How to tell someone you don't like a gift/should you?

[Miss 6,211]

This question really only applies to some guests. For example if someone buys you a plushie, because they know you have some already, I'm sure they don't expect you to play with it so it could just sit there. 

If I was to receive a watch as a gift, I don't like wearing watches cuz they're heavy, unnecessary, and just feel like they get in the way, so like...idk what I would do. That isn't to say that I wouldn't be appreciative, but there is this idea, especially for me, that I would want someone to tell me they don't like the gift I got them so I could get them something better. 

Of course, I would avoid this issue altogether by asking someone what they want instead of just getting them something at random, but back to the initial question...

How would you all tell someone you don't like a gift/would you?

If someone gets you a shirt, they might ask "how come you haven't worn that shirt I bought you" or if someone gets you something that you're not into in general. For example, I hate rompers, so really hope no one would get me one of those XD Or like loose baggy pants. 

The biggest reason I ask is because if someone got you something expensive you're not going to use, like a watch. 

Edited January 31, 2020 by Misscellanio

[Emerald Heart 24,588]

I usually just thank them and then set it aside once I get home. I never really tell the gift-giver that I dislike it. So when I get home, I usually set it aside or something. If they ever ask me about it, I lie like a rug. 

I would suggest putting it on display or something. So, like if they ever see it just laying it around you could say something like "I was going to wear it, but I realized it is more interesting to look at."

Edited January 31, 2020 by Emerald Heart

[Splashee 28,537]

2 hours ago, Misscellanio said:

How would you all tell someone you don't like a gift/would you?

You might not be ale to tell them directly, but you can make a suggestion that they might not like (so they won't give you anything), such as:

"I don't really need that, but I do need cash. Cash would be awesome as a gift!" <- Either you will get cash, or possibly nothing at all. Asking for money is always a troublesome issue, and it should be.

[Pandora 38,004]

In this case.. to me.. Honesty is best.
I tend to straight up tell people irl if don't want any gifts or if i can't take their money (Cause some tend to shove money in your hands)

[Miss 6,211]

1 hour ago, Emerald Heart said:

I usually just thank them and then set it aside once I get home. I never really tell the gift-giver that I dislike it. So when I get home, I usually set it aside or something. If they ever ask me about it, I lie like a rug. 

I would suggest putting it on display or something. So, like if they ever see it just laying it around you could say something like "I was going to wear it, but I realized it is more interesting to look at."

I'm not one to lie, so if they ask me about it in the future, I'd probably tell them honestly, that's it not really my thing. I do like your second idea. You know if someone bought me a gold watch I would have it on display in my room, like "I don't really to wear watches, but it's nice to have it in my room and be like here's this beautiful watch my (blank) got me." 

1 minute ago, Deerie said:

In this case.. to me.. Honesty is best.
I tend to straight up tell people irl if don't want any gifts

That works beforehand, but if someone just randomly gets you a gift (and you don't like it) what would you do?

[PiratePony 8,473]

Someone once bought me a watch. I never wore watched. Then one day I tried it and wear that watch on a daily basis. Maybe try it with the knowledge that it was a thoughtful gift. If not, keep it to remember the person's kindness. If they start giving you watches every year though, then maybe say something.

[Pandora 38,004]

@Misscellanio I still tend to tell them i don't like it but i appreciate it. I rather believe in honesty than telling someone a lie like that, don't get me wrong.
Most people accept it just fine.. though for me, most people know what I like at least.. artwise. (Music not many)

[Auslander 0]

Well, it's a gift...can't you just appreciate the gesture and if you don't like it keep it in your house until enough time has passed that the person who gave you the gift would never bring it up again so you can just throw it or give it away?

[Thuja 3,658]

I think if you got a spur of the moment gift from someone, maybe try telling them that you have no need for it?  It's better to pull the thorn out now instead of putting up a front, especially if it isn't something you ever really wanted or needed.

[Splashee 28,537]

19 minutes ago, Misscellanio said:

I'm not one to lie

 

You might have to. If you tell someone the truth, it might hurt them more. I know people that get hurt very easily, and a lie might be the only option left, without making things go out of hand.

[Emerald Heart 24,588]

44 minutes ago, Splashee said:

You might have to. If you tell someone the truth, it might hurt them more. I know people that get hurt very easily, and a lie might be the only option left, without making things go out of hand.

Yeah. That's what I have to do to my Grandparents on my Dad's side. Or when my Aunt gives me candy in my stocking.

I'd rather tell a little white lie then potentially hurt their feelings. The truth can really hurt sometimes. 

[Miss 6,211]

54 minutes ago, Splashee said:

You might have to. If you tell someone the truth, it might hurt them more. I know people that get hurt very easily, and a lie might be the only option left, without making things go out of hand.

 

8 minutes ago, Emerald Heart said:

Yeah. That's what I have to do to my Grandparents on my Dad's side. Or when my Aunt gives me candy in my stocking.

I'd rather tell a little white lie then potentially hurt their feelings. The truth can really hurt sometimes. 

Of course, one day they might over hear that you're not a fan of something from someone and that could lead to something worse like 

"All those years they lied to me. Our relationship is not as close as I thought if they can't even be honest with me."

I'm not gonna say I don't lie, but when it comes to things like that, I would like to avoid such a thing from happening. I haven't had to deal with it since high school, but could happen any day. 

[SparklingSwirls 21,261]

I usually just tell them “thank you, I really appreciate that you thought of me” and leave it at that. If it happens more than once I would casually mention that they don’t have to get me anything in the future.

So I wouldn’t lie necessarily but I also won’t act like I really love the gift.

[Splashee 28,537]

13 minutes ago, Misscellanio said:

I'm not gonna say I don't lie, but when it comes to things like that, I would like to avoid such a thing from happening. I haven't had to deal with it since high school, but could happen any day. 

It is good practice to not lie. I agree with this. One thing that helps you when always stating the truth, is that you never have to be afraid of answering anything that you might have said or not have said. If you only remember to always be yourself, and never change opinions in your lifetime.

My mom once promised me she would never get a boyfriend after she divorced her previous husband. It took around 2 years, and she found someone, didn't tell me, but eventually I found out. Did she lie when she did that promise? Or was she just hurt at the time of the divorce and couldn't see that potential future (which is not a lie, it is the truth at that point in time)? Or was she just human like the reset of us (possibly)?
That's the thing about lying. Sometimes telling the truth is still a lie, in the future. Because people change. You cannot completely avoid hurting people by being truthful. But when it comes to hard truths that hurt people directly on the spot (like telling them to stop giving you gifts), a lie is a way to not hurt them. Quite difficult stuff to deal with, isn't it?

Edited January 31, 2020 by Splashee

[EpicEnergy 22,082]

If someone bought a gift I don't like, I would accept it and not tell them that I dislike it. Also, I would appreciate their effort to make me happy and show their love for me.

[Miss 6,211]

2 hours ago, Auslander said:

Well, it's a gift...can't you just appreciate the gesture and if you don't like it keep it in your house until enough time has passed that the person who gave you the gift would never bring it up again so you can just throw it or give it away?

Yea idk if I'm going to take advice with someone with Nazi symbolism in their profile pic. 

[cuteycindyhoney 13,283]

I suppose it may not be the best phrase, but sadly I am guilty of saying it...

"Honey, did you save the receipt?"

[Meson Bolt 2,647]

I'd politely turn them down. While I'd make sure that they know I appreciate the gesture, if it's something they spent a lot of money on, I'd suggest trying to return the item and getting their money back. And if it's something that I'm simply not into, like... eh, an anime poster or something, I'd suggest that they keep it instead, since they're likely into whatever it is they got.

I'd hope that they'd realize I'm not discounting their efforts, merely declining the gift because I don't see a use for it, or because I see it better used for their enjoyment rather than my own. I try to be pretty up-front about what I want when people are thinking of buying me gifts tho, any "surprise factor" is worth a lot less than getting something you actually want or need.

And of course I try to avoid asking for money as much as possible, it just seems shallow and needy.

[gyashaa 251]

Accept the gift, and then throw it away when you think they won't be able to find out. As long as you appreciate the gesture and recognize the sentiment behind the gift, the item itself is not important.

[Kyoshi Frost Wolf 40,290]

Unless said gift is a bomb which then proceeds to explode and obliterate me, I personally see no real point to expressing displeasure with a gift. Sure, that isn't being entirely honest, but I don't want to make anyone feel bad about that kind of stuff. Not that I've had many of these instances, most gifts I appreciate a lot. 

[Fluttershutter 2,118]

No, I just pretend to like it.

[Lucky Bolt 34,914]

Simple. I just don’t tell them, and pretend I like it. 

[Lord Valtasar 12,685]

i don't tell, that's just rude

[Justin_Case001 4,855]

This is a topic I've wrestled with and put a lot of thought into.

I dislike the entire custom of gift giving.  I just don't care for the entire enterprise.  Call me Sheldon Cooper.  I understand why people do it, and why it purportedly warms the heart, but I believe the custom to be fraught with so many problems and stresses than the cons outweigh the pros.  There's so much stressful and annoying flim flam associated with trying to figure out what to buy people, and then navigating the awkward social situations of pretending we like gifts we don't, and using gifts we don't want to use in order to make the gift giver feel appreciated.

As a child, I liked receiving presents, but that was wholly different.  As a kid, you just give your parents a birthday or Christmas list, and they buy you some toys you want, and that's it.  There's no pretending to like gifts you don't in those cases.  Different story with extended family, but nuclear family was usually fine.  As an adult, however, I started to dislike both giving and receiving gifts.  The older I got, the less inclined I was to the enterprise.

My brother's mother-in-law gives Christmas gifts to the entire family every year, and she knows very little about me, so she asked my brother for some gift ideas.  He said, "Uh, well, he's an artist."  So, what does his mother-in-law do?  She buys me a book on various forms of physical media art.  A beginner's guide to sculpting, charcoal, water colors, paints, etc.  Great.  I'm a GRAPHIC ARTIST.  Y'know, DIGITAL.  I make digital art with Blender and Photoshop to post to my online portfolio.  I hate making physical art.  I'm not gonna paint and sculpt.  Most useless gift I've ever received.

This kind of stuff happens all the time to so many people.  Someone might ask for gift ideas about Bob, and Bob's friend will say, "he likes sports," so someone buys Bob a f*ckin' badminton racket or something, when in fact he just likes WATCHING sports on TV!  And badminton isn't one of 'em!

We so often receive gifts that we don't want or have no use for.  We put on a face and a show and try to use the gift when the person is around.  We navigate what often seems like a tightrope walk of social conventions, and then we turn around and give gifts to others, knowing full-well that we are forcing at least some of them onto the same tightrope.  And for what?  Why should we subject ourselves to this rigamarole if we don't want to?

I can't stand the whole thing.  I don't want to deal with it, and I don't think I should have to.  I reject the entire notion that we are obligated to participate in this endeavor with a smile, taking our true feelings about undesired gifts to the grave.  I'm a proponent of total and complete honesty, and this section of life is no exception.  I think we can and should be honest with people about gifts, and that means being frank when we don't want or can't use a gift.  That doesn't mean being hurtful, of course.  We should always use tact and take great care to make sure that the thought is appreciated.  But I believe we needn't lie, even the white variety, and that we are entitled to honesty.

I am deeply uncomfortable giving and receiving gifts.  I don't like trying to figure out someone else's needs and desires any more than I like receiving things I don't want.  I don't like the reciprocity obligation of the custom.  I don't like having people spend money on me without asking.  That is why, years ago, I told my friends and family that I'm opting out for good  I said that I would not be buying gifts henceforth, and I don't want anyone buying gifts for me.  It took a bit of persistence to get them to finally take me seriously, but eventually they did, and it has worked out well.  I live a gift free existence.  Instead of buying things for someone else and giving them hints (or even telling them explicitly) what to buy for me, I just buy what i want for myself.

Many people (my therapist included) urge me to rejoin the world of gift giving, maintaining the belief that gift giving is one of the most wonderful things humanity has ever created, and that any life without it is a cold tragedy.  Many people would feel sorry for me, or call me Scrooge, or say that I'm a jerk, or cold-hearted, etc.  Poppycock.  I'm a warm and caring person if you get to know me, and furthermore, my life is so much better without gift giving.  I'm far happier this way.

But that's not quite the end of it.  I do have a proposal on how one can fill the void if they wish to opt out of gifts as I have done.  I have always believed that the greatest gift one can ever give or receive is quite simply the most precious and limited resource in this universe: time.  Give the gift of your time.  Don't feel obligated to show your affection with monetary compensation.  Instead, show your love and appreciation for those you care about by spending time with them.  Set aside time out of your busy schedule to be with them.  Really be with them. Put the phone down.  Spend a day with them.  Do an activity together that they enjoy.  Give them your undivided attention.  Give someone you care about a few of your precious minutes on this Earth that you will never get back.  We all have a very limited time in this life, and we can never get any more of it.  Your expiration date is what it is, and the clock is ticking.  Choosing to give some of your irreplaceable time to someone else is perhaps the most caring and genuine thing you can do.  That's how you show someone you care.  Time is the only gift I ever care to give or receive.

Incidentally, if I ever managed to find a romantic partner, that is how I would approach our relationship.  The only compatible woman for me would be one that understands that there will never be any birthday or Christmas gifts, nor flowers or chocolates on Valentines Day.  Instead, I would give her as much quality time and attention as I could spare.  I would speak with my time, not my wallet.  I would be with her.  I doubt there are many women on this ball of rock who would be amenable to this arrangement.  A man can dream, though...  a man can dream...

[Brony Number 42 9,931]

When you are an adult you can buy whatever you want, so there is not much someone can get you. But for Christmas I get something for my parents and brother and my friend.

I make way more money than my friend so I spend more on a gift. Lately I got him some books for the Call off Cthulhu rpg we have been playing, and they were expensive. He had been using the free rules and couldn't afford the books. He knows I like MLP so he got me a pez candy thing, some card game, and shirt. The pez thing I wouldn't have bought myself. It was like, "oh this is MLP he will like that."

Sometimes I get gifts for people just because. I got some shirts from some concerts I went to because this guy at work likes the same music.

The biggest offender is pointless crap gifts, like Valentine's Day stuffed animals or some block of wood that says "I love you" or something like that. Just junk that fills up the house.