain the types of relationships and how they do the do. (M/F, F/F, M/M) Then I'd lean forward and hiss, "You better not have sex until you hit 18 or the devil will come and drag you to hell."

 

[crazitaco 596]

My mom explained it to me and my sister several time when we were little. She told us everything, or atleast explained everything on the girl side of it because she deemed it important for us to know. So basically she told us half the puzzle. The rest I eventually learned in school. We even had a little kid book that explained the reproductive system in detail.

Oh yeah, I don't want children though. If it ever happens though, I'll just straight up tell them once they are a kid.

Edited September 5, 2013 by crazitaco

[Celtore 2,770]

At a young age: "Wait 'til you're older." They deserve a childhood where they don't have to worry about any of that stuff.

 

At an appropriate age: "Go ask your mother." which may potentially cause an infinite loop and crash the universe. I would let the education system take care of it, the system in Canada isn't too bad from what I can recall. If all else fails, there is a "for dummies" book for everything. My parents never explained it to me and I'm pretty sure I've got the concept.

[GhostPony750 959]

Well, my parents told me "You'll find out when you grow up", so I waited and found out lol.

I guess I'll do the same thing with my childs, if I have any.

 

And I am a Bunny!!!

[Starlighty 976]

Here the thing... I don't think I will be able too...  I never got the speech about the birds and the bees but instead ended up watching movies that had sex in it and reading manga and now READING books like fifty shades of gray that is WAY more intense then anything else. 

 

I think If I have to I would just give them how I learned and let them learn from that...