What's it like to be Transgendered?

[EP1C N3RD 45]

I haven't been in this site for a while now(two months) because I ran out of topics to post. Anyway I want to ask a question I don't think I am going to have a lot of genuine feedback from this.I want to know how it feels to be a transgendered person because I want to make a fanfiction based of this( It involves MLP)I think I need to know how it feels to be one to be make very detailed and true description and to be accurate and not use stereotypes of these people. I don't like to use stereotypes unless i'm trying to make a comedy or parody. So please tell me how it feels. Thank you

[Shiki 5,853]

It depends on the person.

Many are simply accepting of the fact, and will do whatever kind of things they want, even if it goes against their typical gender role.

Others will feel guilty for being a freak, and may neglect the fact that they are transgendered to try an be "normal."
Similarly to the previous type of person, some will straight up punish themselves.

For me, the fact that I will never be the gender I wish to be is the most depressing thing in the world. I can't tell you how many nights I spent crying over it. My figure does not match the other gender's typical figure by a long shot, so I could not get a sex change and be happy, because the end result would still be disgusting. It's the same thing with drag.

The entire thing makes me so miserable that I usually just force myself to never be serious, because it will help take my mind off it. It's best I simply don't think about it, because I just feel dreadful as soon as the topic comes up.

It doesn't feel right when people call me either a guy or a girl. When people tell me of my good physical qualities in real life, It's more like an insult. When I am filling out a form, I sometimes get confused and have to think whether I should fill out "male" or "female" for my sex. I don't bother keeping myself in shape, because no matter how good looking I become, I will never be satisfied, because I will not be the gender I truly want. I cannot look into mirrors without getting either disgusted or irritated. I avoid talking in real life because I don't want to hear my own voice.

For someone like me, it's something that will make every kind of simple thought a straining one. It's torture. It really is.

Edited August 16, 2013 by Akemi Homura

[Feather Spiral 1,892]

As just pointed out, it depends on the person. Plus, it's very difficult to understand what it FEELS like, without a decent frame of reference, even though you can talk to transpeople.

I personally wanted to be a girl once, for specific and temporary reasons, but it didn't last long.

 

I suggest talking to jitterbugjive, a pansexual transman.

Don't recall any other transpeople, for now.

Edited July 6, 2013 by Feather Spiral

[Viscra Maelstrom 3,718]

well

 

i've had a lot of thinking about who i am, what i do, and how i would be seen by others, and still do. i've accepted the fact that i like being adressed by feminine terms as opposed to masculine ones, because it makes me feel good, giddy, and... interesting, in a way.

 

i still don't really feel that i fit in altogether in either of the genders, as far as stereotypes go. and i feel incredibly awkward still doing things that opposes the gender of my physical hub, which is male, including stuff such as showing emotions physically, enjoying things that's strictly "female", whether it be wearing certain kinds of clothing, or doing other activities that are "girly" (watching the show, for example, was a mindblowingly embarrassing thing at first).

 

i guess i try not to think about it, and see myself as an individual who's "different", for lack of a better term, from the others.

 

...but i'm still the prettiest princess on the forums, and no one can rob me off that title.

Edited November 29, 2020 by Viscra Maelstrom

[Chigens and Kay 3,831]

To the OP:

 

It's like you wake up everyday wishing that you were the gender you identify as. There is just this constant sadness and longing that really never goes away. (Unless you are lucky enough to actually start transitioning with hormones and whatnot).

 

For me, I accepted the fact that this is who I was when I was at a very young age. It took me my entire life to get up enough courage to tell my family about it...Which was like getting a gigantic weight off my chest. I try to keep a positive attitude about the future because anything is possible, given enough time.

 

Growing up with this was the hardest thing. Being made fun of for acting outside of your gender norms or "abnormal" behavior. Puberty was the worst. Your body changes in such a way that it makes you want to cry because you didn't want this...

 

If you have any specific questions, you could ask me in a PM if you wish. I don't really know what else to say without any direction.

 

---

It's torture. It really is.

 

^ That pretty much explains it as a whole. ^

[Freewave 1,145]

Well I'm glad there's been some first-hand replies by people on here as i think that's the best way of truly replying to the subject. There's quite a few TS members in the community, I've talked with quite a few, and our community should be a safe haven away from the rest of the world that is just coming to terms with what it means to be transgendered and often not as kind. If bronies can't be a safe haven then where can people find solace?

 

At the early stages they will likely just have the stong feelings that they are in the wrong genders body and that really tears away at their sense of identity and well being. That's of course once they identify it as that as very often those early stages will be much more confusing not clear initially. With hormone replacement and surgery they can rectify a wrong but not everyone can afford to do that (financially or geographically), will have support to make that step, or even the body type to make such a move convincing. As people know from the news occasionally once surgery is done there be can be legal and social conflict over something as simple as which bathroom you would use if it's not convincing (being further stuck as a "third gender" and never completely transitioning).  I can why some are open and identify as such and others want to just BE the gender they've wanted to become and not talk openly about it if they can at all.

 

Since this is on topic a few musicians actually created a fundraiser album to help raise proceeds for one of our fellow musicians who is transitioning (and having a hard time doing so financially). Hopefully will be a series and we've asked that EQD feature it soon. http://seeking-solace.bandcamp.com/ Hope you guys might look into it as its a great idea. My track from there should be on youtube hopefully this week (edit, its done and posted) as it was delayed by a much needed vacation. Again i think this is central to our love & tolerance and when people don't understand some of our diversity or don't show the maturity to handlle these subjects its disappointing.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=desX932BcwY

Edited July 20, 2013 by Freewave

[EP1C N3RD 45]

Well I have got some pretty good answers from genuine trans people. Thank you for answering because I really didn't know that much much about transgender people and I did not want to use my knowlodge on the subject(stereotypes).

[Homura Akemi 974]

It depends from person-to-person. The word transgender usually regards to a person who feels that they are and desire to be the opposite sex on the inside. Imagine looking at people of the opposite sex, and wanting to dress like them and do the things they do, but society gives you a big fat "NO!" because "you're a boy/girl!" This can cause a transgender individual to become emotionally distressed in everyday life, and be at risk of clinical depression. I have a MTF, or a male-to-female parter who I am very happy with. It means they were born male and feel they are female on the inside. Some people are also FTM, or female-to-male which means they were born female but feel they are male on the inside. A person who is bigender, feels that they are both genders, or an agender, a person who feels they are neither gender, can also be counted as transgender. It is important to know the difference between sex and gender. Sex is based on your reproductive organs. Gender is based on how you feel you are on the inside.

 

 

You can watch documentaries on the subject very easily on YouTube. There are also people who are gender therapists out there.

I suggest talking to jitterbugjive, a pansexual transman.

 

Ah I am aware of this user! He is rather popular in the brony community! He is quite talented and art in voice acting! Check him out, OP!

Edited July 20, 2013 by Nagisa

[Splashee 28,537]

Well, I thought I could learn by reading these post entries, but the hardest part is to understand how someone would just feel or know a thing like this. I have never had a feeling or just knowing I should be something different from what I was born as. And when that is the case, I must accept (and I mean it) that I have not yet understood fully the function of life and how we work as human beings. So I'll keep trying to expand and improve, and keep an open mind that many people have something wonderful about them that can't be explained from the outside.

[Here No Longer 5,270]

It is actually hard to explain and it's different for everyone. 

In simple terms, it feels like you were born in the wrong body with the wrong sex, and that in and of itself can be really depressing and anxiety-inducing. I know about the subject, because I used to identify as transgender and I still consider myself gender neutral. But add on the discrimination and the perceptions of society as a whole of people that have this issue, and it really becomes a very difficult thing to really deal with. The feelings you end up with are a conflicting mess of emotions that think that you aren't really you, and also that being yourself is not good. It's really hard to be a transgender and frankly those who believe it's a choice should go take a hike into their transphobic safe space where they belong.

As for the physical experience, I can't speak to that because I have had absolutely no HRT, electrolysis, or anything of the sort. I can say the journey can also add stress to the person as well. Extra reason why it makes no sense why nobody would ever consciously CHOOSE to be transgender specifically. 

 

[Treeglow Flicker 13,034]

It might be a really old topic. But no harm in leaving a response for those who are genuinely curious.

Like others have already mentioned. It can vary from person to person.

I'm male to female transgender. Everything I write in this post is from my own personal experiences and perspectives. I'm probably going to end up with a bit of a wall of text, but I will try and keep things clear and to the point as much as possible. But remember. That my own experiences could vastly differ from the experiences of somebody else who is transgender. So what I write is purely of my own perspective and isn't  designed to be any attempt at a reflection of what other transgender folk are going through. Because quite frankly, it is a lonely battle with the self and varies quite a lot from person to person.

Now. My situation and circumstances are this. Nobody offline knows that I'm transgender. The reason why I have kept it to myself is that over the years I have been surrounded by a lot of bigoted people and also people who are like a paper bag full of holes when it comes to keeping secrets. So I have been dealing with it alone offline with no allies or support since my teens. The only time that I did tell someone was when I wanted to actually come out in the open and do something about it. I told my parents during my mid twenties. I told them because I wanted them to help me and I got tired of keeping my discomfort bottled up for years. However, this proved to be a mistake on my part. They flat out didn't believe me and despite the doctor and the therapist I spoke with confirming my condition, they refused to support me. It caused me a lot of unwanted stress, panic and depression.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the travel money to continue my visits to the gender clinic I was assigned to. Also, with my parents unsupportive nature, I withdrew from dealing with it openly. Within a month, it was like I hadn't told my parents anything. Things just went back to normal like they were before I had told them. Not sure how or why that was the case, but I chose to take advantage of the peace. But I had an absolute new rule about my transgender ordeal in place regarding anyone offline. Trust no one and work in secret.

My plans have been pretty simple. When no one is looking, work on whatever aspects that I can to become the gender I need to be. I have worked in secret to eliminate as many male aspects of myself as I can on my own. I have worked on my voice. I have worked my mannerisms and behaviour. I have worked on my body language and movement. I have experimented with clothing of my desired gender and also to some extent with make up. I have also employed the cunning tactic of styling my hair in a female bob cut style that can be easily ruffled around abit to make it look like a male hairstyle when out in public or around others. Lots of little things like that.

During that process, I have been gathering money and resources so that I can take a lep towards the stuff that I can't do alone and to give myself the space to do so. Things like Hormone Replacement Therapy. The removal of unwanted facial and body hair and of course the surgery needed in the downstairs department. Everything else I seem to have gotten lucky with. Obviously, there will be a point where I would need to officially change my name and any official documents regarding my identity.

Over the time I've been working on everything, I had intended to get my own place and when I was ready, once again try to come out into the open about it all. If rejected, I would have my own castle and could easily pull up the drawbridge on any haters and cut them out of my life if their hatred failed to calm itself. When I told my parents initially, I was still living at home with them. So a place of my own would have given me the distance we needed if they became hostile during a second confrontation on the subject.

However, my parents have since passed away. It has left me conflicted in several ways on the subject. On one hand, I no longer have to fear a second confrontation on the matter. But on the other, I had wanted to try and tell them again what I was going through in the hope that they would understand and get to know a me they never got to see. I wanted them to remain a part of my life.

Anyway. My brother and I are selling our house pretty soon. Once we go our seperate ways, I will have all the money I need to really get things going.

So with the history lesson over. I can move on to more about the FEELING side of things

As mentioned. Save for the time I tried to tell my parents and made the first push to see a doctor and a therapist. Nobody knows that I'm transgender offlinw. The people I know (including my brother) all they see is a man. They're oblivious. Basically, out in the open, I am living a lie. My male self is no different from a puppet, actor or phantom under my control and is merely used to give the illusion of a life while deflecting any suspicion of my transgender self for my own personal protection. It is both a shield but also a shroud that has left me very isolated, alone, stagnant. Save for my online life where I can get away with being myself without consequence. This is no way to live however, and the feeling is absolutely exhausting. You live an everyday life, yet a stranger you remain. However, it is necessary for me at the current time until I am ready to make my move with everything. It's a win first and then go into battle sort of deal.

The more physical aspects are a complete nightmare. My heart and mind are constantly rebeling against my male hormones. Pretty much like how a car gets upset when it's had the wrong type of petrol put in the tank. You also find yourself freaking out from time to time because you can not express yourself with how you need to through your appearance. Others see a man and expect you to automatically act and dress like one. Any deviation from that and it just confuses them. With all this, you're pretty much a prisoner in your own flesh. Smashing on the proverbial bars desperate for someone to see past the bars and notice you. It's all very maddening.

For me when it comes to romance, I am unable to act on any romantic impulses due to my body being wrong. I can get close to people emotionally in a romantic sense, but physically, I cannot until my body has been corrected.

To be honest, I'm not really sure I covered it well. But I hope at least I've managed to get some of my feelings of what it's like across. It really isn't fun being a prisoner in your own body. At the end of the day, all I want is to be me and to express myself fully. No more hiding. No more puppeteering around a male phantom just to give the illusion of being alive. No more conflict with my own body.

[Fluttershyfan94 5,738]

When I was a kid until adult (18) I thought I was trans, I have learned that everyone has their own experience of it. I for one realized very late that I wasn't trans, which was a shame as I could have been a beefed up boi rather then a "fem"-boi yet hey is fine I'm completely comfortable with androgynous-ism and if anything prefer it. My experience though was just this gender dysphoria, pretty much how everyone thinks of it you see yourself and you simply don't feel like you or not yourself. You find enjoyment simply being referred to as the gender you want to be, think of yourself in a way as female but you know thanks to being androgynous I never felt that uncomfortable in that sense more just everyday, the pronouns and you can think your life be better if female or whatever. It was not a thing though, nobody ever talked about transgenders as a thing so I only really learned of it on my own. Though I then realized I'm not trans as I enjoy mostly boyish things and being androgynous you just don't really think about it as you could pass as either if you want to. Yet having said that, I felt some dysphoria not even a year ago and then I felt depressed like it was a feeling of just not recognizing yourself. Of course, as I say everyone has their own unique experience of gender dysphoria I think also being isolated helps you to not think of it. 

Now I'm an emo boi so is all good.

Edited April 24, 2020 by Fluttershyfan94

[Splashee 28,537]

I wonder, is there like a name or a state for someone who hasn't yet discovered they are transgender?

Is there also a name after they have been "Transgendered"?

 

Does "Transgendered" mean the person has switched gender through surgery, or is that another state?

[Envy 6,000]

39 minutes ago, Super Splashee said:

I wonder, is there like a name or a state for someone who hasn't yet discovered they are transgender?

Is there also a name after they have been "Transgendered"?

 

Does "Transgendered" mean the person has switched gender through surgery, or is that another state?

I don't know of a term for the first...

Transgender (no 'ed', I didn't know until recently, but transgender people don't like "transgendered") is not a term that refers to the stage of transition someone is in. I believe it's just referring to...well...being transgender. I don't know how else to put it? Maybe someone who is trans can help out.

[Splashee 28,537]

3 minutes ago, Envy said:

I don't know of a term for the first...

Transgender (no 'ed', I didn't know until recently, but transgender people don't like "transgendered") is not a term that refers to the stage of transition someone is in. I believe it's just referring to...well...being transgender. I don't know how else to put it? Maybe someone who is trans can help out.

Big apology. I didn't know.

[Thuja 3,658]

16 minutes ago, Super Splashee said:

I wonder, is there like a name or a state for someone who hasn't yet discovered they are transgender?

Is there also a name after they have been "Transgendered"?

 

Does "Transgendered" mean the person has switched gender through surgery, or is that another state?

Most people use "Questioning" when it comes to either their sexual or gender identity.  I think it's used as an umbrella term these days??

I'd agree with the others though, everyone's transition is different and goes at a different pace.  Some people may jump right into it or gradually change, there's no one right way of doing it.  It's up to the person's comfort and safety.  Personally for me: Transgender = changing one's gender to match their identity and Transsexual = actually changing your body to match your identity like getting surgeries done HRT etc.

The term "transgendered" is a VERY outdated term and some people take offense to it since it's usually right-wingers that use that term these days or TERFs(trans-exclusionary radical feminists, they're REALLY shitty people).  You know, people who want trans people to not exist and treat our identities as a joke?

Anyways, I'm a FTM trans person, might as well share my stuff might be long so sorry about that!

I didn't necessarily know that I was trans since I was young and for those that knew me as a child probably wouldn't have suspected at all.  Gender and stuff like that wasn't all that important to me then and I just didn't know stuff like this was a thing.  However, when I started puberty, everything felt so off.  I ended up getting depressed over it along with outwardly things like bullying and whatever that are out of my control.  I didn't dare tell anyone about it, so I kept it that way for years.  Though when I first felt like that about myself, I didn't eve know there was such a thing as transgender or anything else LGB+ related for that matter thanks to living with a socially conservative mother that kept stuff like that at bay and away from us when we were kids.  This went on for a while, until I met a trans woman in my second senior year in high school.  My little brain imploded at that but at the time, I didn't really think anything of it.  Though when I was around 24 or 23, it began to gnaw at me, like I had this looming thing in me that I didn't understand what it was.  Until, I started really watching youtube, mostly the LGBT+ side of youtube when it made me realize something.

I wasn't happy mostly because I wasn't who I should've been.  I mostly kept this type of thing to myself since I was, at the time, going through a psychotic breakdown and didn't want to seem more crazy than usual.  Though, funny thing, I probably wouldn't feel so comfortable talking about my gender identity unless I partially came out of the closet to one of the ward nurses that I was demisexual.  She didn't know what that was but she made a note of it and referred me to a gay therapist while I was in that particular hospital.  So thanks to him, I felt like I could actually talk to someone about my questioning gender identity thing.

My mom and aunt came to pick me up from there in about 4 or 5 days, they literally drove across three states just to take me to live with my mom in Canada, my mom literally dropped everything to take me home.  That's for another story though, moving on.  When I started living with my mom, she used some of her contacts to get me referred to a local psychiatrist(who I still have now) and also a local mental health group that helps with people like me who just went through their first psychotic breakdown.  I didn't come out to my mom at that point, she had no idea.  At this point, I felt more comfortable with talking about it, my gender identity that is.  I spoke to some of the nurses at the new ward that I stayed in for about 4 weeks.  The reception wasn't as good as I'd hoped though.  For a few years, most of the mental health workers I dealt with told me that this was only a phase that I was going through, it'll pass.

However, I ended up with a new nurse and she really helped propel where I am now.  She'd swing by my mom's apartment and talk to me there.  She wanted me to try experimenting with who I am but something in my gut felt wrong and I didn't know what.  Sooner or later, I did find out though...  Through this process of talking to these people(probably all over a two year process) I never told my mom how I felt.  I've learned that it was best to listen to my gut and it's a good thing that I did.  My mom found one of the brochures that my nurse gave me to look over, it was for understanding what transgender means and what local assistance there could be.  She was really confused over it, over the years we would get in arguments about it, she kept making herself seem like the victim in this tragedy until one night she came home from work.  She had obviously been crying so I asked her what was wrong and then she went into this whole transphobic rant of which I'll spare the details but it made me realize that I postponed even starting to transition was because of her.

Thankfully, I moved out a month later and then started talking about actually transitioning.  My nurse and psychiatrist started helping me get connections and I eventually started taking T in 2017.  When I came out as trans, my mom and I got into an argument and she randomly dropped everything off that was mine that she was holding onto at my nurse's office and cut my phone service because it was in her name(I don't have the proper id to get my own apparently?), she even returned paintings I made for her years ago, it hurt but I expected her to act this way.  I was really hoping I could go through this with her around but I guess that wasn't meant to be 

I used to care what other people thought of my gender, I used to be really rigid in my expression of my gender.  Short hair, only used "For men" stuff like soap and shampoo whatever and I was also starting to get prone to toxic masculinity.  I was so angry at myself for not being a cis man, even though that was totally out of my control.  I think these days, I just don't care about what people call me, I know who I am and nothing they say will change that.  Now I have long hair, I wear nail polish, I like more feminine things and I embrace that.  I'm my own person and the path I walk is my own.  I get a lot of compliments on my hair and it's part of my cultural heritage.  As for my trans identity?  I keep it on a "need to know" basis, it's no one's business that I'm trans anyways.  I think that's something from where I lived in the states, I was and still am worried about being attacked for being trans even though it hasn't really happened to me.  I might get an odd look or two but I don't really care about that since it could be for various reasons and I don't want to act like I can read people's minds or make assumptions, I don't care.  

Just as long as I'm treated with common decency, I don't care.  Sure, I've come across some deliberately ignorant people but I shouldn't have to babysit a bunch of adults over something like this, my time isn't worth educating every person I come across, I just want to live my life that way I want to.  That just sounds so tiring to me.

I've come to accept who I am as a person, it took a while.  Even though I'm still uncomfortable with certain aspects of my body, there isn't much I could do with that at this current point in time considering the current pandemic and all that.

 

[TBD 17,228]

I don't know but I love hearing stories from those who actually gone through it rather hearing stories from someone speaking for them without any knowledge whatsoever.

[Splashee 28,537]

When it comes to reading Wikipedia, I have learned that actually meeting a person that is transgender and talking about it is way more accurate than trying to decide Wikipedia and then speaking out loud on the internet

[ExplosionMare 18,007]

On 7/6/2013 at 3:31 PM, Shiki said:

It depends on the person.

Many are simply accepting of the fact, and will do whatever kind of things they want, even if it goes against their typical gender role.

Others will feel guilty for being a freak, and may neglect the fact that they are transgendered to try an be "normal."
Similarly to the previous type of person, some will straight up punish themselves.

For me, the fact that I will never be the gender I wish to be is the most depressing thing in the world. I can't tell you how many nights I spent crying over it. My figure does not match the other gender's typical figure by a long shot, so I could not get a sex change and be happy, because the end result would still be disgusting. It's the same thing with drag.

The entire thing makes me so miserable that I usually just force myself to never be serious, because it will help take my mind off it. It's best I simply don't think about it, because I just feel dreadful as soon as the topic comes up.

It doesn't feel right when people call me either a guy or a girl. When people tell me of my good physical qualities in real life, It's more like an insult. When I am filling out a form, I sometimes get confused and have to think whether I should fill out "male" or "female" for my sex. I don't bother keeping myself in shape, because no matter how good looking I become, I will never be satisfied, because I will not be the gender I truly want. I cannot look into mirrors without getting either disgusted or irritated. I avoid talking in real life because I don't want to hear my own voice.

For someone like me, it's something that will make every kind of simple thought a straining one. It's torture. It really is.

I think now on forms they allow an “other” option for ambiguous genders. Not sure how many forms do that, but I think more people are adding those options for people who aren’t straight up guys or straight up girls. 

[The Kaeya Simp 13,968]

I'm saying this from a perspective of a young (not even 19) Male to Female (MtF) Transgender who grew up, and currently lives in Scotland

What it's like? Hell, like genuinely it feels like torture
You have to fight your own body just to make it less horrible, you have to spend all your energy on just being you while people see you as nothing, like trash, dirt, nothing more.
And when you sit down at home and just want to relax, all the media are treating you like the worst thing to ever exist, that you groom kids, you brainwash people, you rape people and that you instead of wanting to use the toilet, to pee, instead they think you want to just take advantage of your gender

[Verdant Shy 949]

On 2020-04-24 at 11:37 PM, Splashee said:

I wonder, is there like a name or a state for someone who hasn't yet discovered they are transgender?

Is there also a name after they have been "Transgendered"?

 

Does "Transgendered" mean the person has switched gender through surgery, or is that another state?

I believe those people are referred as "eggs"