your opinions on marriage?

[bubbleteapony 583]

it seems recently that marriage has lost its importance, and maybe for good reason? People are free to live their lives unmarried if they choose to do so without getting scoffed at. But also, it makes marriage a little more special because people are doing it out of love rather than, say, financial security.

what are your opinions? do you want to get married? do you see marriage as necessary? do you yourself want to get married and have wedding plans planned out, or do you want to elope?

just to be clear, there's no debate going on here. don't talk about how romance is stupid and there will be no discussion on whether or not certain people have a right to marry, because everyone does (barring nonconsensual marriages, but still)

 

 

personally, i like the idea of marriage, but if i were to get married i wouldn't want a big traditional wedding. no giving me away, maybe a veil just to complete the look, though my whole family would have to come  also there's only gonna be a wedding and a reception, no weird side parties or whatever. or I'll just elope like my parents did

[Props Valroa 26,038]

I would like to get married some day, but who knows. 

[AppleButt 8,669]

I’m indifferent on it.   If I ever found the right person I wouldn’t mind getting married.   Wouldn’t really need a real wedding or anything.  I’d let my partner decide what she wants in that regard I suppose. 

[SharpWit 2,472]

I want to get married someday but don't think it as something necessary unless it's legally required in order to pass on your belongings to your partner. Laws get weird about that kind of thing sometimes. For example, at one of my previous jobs I was going through the list of people permitted to be under my various insurance plans. I had never done this before, and with all of my inexperience, I was given a single unsupervised hour to make a bunch of grown up choices. I wanted to include my girlfriend, but the closest option seemed to be "domestic partner", which she did not fit the definition of at the time, along with a bunch of other seemingly nonsensical poor decisions. Luckily I was able to redo it all.

Anyways, I'm a little on the fence about marriage because while I enjoy the celebration, it's not as though I'd be any less committed beforehand, and while I appreciate symbolic gestures, I'm also not going to where a wedding ring all of the time simply because the I hate having things in my hands and the thought of one getting stuck terrifies me.

I also think people often jump into marriage a little too quickly. Sometimes it works out but I'm in the camp that's witnessed it fail on numerous occasions. As a result I gave myself a rule of no dating until after highschool, and you must live with the person whom you're dating for at least a year before moving on to marriage.

That being said, it's a ways off and I don't have a ring, but I have the location and date in mind, and want a grand wedding where my bride and I are viewed as royalty with a traditional royal get up and lots of blue decor. My family is complicated so seating will be insane!

[Miss 6,211]

As someone who sees themselves as almost fully aromantic, bar some curiosity for exploration, marriage is something I definitely do not desire nor can I even fathom the idea of having one for myself.

so no, not for me. But if others want to have it for themselves then of course that’s fine. Duh 

[Sphinx-Ara 3,517]

Marriage hasn't been good for either me, nor my older sister. My marriage ended after 3 years of hell with my ex wife, and my sister's after 12 years (though it hurt her when it happened, I was glad, I never liked her now ex husband much). If it works for others than that's good, (I don't think I'd ever be able to handle it if my parents ever got a divorce), but I do not think I will ever get married again (mine was a sort of a guilt tripped into one either way).

[ShadOBabe 18,984]

A wonderful, symbolic ceremony of love. And, for a Christian like me, a holy binding of two souls in partnership before God.

But unless my actual Mr. Right pops up, it’s a hard no from me. I’m not getting divorced, and I’m not gonna be a single mom. I’m 100% okay with flying solo for my entire existence before I let that happen.

[Brony Number 42 9,926]

I don't believe in love, so marriage is just a financial risk with no reward.

[Sauerkrauts 72]

I don't personally subscribe to any faith-based stuff like religions so in that regard I am completely indifferent to marriage and don't hold this expensive human ritual as anything necessary at all, but I don't hold anything against it either and if my possible-but-unlikely future partner wants all the bells and whistles I'd be all too happy to oblige haha!

[Stardust 640]

9 hours ago, bubbleteapony said:

how romance is stupid

There is though another thread for that haha xP

As for marriage I just dont subscribe to the idea. 

Even if you manage to strip away all the sexist connetations (the whole white dress idea is outdated) and religious (which I am not). And only have like a very basic wedding and not splash out money on it like a lot of people choose to.

It is a contract of sorts and keeps u binded. I don't want that kind of thing dictating my future. Being handcuffed to someone like that limits ur freedom, and it can lead to their problems becoming urs. You need clear boundaries and ofc when things don't work imo you need to be able to take action even if that means ending things, things like marriage just make that harder. 

It also gives one relationship like this holy sort of legitimacy yet friendships, poly people or anything else aren't included ofc, it's a monogamous thing and only recently did they even include gay relationships, but they also created a sort of homonormativity that follows how heterosexual people behave. Not that I think that they should necessarily include everything either. But people r free to choose whatever individually it's a choice (if the options exist).

The thing is a relationship isn't something that has a clear end point or such, relating is something you do everyday, the status of how you feel about something can change. These days most (but not all) the things married couples did that are desirable can be done by unmarried ones. 

Edited October 31, 2020 by flurry

[SparklingSwirls 21,261]

I would like to get married, I don’t want a fancy wedding though, seems like a big waste of money .

[Fluttershyfan94 5,738]

10 hours ago, bubbleteapony said:

What are your opinions? do you want to get married? do you see marriage as necessary? do you yourself want to get married and have wedding plans planned out, or do you want to elope?

I believe that marriage should be special and that it should be great with the right person. Though to some people that must mean spending way too much money on it while no matter how much money you do spend on your marriage. If it isn't true love then you won't really do much about that just because you spend more money what you should much rather then be financially invested in it you should be emotionally invested romantically that is. Therefore to me marriage holds a special place of importance and should be sacred. I would want to get married yes, it would be a traditional marriage.

Not to debate, though I believe the reason that marriage has become less relevant is the financial aspect of it when it comes to divorce. Marriage should only be when you are absolutely certain of the person you're with someone you truly see yourself spending your life with. 

 

Edited October 31, 2020 by Fluttershyfan94

[Oleks 1,983]

I'm neutral on this topic. I don't plan to ever get married and don't see any benefits to myself in it, but I don't mind other people get married if marriage makes them happy.

[bubbleteapony 583]

1 hour ago, flurry said:

There is though another thread for that haha xP

As for marriage I just dont subscribe to the idea. 

Even if you manage to strip away all the sexist connetations (the whole white dress idea is outdated) and religious (which I am not). And only have like a very basic wedding and not splash out money on it like a lot of people choose to.

It is a contract of sorts and keeps u binded. I don't want that kind of thing dictating my future. Being handcuffed to someone like that limits ur freedom, and it can lead to their problems becoming urs. You need clear boundaries and ofc when things don't work imo you need to be able to take action even if that means ending things, things like marriage just make that harder. 

It also gives one relationship like this holy sort of legitimacy yet friendships, poly people or anything else aren't included ofc, it's a monogamous thing and only recently did they even include gay relationships, but they also created a sort of homonormativity that follows how heterosexual people behave. Not that I think that they should necessarily include everything either. But people r free to choose whatever individually it's a choice (if the options exist).

The thing is a relationship isn't something that has a clear end point or such, relating is something you do everyday, the status of how you feel about something can change. These days most (but not all) the things married couples did that are desirable can be done by unmarried ones. 

(yeah that's one of the reasons I started this thread, so people could properly discuss without self centered childrenconstantly complaining that love is fake  )

Sexism is certainly a factor in my wedding if I were ever to get married, I'm planning on wearing a mostly black dress (though mostly for aesthetic reasons, I like black lol). No one should get married if it feels it'll hold them back, but my opinion is that if you're comfortable spending your life with the person, then why not have a fancy ceremony for it? You don't even have to get legally wed, just a nice ceremony so there's no paperwork to fill out should the two people split (though the tax benefits of legally marrying are appealing)

At least in the USA where I live, there is no "marriage equality for everyone" like I've heard people saying. Poly and disabled people still don't have the access to marriage like others do. The ableism I can see but I don't understand why politicians would be against poly marriage with the amounts of mistresses they have  I guess they can only see multiple partners as "cheating" cause that's all politicians do

 

38 minutes ago, Fluttershyfan94 said:

I believe that marriage should be special and that it should be great with the right person. Though to some people that must mean spending way too much money on it while no matter how much money you do spend on your marriage. If it isn't true love then you won't really do much about that just because you spend more money what you should much rather then be financially invested in it you should be emotionally invested romantically that is. Therefore to me marriage holds a special place of importance and should be sacred. I would want to get married yes, it would be a traditional marriage.

Not to debate, though I believe the reason that marriage has become less relevant is the financial aspect of it when it comes to divorce. Marriage should only be when you are absolutely certain of the person you're with someone you truly see yourself spending your life with. 

 

Absolutely. I have a family member who recently got divorced and now they're trying to split up the money from selling the house.... yikes. Divorce is not a fun threat when it comes to marriage and is one of the reasons I'm not dead-set on getting married

Edited October 31, 2020 by bubbleteapony

[DixonTheAdversary 1,631]

I would like to get married some day, however it's something that you can't rush into. Take your time to find the right person and maybe a few years down the road you get married.

[Here No Longer 5,270]

I mean marriage does have legal benefits, I will say that.

 

I'm personally unsure if I'd want that and if I do it will be purely legal and without much ceremony. Maybe a small and by some standards likely rather lame party at some point but that's about it. Though I will say, this drive I've seen from a certain someone I won't name because rules are a thing to make a certain group of people which I am unfortunately a part of unable to do this and using a dumb excuse to do so should be scorned, and I'd frankly go as far as to say that particular stance is downright draconian. And the fact that a certain bad argument is being used as an excuse is beyond pathetic.

Edited October 31, 2020 by Spoopy

[ExplosionMare 18,007]

I’m all for the party stuff, that usually means free cake for me! 

As far as marriage itself, I think it’s nice as long as the couple tries to get along at least most of the time

[Cash In 21,509]

I think if it works, it works. As for me, I don't mind the idea of getting married but I'm not going to lose sleep if that doesn't end up happening. 

[Stardust 640]

2 hours ago, bubbleteapony said:

Sexism is certainly a factor in my wedding if I were ever to get married, I'm planning on wearing a mostly black dress (though mostly for aesthetic reasons, I like black lol). No one should get married if it feels it'll hold them back, but my opinion is that if you're comfortable spending your life with the person, then why not have a fancy ceremony for it? You don't even have to get legally wed, just a nice ceremony so there's no paperwork to fill out should the two people split (though the tax benefits of legally marrying are appealing)

At least in the USA where I live, there is no "marriage equality for everyone" like I've heard people saying. Poly and disabled people still don't have the access to marriage like others do. The ableism I can see but I don't understand why politicians would be against poly marriage with the amounts of mistresses they have  I guess they can only see multiple partners as "cheating" cause that's all politicians do

Yeah for me Imo I'd just have a party or something if I was to do anything at all. I hear it is cheaper tho if u don't tell that organisers u r having a wedding lol they do charge a lot extra oof. They do make a lot of money off the wedding industry but then it is a lot of peoples livelihoods. So they always look to find ways to promote it even with the decline in interest. And people started to realise diamond rings aren't really worth it as an investment as such although I guess if ur rich it wouldn't matter either way.

I dont really want to make a vow or like someone is most important in the world and that personally because I rather live the present I don't really think id like to be tied down as such. Plus they make divorce too hard considering so many people want to do so. But yeah you can rewrite wedding scripts and stuff. 

Tbh I think it is unfair that unmarried couples or just unmarried people lose out legally, they pay so much inheritance tax here. And for poly people if they did marry they still have to end up choosing one person as primary even if they were engaged with two people equally or almost equally.

I know there are some places where if u live together long enough u r considered married but only very few places. Then again I guess they cant assume. In the cases of unmarried though you have to be even more savy to make your own legal contracts leaving a will, sharing of property etc. 

I heard of people getting married to a friend for legal reasons only  xP 

Then again there are legal downsides. 

Having all ur money pooled together is something you have to be sure of doing. The other person may decide to be lazy the rest of their life and drain ur finances or go on shopping sprees or gambling etc. But technically it is both urs money. If u split it will have to be decided where the money goes. Though it is possible unmarried couples can open a shared bank account if they wanted to share money.

If the other persom is sued its ur responsibility too and also any bills they owe after death can become urs (depends on the legal system where you are). 

I think if it is all a choice it's fine but the social pressure does still exist particularly in some cultures to declare ur love for someone or to get married off and that. I feel like particularly for women but I don't know I dont have experience of the other. And generally still some hostility to non traditional "lifestyles".

I do know some places people "marry themselves" for fun and take photos which is very weird but okay lol

Also I didn't know disabled people lost out through marriage I presume benefits and that. Here they are always trying to cut them for disabled people although there are people cheating the system plenty who are struggling to get by.

[Bastian 13,319]

Originally the idea of getting married is for the rich guys at the top to unify their riches and stuff. More political than anything else 

But what about the people at the bottom who have no such problems since they aren't rich? What about us?

Thankfully for the people down below who want to get married do so for the love they have towards each other (or so I really hope), they want their relationship to be something greater than just a relationship. 

And I love those kinds of marriages for that reason, like religion in the best cases (like mine) it's a belief that makes oneself happy without affecting the rest.

So yeah, I guess I would like to get married someday. Or maybe not. I am not sure.

Edited October 31, 2020 by Bastian

[Xe__or 4,376]

I like the concept of it; two people uniting supposedly under the concept of their unending love? I've seen a lot of examples in my life that show the happiness it creates - a lot of them have a religious tone.

In the end, life is about finding happiness, right? Marriage is one of these ways to attain it - and you get to share it with that one very special person.

But then again, that's the ideal picture; people's values now are more diversed, and in some cases not compatible with the idea. I don't get that to be honest; settling (at some point) has alwas been something to look forward to for me - you know, family, all that stuff. It appears a lot of people think that marriage are handcuffs - which they can be, don't get me wrong. You just have to be careful and be serious about your commitments.

 

[Sunny Fox 5,929]

Marriage, like many other outmoded concepts, will probably vanish into the luminiferous ether sometime in the next hundred years (as will religion I hope). It died about the same time the word "bastard" stopped referring to a child conceived out of wedlock, and started referring to a "man/woman I don't like". It just hasn't stopped moving yet.

[Thuja 3,658]

Marriage certainly isn't for everyone nor should people be pressured to get married, especially if they were with someone for a few years or more.  My aunt never married my uncle and they were together for a very long time and they never needed to get married to cement their love for each other(they both hooked up after my uncle got divorced and my aunt lost her first husband to a motorcycle accident so they didn't get together at a very young age either but my uncle died a few years ago which sucks but he lived a good life).

Do I want to get married?  Maybe, it really depends on if I ever meet someone who I want to make the vows with.  I just hope we understand and love each other enough to really want to go through with it but I'm not going to try and force them to marry me, I don't think we'd need to get married to show how much we loved each other.  Maybe I'll change my mind whenever I meet them and make the decision?  Idk, life has been weirder than that.

[Splashee 28,537]

Marriage is underrated. Currently anyway

[Light Blade 8,658]

I hope churchless version is real. If I ever marry someone, I don't want it to be big and/or loud.