Is being the "silent type" looked down upon?

[Apocalyptic_Unicorn 240]

I've always been the silent type and.I personally love it, I can't really stand talking to people all the time. 
It sounds dumb, but being quiet and just observing things has possibly increased my perception and face/action reading skills.
Just today, I was about to say something in a rather loud class, and my classmates noticed and went dead silent because I NEVER speak, so that's pretty cool

[LittleSis 62]

I'm not a quiet person. Hell, I am LOUD. But I don't think it's a bad thing to be quiet or shy. In fact, the most intelligent and insightful people I know are pretty quiet. It can be hard to put what's in your head into words, but when it all comes down to it, it's way better to say few things with lots of meaning than a lot of things with little or no meaning.

[PfcRich 19]

I am the loudest, quiets, person you've ever heard. I only talk when I need to. But when I say something you best listen to it, a fool yells, a wise man asks why.

[Kittybelle 95]

Kinda I guess. People seem to think I'm mean or snobby because I'm quiet.... I'm not though... I just usually don't have a lot to say and stuff.

[hawkflame 3,310]

I don't know if it's looked down upon, but that is behavior that is different from most, and they might think it's a little strange.  I  think it could be misread in a number of ways.  They could think that you don't like other people, that you think you're too cool for the rest of them, etc. 

 

Personally, I think it is important to open up to others- but go as far as *your* comfort zone will allow, You don't have to put yourself in an awkward situation, but at the same time learning to interact with others is part of living in this world. 

 

I mean, isn't that a big part of what Friendship is Magic is all about? 

[Arylett Charnoa 4,919]

Yes, and no is my response to this question.

 

From my experiences of being "the silent type," I've experienced a variety of reactions. Most people seem to think it's odd, and like it's something that shouldn't exist. Like you NEED to speak and socialize or you're some sort of freak. They don't outright say it, and they're typically nice about trying to get you to talk, but the fact that they try at all kind of outright implies they have no understanding of the concept of people who just don't feel like talking.

 

In other instances, I've also seen people kind of think of you as mysterious, and even smarter than they are because you don't speak much. So that's the no part of this response.

 

Mostly though, I think it's yes. Although it's more due to a lack of understanding than any outright hostility in my opinion.

[Pinguino~ 85]

Not at all in fact one of my best friends was and still is a very quite and mousy fellow, he just cannot speak up unless of course it comes to the Elder Scrolls series....

[DND 2,355]

Yes, I'm the one who's said to be stupid for not wanting to talk at school, for not wanting to get involved with the nasty things others do, for not liking what they do, for not sharing a single interest with them. They are impossible to talk to anyway, since they look at you like an underling and they start making weird noises and fake laughs. So I don't even bother. Nobody really knows and understands me, but how could I expect that to be possible, when sometimes even I can't understand myself?

 

You couldn't have summed up myself any better. I feel ya man. People always give me weird smirks whenever I talk to someone who is supposedly popular, and start picking on me then... quite literally most of the time behind my back. Just because I don't like sports, or talk about pregnant teenagers or boyfriends, doesn't mean I'm just a stupid girl who deserves everything she gets.

[Zacharias 191]

You couldn't have summed up myself any better. I feel ya man. People always give me weird smirks whenever I talk to someone who is supposedly popular, and start picking on me then... quite literally most of the time behind my back. Just because I don't like sports, or talk about pregnant teenagers or boyfriends, doesn't mean I'm just a stupid girl who deserves everything she gets.

You know, the worst thing about the whole thing is that they're trying to make you think that you can only make friends with people from your class/school/whatever, which the biggest piece of bullcrap ever. Today, my English teacher held a 30 minute-long lecture about how important bulding the community is, how important these stupid time wasting activities and spending time with them are, that could be spent preparing for our final exams, how everyone should belong somewhere in the class.

Well excuuuuse me princess, but I don't need advice on who to trust and open up to.

[Twister The Twisted 92]

Depends really on the people, some frown down on it and take offence to thinking that you are arrogant or you believe you are better then them so they sometimes retaliate be it offensive or defensive, Offensive being either bullying or harmful words while defensive is more ignoring you and letting you be, basically ignoring your existence, But then again some people (Mainly people who are silent also) know that its just something people do whether its because you don't like talking or you are shy or anything for that matter that is making you so silent, sadly these says its less of people understanding and more of them taking offence to it hence bullying.

[elbj 190]

I'm a quiet person and I've never really been picked on before, but I've also been told I looked pissed off when I'm just walking between classes. I can't help it, that's just how my face looks.

 

I think quite types are more interesting than people who talk all the time.The quite ones usually have more insight on a topics, and seem to be more relaxed when having a conversation. They also feel more genuine. I like my loud outgoing friends, but I trust my quiet friends a lot more.

[SagasaPony 122]

Aristotle once said, "Whoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god."

 

Evolution has selected those people who are naturally inclined to work together with each other to achieve goals as more successful than those who don't, so people tend to get uncomfortable when they come across someone who isn't as social as they are.

 

It's just something we learn to tolerate for being who we are I suppose. Although, I personally take the viewpoint that I'm not quiet. Everyone else is too damn loud. 

[Stary Dreams 87]

In my school? All the other kids just ignore the shy/quiet person. In society nowadays? Oh hell yes, it's a big deal just like every other thing the people go an ramble on about. I'm a quiet person in the classes I don't sit close to friends or have no friends in that class at all, and in some places, I've seen kids get in trouble with the guidance counselor because the counselors thought they were mute, being abused, anti-social, or having mental disabilities.

 

While in the hierarchy of life and social connections, the quiet ones are considered the lowest of the low; but most of them may be smarter than the authorities making our nation's decisions right now.

 

[Key Gear 6,663]

Speaking for myself, I was horribly shy in my younger years in school. In fact, I was so shy that many folks were certain that there was something wrong with me. Frankly, I resented their insinuations that there was anything wrong with my shyness. I did try to change though, especially when my own mother began to worry that I would not "fit into society". I didn't give a dang about fitting into society, but I really didn't want to disappoint her. Because of that, I tried to be more outgoing, showing up at events and stuff like that. It was a disaster though, surrounded by so many people, my head would start to spin when everything started talking. I would also constantly worry about if I was saying the right thing, imagining that my words had offended when they didn't. After one particularly disastrous day of "socializing", I was far too shaken up to be bothered with trying again, so I returned to being relatively silent.

Well, as you can imagine, my mother was quite disappointed. She viewed it as something of a personal failure that I wasn't able to be more outgoing. She had been shy her whole life, and she was positive that it had held her back. (Her pony personality result was Fluttershy, or course.) Well, I was homeschooled (with lots of outside classes), so she decided that she wanted to change me. Little by little, she would give me things to do that would put me outside of my comfort zone and drag me to random things. There wasn't much of an effect though - only more frustration for me. Then, I went to college. Let's just say that my silence didn't help in classes where you were being graded based on "participation".

For whatever reason, I was singled out by this one professor in my first semester. She would call on me to answer the most inane crap and then hold it against me when I stuttered and couldn't quite manage any sensible response. Sometimes, I would be called on exclusively, multiple times in a single class period. It was frustrating. I think that I was being picked on due to my shyness. I would end every class with a sick stomach, and at the end of one class, I was so nervous that I threw up. About halfway through the semester, I realized that I would have to take this same professor again the next semester. I got kinda angry, very angry, and that's when I did something that I think most people would consider odd.

I started to camp out in the local library reading everything that I could find on communication and dealing with people. I had always been a major bookworm, so trying to learn through reading was all that I knew to do. My friends couldn't help because they were rather accustomed to the silent me, and they thought it was odd that I wanted to do something about this teacher's hostility. At that time, my family didn't have a car, so I rode home with my uncle after he got off from his late night shift. That gave me hours and hours of reading time between dinner and midnight when I would be picked up. I just poured myself into trying to come up with a plan for dealing with people in a way that didn't leave me a wrecking mess at the end of it.

I didn't get any results from my studies that semester. Instead, I went through the whole bloody thing getting dragged through the dirt and kicked around every time I was in that class. Miserable wouldn't have even begun to describe me. I couldn't even skip the class because attendance was such a heavy portion. I dragged myself out of it with a decent grade based on the strength of my writing, but I knew that next semester, I would have to deal with this crazy lady again. During the winter holiday, I actually started "experimenting" with certain social interactions, trying to find my footing. Well, eventually, right before the next semester, I found it.

That was when I became what I am today or at least what I appear to be. At some point, something "clicked" and I found that it was easy to talk, be relatively loud, and get along with all kinds of people in real life. I think that, perhaps, it had always been there. I've always had the weirdest habit of laughing (somewhat noisily) at nearly everything (kinda freaky to be shy with that trait), so maybe I was like this without knowing it and something needed to activate it? I don't know. I find my own transition from shyness to outgoing to be odd.

When the next semester came around, I was able to do much better in that blasted class. While I got off to a shaky start, eventually I could answer every challenge without breaking down. Soon, I could deliver my responses almost seamlessly. Of course, that was when this "teacher" got bored and moved on to another target. From that time on, the change stuck.

I'm not a *real* extrovert though. I avoid parties, am paranoid about Skype calls, get panicked by the pinging sound of email or instant messaging notifications pouring in, never answer my cell phone, loathe social gatherings of nearly all types, and prefer interacting with others through long-from written communication (who could've guessed). Certain social situations that wouldn't bother others still make me fairly nervous, but I can generally disguise my nervousness quite well in person (smiling helps, just have to keep it from becoming a freaky grin). However, mercifully, I can generally more than hold my own if I am confronted by a hostile or semi-hostile social situation. In fact, my current job consists of mountains of these things and I have been termed "silver-tongued" for my ability to navigate Byzantine interpersonal relationships.

Honestly, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't sometimes fantasize about a world where I could just interact through writing nice, tidy walls of text and no one would ever both me in person. I have this dream just about every day. I wonder if that's why I like roleplay gaming on this site so much? It's rather like an approximation of this - my dream existence.

When you get into the world of employement, you have to learn how to market yourself. Many businesses (including IT companies), care more about what you *will* do for them, rather than what you *have* done for them. What's done is past, and the mindset is very much 'What have you done for me lately?', meaning in the last five minutes. If you can't prove that they will gain something from continuing to employ you, you'll be out on your ear. If you made them millions of dollars last year, that's irrellevant unless you can make them millions *next* year. And letting them know that is all marketing, and not being 'silent'.

Not a lot of people on this site have very much career experience, so it is likely that this information will strike many as being somewhat cynical. With that said, I have to back you up on this, because it is my experience as well. It isn't cynical at all, it is just the way that the world works. As my old employer often said, "the squeaky gear gets the grease". It's usually going to be the more aggressive and/or louder folks that get ahead in structured organizations. Oftentimes, this will be the case regardless of whether their work is any good.

As an example of this, there's a manager at the place that I'm currently working. This guy is insanely hardworking. He literally does *everything*. If he ever left, then it would easily take at least 3 people to fill his spot. Yet, the higher ups don't really seem to take this guy seriously at all. It is because he is remarkably silent and humble. I take every opportunity that I can get to spread the word about how awesome this fellow is because he doesn't really do it himself. Even still, upper management doesn't think of him as being as important as he really is. They're blinded by the other, louder, mid level managers that are actually not nearly as valuable to the organization.

 

So, yeah, in answer to the OPs question, some people do look down on silent types. However, not all of them do. Others that are shy or have been shy will *not* look down on you and will probably become your best friends and allies in life. Furthermore, if you need to learn to talk in certain situations as a survival skill, you can teach yourself. It isn't easy, but it is possible. (However, you will always have a fight against shyness on your hands. There's no such thing as just magically not being shy anymore.)

[Fhaolan 4,483]

 Not a lot of people on this site have very much career experience, so it is likely that this information will strike many as being somewhat cynical. With that said, I have to back you up on this, because it is my experience as well. It isn't cynical at all, it is just the way that the world works. As my old employer often said, "the squeaky gear gets the grease". It's usually going to be the more aggressive and/or louder folks that get ahead in structured organizations. Oftentimes, this will be the case regardless of whether their work is any good.

 

Yeah, I'm sorry if that came off as too cynical, that's a failure of mine.

 

I was shy and quiet and the like when I was younger, but I joined an acting troupe a long time ago. It was with the intent of being a stagehand and carpenter, but the director thought I looked the part to be a good barbarian-type, and thanks to having a deep voice and being in a choir ages ago I knew how to project my voice without a microphone, so he stuck me up on stage. Over time I learned how to pretend to be an extrovert for purposes of the performance.

 

However, after fifteen-twenty years of doing this, I still get an upset stomach right before a performance due to stage fright. Once I'm 'on', I'm fine, but stepping onto that stage is hard and I find myself searching for any excuse to bow out. Because I'm not really an extrovert. It's all part of the act, which is really draining.

[Spinelspike 78]

"always regret your speech, never your silence"....

Well, that quote is appropriate for the some of the time at least. I too am a very silent type...at first, as once I become comfortable within a group of people I start to become a bit more open, but that rarely ever happens. So for most of the time I just remain silent, wither because I have no interest with what certain people talk about, or I am just simply away with my own thoughts. I don't think all of society looks down upon the silent, but I guess it's because a lot of debates and arguments arise from difference in opinions, and ever since the internet, some people have gotten a bit too loud in expressing their opinions. Every time something new is released or something on the news happens, somewhere on the internet, people are expressing their opinions in some way or another. Perhaps society has goten so used to hearing everyone's opinion as soon as something happens that as soon as they find someone who doesn't, perhaps it frustrates them.....sub-consciously of course. It's just a theory....I'm no psychologist, but I hopeful that not all of society can look down upon us silent types

[Dave247 568]

I've always been the quiet, unsociable one growing up, mainly because I just didn't know how to talk and make friends with people. The few friends that I did make things just sort of "happened", and I honestly I have no idea how.

In primary School, I was constantly picked on for being different and trying to fit in. In High School, I just kept to myself and the majority of the time no one bothered me. As I have grown and matured I have gotten better with interacting with people by observing how they interact but the process is slow and takes time. Even now I still don't like being a part of large groups because there's so many conversations going on at once and I don't feel a part of any of them. Even in small groups I'm still relatively quiet if I don't know the majority of people in it.

Once I get to know the person better that I'm talking to however I feel more inclined to talk to them. When that happens I can become very talkative and have surprised people when they choose to start a conversation with me.

I think all this mostly came down to my social anxiety, so when I mentioned that to my doctor he gave me medication to combat that. I took it because at first, I wanted to be social but were just too afraid to, but now I have began to question that.
I'm too used to being shy all m life that I have defined it as part of who I am. If that was to change, then so would my personality and ultimately in my eyes, I would become a different person, and that scares me.

I have seen a lot of extroverted people around me, and I don't want to be like that. Granted, there are those who are more extreme then others, but I just can't see myself as a loud, outgoing person who isn't afraid to voice their opinions.

I'm happy with being the quiet one with the smallest social circle because that's all I can manage. I will go and approach people when I am ready, not when society tells me to. This might make me miss out for a number of things in the future because I didn't act quick enough, but if I had forced myself into a situation earlier, then I wouldn't be able to deal with it properly.


So in conclusion, yes, there is a problem, especially when even medical professionals put so much emphasis on being social as well. Just about everyone I have talked to about my shyness, including a physiologist, have all treated in in some sort of negative light. Well I've made to decision to buck them all and choose not to conform to be like everyone else. I pride myself in being different because different is good. The world would be a very loud and noisy place if we were all extroverts. (Not that it isn't already though...)

Edited March 26, 2013 by Dave247

[Commander Urdnot 2,680]

I don't think so. In fact, I kind of wish I was the silent type.

 

Sometimes I just keep talking when I should just shut up. You should see how much my big mouth gets me into trouble. xD

Edited March 26, 2013 by Commander Urdnot

[Viscra Maelstrom 3,718]

it feels like so. i can recall some instances in very early gym classes, dating back to early elementary-school years, that if you tend to be silent and laidback, then you're more likely to be leftout in ball-sports than the ones who aren't. because if you don't put yourself out there, they see little reason to pass the ball towards you. similarily, in noisy dressing rooms, they tend to investigate your behaviour more and find you suspicious if you don't say anything. it's even worse if you're actually trying to hide something, like i did when i began to get stomach issues. though this seems to fade as you get older. last years of gym-class i had none of it happen to me, though that may be because i didn't have anything to hide then.

 

there's a guy in my class that's quite loudmouthed. since our class is very empty, he tries to talk to me at any given time he gets. and i mean every given goddamn time he gets. he doesn't seem to look down on me as much as he doesn't understand why i am doing this for. nevertheless, it's rather annoying, and i find it difficult to deal with effectively.

[Harmonic Revelations 8,835]

I'm usually quiet and shy and I only have a handful of friends that I know in person. So I'd surmise that being the shy and quiet type is looked down upon.

[PoniesPlease 365]

Look at it this way, OP.

 

Fluttershy is the quiet type, and she is one of the most adored characters in the show. Now that might not translate directly into real life, but it's just something to think about.

[Viscra Maelstrom 3,718]

Look at it this way, OP.

 

Fluttershy is the quiet type, and she is one of the most adored characters in the show. Now that might not translate directly into real life, but it's just something to think about.

shy girls seem to get the longer stick from the wood than shy guys, though. not generalizing here, just something i feel that reflects the situation well.

[Lunas Husband 2,777]

Noting wrong with being shy and quiet, and if someone thinks there is something wrong with that.. then something is wrong with them...not you. We are who we are and that's that, if you are shy and then be shy. If you are loud and out going like Pinkie Pie then so be it.

[Cygnus 60]

Being quiet or reserved is more likely to be looked down upon in US culture than in some others, yes. That's actually one of the topics I brought up while visiting with a student whose grandparents moved to the US from a country in West Africa but kept quite a bit of the culture alive at home. He visits occasionally and considers himself a part of both cultures, but people in his grandparents' home country are expected to be more reserved (his word choice, even) in communication and there are less flexible unspoken rules about how you're supposed to speak to others.

 

I think some of the issues people who are quiet or reserved might face are simple communication errors or difficulty with social skills due to lack of development, but there's no mistaking the overall preference for being open, warm, expressive, noticeable, and above all individualistic.

Edited November 20, 2013 by Cygnus

[Radiance64 7,053]

In real life, I am certainly the 'silent type' myself, only really talking with people I know and not wanting to talk a whole lot at places like work(the people there of which I get to know more every day, but I wouldn't say I have a real friend there just yet). Sure, I suppose I could be more outgoing, and damn well should be for some cases, but keeping to myself is just something I've always done really. I mean, I don't have a problem with most social situations, but I admit that there are a lot of things I could work on. So in all, I don't look down on the silent type, since I am one, and others don't seem to look down on me either, at least I don't think they do.