Can you be best friends with someone who is anti- a big part of you?

[Partialgeek514 4,920]

I feel like a best friend would have to agree with me on most things, mainly because it would be hard for me to confide in someone who was opposed to the most important things in my life. As for just being regular friends though, I'll be a friend with anyone as long as they respect my beliefs and the beliefs of others. Of course there's the part of me that likes to get angry at others for believing differently than me, but I acknowledge that it's wrong and do my best to replace my anger with love and respect. Kindness to everyone is one of my biggest ideals. My views on right and wrong are pretty different from how the world sees it now days, but I've still managed to make good friends on here, even with different views on sensitive topics.

[Prince Doopliss 2,350]

To clarify somethings, I have had friends that I have strongly disagree on some things. I mean I can have have reasonable debates with them. Then again it their feelings that I hurt. I mean okay when my feelings get hurt I take things way to seriously. Even if it involves fictional things . Okay when I get upset I hurt others feelings. I admit I have brought too much unneeded attention to myself because of the behavior . One thing I had talk so negative about because of let my emotions get to the better of me. Because of my emotions it hard to say I can be best friends with anyone .

Edited October 11, 2019 by Prince Doopliss

[Misty Shadow 7,084]

Entirely depends on the situation and the kind of person you're dealing with. I try my absolute hardest to be as understanding as I can about why everyone thinks the way they do, even if some of the things they think, I'll inevitably find completely absurd. I think people should be able to believe whatever they want, my only problem is when they are forceful about it. If you push something crazy on me or someone I care about, we aren't cool. However, if you value others more than this crazy thing, we can still be friends. 

[McFlurryMaddie 268]

Well, honestly speaking, I like to be friends with people who feel like they need me and I need them. Doesn't matter what they like/hate as those are completely personal preferences. I want to be friends with people who genuinely want to be friends with me and not for fame, etc.

[Jedishy 3,542]

I am unsure and I suppose that it would depend on what it was. The second amendment? Well I can forgive a lot of stupidity. But if you were to say mock my religion Jediism regularly that could lead to some annoying debates that would get to the point of breaking friendship. 
It also would depend on how respectful they were. If they kept it to themselves and did not get in my face with it well maybe. 

[Envy 5,999]

On 10/9/2019 at 1:27 PM, Misscellanio said:

Yea I haven't met anyone who directly did something like "compare being gay to pedophilia" but if I did then I definitely couldn't see myself staying friends with that person. I was friends (mainly just FB friends and every now and then were hanging out with the same group of people) with this one person who was a Trump supporter and anti-gay apologist (honestly couldn't tell if he himself was a homophobe) so on FB we would always bump heads about stuff and I was like "hmmm maybe being friends with this person isn't such a good idea." So yea deleted him. 

Anti-gay apologist? Yup, definitely a large red flag. The kind of person who would do that usually turns out to be a homophobe themselves, they just think they're concealing it very well.

And Trump supporter? Yeah, that says everything. The guy I mentioned above - to no one's surprise, I'm sure - turned out to be a Trump supporter, too. Figures. =/

On 10/9/2019 at 1:27 PM, Misscellanio said:

"Atheist community is full to the brim..." really? I always found that most lgbt people I meet in life either are atheist, secular, or don't care about religion. Even shooting through the internet and think tanks most people who critique religion, who are straight, use the fact that because many religions are anti-lgbt that is a negative.  

The atheist community has always been a hostile place for women and minorities. Atheist conventions are dominated by white men, many of which don't understand boundaries at all, and thus it is kind of a thing among women that we don't go to them. And one very specific example of toxicity I can recall I believe was with Sargon of Akkad, who has made some very disgusting rape comments and pretending like they're just fun, innocent jokes. I know that's just one incident, but he's not alone.

A lot of atheists do claim to be pro-LGBT, but sometimes you have to look deeper. Some atheists are against religious opposition to LGBT rights, but are still not really pro LGBT rights themselves. Just look at what happened to The Atheist Community of Austin earlier this year. It was very sad because I thought that community was an oasis. But the community had gotten some newer, young men ruling the place over the last several years and they put making the ACA "cool" over doing what's right. This came to a breaking point when an ignorant guest who had made an ill-informed video about transgender people in sports was invited to speak in the various shows. It was handled very poorly, and then when the ACA came out with a statement condemning the transphobia displayed by the guest, the audience - full of transphobic people - lashed back and it became so overwhelming that even the board meetings were full of the bigots, some of whom ended up gaining positions in the board, with the most progressive members leaving the shows and the community altogether.

I don't know why it is... But atheist communities are prone to toxicity that is not much better than the toxicity of religious groups. I mean, we have no holy book telling us to hold such nasty views, but mobs of hateful people can still form around toxic personalities and cause issues.

A number of progressives, LGBT people, etc. who are nonbelievers have began to move away from the "atheist" label because of these issues. I have always held to it, because that's just a term that describes what I am, and it shouldn't be able to be defined by bigots, as it does include their bigotry in the meaning in any way, shape or form (it literally only means lack of belief in deities), but I can not blame those who drop the label.

[TBD 17,228]

I don't care if they have a completely different background, beliefs or whatever. Just as long we don't kill each other over it.

[Miss 6,211]

3 hours ago, Envy said:

 

The atheist community has always been a hostile place for women and minorities. Atheist conventions are dominated by white men, many of which don't understand boundaries at all, and thus it is kind of a thing among women that we don't go to them. And one very specific example of toxicity I can recall I believe was with Sargon of Akkad, who has made some very disgusting rape comments and pretending like they're just fun, innocent jokes. I know that's just one incident, but he's not alone.

A lot of atheists do claim to be pro-LGBT, but sometimes you have to look deeper. Some atheists are against religious opposition to LGBT rights, but are still not really pro LGBT rights themselves. Just look at what happened to The Atheist Community of Austin earlier this year. It was very sad because I thought that community was an oasis. But the community had gotten some newer, young men ruling the place over the last several years and they put making the ACA "cool" over doing what's right. This came to a breaking point when an ignorant guest who had made an ill-informed video about transgender people in sports was invited to speak in the various shows. It was handled very poorly, and then when the ACA came out with a statement condemning the transphobia displayed by the guest, the audience - full of transphobic people - lashed back and it became so overwhelming that even the board meetings were full of the bigots, some of whom ended up gaining positions in the board, with the most progressive members leaving the shows and the community altogether.

I don't know why it is... But atheist communities are prone to toxicity that is not much better than the toxicity of religious groups. I mean, we have no holy book telling us to hold such nasty views, but mobs of hateful people can still form around toxic personalities and cause issues.

A number of progressives, LGBT people, etc. who are nonbelievers have began to move away from the "atheist" label because of these issues. I have always held to it, because that's just a term that describes what I am, and it shouldn't be able to be defined by bigots, as it does include their bigotry in the meaning in any way, shape or form (it literally only means lack of belief in deities), but I can not blame those who drop the label.

I guess what I was saying that if it was hostile I never noticed. I'm part of a few groups online and subscribed to many "skeptic" channels (Sargon is not one of them) all of which are in the atheist realm and never have I seen much hate towards LGBT and especially not women. But I guess these forums/conventions that you speak probably are a different avenue altogether. I will say that I have seen the occasional person who a transphobe and assumed there to be collective pool of people who thought that way, but thought it to be minor if anything. 

I have never seen a group of atheist/secular people vehemently oppose lgbt,women, or minorities (also I'm a minority) but maybe I just don't hang in the right places, well I guess in this case it would be wrong places. In fact, some pages I follow on FB, that have a large following are run by minorities as well. So hmmm.... something to look into. 

[Samurai Equine 45,889]

Hmm... You know, I could make a Pinkie Pie reference here, but that seems too easy here. Instead, allow me to tell everyone about another fictional character I deeply admire...

His name is Gentaro Kisaragi.
On his first day of high school, he made the biggest, boldest declaration he could: He was going to become friends with EVERYONE at the school.
It practically goes without saying, but right away, he made enemies. People who hated his guts, his personality, his genuinely kind heart, etc. Some of the school kids even tried to kick his butt just to make him back off.

And yet, he never gave up.
He even said "Can't become friends with the entire school if I can't stomache one dirtbag", which is why he focused on the people he didn't have anything in common with before making friends with people who were easy to get along with. And you know what? In time, his persistence paid off. Soon, he became friends with people of all walks of life. A jock, the popular girl, a nerd, a loner, a con artist, a goth, and everyone in between. Despite their differences, Gentaro was able to connect to their hearts, and soon they all began to see eye-to-eye. They stopped acting like the stereotypes they thought they should be, and started treating each other like equal people. Remind anyone of a group of ponies from wildly different walks of life?

Problem is... Gentaro and Pinkie are both fictional characters.
They are worthy of admiring because they can bring people together and connect with just about anyone. The world NEEDS more people like that. And as much as I would like to be that kind of person, realistically, I can't. I'm just one person, and I can't always change someone or help them improve for the better. If I'm in the presence of an intolerant bigot, there is no magic set of words I can say that will make them change their ways. If I accomplish that, it's by sheer luck, and there's no way I'd be able to repeat the same results from person to person. There's nothing wrong with sticking to people who you get along with easier, but I feel like we should all strive to be like Pinkie or Gentaro. There is never anything wrong with trying to connect with others and see things from a different perspective. Even if we cannot agree, we can at least learn to respect others and acknowledge them as equals. I pity anyone that outright refuses to do that. The day you decide to stop learning is the day you stop growing and improving as a person.
 

On 10/9/2019 at 2:47 AM, ShadOBabe said:

I personally could not.

Associate, maybe even have fun once in a while with them? Of course. But there are some differences that cannot be reconciled. Nor do I feel like they have to be. I'm against and/or disagree with plenty of viewpoints tht various people express here on the forums. And I'm sure they feel the same about me.

We can still be civil, even friendly, with each other. But no, I'm going to be "best friends" with someone that has a vehement hatred for, say, my religion. And I don't expect people to be friends with me if I cannot stand something they care about. I feel that is more honest. Go find someone that gets you.

This.
This pretty much sums up how I feel. I can be civil and friendly around anyone, doesn't mean I have to be close, personal friends with everyone.

There is NOTHING wrong with having healthy boundaries. If you can listen to viewpoints and lifestyles that are different from yours, criticisms and other things you disagree with, and still come out a better person with no harsh feelings; that's great. No one has to agree on everything, but other people can still have a good point about stuff. Even so, you don't have to spend countless hours trying to appease others in the hopes that they'll come around and see things your way; cause chances are, they won't. It would just be a waste of energy to try if someone is completely opposite to you and won't give up on their beliefs no matter what. You deserve better; we all do.

And sticking to people who have like mind-sets is NOT an echo chamber, not if you're taking care of your own mental health. We're all different in small ways, and the little details matter too. It gives you just enough room to see things in different lights, but still appreciate each other equally. And that matters way more than trying to connect with someone who will never see eye-to-eye to you and would sooner be your enemy than your best friend.

 

On 10/9/2019 at 7:24 AM, KH7672 said:

I don't even have to say whether I think I could do it....because I already do! 

~Snip!~

While this may not be the extreme example you're proposing, it still is a unique on and everytime we do hang out we have often noted how messed up our friendship is that still works.

Well, if that's true, then you are also an inspiration.  More people should be like you and your friend. I just hope it's not taking a toll on your personal/mental health or your friend's. Gotta take care of yourself too. That matters more than any friendship.

Edited October 11, 2019 by Samurai Equine

[Emerald Heart 24,583]

Well, I have some good friends who have those kinds of views...

But my actual best friend and I have almost everything in common with one another. She doesn't care for My Little Pony, but doesn't mind that I like it, or that the bronies like it. 

 

[Patty Thundersnow 4,129]

Well yeah, of course you can be. However, if they become too obnoxious about it, then that's when I take offense.

[Brony Number 42 9,928]

I have cut out people from my life that do not align with what I want for myself. I only have 1 friend now and that's all I need. There are a few reasons for ending contact with people I knew. But basically there was no point in talking to them any more. I can't be friends with someone who doesn't accept me or take me seriously.

[Splashee 28,537]

3 hours ago, Spooky Brony 42 said:

I have cut out people from my life that do not align with what I want for myself. I only have 1 friend now and that's all I need. There are a few reasons for ending contact with people I knew. But basically there was no point in talking to them any more. I can't be friends with someone who doesn't accept me or take me seriously.

Exactly the same for me!

[The Historian 515]

It depends quite highly on the topic. I couldn't even be friends with someone who was fervently anti-LGBT, let alone best friends. That is a serious affront to who I happen to be as a person and I cannot, and will not, tolerate. There are a great many topics where if someone is anti, I could never be friends with said person. There are topics where them being anti doesn't affect anything and it doesn't matter. My best friend and I have many areas where we're not in agreement, but we're not rude about it so we remain friends. I have other friends who do not share all of my beliefs and we still hang out.

[KatonRyu 1,026]

I'm not too sure about 'anti', but my girlfriend gives zero fucks about most things I like, and vice versa. That said, she isn't really against anything I do, so I don't think it really counts. But then, I don't think I could have a 'best friend' anyway. I enjoy being alone way more than being around people, and lately I've gotten to a point where I don't really want to be closer than just being regular friends with people.

[Dreambiscuit 8,024]

I would find it hard to be all lovey-dovey with someone who is absolutely against everything I love and stand for. The things I care about aren’t just a matter of likes and dislikes; they’re who I am. If someone doesn’t like who I am and I don’t like who they are, I don’t see it going anywhere good to be honest. I can be civil, but I don’t see it going further than that. 

[Adorable Lovestar 243]

Best friends? It depends how "best". "Best" enough to cuddle? Yes. I know people that despise things about me that I would happily live with and embrace physically.