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Would you ever date someone who isn't a 10/10


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Regardless if you are a 10/10 or 9/10 or not, would you ever date someone who is lower than that?

Let me introduce you to a fictional character named Aaron/Emily. Aaron/Emily is 5'8", weighs 150 lbs, is on the skinny side, and has a nice face/head shape. He/she is quite intelligent, very funny, and is kind to all. But he/she lacks confidence. He/she is considered a beta male/female. He/she is certainly not a 10/10, but more of a 7/10.

Would you ever consider dating someone who is not a 10/10? Would you ever date a "nice guy"? Or do you only go for the alpha men/women?

Edited by Feather Scribbles
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This is a bit of a loaded question without weighing on what we think about the current trend of masculinity as a whole. But I will do my best to work around that opinion and state it in another manner that hopefully is clear.

So, as a homosexual male, growing up, things were tough. What is expected of men in this society is very harsh, and limiting. And to a degree, women do not make it better. Now while that doesn't effect me as much, it effects some of my heterosexual friends.  I do not particuarly think it is healthy in the state it is in. I have been bullied, I have been thought as a 'wuss' or 'weak' because of my lifestyle, and my choices growing up. Although nowadays I am more free and open to be who I am, as I was growing up, I didn't quite have that luxury. Some things always show through, we can't always completely mask who we are; see I grew up in the South, which, still nowadays there are parts of the South that will loop a rope around the neck of someone like me and drag us along a dirt road until dead----and this is quite horrifying. Society puts a lot of social restrictions on each individual that are all gender depending.  Which needs to stop.

I to a certain degree, consider myself an Alpha male. I'm strong, confident, a bit brash and loud, (just like my three brothers). While I'm not the biggest in Sports, my three brothers are, two are straight, the other is bisexual; we have the back slapping, beer guzzling, whooping, arm wrestling frat mentality when together---loving to challenge each other and show off our bravado---and it's fun. But it by no means defines who we are as people. On the other end, I have a lot in common with my husband who is quiet, gentle, reserved, wears buttons ups the  majority of the time. We both love art, music, plays, fine wine, classical music, jazz, swing and adore cocktail parties (he's really good at throwing them!). But he understands the Alpha in my personality and while he can be strong and confident, he by no means ever acts in the 'stereotypical' Alpha male fashion that me and my brothers can. And he's okay with me being like that as long as it's not destructive and me making an ass of myself in public, which I have the better mind to never do. I am turning 31 this year and have had my crazier times. I've outgrown them like most people do.
 

Now the whole "nice guys finish last" thing has become stigmatised and has been reduced to (or what people picture most nowadays) as fedora wearing, hat tipping, "m'lady" individuals. You know the internet memes, I don't think I have to elaborate. I don't know if I can properly speak on this because usually, usually the term 'nice guys finish last' is a term mainly used for heterosexual males and their interactions with women. Nice guys are generally loved in the gay community, with some exceptions, but again, I'm a married man, so I don't get out much and see what the 'young hip, fresh' crowd is doing nowadays. But when I was growing up within the community, nice guys were a good thing. In times like that, you wanted someone who was compassionate to your plight, and finding a kindred spirit. We were so hated in the south and seen as 'sinners' and just overall disgusting, so it was nice to find someone who was gentle, kind and caring. Now, that's not saying there isn't toxicity in the gay community. There is, unfortunately. But generally, we try to keep open arms. No group/groups/person/persons is perfect.

 

Now as for the gentleman part, I can be a gentleman, but my husband especially so. He comes with a pedigree; in other words he comes from a well to do family and a father that was extremely supportive, good humoured and loving. I was more the tramp from the 'wrong side of the tracks', the charming devil, he's called me. I am rough around the edges, but I know how to have a good time with Bros, or with his high brow friends. It's a balance. So I do have quite the thing for gentlemen. I don't really like to use the terms though, of Alpha, Beta or Omega male. I feel each male, each guy, has their own personality that is shaped not only by nature, but nurture. Your surroundings, as well as your upbringing and friends effect who you are, they shape you. You can either turn out to be an asshole, or an overall likeable and kind fellow.

 

Overall, life takes balance. The world is not black and white. It is a frustratingly huge amount of multiple shades of grey. And because of that, some answers aren't so straightforward. Hell even some questions aren't either.  Confidence is key, and attractive, but a braggart, and being boorish and overbearing isn't.

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1 minute ago, Momento Mori said:

This is a bit of a loaded question without weighing on what we think about the current trend of masculinity as a whole. But I will do my best to work around that opinion and state it in another manner that hopefully is clear.

So, as a homosexual male, growing up, things were tough. What is expected of men in this society is very harsh, and limiting. And to a degree, women do not make it better. Now while that doesn't effect me as much, it effects some of my heterosexual friends.  I do not particuarly think it is healthy in the state it is in. I have been bullied, I have been thought as a 'wuss' or 'weak' because of my lifestyle, and my choices growing up. Although nowadays I am more free and open to be who I am, as I was growing up, I didn't quite have that luxury. Some things always show through, we can't always completely mask who we are; see I grew up in the South, which, still nowadays there are parts of the South that will loop a rope around the neck of someone like me and drag us along a dirt road until dead----and this is quite horrifying. Society puts a lot of social restrictions on each individual that are all gender depending.  Which needs to stop.

I to a certain degree, consider myself an Alpha male. I'm strong, confident, a bit brash and loud, (just like my three brothers). While I'm not the biggest in Sports, my three brothers are, two are straight, the other is bisexual; we have the back slapping, beer guzzling, whooping, arm wrestling frat mentality when together---loving to challenge each other and show off our bravado---and it's fun. But it by no means defines who we are as people. On the other end, I have a lot in common with my husband who is quiet, gentle, reserved, wears buttons ups the  majority of the time. We both love art, music, plays, fine wine, classical music, jazz, swing and adore cocktail parties (he's really good at throwing them!). But he understands the Alpha in my personality and while he can be strong and confident, he by no means ever acts in the 'stereotypical' Alpha male fashion that me and my brothers can. And he's okay with me being like that as long as it's not destructive and me making an ass of myself in public, which I have the better mind to never do. I am turning 31 this year and have had my crazier times. I've outgrown them like most people do.
 

Now the whole "nice guys finish last" thing has become stigmatised and has been reduced to (or what people picture most nowadays) as fedora wearing, hat tipping, "m'lady" individuals. You know the internet memes, I don't think I have to elaborate. I don't know if I can properly speak on this because usually, usually the term 'nice guys finish last' is a term mainly used for heterosexual males and their interactions with women. Nice guys are generally loved in the gay community, with some exceptions, but again, I'm a married man, so I don't get out much and see what the 'young hip, fresh' crowd is doing nowadays. But when I was growing up within the community, nice guys were a good thing. In times like that, you wanted someone who was compassionate to your plight, and finding a kindred spirit. We were so hated in the south and seen as 'sinners' and just overall disgusting, so it was nice to find someone who was gentle, kind and caring. Now, that's not saying there isn't toxicity in the gay community. There is, unfortunately. But generally, we try to keep open arms. No group/groups/person/persons is perfect.

 

Now as for the gentleman part, I can be a gentleman, but my husband especially so. He comes with a pedigree; in other words he comes from a well to do family and a father that was extremely supportive, good humoured and loving. I was more the tramp from the 'wrong side of the tracks', the charming devil, he's called me. I am rough around the edges, but I know how to have a good time with Bros, or with his high brow friends. It's a balance. So I do have quite the thing for gentlemen. I don't really like to use the terms though, of Alpha, Beta or Omega male. I feel each male, each guy, has their own personality that is shaped not only by nature, but nurture. Your surroundings, as well as your upbringing and friends effect who you are, they shape you. You can either turn out to be an asshole, or an overall likeable and kind fellow.

 

Overall, life takes balance. The world is not black and white. It is a frustratingly huge amount of multiple shades of grey. And because of that, some answers aren't so straightforward. Hell even some questions aren't either.  Confidence is key, and attractive, but a braggart, and being boorish and overbearing isn't.

Sorry that I changed the subject, but your comment is still valid, I suppose.

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I've never heard of a guy backing down from a women because she's not confident. If she's genuine, acts like herself, likes the same music as me and likes to play games then she's a keeper. As for looks, I'm not very picky, I could probably put up with a 4.5/10.

 

I do think women however, esspecially young ones can be very very picky, and most of them don't even attempt to devote themselves to a relationship. Thank you mainstream media.

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I can answer your newer one.

Saying you wouldn't date someone just because they aren't a 10/10 is quite... well shallow. Standards are way too high on that one because anyone that says you're a 10/10 is either lying and trying to flatter you, or is your significant other and already thinks the world of you.

Now, I do tend to clash a little with personalities that are too shy. For example, if I ever met someone like Fluttershy in real life, there would be issues. I cannot fathom someone that weak, frail and frightened. I can say I'd honestly try, but I've had friendships go south with shyer people merely because they cannot keep up with me or are intimidated by my more firey personality. It sounds really awful when I say it, but some people just aren't compatible with. I need someone that can go on adventures with me and be open, and broad-minded, daring and bold. Honestly, much shyer people, slow me down. I've more than once fallen into the 'babysitter' category because I have to hold their hand everywhere we go. Too shy to do this, too shy to do that, too scared, too nervous, too depressed, too closed off...it was always something, and my patience ran thin. Everyone has their limits.

IMO my husband is a 10/10 but I know full well there are people out there that would rate him a 6/10. Don't care, that's their problem. Trying to rate someone is pointless, because everyone rating is going to be different depending. So I'd say, don't let ratings get in the way---just be. And just love.

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I guess 10/10 would be the perfect personality and also the most attractive, i would say its pretty sure that i would date someone lower than that, because i could never get a relationship with a 10.

Without counting me as a reason, i would still probably date someone lower than that, 10´ s are probably either already dating someone or way to hard to get anyway. XD

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3 minutes ago, Momento Mori said:

I can answer your newer one.

Saying you wouldn't date someone just because they aren't a 10/10 is quite... well shallow. Standards are way too high on that one because anyone that says you're a 10/10 is either lying and trying to flatter you, or is your significant other and already thinks the world of you.

Now, I do tend to clash a little with personalities that are too shy. For example, if I ever met someone like Fluttershy in real life, there would be issues. I cannot fathom someone that weak, frail and frightened. I can say I'd honestly try, but I've had friendships go south with shyer people merely because they cannot keep up with me or are intimidated by my more firey personality. It sounds really awful when I say it, but some people just aren't compatible with. I need someone that can go on adventures with me and be open, and broad-minded, daring and bold. Honestly, much shyer people, slow me down. I've more than once fallen into the 'babysitter' category because I have to hold their hand everywhere we go. Too shy to do this, too shy to do that, too scared, too nervous, too depressed, too closed off...it was always something, and my patience ran thin. Everyone has their limits.

IMO my husband is a 10/10 but I know full well there are people out there that would rate him a 6/10. Don't care, that's their problem. Trying to rate someone is pointless, because everyone rating is going to be different depending. So I'd say, don't let ratings get in the way---just be. And just love.

So when people say I am a 7/10 (in looks), and I am a "great guy" (funny, witty, creative, unique, kind, intelligent, I have been called, but I lack confidence, and I have almost a child-like nature), is that good or bad? Like, in today's world, is a 7/10 considered "do-able" or "above average", or would I be considered forgettable?

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I think the whole idea of putting numbers and ratings on people to describe their eligibility is preposterous. People are not sitcoms, they are complex beings with interests, thoughts, feelings, beliefs, idiosyncrasies, failings, habits and struggles that no glance and checking a box in a magazine will define. What decides if someone is worth getting to know, dating and being in a relationship with, is exploring those things and discovering the real individual who possesses them underneath it all.

#LeavetheratingsintheTVGuide.

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I'd be a hypocrite to expect a "10/10" being far from that myself. Actually the person I like is a bit "thicc" as the kids say(?), but I don't mind. Appearance isn't all that important (though I still think she's attractive). She completely lacks confidence (as do I). But over time I found myself liking her.

Honestly she's not what other people would call a "10/10" but that's just an opinion. She's a 10/10 to me. too bad she doesn't feel the same way about me oops oh well it's still nice just being friends i can live with that

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As I mentioned, "Don't let ratings get in the way, just be. And just love." 

Not to mention there are countless ways to improve confidence, and a lot of it starts within. If you're all those things you listed, then yes, that's something to be confident in! Be proud that you're tender-hearted, and unique. It's when it turns into bragging that it turns sour.  And a child-like nature? Awesome! I mean, as long as you can be mature in situations that obviously call for it, such as you know, working, keeping a job, paying bills, all that fun adult stuff---there's nothing wrong with a child-like nature or curiosity! In fact, staying young at heart keeps the mind active, healthy and slows down memory loss. Not to mention you keep learning when you stay inquisitive. In my opinion you need to find someone who has just as much zest and child-like energy that you have, so you can bounce off one-another and enjoy the little things in life that makes it so charming and wondrous. ^^ Just as a child sees it. 
As long as you have that report with someone, and they truly care about you and love spending time with you---trust me honey---looks won't matter. They'll love you regardless.  Love, real love, is blind.

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my '10' isn't the same as everyone else's '10' because what I consider attractive isn't really conventional 

If I am confident in who I am, take care of myself, and can be considered at least moderately attractive, I'd like someone who can check those boxes as well. That's all it comes down to

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I would never date someone who is a 10/10, because they're probably a machine. Humans are not and cannot ever be perfect. Now for my standards would I date anyone who isn't 10/10... of course. In fact, every girl I've ever dated was never a perfect 10/10 for my standards, but that doesn't mean I didn't love them any less.

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1 minute ago, Momento Mori said:

As I mentioned, "Don't let ratings get in the way, just be. And just love." 

Not to mention there are countless ways to improve confidence, and a lot of it starts within. If you're all those things you listed, then yes, that's something to be confident in! Be proud that you're tender-hearted, and unique. It's when it turns into bragging that it turns sour.  And a child-like nature? Awesome! I mean, as long as you can be mature in situations that obviously call for it, such as you know, working, keeping a job, paying bills, all that fun adult stuff---there's nothing wrong with a child-like nature or curiosity! In fact, staying young at heart keeps the mind active, healthy and slows down memory loss. Not to mention you keep learning when you stay inquisitive. In my opinion you need to find someone who has just as much zest and child-like energy that you have, so you can bounce off one-another and enjoy the little things in life that makes it so charming and wondrous. ^^ Just as a child sees it. 
As long as you have that report with someone, and they truly care about you and love spending time with you---trust me honey---looks won't matter. They'll love you regardless.  Love, real love, is blind.

And there lies the problem. I am a super friendly introvert. What does that mean? It means that if I enter a relationship with someone who is all bubbly and such often, then they are most likely extroverted, and social interaction drains me of energy soooo fast. I would much prefer to read a book with someone (or solo) than go to a public event.

But the one thing that sucks with having a child-like personality (except when it counts, thus I can be nature when I need to) is the lack of respect that people show you. Sure, they treat you nicely and such, but if they ever need to seek council or if they ever want someone to talk to about something personal, they rarely go to the "class clown", even if there is much more to him/her than meets the eye. Just by talking to me, most would never make the connection that I love reading/writing books, that I can be serious, etc.

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1 minute ago, Feather Scribbles said:

And there lies the problem. I am a super friendly introvert. What does that mean? It means that if I enter a relationship with someone who is all bubbly and such often, then they are most likely extroverted, and social interaction drains me of energy soooo fast. I would much prefer to read a book with someone (or solo) than go to a public event.

But the one thing that sucks with having a child-like personality (except when it counts, thus I can be nature when I need to) is the lack of respect that people show you. Sure, they treat you nicely and such, but if they ever need to seek council or if they ever want someone to talk to about something personal, they rarely go to the "class clown", even if there is much more to him/her than meets the eye. Just by talking to me, most would never make the connection that I love reading/writing books, that I can be serious, etc.

I am going to say something, and I do not want you to take it as an insult, but it might sound rude. Do note that that is not my intention.
I think that you're making some excuses for yourself. I can see in your words who you want to be, and that is at conflict with who you are or who you think you are now. Thing is, you can be whoever you want to be, and I fear the preconceived notions you have of yourself are holding you back. Now I get it, change isnt instant, certainly not overnight. It does take hard work and effort. But we all change over time, just always make sure it's for the better and attempt to never backstep. (Now, it can happen, no one is perfect, and that's okay!!! Messing up is not a sin!) but keep moving forward!
And honestly honey----extroverts drain me too----I'm what's called an Ambivert. I'm sort of the middle between the two. It's a healthy idea to shoot for someone who's introverted like you, or at least an Ambivert like me, someone who has enough energy to pull you out of your shell once in a  while for some comfortable yet healing experiences---but also someone who's willing to sit quietly in a room with you and read with a cup of tea at the end of the day. These people exist. Me and my husband are proof. Right now I'm on the computer sitting in bed, and he's on the couch reading. We have barely spoken a word to each other in 45 minutes, but we look at each other from time to time and smile, or say I love you, and then go quiet again. That's all we need. We just enjoy each other's company

And oh, ho, believe me, I love child-like wonder, I get it a lot----and I understand that sometimes people don't take you seriously---but in order for them to do it, you have to strike that balance between maturity, and your child-like actions. It's sort of like a gauge----learn when you can let loose with it, and when it needs to be reeled in and controlled, almost like a needed power-limiter.  I can't give you the best advice in the world, but I can give you what advice I've learned from my life experiences.

I don't mean to embarass you or anything, but it seems if there are things you can't get past, it wouldn't hurt to find someone to talk too, like a therapist! I used to go to one, just to let off some frustration and steam---to talk to someone who wasn't biased. It might actually help! Therapy isn't for crazy people : P that's a silly notion.

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Here's where we run into trouble. What I say is a 10, you might say is only a 7 or even a 4. Everyone has differing opinions on "ranking" and I don't really like to rank someone, especially if I don't know them on a level of more than just looks. I take personality into consideration when "ranking." (just because I said I don't like it, doesn't mean I don't do it, it's involuntary) I don't necessarily bring down the rank if someone has a bad personality, I just don't consider her worthy of a rank at all. She's not worth my attention at that point. 

On the other side of that coin, we have a positive personality brings up the rank I suppose, extra credit if you will.

Me, I'd rank myself at like a 6, on a VERY good day.

The girl I'm currently dating, I'd put her at a 9.782673584/10 by my calculations. Add in the personality bonus points and we have a 12/10 grand total.

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To me, being "10/10" doesn't matter. There's no single standard for attractiveness; different people are attracted to different qualities, physical and otherwise. The entire concept is subjective. My 10/10 isn't going to be the same as your 10/10. The girl I'm currently dating is amazing in her own special way. Appearance-wise, she might not be a 10/10 in everybody's eyes, but darn it I'm enamored of her anyway and not afraid to let her know how beautiful I think she is. ;) We're really close and have a great bond. Our personalities are similar and we have a lot in common. To me, that's the number one priority. Personality comes first. Looks come second.

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I've no desire to become romantically involved with someone though I feel that I'm now too old to even start. Besides, I've seen what can go wrong through family experience and it's something I'd rather not subject myself to.

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Who I love and who I may find most physically attractive are separate things to me (at least I try to think of it that way); I may find A more physically attractive than B, but I may prefer to have B as my partner in life. I do want to make sure I love and.... "lust" the same person though. I presume most people are like this, and you'd probably end up cheating if you let your lust get ahead of your love. I confess, people I fall for are generally really attractive (to me, but maybe to a lot of others too?), although isn't that necessary for a relationship; physical attraction? I guess I do have to find some attraction in someone, although they don't have to be the most relatively attractive person :wacko: .

I've never been more physically attractive to anyone other than who I'm dating, not sure if that's normal. I guess if that's not true, then disloyal people may decide to cheat, or just... I dunno. As one person I know says it, pretty much everything about a person becomes attractive if you fall for them (something along those lines).

I was also pretty attracted to this one person last year, but based on her personality, wouldn't have jumped the gun any further. Not that she was a bad person, I just didn't see us as compatible.

I guess answering your question, whoever I fall for is a 10/10 to me :P . (edit, as in, perfect to me or perfect enough, not to say I only date "perfect" people if there were any :wacko: ).

This is a complicated topic for me, since it goes into the whole "do looks matter" conundrum.

Regarding my current situation... I did find her attractive from the start.

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I would never want to degenerate love down to numbers or ratings. So many people in society are judgmental and fickle, boiling people down to some number goes along with that in my eyes. Besides, if we all did ratings, then I would be a 2/10 at best, but my boyfriend still loves me, so the numbers still would serve no purpose.

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Honestly, rating people by numbers is very superficial and I don't like to do that. If I'm attracted to a person, it's mostly because of the content of their character. That always comes first in my eyes.

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People are complex things, and I really don't like the idea of rating anyone like this, let alone with potential relationships. Not exactly sure why it matters so much...

To me, it doesn't even matter so long as I enjoy being around someone, and let's be honest, nobody is a 10/10. We all have some kind of issues in our lives, and we all have weird quirks and traits that not everyone will understand. When it comes to girls, I prioritize whether I enjoy their company, and their personality. To me, "good-looking" and "beautiful" is subjective and is only really the icing on the cake.

I love my girlfriend for everything about her, including her more negative traits, and I will be there for her, no matter what issues she might be having. It's not about some arbitrary rating, it is about having a real connection with someone, and willing to go through both the good and the bad times together and still loving each other. Since when has love depended on a standardized rating system, what kind of fake world do you think we are on?!

Okay, I'll stop rambling now before I create a wall of text.

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