event Egghead troubles

[Lord Valtasar 12,700]

 Rainbow Dash has been in a bad mood lately, and i traced the problem back to the Daring Do books, you see the latest one ended in a cliffhanger, and we all know A.K. Yearling takes her sweet time between releases, so i decided that the book club's first asignment will be to add a satisfying resolution to the cliffhanger and then we can surprise her with them.
let's see.. i had an exempt of the final page prepared, it must be around here somewhere..
Here
Thank you spike.
 "Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

 to make this a bit more interesting, we'll make it a contest and give a special rank to the winner at the end of it like we do for the art challenges, the deadline is the end of the month

post your entries in this thread, preferably in a spoiler tag

good luck

[Brony Number 42 10,073]

Is there some range for number of words?

[Sparklefan1234 172,975]

@Lord Valtasar   I don't quite understand. Do you have to finish A.K. Yearling's story based on the prompt or do I create my own ending?

Edited March 1, 2021 by Sparklefan1234

[Lord Valtasar 12,700]

1 hour ago, Sparklefan1234 said:

@Lord Valtasar   I don't quite understand. Do you have to finish A.K. Yearling's story based on the prompt or do I create my own ending?

finish the story, build on what's there as if  you're writing the next pages so it's not a cliffhanger anymore. you can't change the previous stuff

4 hours ago, Metal Brony 42 said:

Is there some range for number of words?

no, do it at your own pace and comfort zone, the goal is to resolve the cliffhanger 

[Lucky Bolt 35,085]

I’ll definitely be adding to this in some way shape or form lol

[Sparklefan1234 172,975]

6 hours ago, Lord Valtasar said:

"Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

 

Spoiler

 

"Suddenly, the masked figure grabbed Daring Do by her shirt collar, raised her up to its face and whispered in a menacing, raspy

voice... "Gotcha!"!?" 

What!? 

Hold on! *reads* Rainbow Dash...Pinkie Pie...Prank!? 

 You should see the look on your faces! Priceless! 

We got 'em good huh, Dashie? 

But...Wha?...

I swapped that book for the real one while Pinkie Pie was talking to you about which dessert would go best with an adventure story. 

Good one, you two. 

 

 

Edited March 1, 2021 by Sparklefan1234

[abronymouse 5,874]

"Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

Spoiler

Before Daring could react a deep rumbling voice rumbles ancient syllables never heard by pony kind, "Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus!" 

Daring backs away as being comes fully into view. Red scales peel back from its razor-sharp claws. Daring's pony snout wrinkles from the sulphur and coal that emanate from its glowing red snout.  

"Bore da! Dydd Gŵyl Dewi Hapus" it rumbles at her Gaelicly. The mask that was perched on the end of its nose slid about as it uttered the draconic phrase.

Daring Do knew how to deal with dragons who stole masks! She would buck it right on its nose. She would swipe the mask and flee! 

Like many times before, Daring swallowed her fear and went to strike the treasure-hoarding miscreant and swipe the treasure.

The dragon roared as it was struck and spewed forth more of its undoubtedly foul language, "Pam wnaethoch chi wneud hynny?" 

But as Daring went to swipe the mask... her hoof stuck into it!

The dragon opened its snout and belched flame. Daring tried furiously to free her stuck hoof but the 'mask' held her tight. As the infernal heat rose from the snout Daring calmed, accepting her fate with the dignity that is the heritage of adventure ponies everywhere. She said a prayer to Celestia and closed her eyes, thinking of blue skies... But after 1.. then 2 then 3 seconds no heat came! She dared to open her eyes.

The dragon began to make a strange noise... a familiar one even across the species barrier. Laughter! "Rydych chi eisiau rhywfaint o doffi?" it asked, and plucked her hoof out of the sticky mask, motioning with its claw for her to... taste it!? 

...

Long story short the Dragon was from a distant land. Wales! And it had just celebrated its birthday on 1st March :3 The mask was all it had left from the toffee cake that it had shared with its dragon friends. The real mask was elsewhere. Using sign language he told her not to steal it, since Welsh dragons valued it as part of their vanishing heritage. 

Happy St David's day

 

 

[Stardust 641]

On 2021-03-01 at 2:53 PM, Lord Valtasar said:

 "Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

Spoiler

A creature had revealed itself from the shadows. The mask was attached to a large hairy beast. It roared and then puffed out some smoke. It was a part bull part dinosaur like creature with huge horns as well as the claws which looked posed to attack.
A feeling of rage emanated from it.

Daring do felt uneasy   "Oh no, better run" :/

"Arggh" she yelled.
The floor quaked from the stomping of the massive creature.

All of a sudden, a pony mage in a cloak swooped in from seemingly no where.

A blue glow emanated from his horn.
Magic transformed the beast into a wooden carving.
Which landed in daring's hooves.
"Phew thanks, what was that creature?" asked Daring.
"An ancient creature who escaped from it's slumber" he replied.

The mage picked up the mask.
"Here you go", he handed it to Daring.
"Ooh" she said "thanks".

She recognised the mage. It was a friend of hers she had not seen in years. "Wow is it really you? Copper hoof?"

"Haha thanks, yes I came here as I felt the magical disturbance from afar and I thought I should deal with it".

"Hey after we leave here, you wanna chill?" Daring asked as she scrambled to leave.
"Sure thing" the Magician replied.

And they went to the cafe and had a drink.  Then Daring took the mask back as a important treasure it was.
 

Lol I tried somethin meh 

[DJSuits 231]

On 2021-03-01 at 8:53 AM, Lord Valtasar said:

 "Daring Do pulled the aged lever and gasped. The layers of dust and dirt coating the slab fell in a cascade of fog as it began to move, withdrawing into the wall like a door. Through the dark hallway beyond, a single light shown down on her prize—the Mask of Gymkhana. Its surface silver and its eyes black and cold, it stared back at Daring with a haunting expression. The longer she stared, the more it seemed to beckon her, encouraging her to traverse the dark and take it. But as Daring took a step, her breath left her body in a frantic heartbeat. The mask began to move, and out from the darkness did two massive claws emerge, gripping the edges of the doorway."

Spoiler

Frantically, Daring Do tried pulling the lever back to its original position. 

 

"Eerrrrrgh! Uhhhhhhh! Come onnnnnn!"

 

Unfortunately, the lever was too old and worn to be reversed, and it broke off in her hooves, as she tumbled with it back away from the door.

 

"Oof!"

 

Daring Do rubbed the knee of her left foreleg. "Another day, another bump," she thought to herself. Her musing was quickly interrupted by a sound she didn't expect. Was that...bagpipes?

 

FFFWAAAAAAAA!

 

Yup. That was bagpipes. Daring Do liked bagpipes, but only when they were in tune. Unfortunately, these were so far out of tune that she couldn't even tell what the notes were supposed to be. 

 

Daring Do looked again at the door. The claws she thought she saw were actually just the black pipes of a massive set of bagpipes, being played by a masked racing driver!

 

Daring Do blinked; this is just too ridiculous. But despite blinking again and again, the driver was still there. Though unsure what to think, and even less sure what to do, she knew she had to do SOMETHING!

 

"Um... Hello?"

 

The masked driver looked at Daring Do for a moment; then began to laugh hysterically. 

 

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! FINALLY! I AM RELEASED! Thank you, little equine! You have freed me! Now I can play my pipes for the Gymkhana Opening Ceremony!"

 

He started playing their theme song. At least, Daring Do assumed it was SUPPOSED to be the theme song. It was so far off, though, that she couldn't help but cover her poor ears against the assault. It was even reverberating off the stone walls! The horrid sound was enough to make a grown pony cry. In fact, her eyes shed a few tears. 

 

The driver then continued his boasting. 

 

"They thought they could keep my wonderful music away! But thanks to this marvelous equine, I can share my sounds with the WORLD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

 

The driver walked past Daring Do, continuing to play, and occasionally breaking into fits of maniacal laughter. 

 

Daring Do had heard enough. Much more of this, and she might have permanent hearing damage. There was only one thing to do. 

 

In a fantastic maneuver, Daring Do took the broken switch in her hooves and pierced the bagpipes clean through. Not stopping, she yanked the mask off the driver and stuffed it into her saddlebag. As she made her escape, she kicked a trap she noticed earlier, and the whole place crumbled behind her. As she flew away, she heard the mournful cry of the deflating bagpipes, as well as the useless threats of the driver. 

 

"NOOOOOOO! My precious pipes! I'll never be able to play them again! I'll get you for this, little equine!"

 

Daring Do smirked. Some adventures had their unique satisfaction, even if the physical rewards were unusable. 

 

Edited March 6, 2021 by DJSuits
add

[Brony Number 42 10,073]

Here is a link to my story.

 

[DJSuits 231]

21 hours ago, Metal Brony 42 said:

Here is a link to my story.

 

Wow! I wasn't expecting to see anything this long. I'll have to finish reading this later. 

[Brony Number 42 10,073]

54 minutes ago, DJSuits said:

Wow! I wasn't expecting to see anything this long. I'll have to finish reading this later. 

She only just now got to the city.

[Lord Valtasar 12,700]

many of us think there's lots of time since we have a whole month, but here's a reminder that less than a week remains, so finalize your entries or start now if you haven't yet

[Randimaxis 8,654]

Ooooooooooh!  Writey-style-type things!  Me likey!

Right - as I have been asked to put my two bits worth in on the contestants' entries, I shall do so now; down the list I go:

 

@Sparklefan1234: I have to admit - didn't see that ending coming.  This is an interesting way to do as Valty asked, but in a unique way.  If there were any issues, it was the length of the reply and the fact it didn't actually solve the story's problem... but it solved the problem, all the same.  Very creative!  }:)

@abrony-mouse: Cute.  Bonus points because I have Scottish heritage.  The intense buildup was one of my favorite parts of this, as it just helps sell the silliness of the situation once it unfolds.  I'll say that such an enormous buildup can be picked out as a bait-and-switch, but it's good to see it done so well here.  A fine job!

@flurry:  Indeed, you did try something.  You managed to bring the situation to an end, and even threw in another character (an OC, I presume) to help out.  Not bad, not bad; I could pick it apart with a fine-tooth comb, but this is for fun - and as someone who gave it an effort out of nowhere, I applaud you.  My thanks for doing The Thing!

@DJSuits:  Bagpipes?  Another Gaelic reference... I have to say, I dunna mind that!  Well, it certainly ends the situation, though quite abruptly.  You went into a bit of detail, which I liked... though I can't help but feel I'm missing a gag, here.  Do forgive me; I don't get out much.  Thank you kindly for your entry... though I frown on Bagpipe Abuse, for future reference.  *chuckle*

@Metal Brony 42:  WOW.  Talk about going above and beyond - you're leaving Wonderbolts behind with this one!  Characterization, depth, foreshadowing, plot advancement... you have most certainly done A.K. justice with this addition to the story.  AND you managed to not only get her out of the situation, but even had more in store for us!  Are you writing on FimFiction, by chance?  'Cause it's THAT good!

@Califorum:  And this was just as fascinating as Metal Brony's (though MB's was longer); you introduced other characters (kudos for the Cabelleron inclusion), a villain, and even worked up the tension of the situation.  Of course, I'm fairly certain A.K. doesn't use swear words... but in light of the contest being for fun, I'll let it slide on this point.  Well done!

 

As far as it goes, had I to give a vote, it would sit either with Metal Brony or Califorum.  BOTH have very good entries, long and involved, which not only bring closure to the situation, but actually enrich the story itself through their wordplay.  The dedication it takes to write something like their responses is commendable, though I'm happy for each and every one of you who entered, and I thank you all for sharing your talent with us, be it genius or humorous.

However, if there can only be a single winner, I would have to cast my vote in favor of Metal Brony 42.

When I saw the response was in a blog, I knew it was going to be something special.  Reading through the sentences, I came to the realization that, were this a story on FimFiction, it would most certainly be something I'd read.  You have a skill here that many can't say they possess, and I feel that you have quite a lot going for you within the writing circle.  Again, I ask if you're already on FimFiction, because the addition you made to the story reads like some of the more well-crafted stories I've seen on that site.

I'm glad I got to be a part of this; creating things is one of my favorite hobbies, and writing is among the things I create.  It does my heart good to see not only the talent involved, but to see others peeking out of their shell to be a part of something like this.  On behalf of the staff here at MLP Forums, we want to thank each and every one of you who participated... and thanks also go to those who enjoyed reading the entries, too!

@Lord Valtasar, my mission is a success, and my job is complete; one is glad to be of service.  *bows humbly*

[DJSuits 231]

@Randimaxis

I did a Google search for Gymkhana, since that's what the mask was named. I figured I should include some reference to what it actually is. 

Apparently, Gymkhana is a timed automotive race. So I put a racecar driver in the story. 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gymkhana_(motorsport)

As for the abrupt ending, I was actually trying to keep it short, since I thought the point was to *only* end the story. (I thought there was supposed to be a word limit or a recommended length, so I was trying to stay within that limit.) Since the goal was to end the story/resolve the situation, that's what I did. 

As for the "bagpipe abuse," it's a commonly used trope in animation. And I was trying to keep things lighthearted. 

Had the player in my story been a good player, I probably would've went with a hypnosis idea. That would've made the story longer, though. 

Thank you for your review. I'll keep in mind that next time, I can write something longer. 

[Splashee 28,566]

Congratulations @Metal Brony 42

[Sparklefan1234 172,975]

Congratulations, @Metal Brony 42! 

 

11 hours ago, Randimaxis said:

@Sparklefan1234: I have to admit - didn't see that ending coming.  This is an interesting way to do as Valty asked, but in a unique way.  If there were any issues, it was the length of the reply and the fact it didn't actually solve the story's problem... but it solved the problem, all the same.  Very creative!  }:)

 

 I did technically "finish" the story even if I didn't solve the problem, it just wasn't a long resolution. 

Also, I'm more of a comedy writer than an action writer which, explains why my ending deviated from the plot. 

I am glad that you enjoyed it all the same and hopefully I will be able to do better next time.